A/N: Thank you for all the wonderful feedback! You guys are awesome!

Okay, so this chapter gave me a harder time to write than the previous ones. I had so many ideas and scenarios in my head. I started out taking it in one direction, but changed my mind and went in another direction and this is the result. It's also the longest chapter so far, so there's that. In the end, I'm pretty happy with how it turned out. Hope you guys like it as well.

Chapter 4 - Time and Space

~I threw my hands in the air I said show me something~

Four days.

Four days had gone by since his last conversation with April.

He was going crazy. Especially since Dr. Hunt had banned him from surgery and he still had two more days to go. The bandages had been removed from his arm and his hands were itching to hold a scalpel.

He still spent most of his time in the hospital though. Dr. Hunt hadn't said anything about not working at all. All Dr. Hunt had said was that he couldn't operate in the OR. So since he couldn't operate, then he just busied himself with administrative work. He buried himself in tower-high stacks of paper. Invoices, financial statements, and contracts were all he had seen for the past few days. It was boring as hell and he missed the OR, but it was better than sitting in his apartment doing nothing.

When he wasn't working in his office, then he was with his mother in Dr. Webber's room. He still hadn't awoken from his coma and his mother refused to leave his side. Jackson had asked her to come stay with him at his place, but she had refused. She was practically living in the hospital now. He was really worried about his mom, so he made sure to check on her often.

Then there was April.

They hadn't really talked since that night at the nurses' station when he had basically just walked away from her. He had lately begun to realize that he did a lot of that. Walking away.

He had seen her around in the hospital a couple of times. Actually, she seemed to be everywhere that he looked. But their encounters had been brief and they acted professional and civil towards each other. He was trying to give her time and space like she had asked him to.

It was hard though. Whenever he saw her, his body immediately reacted and wanted to make its way towards her. He always had to stop himself.

The truth was that he missed her.

He missed her a lot.

He missed just being around her. He missed having someone he could confide in. He missed the sound of her voice, the way that her eyes lit up when she got excited about something, and the small dimples that formed in her cheeks whenever her soft lips curved into a smile.

And now he was thinking about her lips.

Great.

He needed a drink.

"Hello, Earth to Kepner. Anybody in there?" Cristina lightly tapped the top of April's head.

"Uh... what? I'm sorry, did you say something?" April asked distractedly.

April was in the attending's lounge. She didn't have anymore surgeries scheduled for today, so she was trying to get in some study time.

Cristina and Callie had just walked into the room, but she had barely noticed them. Her nose was buried deep inside her textbook.

"I asked if you were gonna eat the rest of your chips." Cristina said as she took a handful of April's potato chips and stuffed them in her mouth.

April still didn't look up from her book. "No. You can have them if you want," she nonchalantly replied.

Cristina swiftly swiped up the bag of chips from the table.

Callie threw herself on the couch. "You okay Kepner? You're looking kind of stressed out."

"I'm fine," she lied.

She was far from fine actually.

April was having a mental breakdown.

There was only one week left until the boards. In exactly one week, she would be inside a stuffy room in San Francisco again taking the most important exam of her life for the second time.

She was super stressed out. All of the worst possible scenarios were swarming through her head. What if she failed again? How could she ever show her face again? It was one thing to not pass the boards once, but twice? She didn't think that she could go through that again.

What would she do with her life? No hospital would want her working for them if she failed twice. Her career would be ruined. Her life would be ruined. She couldn't see herself doing anything else with her life and the thought of not operating ever again scared her immensely.

Cristina looked over April's shoulder as she loudly munched on her chips. "Ooh. You're freaking out over the boards, aren't you?"

"Maybe," she quickly replied. Why was Cristina talking to her? Couldn't she see that she was busy trying to study? With her crazy busy schedule, she didn't get much time to her self, so she had been taking even the slightest opportunities she could this week to sneak in some study time.

Cristina pointed a chip directly at April as she said, "Well I wouldn't worry too much if I were you, second time's a charm after all. Oh no wait, it's actually third time's a charm. Well, you're screwed. Better luck next year then."

Callie let out a laugh. "Sorry, you'll do fine Kepner. Really," she tried to sound supportive, but just ended up bursting in laughter again when Cristina made a noise of disbelief.

