A/N – Again, if you read this story, I love you, but if you reviewed it, I love you more, because I don't know what you guys want to see from the story or whatever, and, everybody loves a bit of feedback. Good or bad! :)
…
Santana sat alone in Glee club. What her parents had said the other night had terrified her. She knew that one day, she'd have to stop hiding in the shadows and be who she is supposed to be. But right now, she's just not ready.
"Hey." Quinn smiled softly as she knocked on the door as she noticed Santana sitting by herself.
"Hey." Santana sighed.
"Hey, S. What's up?"Quinn asked with furrowed brows.
"Have you ever been so scared to do something that it makes you feel physically sick?"
"No," Quinn answered honestly, "But you are, and you're going to tell me." Quinn said as she gave Santana's knee a comforting squeeze.
"The other night, I was telling my mom and dad about the Wilson boy who got mugged," Santana sighed sadly before wiping away her tears, "They told me he deserved it."
"What? Why!" Quinn shouted, obviously shocked.
"He deserved it because he is gay." Santana sobbed as she finally made eye-contact with Quinn.
"Oh my god, Santana, I don't know what.."
"You don't have to say anything, Quinn." Santana shrugged.
"I need to tell my parents in the vain hope that maybe they'll love me enough to accept me."
"You need to tell Brittany before you tell them." Quinn argued.
"I need to tell myself first." The Latina admitted, "I haven't even admitted it to myself, Q. I can't say it, because I know as soon as I say it, it will make everything so much worse."
"Or it might feel as if a weight has been lifted?" Quinn stated as she looked sympathetically into the Latina's deep brown eyes.
"What?"
"Try it, babe. Just say, I'm a lesbian"
"It's not that easy, Q." Santana said as she dropped her head to her hands.
"Try it!" The hazel eyed girl persisted.
"I..I..I'm a..I'm a le..lesbian." Santana stuttered, smiling slightly as the sentence finally trailed of her lips.
"Say it again."
"I'm a lesbian." Santana whispered, "I, Santana Lopez, am a lesbian!" Santana said proudly.
"How do you feel?" Quinn asked as she hugged the brunette tightly.
"Like a weight has been lifted, just like you said!" The Latina laughed, "Thanks."
"Don't mention it." Quinn winked as she placed a small kiss on the side of Santana's head and left the choir room.
…
The entire Glee club sat in the choir room as they waited for Mr. Schue to come in and give them today's lesson. Tina and Mike sat in the corner whispering sweet nothings to each other, Kurt and Mercedes sat gossiping about the school's latest dramas and Rachel stared longingly at Finn as he twiddled his thumbs. Santana was doing what she would always do; she stared at the door, waiting for that gorgeous blonde to walk through the door. Then she did. Brittany walked to the edge of the choir room, hand in hand with Taylor. She leaned against the door frame, Taylor hovered over her, resting one arm above her head as he slowly leant down and pecked her on the cheek. But something was different this week, Brittany whispered something to Taylor. I love you.
Brittany looked around the room for a seat to sit in, she noticed the vacant seat beside Santana and she almost went to take it before she noticed what she was doing, so she went over to Kurt instead. Quinn looked over at the heartbroken Latina sympathetically and gave her arm a soothing squeeze.
"Was that a little I love you, I saw there, Miss Pierce?" Mercedes winked to Brittany, completely unaware that behind her, Santana was eavesdropping.
"Maybe," The blonde teased, "But I think he may be the one. He makes me feel so special!" As Brittany said this, her eyes twinkled. Santana couldn't help but smile; she'd never seen the girl like this over anybody.
"Aw, that's cute!" Mercedes laughed. Kurt looked up briefly and looked at Santana. The Latina was smiling, but her eyes showed a girl who was completely broken.
…
Santana lay in her bed as she looked over old photographs. The young girl hadn't come out to anybody except herself and Quinn. And that was a big enough step for now.
The Latina mindlessly flicked through some old photographs from last summer. She giggled lightly as she saw one of her and Puck pouting at the camera, she sighed as she saw one with her and her grandma, whom she missed dearly. Santana was just about to close to album when something fell out of it. A picture, but it had something written on the back; a note.
Dear, Santana,
Look at this picture. You look so beautiful feeding the ducks, and the ducks look so cute.
Never change,
Love from, Brittany S Pierce.
Santana turned the photo around and looked at the picture. Santana was bent over at the duck pond as she threw some bread for the ducks and she was smiling widely. In the picture, you could see Brittany's feet which had made their way into the picture as Brittany took it. The sight and memory warmed Santana's heart. It reminded her of the good times, and before she knew it, she was in her car driving to the Pierce household.
Santana's grip on her steering wheel was so intense; her hands had begun to turn white. Santana made a sharp left and before she knew it; she was knocking on Brittany's door.
"Santana, this is a lovely surprise!" Chirped a middle aged, blonde, woman. She wore the same smile as Brittany. It was painfully obvious that this was Brittany's mother.
"Hey, Emily, is Brittany in?" Santana asked as she looked over the older blonde's shoulder to see if she could see Brittany in the living area.
"She's in her room, head straight up, you know where it is." Mrs. Pierce smiled sweetly as Santana climbed the stairs and made the right turn, that lead her to Brittany's room. When she reached the room, the door was slightly ajar, she could see Brittany, but Brittany could not see her. She took a second to look at Brittany and mentally kicked herself for leaving the innocent girl without a best friend. Santana then realized Brittany was on the phone, so she decided to stay outside the blonde's room until the conversation was over.
"Yeah, Taylor, I just miss her." Brittany sighed as she played with the small teddy bear the sat on her pillow.
"Yeah, I understand that I have you, but I miss Santana!" Brittany said. The Latina's breath hitched and her head spun as she heard the blonde speak her name.
