Chapter 4: Maternity Clothes Give Me Nosebleeds

(16 weeks, second trimester)

"I can't believe you're still doing patrol," Ichimaru Gin snickered from where he leaned against a column, his smile wide and his silver hair shinning in the white light, "shouldn't you be picking out baby clothes or something?"

"Shut the fuck up, Gin." Nnoitra grumbled, walking the halls slumped over, his hands in the pockets of his pyjama pants.

"Oh, better not say that," Gin gasped in mock-concern, "I read somewhere the baby can recognize your voice while still in the womb!"

"When were you reading about pregnancy?" Nnoitra growled, "you don't know anything."

"Neither do you," Gin smiled, "you're just the poor rat that had the experiment tested on him."

"You are the most annoying man I've ever met!" Nnoitra cried, his hands twitching for the sword that wasn't there.

"At least I am a man!" Gin burst out laughing. Nnoitra could take it anymore. With as much force as he could muster, he grabbed Gin around the neck and slammed him into the wall, leaving a van-sized hole.

"Fucking ant," he mumbled, putting his hands back in his pockets and carrying on his tour. Sixteen weeks, he thought as he walked, watching his boots as he took his wide steps, sixteen weeks out of forty and I'm already tired of that silver-haired freak's comments. He looked up to see Grimmjow walking down the hall towards him, the usual scowl on his face, "yo, Grimmjow!"

"Hey, Nnoitra," Grimmjow said, his blue eyes fierce, "what the hell are you wearing?"

"My pyjamas," Nnoitra said, "Tesla spilt red juice all over my uniform, so I couldn't wear them."

"Are you sure it's not cause you're too fat?" Grimmjow barked with laughter, "maybe it was all those pickles and ice cream I see you eating, look at that-" He playfully put his hand on Nnoitra's stomach. That's when something amazing happened. The baby in Nnoitra's stomach did a flip, moving for the first time. It pretty much knocked the breath out of Nnoitra, and freaked Grimmjow out as well, who's hand shrivelled back as if it had touched poison, "what the fuck was that?"

"Uh," Nnoitra's face went white, holding the side of his stomach, trying to feel the baby move again, "uh, just gas, you know? I mean, pickles and ice cream taste good together, but it really upsets my stomach."

"Oh..." Grimmjow was still eyeing his stomach suspiciously, as if it would grow and arm and attack him, "well, you should lay off that stuff, man, it's not healthy. And where's Santa Teresa? I haven't seen you carrying it in nearly five months!"

"Yeah, Aizen confiscated it."

"Your sword?"

"Yeah, he's a bitch," Nnoitra looked down at Grimmjow's blue hair, "what time is it?"

"I think it's around noon," he said, "why?"

"I have a meeting with Aizen," Nnoitra yawned, "so boring."

"Don't say that," Grimmjow's eyebrow twitched, "you sound like Luppi when you say that."

"Whatever," Nnoitra shrugged, his hand still on his stomach, his heart still beating with adrenaline, "I have to go."

"Goodbye...?" Grimmjow called as Nnoitra hurried away, more perplexed than anything.

Nnoitra hated that he couldn't tell anyone; but he hated more that he didn't want to tell anyone. He knew most of the other Espada would laugh at him; hell, Grimmjow would probably never talk to him again. If it were anyone else aside from Barragan who were under these circumstances, Nnoitra would laugh his ass off at them. If it were Barragan, Nnoitra would feel sorry for the kid, and then laugh his ass off at the wrinkly baby bump. Nnoitra's own baby bump was growing so much that it would soon be unmistakable as a pregnancy, even for a male. But he had almost gotten used to it, or even, enjoyed it because it was funny to laugh at in the mirror. And to think someone was growing under there...

"Yeah, I feel sorry for you, kid," Nnoitra said aloud, hushed so no one else would here, "I'm not the greatest parent out there..." He wondered why Szayel even chose him as he entered the main throne room of Las Noches.