April had never understood Cristina's sense of humor. "Gee, thanks for the moral support guys. I really appreciate it," she said sarcastically as she rolled her eyes.

"Anytime, Apes," Cristina said as she sat down in the chair beside April and propped her feet on the table.

"Ugh, I can't concentrate like this," April let out a frustrated sigh and began gathering up her books and notes.

"Oh c'mon, don't leave. Who am I gonna pick on now?" Cristina whined.

"I'm sure you'll find someone," she said as she made her way towards the door.

Cristina tilted her head in thought. "Hmm... Oh I know! Where's Mousy? She's always fun to mess with."

April rolled her eyes again. "I'm going home so that I can get some peace and quiet. I'll see you guys tomorrow."

She left the lounge with her books and notes in hand.

Jackson entered Joe's and immediately spotted Alex sitting alone at the bar.

"Hey man," he greeted Alex.

"Hey," Alex answered back.

"I'm surprised to see you here by yourself. Where's your better half?" he asked Alex with a smirk. Ever since Alex and Jo had hooked up, they've been attached at the hip.

"Jo had to stay working late. She'll be here soon though," Alex replied as he sipped his drink.

Jackson ordered a beer and took a seat next to Alex.

Alex took a quick sideways glance at Jackson. "You look like shit man."

Jackson let out a laugh. "Well thanks for the compliment, means a lot coming from you," he said in a sarcastic voice.

"I'm serious dude. And you've looked liked this ever since the storm. Don't think I haven't noticed you mopping around the hospital." Alex said accusingly.

Jackson stayed silent and drank his beer.

After a minute, Alex continued talking. "What's the deal with you and Kepner anyways?"

Jackson really didn't feel like talking about this right now, especially to Alex who always seemed to have a smart-ass remark for everything. "Nothing," he stated simply, hoping that Alex would just drop the subject.

No such luck.

"Well, it doesn't seem like nothing. The whole hospital knows what happened between you guys that night. Everyone knows that you and the intern broke up and that April dumped the paramedic dude. And yet you two are still not together? It just doesn't add up."

He wished Alex would shut up and mind his own business. He missed the old gloomy, single Alex. The Alex who would drink beers with him in silence, without the whole fifty questions.

But this new Alex, this lovestruck philosophical Alex, was starting to get on his last nerve.

"Well it's none of their business and it isn't your business either, so just drop it already," Jackson said in a low voice as he took another sip of his beer.

Alex shrugged his shoulders. "I'm just trying to help you out dude. I was in your shoes not too long ago. You just need to step up. You love her. She loves you. Just screw each other already."

Alex always had such a way with words. At least that hadn't changed.

He scoffed. "She doesn't love me. She thinks that she wants me, but she deserves better than what I could ever give her. And what are you, the love expert now or something? Just because you've been in a relationship with a girl for a couple of days now doesn't give you the right to go and give relationship advice."

"Hey man, at least I'm not the one who's sitting at a bar alone and miserable. Don't take it out on me just because you don't have the balls to tell the girl you love that you love her."

Jackson felt his body tense up and his hands automatically clenched into fists. He really felt like punching Alex in the face right now, partially because deep down he knew Alex had a point and he hated it. He held back the urge and said instead, "You know what, I'm outta here before I do something that I'll regret."

Jackson threw a few bills on the counter and left the bar without saying another word.

After he arrived home from Joe's, Jackson crashed down onto his bed. He was exhausted so he tried to shut his eyes and will himself to sleep, but it was pointless. He tossed and turned, but he couldn't fall asleep and there was only one reason for his restlessness.

That reason was April.

He couldn't get her out of his head. He missed her and he wanted nothing more than to see her right now.

He looked down at the watch on his wrist. It was just a little over eleven. He knew that she would be home by now, but she wouldn't be asleep. The boards were so close now and he knew that she would be awake every night from now on, studying as much as she could. He pictured what a mess she must be right about now, freaking out over the boards. A small affectionate smile subconsciously spread across his lips.

He thought about just showing up on her doorstep. He knew that he shouldn't. She had asked for time and space and he was trying to give it to her, but he just couldn't anymore. He had to see her.

