Miniskirt Legends

Disclaimer: Not mine, Squeenix owns, yadda yadda.

Author's Notes: This was supposed to be a Hope or Vanille perspective but all the best laid plans... A thank you for Mobius14 and Lady Midday who were kind enough to review again, and a thank you to JKW351 and TeGR who reviewed this drabble collection for the first time.

"So," Sazh said, still munching on roasted flan as he stoked the fire, "how come Guardian Corps wears miniskirts these days?"

Lightning spat the water she was drinking out of her nose.

"Excuse me?"

The pilot gestured vaguely towards Lightning's bare legs before taking another bite. "It doesn't seem practical is all I'm saying."

Hope, traitor that he was, nodded his head in slow agreement.

Vanille, who, really wasn't in any position to be making such comments chose to pipe in: "It's true. Not warm enough by half." When four pairs of eyes chose to swivel on her legs she added, defensively: "fur's warm."

"You mean Fang's war- owch owch owch, Fang, fingers do not bend like that."

"It's regulation length." Light mumbled, ignoring Snow's plight.

"I dunno. It looks the same size as Vanille's," Hope pointed out helpfully.

"Hey!"

"Well it is, love."

"But – he doesn't have to say it like it's a disease or something."

Snow was still doubled over in pain and thus could only contribute little gasps and squeaky noises to the conversation.

"And you have your fur skirt, and Lightning has her cape-thing," Sazh said, mollifying. "I was just curious. Doesn't seem like standard gear."

Like afro-dwelling chocobos.

Lightning cleared her throat. "Actually, it is."

"… wait, seriously?"

"Really?"

"Faaaaaang. Please."

Snow might have been openly sobbing. Lightning continued to ignore him.

"Well… there's a legend that the founder of the Guardian Corps was a man by the name of Colonel Mustang." She toyed with her Blaze Edge. Sazh shifted backwards imperceptibly. "After the first Ragnorak he decided that it would be necessary to split the military in two so that one side could prepare for the eventual invasion and the other to protect home."

How to continue.

"You have to understand that Cocoon at the time was under a lot of stress-"

"Hey! We didn't know! We thought you were going to invade Gran Pulse!"

"Love, Light's trying to tell a story."

"Oooooh. I'll be quiet."

"Right. So Cocoon was under a lot of stress. People were scared and panicked and things were getting pretty bad. Colonel Mustang got the Guardian Corps to do a lot of things to help people: hunting wild beasts, finding lost pets, repairing damaged infrastructure, helping little old ladies cross the street..."

"Sazh, have you ever seen a GC help a little old lady cross the street?"

"Shush."

"And he, uh, for morale purposes, ordained that women in the Guardian Corps would-" at this point, Lightning's voice was getting softer and softer requiring all interested parties to learn forward to hear, "-wear tiny miniskirts."

There was a moment of silence as everyone contemplated how it was possible that such an exploitative, sexist, chauvinistic pig of a man ever managed to make it to the top of the military.

"Guys." Snow sobbed. "Please. Tell Fang to stop."

Further A/N: Cameo by Colonel Mustang of FMA. I don't own him either. Arakawa-sensei does.