Aizen was sitting on the far side of a mahogany desk, sly smile and unruly bitch curl on his face as usual. He held his chin up in his clasped hands, and always looked as if he were about to laugh. His eyes were always so thing, Nnoitra often wondered if those old glasses were for show, or if he had actually needed them. Tousen stood behind him, looking like an able assistant, though, as usual, he looked in the speaker's general direction instead of right at them. The speaker was Szayel, sitting facing the other two, an open box at his feet. Once Nnoitra entered, all three turned to face him as he sat down in the one remaining seat, leaning far back in his chair.

"Welcome, Nnoitra," Aizen smiled, "how are you, my dear Espada?"

"I'm better," Nnoitra said, shrugging indifferently, "I have no clothes to wear."

"We'll get to that," Aizen nodded, sitting up behind his desk, "where's Gin?"

"In a wall somewhere." Nnoitra said darkly.

"What?" Szayel asked, while Aizen merely chuckled.

"I'm sure he'll be around shortly," he said, "but Nnoitra, you're not supposed to be fighting, it could harm the investment!"

"Hey, tell your lap dog to quit barking, then," Spoony said, crossing his arms and his legs and sticking out his tongue, "we can do without him, I was doing the world a favour here."

"That's enough, Nnoitra," Aizen said, the corners of his mouth twitching, "Gin is my right hand man, do your best not to insult him. When you insult him, you are insulting me. I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and say it's the hormones talking."

"Well, actually, the hormones have evened out by now," Szayel said matter-of-factly, "but pregnant wo—people tend to stay a little on the emotional side the whole way through."

"Good, Szayel," Aizen nodded, "you've read your book, have you?"

"Yes, Aizen-sama." Szayel smiled like a nerd being honoured by the teacher. Nnoitra rolled his eye, running his hands up and down his little bump, which was quickly turning into a big bump, out of boredom.

"What about you, Nnoitra, have you read the guide I assigned you?" Aizen asked, his eyes following Nnoitra's hands up and down his torso.

"No," Nnoitra said, "I've been sleeping a lot."

"And hanging out with that Fraccion." Szayel scoffed.

"Who, Ivonne? Yeah, well, that's 'cause she's awesome," Nnoitra said, "and she actually cares about how I'm feeling, not the baby for once."

"This is interesting," Aizen said, "who is this Ivonne?"

"My new Fraccion." Nnoitra said.

"You didn't consult me about having a new Fraccion," Aizen tested, "I didn't approve of this."

"That's because he stole her from Zommari." Szayel said this with too much enjoyment, as if he loved to see Nnoitra sweat beside him.

"Shut the fuck up, Szayel!" Nnoitra cried, his eye bulging and his hair in his face as he sat up in the chair, "you'll get her deported!"

"You'll have to bring this Ivonne to me after this meeting, Nnoitra," Aizen said, "and I shall get Zommari, and you two will find an agreement with her, ah, Gin." Aizen looked past the two Espada to see the doors open, and Gin, his hair and clothes covered in dry wall, enter.

"Sorry I'm late, Aizen-sama," Gin bowed, hurrying to Aizen's side, "I was stuck behind a column and couldn't get out on my own...I had to wait for Ulquiorra to come and fish me out."

"It's not problem, Gin," Aizen waved at him, "now then, let's get down to business. I want to know how the baby is doing."

"He's doing very well, indeed," Szayel cried, pulling pictures of the ultrasound out of his shirt pocket like a proud parent, "he's developing normally, or even abnormally in speed and size. Judging from Nnoitra's size, and the size of his abdomen already, I suspect this baby will be very large in size."

"Hell yeah!" Nnoitra cried, "a real man of a baby!"

"So it's male?" Aizen asked, his one eyebrow still raised at Nnoitra's fist-pumping sight.

"No, no, no," Szayel shook his head, flipping the hair out of his eyes, "we cannot tell the gender as of yet. But Nnoitra is at sixteen weeks; therefore we can do an ultrasound to find out the sex of the baby presently."

"Please tell me once you know." Aizen said.

"Also," Szayel turned to Nnoitra, "have you felt any movement from the baby as of yet?"

"Yes," Nnoitra nodded, "today it scared the shit out of me and Grimmjow. I had to blame it on gas."

"Did he believe you?" Gin asked. Nnoitra glared at him.

