A/N: A disclaimer: This is written for fun, not profit. I do not own anything except the plot. This is a drabble collection about Lily Luna Potter. They are written for the 52 Weeks of Writing 2013 Competition of AlwaysPadfoot.

crawl on hands and knees until you see

Lily knows what Teddy is about to say long before the words leave his mouth.

She knows it before she sees their slightly nervous but still glowing faces. She knows it even before her mom announces that Teddy and Victoire will be joining them at dinner with this little secret smile on her face that makes Lily feel sick.

Maybe she's known it all her life.

So when Teddy says "We are getting engaged." and Victoire holds up her hand, a brilliant diamond ring glowing on her finger, Lily, already expecting it, is able to put on a surprised yet pleased expression and be the first one to jump up from her chair to hug them.

She knows she shouldn't hate her cousin who is nice to everyone, but as she hugs her fiercely, all she can think of is how much she wants to sink her nails in the delicate skin of her back.

And it scares her.

So she laughs and gushes and drinks so much that she is amazed how no one can see through how fake she is acting. She suggests to Teddy and Victoire that they come to Scor's party with her to celebrate. Teddy isn't so sure but Victoire, delighted that her normally distant cousin is being so warm and excited for them, agrees. Lily normally just throws on whatever, as guys are always all over her regardless of what she wears, but tonight she makes a real effort with her outfit.

But Victoire still looks more beautiful. She always does. And Teddy doesn't even notice her outfit, much less comment on it. He never does.

Before they apparate, he pulls her aside and her heart beats like crazy but the words he whispers in her ear are completely wrong: "Please don't tell anyone we are engaged - we will be throwing a party next week for our closest friends and tell everyone then. We just wanted to share the good news with our family first." He beams at her, and she laughs with her usual 3-year-old laugh and says "Of course I won't, Teddy.", kissing him on the cheek.

When Lily shows up at his party later that night with the golden couple in tow, Scorpius can feel something's off. He can practically smell the danger surrounding her. All night she flirts and dances and laughs and drinks. He watches her and sees her watch Teddy out of the corner of her eye, hoping he is looking. But he never is. Finally, some time after midnight, she disappears up the stairs with that muggleborn guy from Hufflepuff who looks way too old to be at Hogwarts. She looks over her shoulder to see if Teddy notices, but he is laughing at something Victoire said. Scorpius notices though and he follows her.

He knows that this is the guy who provides the "muggle party favors" for parties, which are all the rage nowadays. He has even tried them himself, with a few fellow Slytherin friends who thought, like he had, they were defying their parents' shady Death Eater past by doing filthy muggle drugs. So he knows how easily things can get ugly. He isn't opposed to partying, but that muggle shit is fucking dangerous, swiping your mom's Calming Drought or smoking the hallucinogenic plants in the greenhouse does the job just fine and, unlike muggle stuff, can't kill you.

So when he sees her snorting a line of white powder - he cannot remember what it's called - while that shady dealer guy is pressing sloppy kisses on her shoulder, inching her bra strap down, her black camisole on the floor, balled up, her shoes at different corners of the room, he can't help himself. He knows he should stay out of it, but he just can't.

He pushes the dealer off her and pulls her up, tugging on her wrist.

"What the fuck ?" She yells, her eyes so full of hate, he almost recoils.

Almost. He cares about her, despite the fact that they fuck on a regular basis, he sort of feels like she is his little sister who needs to be protected. And she sort of is.

So he stays firm and angry. He drags her in front of the mirror.

"What the hell are you doing Scorpius ?" she hisses.

"Look at yourself !" He hisses right back. "Look what you've become - is this really who you are ? Is this how you wanna end up ?"

And they both look at her reflection. Wild messy hair tumbling down, her emerald green eyes wide and blank, her dark eye make up all smudged, adding to her slightly crazed look, a tiny cut on her lower lip from rough kissing, a medium sized love bite on her shoulder, her bra straps tugged down her arms, black sequined skirt riding up, showing her lacy panties, her feet bare.

There is a long silence. Finally, she turns around ever so slowly to face him.

"Teddy and Victoire got engaged." she states tonelessly.

With those five little words, Scorpius can feel his heart literally break for her. He remembers the day he found out so clearly, remembers feeling just as useless watching her cry as he does now watching her act so lifeless and numb.

Four months ago, after yet another argument with Rose, he went to Lily's, as usual. He knew the Potters were out of town and she was all alone. He found her sitting cross legged on the floor in front of the fireplace, a bottle of wine clutched in her hands, a second, empty one lying next to her. When she saw him, she knew what he came for: he always came for the same thing. But this time, she didn't tear his clothes off. Instead she began crying and he hugged her, feeling awkward. "I'm in love with him, Scor." she sobbed on his shoulder. "I'm in love with Teddy. And I can never have her. Never. But you already have Rose. You have her, and you can't even see what a rare gift that is. A gift that people like me would kill for. And you are throwing it all away just because you are scared of love."

He was completely dumbstruck, with no idea what to say, so he tried to comfort her in the only way they both knew how: He fucked her. And they've never talked about Teddy or Rose ever since.

Until now.

"Lil, I'm so -" He begins.

"Don't." she spits out, her eyes flashing with anger once again. "Don't, Scorpius. Don't you dare say you're sorry, I'm warning you."

He knows she hates people feeling sorry for her, but he can't help it. And she knows he pities her.

"I feel sorry for you. You are the pathetic one. You fool yourself and everyone else saying Rose isn't your girlfriend and you aren't in love with her. At least I can admit my own feelings to myself. If I had the luxury of admitting them to -" Her voice breaks and she doesn't finish her sentence. "Just stop acting like you are my fucking brother or some shit." She hisses.

But his fingers are digging in her skin and her wrist bones feel too delicate and she looks just like a child, so he cannot get angry about the things she says.

She pulls her wrist free and glances at the dealer guy who hasn't moved from the place Scorpius pushed him and is staring at the ceiling, obviously fucked up from that white powder.

"I'm leaving - to that other party I told you about. Coming ?" Without waiting for an answer, or putting on her shoes or her top, she turns on the spot, disapparating.

The guy may be high, but he is a guy, and when Lily Luna Potter leaves the room, guys tend to follow. So he scurries to get up and with a crack, he is gone too.

And Scorpius is left standing by himself in the middle of the bedroom, feeling like Lily is slowly slipping away to a dark place no one can come back from, and there is nothing he can do about it.

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