He made up his mind.

He got up off his bed and grabbed a few things before heading out the door.

April was sitting on her living room floor. Books and papers were scattered everywhere. On the couch, on the coffee table, on the floor. There wasn't an inch of the room that was not covered with her study materials.

She was so tired, but she knew that she wasn't going to be getting any sleep tonight, or any of the nights leading up to the boards for that matter. She wouldn't be able to relax until she took that damn exam and got it out the way. Actually, she wouldn't be able to relax until she got her results back and that could take up to two weeks after the exam.

She had been so wound up earlier that she hadn't even ate a proper dinner. She had just had a bowl of Corn Flakes. She was starting to regret that choice when she heard her stomach emit a low grumble.

Just as she got up to go get some food from the kitchen, she heard a knock on her door.

Who could that be? It was almost midnight.

Her door didn't have a peephole, so she hesitantly opened her door just an inch.

Confusion filled her face when she saw who her visitor was. She opened her door back all the way.

"Hey, I brought some books, flashcards, and pencils. Oh, and Chinese food too," Jackson said as he pulled off the backpack he was wearing on his back and rummaged through it.

"Jackson, what are you doing here?" April asked him in a confused voice.

"Well, since you didn't take up my offer of helping you study for your boards and since you've basically been avoiding me the last couple of days, I decided to come to you. Now, you've got no place to hide," he said with a smirk.

"I don't think this is a good idea. I told you I need –"

"Time and space," he finished her sentence. "Yeah, yeah. I know what you said, but frankly I don't care. You need someone to help you study and I miss my best friend, so," he shrugged his shoulders.

"Jackson –"

"I know you're freaking out about these boards," he said as he pointed a finger at her. "Admit it. They're only a week away and you're freaking out. You wouldn't be you if you weren't. I know you, April."

She let out a small sigh. "All right. Maybe I'm freaking out just a little bit."

Jackson cocked an eyebrow.

Damn it, he knew her too well.

"All right! All right! I'm freaking out a lot okay!" she said loudly as she threw her arms above her head.

Jackson let out a low chuckle. "So, are you just gonna let me stand out here or are you gonna invite me in?" he asked with a crooked smile.

She had never been able to resist his smile. She reluctantly stepped aside to let him through. "Come in, I guess."

As he walked past her, his shoulder brushed hers and she couldn't help but shudder. She hated that she was so weak to his touch. Thankfully, he didn't seem to notice.

Jackson stepped into her living room and took in the mess before him. "Whoa, I have never seen you this unorganized. You're always the tidy one, but this is worse than even me and Karev combined," he laughed.

She followed him into her living room. "Extreme circumstances call for extreme measures. And stop joking around," she told him as she playful shoved his shoulder, "if you're gonna help me study then we have to get down to business. This is serious."

Jackson immediately wiped the smile off his face and tried his best to put on a serious face. "You're right. This is serious business," he nodded. "Okay, so where do we begin?"

After two long hours of studying, they were finally taking a break. They were sitting on the couch eating the Chinese noodles and dumplings he had brought.

April was having a hard time using her chopsticks. "Damn it, I can never get used to these things."

Jackson laughed under his breath. "Here, let me show you how a pro does it." He took his own chopsticks and easily scooped up some noodles from April's bowl. Then he lifted the chopsticks up to April's mouth, inviting her to eat them.

April stared into his eyes before she opened her mouth and consumed the noodles, but in the process she got some sauce on the side of her mouth. Jackson took his thumb and wiped it away, his hand lingering a little more than it should have. He slowly pulled his hand back and wiped his thumb clean.

They ate in content silence until April spoke. "This is nice. I mean, us hanging out like we used to before – before things got complicated. I missed this."

Jackson finished his noodles and set the bowl down on the coffee table before turning his whole body towards her. "Yeah, I missed this too."

After a moment of silence, he decided to change the topic. "So, have you thought about what you're gonna do after you pass your boards?"

April smiled and lowered her head. "You say that like you're so sure I'm gonna pass."

"You are," he stated confidently. "I know you are. I believe in you. You're easily one of the best surgeons I know even though you don't get enough credit. Besides, all the questions that I threw at you earlier, you answered them all correctly and with ease."