"I think so," he sat up in his seat and looked Aizen straight in the eyes, "by the way, Aizen-sama...when are you going to tell everyone? Because, short of staying in my room all day, which is boring as hell, I can't keep this secret for much longer. I mean, I know you're not the guy to tell people your plans right away, but this is kinda bothersome for me..."

"I shall tell the other Espada and their Fraccion at twenty weeks," Aizen said, "until then, continue the facade as you have been. Most of the Espada already have their beliefs and suspicions. There's no point in telling them yet as it is not necessary to your health as of yet," he rose to his feet and walked away, saying, "that is all I wanted to know. We'll have our next meeting in a month."

"Here, I gathered these from around the palace and Hueco Mundo," Szayel said, lifting the box from the ground and handing it to Nnoitra, "you're welcome." He stomped away, and for a moment, Nnoitra wondered if he impregnated himself, because he sure was moody.

"Oh, yes, Nnoitra," Aizen said as Nnoitra still watched Szayel stomp off, "the Fraccion you stole from Zommari?"

"Yes?"

"Why did you take her?" Aizen said. Nnoitra looked sceptically over his leader's shoulder at Tousen and Gin, "don't worry about them, Nnoitra," Aizen said without following his line of vision, "just tell me so I can make my decision clearly."

"She...she's really...nice," Nnoitra said slowly, as if the words pained him, "she's my...friend."

"And nothing more?" Aizen asked, a smile at the corner of his mouth.

"No," Nnoitra shook his head, his straight black hair tossing across his paling face, "nothing more, Aizen-sama."

"Alright," Aizen folded his hands behind his back, "then bring her in when I call you, and I shall tell you what I shall do with her."

"Okay," Nnoitra shifted uncomfortably, "can I go now?"

"Of course," Aizen said, turning and walking back towards Gin and Tousen, "see you soon, Nnoitra."

Nnoitra shrugged and left, carrying the box back to his room, where he found Tesla braiding Ivonne's long black hair in front of the mirror.

"O-oh, hi, Nnoitra-sama!" Tesla stammered sheepishly, dropping Ivonne's hair, "didn't think you'd come back so soon-"

"What the fuck is up with Szayel?" Nnoitra walked past them and flopped onto the bed, laying the box down next to him and laying a pillow over his face, "he was totally pissed at me today."

"What makes you think that?"Ivonne asked, standing up and sitting next to Nnoitra on the bed.

"He didn't say goodbye."

"He could have been busy."

"I doubt it," Nnoitra threw the pillow at Tesla, but even that didn't make him feel better. He sighed, "we were supposed to have an ultrasound today."

"This week," Ivonne corrected , running her fingers up and down the bedding, "not today, but anytime this week. I'm sure it's nothing, Nnoitra-kun."

"Thank you, Ivonne." Spoony smiled, though it still came across as creepy. Tesla screamed from his spot across the room, "what the hell, Tesla?"

"You said thank you," Tesla cried "I really didn't think it was possible."

"Seriously, Tesla, if you're going to scream at everything I do I'm going to get up and slap you," Nnoitra threatened, "I mean, if I really wanted to..."

"There's good news, Nnoitra-kun," Ivonne said, "you're almost 20 weeks, which is halfway there!"

"Shit, we're not even half-way?" Nnoitra cried, "FuckI thought I was almost done."

"I'd be enjoying the pregnancy," Ivonne said, "the labour's the worst part."

"Labour?"

"Has no one told you?" Ivonne gasped, "have you never gone to the human world?"

"Uh," Nnoitra looked her in the golden eyes, "you mean after I died?"

"Yes, of course," She rolled them, "you've never been to watch the humans?"

"No, I don't think so," Nnoitra tapped his chin, "yo, Tes?"

"Yes, Nnoitra-sama?" Tesla was still standing in the corner blushing.

"Did Aizen ever drag us to the human world?"

"For the Espada picnic two years ago," Tesla nodded, "but we went to Japan, which is almost the same as Soul Society."

"You should see New York!" Ivonne cried, "the lights everywhere..."