"Yeah, see you soon Taylor." Brittany mumbled as she hung up the phone. Just as Santana was about to head in to the room, Brittany suddenly knelt down and began praying.
"Hey God, or Jesus, or whoever bothers to listen," Brittany sighed and squeezed her eyes shut tightly, "I know I've never been religious, but I promise to change if you can get Santana to boop my nose one final time, if you can get her to walk me to class once more, but I promise to be the best person ever if you can make her be my friend again. Amen."
Brittany got up slowly and picked up her guitar. Santana was about to walk in, then she heard the blonde play the first few chords; then she sang.
I know you're somewhere out there,
Somewhere far away,
I want you back,
I want you back.
Santana held her breath as she let Brittany's angelic voice sound through the room and out into the hall way, the Latina was all too aware that this song was aimed at her.
My neighbors think I'm crazy,
But they don't understand,
You're all I have,
You're all I have.
Brittany let out a shaky sigh as she continued strumming on her worn out acoustic guitar.
At night when the stars light up my room,
I sit by myself,
Talking to the moon,
Try to get to you,
In hopes you're on the other side,
Talking to me too,
Or am I fool,
Who sits, alone, talking to the moon?
Santana let some tears fall gracefully from her eyes. Only now did she realize how much she missed Brittany, how much she missed the phone calls, the texts, the looks and the pinky holds. She missed it all. Brittany continued.
I'm feeling like I'm famous,
The talk of the town,
They say I've gone mad,
Yeah, I've gone mad.
But they don't know what I know,
Cause when the sun goes down,
Someone's talking back
Yeah, they're talking back.
Santana let out a breath she didn't know she was holding as she listened to Brittany pour her heart out. Brittany's heart was pounding. She wished that maybe someday she and Santana could speak again, it had only been one month since they had stopped, but already, life seemed bleaker.
At night when the stars light up my room,
I sit by myself,
Talking to the moon,
Try to get to you,
In hopes you're on the other side,
Talking to me too,
Or am I fool, who sits alone, talking to the moon?
Brittany played the final few notes before placing her guitar on the floor and allowing emotions to take over as she placed her hands over her face and cried. Santana's heart felt so heavy as she watched the girl she loved, break down and cry.
"Hey, boo." Santana knocked gently on the door, startling Brittany slightly.
"S-S-Santana!" Brittany gasped as she quickly wiped her tears.
"We need to talk don't we?" Santana laughed slightly as she tilted her head.
"Yeah, yeah we do." Brittany whispered her agreement.
"Can I sit down?" Santana asked, still unsure to what page they were on.
"Sure." Brittany croaked.
Santana looked around at the pale yellow walls, covered in soft flower patterns, it warmed her heart.
"So, I'm sorry." Santana started, "I'm sorry I pushed you away. I'm sorry I didn't explain. I'm sorry, Brittany, I'm just sorry."
"Hey." Brittany took the Latina's hand in her own and rubbed it gently as she saw tears fall from Santana's eyes, "Don't cry." Brittany said as she wiped away Santana's tears.
"I don't deserve you. I never did and I never will!" Santana sobbed.
"What?" Brittany asked confused.
"I don't deserve you, and I'm a fool for thinking I ever could!"
"What? San, you're perfect!" Brittany said as she gave the Latina a bone crushing hug.
"No, you are! I've not spoken to you in a month, I've made you feel as if you've done something terrible, and here you are, telling me I'm perfect!" Santana laughed as she fought off more tears.
"Please stop putting, yourself down!" The blonde said forcefully. Santana looked deep into Brittany's eyes and sighed.
"Taylor doesn't know how lucky he is."
"What does Taylor have to do with this?" Brittany asked with furrowed brows.
"Nothing," Santana lied "You know in Glee club, was that song really about me? Is that really how you feel?"
"Yeah," Brittany nodded as she looked at her hands, "It is. The song you sang, is that how you feel?"
"Well, first things first," Santana smiled, "You're never losing me, not ever, and well, yeah, it is how I feel." The Latina shrugged sadly.
"You could've told you me that you felt like that! You could trust me like you trust Quinn!" Brittany shouted.
"Quinn came to be, I didn't go to her!" Santana protested.
"I came to you too!" Brittany shouted, "You never told me, but then I see you in Glee club hugging Quinn and letting her comfort you, what's wrong with me? Why are you replacing me?"
"What? " Santana shouted, "I could never replace you, B. Never! I spoke to Quinn because it was easier, nothing is wrong with you Britt. You're perfect in every way shape and form, trust me!"
"Then stop pushing me away!" Brittany sobbed; Santana put a gentle hand on Brittany's shoulder as she sobbed.
"Brittany, I'm different." Santana said, feeling brave all of a sudden.
"What?"
"Brittany, I've been so mad because I'm confused," The Latina sighed, "I'm confused about certain feelings I've been having, about certain thoughts and stuff."
"And, what?" Brittany asked, not really understanding what Santana was getting at.
"Brittany, I'm gay!" Santana blurted out.
Brittany smiled at the Latina. She didn't say anything; all she did was engulf the Latina in a bone crushing hug before pulling back.
"I am so, so proud of you." Brittany said as she wiped away her tears.
"What? You don't care?"
"What you just did was so brave, Santana," Brittany said sincerely, "And it doesn't bother me, it doesn't concern me who you love, whether it be man or woman, it's your choice and I'm proud of you. No matter what."
"Brittany, I'm in love." The Latina sighed.
"Ooh, who with?" The Blonde smirked.
Santana looked deep into the blonde's eyes. She got lost momentarily. The blonde was truly the most gorgeous person she'd ever laid eyes on.
"I'm in love with you, Brittany."