"Hey," Tesla cried, coming a step closer, "if you're one of Zommari's Fraccion, how can you have seen the human world."

"I..." Ivonne was speechless, while Nnoitra chucked another pillow at his Fraccion.

"You're so annoying, Tesla!"

"But I'm right!" He cried, "she's lying...about something!"

"Tesla!"

"Hello?" Szayel entered the room slowly, running his hands through his hair as if it had been braided moments before, "oh good, you're all clothed this time."

"Hello, Szayel!" Ivonne smiled, waving, "how are you?"

"..." Szayel gazed upon the mysterious girl as if she had grown a third eye, "I am well, thank you, Meavwen. "

"Why didn't you say goodbye to Nnoitra-kun?" She cried, getting up and staring Szayel in the eyes, who backed away from the fierce Fraccion slightly.

"What's the point of this?"

"You hurt his feelings." She crossed her arms and frowned, resembling Harribel in more ways than Nnoitra would like to admit.

"I'm very sorry, Nnoitra," Szayel bowed, his pink hair falling in front of his face, "I didn't mean to upset you, Jiruga."

"You didn't upset me," Nnoitra said dully, "I'm not a pansy like you."

"So what are we talking about?" Szayel asked, leaning up against Nnoitra's dresser.

"Nnoitra hasn't been back to the human world since he died." Ivonne said, sitting down next to Tesla in the corner. The blond-haired Fraccion blushed, smiling at her like a fool.

"Really?" Szayel said, watching Ivonne like a hawk, "that's a shame. I visit all the time to find things for my lab."

"Don't agree, Szayel," Ivonne nodded, "that we should visit again?"

"Why?" Nnoitra moaned from his spot on the bed, "I'm not really feeling all that well..."

"We need to go to get stuff for the baby, anyways!" Ivonne cried, "like a crib and stuff!"

"I'm pretty sure there isn't one in Hueco Mundo." Tesla nodded. The two Espada stared at the Fraccion; Tesla looked away, his face turning red, "it was just a thought."

"It was a very good thought, Tesla," Ivonne smiled warmly, "I agree with him, there isn't anything here to accommodate a baby! I've got the mother's instinct...or at least I have more than Nnoitra. I can come with you and help you!"

"Oh god!" Nnoitra cried behind them on the bed, "what the fuck is this, Szayel? Really?" He held up a green maternity top with frills and a built-in belt, "you gave this to me to wear?"

"I thought that stuff was good!" Szayel cried, seemingly offended.

"Look at this!" Nnoitra threw the green top at Szayel, "ugh, it looks like a fucking cabbage barfed on a piece of fabric."

"..."Szayel looked from the top to Nnoitra and back again. "...well, I liked it."

"These are all so ugly!" Nnoitra cried, dumping the box out onto the bed, "that's it, we'll go into the human world and steal some men's clothing!"

"I don't think they make men's clothing in you size." Szayel said quietly.

"Alright!" Ivonne jumped up, pumping her fist, "I'm an expert at sneaking out! Let's go!"

Szayel had gigais for them all; he said it was his hobby. He even had one for Ivonne, claiming he had been 'bored'. Once they had gotten into their gigai's, Nnoitra slightly annoyed that even in gigai form he couldn't ditch the baby bump, they went out a back entrance Ivonne showed them.

"I sneak out of Hueco Mundo all the time," she whispered, leading them down a dark passage way that would lead outside, "I mean, I know you're not supposed to, but it's so fun to watch the humans."

They made it outside to the desert; white sand and black sky for as far as the eye can see. Szayel casually lifted his hand to the sky and tapped it; a large black hole appeared, Garganta, the tunnel between Hueco Mundo, Soul Society, and the Human World.

"Shall we go?" Szayel asked, peering over his glasses.

"You look nervous, Tesla," Ivonne said, smiling as they entered the black pit and started to run, "want to hold my hand?"

"I'm pretty sure he'd like to hold your hand even if he wasn't nervous," Nnoitra panted, already slowing his pace, "hey, slow down, guys, I can't run..."

"OH, for god's sake," Szayel grabbed Nnoitra's hand and pulled him along, "it wouldn't be good for you to die here after all this."

"Yo, Szayel?"

"Yes, Nnoitra?"

"You're holding my hand." Nnoitra's wiggled his eyebrow in the darkness.

"I hope that's the hormones," Szayel said, "I'm the only one allowed to be suggestive around here!"

"There it is, Nnoitra-sama," Ivonne cried from ahead of them, "we're going to New York City, right?"

"I don't know!" Nnoitra cried, looking to Szayel, who nodded, "yeah, we are."

"Alright, here we go, then." Ivonne halted, opening the sky once more over New York City. Still holding a red-faced Tesla, she jumped out the hole, dragging the screaming blond with her.

"Yo, Szayel?"

"...yes, Nnoitra?"

"They're not going to die, are they?"

"Don't be stupid," Szayel said, walking out the garganta, walking on thin air, "this works even in a gigai."

"Oh, yeah." Nnoitra walked out behind the scientist, walking down with him until they hit the ground in an alley way next to their friends. Ivonne was busy laughing at Tesla, who looked similar to a heart attack victim, his hair blown into a blond afro.

"I-it's not funny, Ivonne-san." Tesla gasped, holding his chest.

"You know it is!" Ivonne roared, her black hair falling in front of her face.

"Okay, uh, Szayel?" Nnoitra asked, shoving his hands in his pyjama-pants pockets, "Won't the humans question us? You're wearing your Arrancar uniform, and I'm...pregnant. It's a little noticeable, don't you think?"

"Nah," Ivonne said, "this is New York, and everyone dresses like this. But, if you have a problem," she walked across the dank, dark alley way, "I've hidden these here for whenever I came." She stuck her hand underneath a dumpster, and pulled out a black bag with a tie. Untying it, she showed them some human clothes and a shiny silver credit card that gleamed in the lights of the city, "this is a credit card that you can use to buy things with. It usually works, but sometimes it doesn't for some reason. The woman said 'overcharged' last time, but whatever. We can use it to buy human clothes and the baby stuff to take back to Las Noches. Here, I have two!" She stuck her hand deeper into the back, finding and handing Szayel a red version of the same thing, "I took it off a woman a few months ago."

"Fine," Szayel said, crossing his arms, "you and Tesla go buy stuff for the nursery, and Nnoitra and I will look for things he find appropriate to wear in the coming months."

"What?" Nnoitra asked, finally catching his breath and leaning his tall frame against the dumpster, "why would we split up?"

"Because seeing two men shopping for baby stuff, when one has a mysterious bump like that is suspicious," Ivonne said, nodding towards Szayel, "even in New York. When you're shopping for clothes, you'll just look fat to them."

"I'm not fat," Nnoitra said, "alright. Buy something nice, I'll have to stare at it in my room for a while."

"I doubt it'd go in your room," Szayel said, slipping the credit card in his pocket, "the baby will grow up under Aizen-sama's care, remember?"

"Wait, what?" Nnoitra asked as his friends left the alley way. He caught up quickly with his long legs.

"While the child is ours," Szayel said, "the child is for Aizen. He said so at our first meeting, but I suppose you were still in shock then."

"Yeah, but..." Nnoitra tugged at the bottom of his shirt as they walked along, "I thought that he'd still live with us, you know?"

"Live with us?" Szayel looked back at him, one of his eyebrows raised.

"I meant live with me."

"You wouldn't be able to take care of a child," Szayel said, "even with my guidance. Don't kid yourself. Aizen is the best answer for everything. Oh, don't look so upset, it makes you look like you have a heart."

"No," Nnoitra said, "I lost that years ago."

"We're going in here," Szayel said, nodding his chin towards a store front marked 'Big, Tall, Extra Tall, and Short', "Meavwen?"

"Yes, Szayel-sama?"

"You continue onwards, then find a car and come back here," he looked at her slyly, "I supposed you'd have no trouble stealing a car?"

"None at all," Ivonne said, "c'mon, Tesla-kun, we've got a job to do." She grabbed Tesla's hand and sped off, dragging the Fraccion behind her.

"They are so cute together," Szayel cooed, watching them leave, "That Ivonne really is strange."

"Coming from you, that's a big call," Nnoitra looked in the store front, "but even you aren't nearly as strange as these humans. Look, they're talking to each other and not even carrying a weapon!"

"Yes, it's called being friendly," Szayel rolled his eyes, "let's go in, shall we?"

They entered the surprisingly busy store; Szayel was the shortest person in there, at only 6-foot-one. Nnoitra still stood taller than the humans, but only barely. A tall man in a suit came over and greeted them.

"Welcome, sirs," he said, shaking both their hands, obviously ignoring their shocked and disgusted faces, "what can I do for you?"

"Uh..." Nnoitra stared down at the human and his hand, droning like a broken computer. Szayel jabbed him in the back to get him to stop.

"We've just come back from a party," he said, motioning at their clothing, "and we have no clothes to wear for the rest of the week as our bags were left at the airport."

"...Oh...kay?" The clerk looked at them strangely.

"And, as you can see," Szayel continued, "my friend here is a giant and needs clothes that suit both his stature and his style," he cleared his throat, "or rather my style because he is an idiot and I'm the one who has to look at him."

"Alright," the handsome store-person smiled, running his hands through his slicked-back blond hair, "what type of clothing are you gentlemen looking for?"

"Just casual clothing," Szayel said as the man led the group through the store towards the back, "something he could maybe relax...spend a night in with...you know?"

"Uh," the store-person, "yes, sir. Here we have our new line of casual clothes by Calvin Klein, specially made for larger men."

"Yes, men," Szayel stroke his chin, flipping the hair out of his eyes as he scanned the cloth-filled racks, "we'll take whatever you got. No pants, though. My friend here likes sweat pants."

"Alright, sir," he nodded enthusiastically, "may we head to the change rooms to try your items on?"

"Change rooms?" Szayel asked, his eyebrow raising, "sounds sexy."

"Pardon, sir?"

"Shut up, Szayel." Nnoitra whacked him on the head, "let's just get the stuff and leave."

"Ow!" Szayel turned and glared at his companion, "whatever, we have to try it on to make sure it fits," he turned to the blond-haired man, "lead the way, sir."

They took an extra-large version of every shirt, and some pants that Szayel really wanted to try on, and headed to the change rooms across from the underwear. The stalls were extra tall and wide to accommodate the store's customers, and Nnoitra had no trouble taking off his clothing, even with his lanky arms. He then noticed the mirror, and was examining his bloated figure desolately when Szayel burst in without knocking.

"Ah!" Nnoitra cried, covering all the important bits with his hands, "Szayel, what the fuck?"

"What," Szayel asked, his face falling, "I wanted to show you my pants."

"Couldn't you have waited until I had pants?"

"Oh, you're naked. See, I didn't notice."

"Woah," Nnoitra cringed as the baby flipped for the second time, "shit, I'm never going to get used to that."

"Used to what?" Szayel asked, coming closer.

"The baby started kicking me and doing flips and shit." Nnoitra said. Szayel smiled like a neurotic scientist with a test tube.

"Let me feel!" He placed his hands on Nnoitra's stomach. Uncontrollably, Nnoitra blushed, remembering he was naked...and Szayel's hands were there...his nose started to tingle.

"I can feel him," Szayel said gleefully, glancing up at Nnoitra, his face falling, "uh, Nnoi, your nose is bleeding."

"My what?" Nnoitra brought his fingers to his nose; they came back covered in blood, "oh, shit!"

"You're going to get us kicked out of the store!" Szayel cried, "you're bleeding everywhere!"

"You're the one who's playing 'trading change rooms'! Get out!" Nnoitra cried, clenching his nose.

Szayel hurried out of the room, adding on the way out.

"But, Nnoitra, you do know what a nosebleed means?"

"What?"

"That you were turned on." Szayel smiled, running out of the room as Nnoitra threw a pile of clothes at him. No, that's not true, Nnoitra told himself, I wasn't turned on...not by that pink headed freak...I'm not drunk, either, so why did I... He pinched his nose shut and, afraid of Szayel crashing in again, put his pyjama pants back on. This is so wrong...

"Fuck," He took his shirt and used it to stop his nose. His hands were shaking, and he wasn't sure why, "yo, Szayel, are you there?"

"Yes." Szayel's voice came drifting from under the door.

"Can we just take the clothes and leave?"

"If you want to, then yes." Szayel said, "I like my uniform better than these clothes, anyways."

"Szayel?"

"Yes?"

"I did like those pants, though."

Once they got back to Las Noches, Nnoitra locked himself in his room and slept; he had the oddest dreams that he didn't want to see. He wondered how Starrk slept so often, and decided that his dreams must be a lot better than his own. This wasn't going the way he wanted at all. No one would take him seriously, and he was no longer feared in Las Noches, but laughed at. He missed Santa Teresa and beating Grimmjow's ass every other day. He missed evoking fear into the Fraccion; now Ivonne just laughed at him and called him cute. And the worst part; he was only half way there.

It was two weeks until Nnoitra even let Tesla back into the room. Tesla had been going back and forth to the kitchen for Nnoitra, but the Espada refused to let him in once he delivered the goods. Then, one day, Nnoitra opened the door for the worrisome Fraccion and let him back in.

"Come in," He grumbled, as Tesla scrambled in from his spot on the floor, "yo, were you just sitting there all the time?"

"Except when I went to the kitchen for you, Nnoitra-sama." Tesla said. Nnoitra crossed his arms; he was wearing his new clothing from New York, gray sweat pants and a baggy green sweater made of thin cotton.

"You could have gone back to your room," Nnoitra grunted, "you didn't have to stay there."

"Yes, but then Nnoitra-sama would have to come find me,' Tesla ran his hands through his hair, adjusting his thick black gloves, "besides, that's where Ivonne is. I told her to just leave me here."

"That's very noble of you," Nnoitra sneered, "anyways, come with me, we're going to Szayel's domain. I'm pretty sure I'm over due for an ultra-thingy."

"Oh yeah," Tesla said, hurrying after his long-legged master, "Szayel did come a few times. But I told him you were really upset about something and that you didn't want to see him, like you said."

"I told you to tell him to fuck off."

"Yes, but I thought that was a little rude, so..." he laughed sheepishly, "I'm sorry Nnoitra-sama!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," He came to the door of Szayel's lab, pushing it open with one large hand, "yo! Szayel! It's me...and your son!"

"I'm not Szayel's son...?" Tesla said, resulting in a smack in the head from Nnoitra.

"I meant the baby, idiot."

"O-oh. I'm sorry Nnoitra-sama."

"Nnoitra!" Szayel seemed to come out of nowhere and hugged Nnoitra, who, on his pregnant and slightly delirious state, couldn't fend the man off.

"Hey! Get the fuck off me!" He finally managed to push Szayel away, "what the hell are you doing?"

"Dare I say I missed you," Szayel said, pushing his white-rimmed glasses up the bridge of his nose, "and I was worried sick about what you might be doing to our baby."

"Shut up, I'm not that irresponsible," Nnoitra said, pushing past him towards the familiar bed and ultrasound machine, "at least, not anymore. I'm here for that ultra-sound thing that we were supposed to do."

"Exactly," Szayel said, nodding, following Nnoitra, "we're going to see the sex of the baby, today."

"Will he look more like a baby and less like a pale-gray blob?" Tesla asked receiving a smack on the head from Nnoitra.

"He looked cute and you know it!" Nnoitra cried, "you're just jealous."

"Okay, hop on the bed and take your top off." Szayel said with a smile usually reserved for sex offenders.

"Szayel, why does everything you say have to sound so damn suggestive?" He took his top off as he was told and sat down on the bed while Szayel turned on the machine.

"I'm sorry, I sit around studying anatomy, sue me for wanting to experience it myself," Szayel took the bottle of gel and squirted it on Nnoitra's abdomen, "let's see what's going on in there."

"I'm so glad you're not a real doctor," Nnoitra said, staring up at the black-and-white screen, "hey, look, it's Hueco Mundo!"

"No, that's our baby. See, here's it's head..."

"It's a him." Nnoitra was adamant. Szayel smiled as he looked at the screen.

"Hm, I guess your maternal instincts aren't as strong as you thought."

"What do you mean?" Nnoitra sat up and eyed the screen; a grayish blob that pulsated like a heartbeat. That is his heartbeat...

"Well," Szayel said slowly, "if it's a boy, then he had no penis."

"He's a mutant?"

"He's a girl."

"..." Nnoitra stared at the gray screen as if it were lying to him, "no way! What is this madness?"

"Hey, you had a fifty-fifty chance, you just guessed wrong."

"No!" Nnoitra cried, almost looking as if he were about to cry, "no! Now we can't look at porn together!"

"I'm open minded, I don't care what gender she prefers." Szayel said.

"This is going to be so awkward!" Nnoitra wailed, "No!"

"It's not the end of the world," Szayel tried to console him, "at least she's healthy."

"I suppose..."

"And you can use boys chasing her as an excuse to attack people," he said, "because you know, with my genetics she's be gorgeous."

"Shut the fuck up."

"Awh, Nnoitra," Szayel sounded as if he were charmed, "Tesla console the poor bastard."

"Uh..." Tesla flailed about for a moment, not wanting to touch Nnoitra in case he attacked him.

"I have good news, though," Szayel said, "she's not deformed!"

"Not having a penis is deformed."

"Look at her," Szayel cooed, nodding towards the screen. Nnoitra gasped; the baby...looked like a baby. She had two closed eyes, a curved nose like Nnoitra, and a round little face like an angel. Nnoitra's eyes went wide, or at least the visible one did. His mouth opened, too, and for some reason, he felt like he needed to cry, "isn't she beautiful, Nnoita?"

"Yes, she...she is." He nodded, "God, I don't feel like a man at all. I feel like I'm going to cry."

"Real men cry," Szayel said, smiling, "besides, if you didn't feel like that, you'd either have no heart, or your hormones have evened out. By the way, have you bladder issues evliated yet?"

"A bit, yeah." Nnoitra was still staring at the screen, "oh god, I feel so sorry for women! They're pathetic and helpless and have to do this!"

"Ivonne's not pathetic and helpless." Tesla said quietly.

"I think Ivonne's secretly a man," Nnoitra said stiffly, "that's why I'm not attracted to her."

"You lie." Szayel said, turning off the machine and handing Nnoitra a towel.

"No, I swear, I'm not attracted to her."

"You lie about not being attracted to men." He smiled. Nnoitra leaned over to smack him, but his stomach was in the way. Grumbling, he wiped the gel off of himself and put his shirt back on.

"You're talking about the nosebleed," he sneered, "well, I did some research, and nosebleeds are actually a symptom because..."he trailed off, "...well, I forget why, but, yeah, it's a symptom!"

"Look at this," He had walked over to a mirror on one of Szayel's walls, "look at this! I look like a potato!"

"Yes, you're showing now, at eighteen weeks," Szayel seemed unimpressed, "you really have no respect for your body. It'll get better than that, you know, and it'll go back to that...spoon shape you had before."

"Uh, Szayel-sama," Tesla asked meekly, "while I was outside Nnoitra's room, Aizen-sama came past and asked to see the results from the ultrasound. I told him it wasn't done yet, and..." Tesla's eyes grew large with fear, "he looked so scary, and angry. So he said he's come here and ask for them from you himself."

"Aizen is nothing to be afraid of," Szayel said, though his face was paling, "this is my experiment. I'll do what I want, and I'll have my way."

"And I want to speak to him," Nnoitra said, "because you said...that the baby would grow up with him, like another Gin. I fucking hate Gin. I won't let that happen, even if I have to fight Aizen myself!"

"Yes, I would like the say that," Szayel said bluntly, "a pregnant man without a sword taking on the most powerful being in Hueco Mundo," he laughed, "I'd pay to see that."

"I mean after I..." they walked towards the door, Nnoitra's hand on his stomach, feeling the baby kick him in the rib cage, "oh yeah, Szayel, how on earth are we gonna get her out?"

"Good point," Szayel said, "I'm not too sure."