"That's because I'm here in my home and you were the one asking me the questions, not some stern looking lady who I know is silently judging me in her head and who ultimately holds the future of my career in her hands," she said anxiously.

Jackson thought for a moment. "Okay, then when you're there just close your eyes and look back to this day. When they're asking you all those questions just pretend that you're here at your apartment with me and that I'm the one asking you the questions."

"I'm not sure if that will work, but I'll try it."

"Promise?" he asked her.

"Promise," she smiled.

"So, you didn't answer my question."

"Which question?" she asked.

"I asked what you were gonna do after the boards? I mean, I know you're gonna get offers from other hospitals. Are you gonna stay here or have you considered going somewhere else?" Jackson asked as he tried his best to sound indifferent.

She thought for a second before answering. "I don't know. I haven't really thought that far ahead. Like I said, my main focus is on passing first. I guess it just depends on which offers I get," she paused before continuing, "Although New York would be nice. I mean, I know I'm getting way, way ahead of myself here, but if I ever got offered a job at New York Presbyterian, I would take it in a heartbeat."

Jackson's face faltered. "New York? That's on the other side of the country."

"Yeah, I know. It would be a big change, but change is good sometimes."

His voice turned cold. "So you're just gonna pack you're bags and leave. Leave all you're problems behind," he scoffed, "typical."

"What do you mean "typical"?" she asked him.

He stood up from the couch. "I mean that when things get tough, you just pack up and leave! First you left to Moline and now you're gonna just leave again!" he accused her.

She followed his lead and got on her feet as well. "I was just speaking hypothetically! Besides I highly doubt that New York Presbyterian, one of the highest ranked hospitals in the country, would even consider hiring me."

He stayed silent, so she continued. "I don't know what I'm gonna do or where I'm gonna go. And you sure are one to talk about leaving!"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

She sighed. "Nothing, just forget it."

"No, tell me," he insisted.

"Fine," she looked straight into his eyes. "You're the one who left. That night when I got my pregnancy results back. You just walked away and I still don't even know why. You didn't even give me a reason. I was even willing to go on the pill for you!"

"I left because you seemed so damn happy not to be pregnant!" he yelled.

"Is that such a bad thing?" she asked incredulously. "Is it so bad that I was relieved that I wasn't going to have an unplanned baby out of wedlock?"

"I told you that we could get married!"

"Yes, Jackson. You told me we could get married, but only because of the possibility that I was carrying your child. You were stepping up as a man and doing the right thing and I appreciated that, but that's not what I wanted. I didn't want you to marry me because you had to. I wanted you to marry me because..." she trailed off before dropping the subject. "You know what, just forget it. It doesn't matter anymore. I don't even understand why you're getting so worked up over this. Why do you care so much where I go anyways?"

"I don't," he automatically lied. "I don't care. You know what, just do whatever you want. Go to New York or wherever. Start a new life. Find a new best friend. Hey, who knows? Maybe after awhile you can jump into bed with him and then start blaming all your problems on him. Oh I know, maybe you can even lie to him and tell him that you're a virgin just like you did with your paramedic guy. Wait a second," he put a two fingers to his chin, "did you lie to me too about being a virgin? I mean, because now that I think about it, you really seemed to know what you were –"

She slapped him before he could get another word out.

He deserved it. He had gone way too far and he knew it. He had basically just called his best friend and the woman he loved a liar and a slut. Yeah, he had definitely deserved it, but it still hurt.

God, he was so stupid. This was just like the time he had called her a nut job, but ten times worse.

When she had told him that she was considering leaving Seattle, his heart had stopped. She was going to leave him just like everyone else in his life. He had been scared and hurt so he had done the only thing that he knew to protect himself, he had lashed out.

He knew that it was selfish on his part to want her to stay when he hadn't even given her a reason to. She had every right to leave him, it's not like he deserved her anyways. But he didn't want her to leave. Just the sole thought of possibly not ever seeing her again, made him feel terribly sick, but instead of telling her all that, he had lashed out in anger and hurt her.

Stupid.

Every time that he got scared or hurt, this is how he would react. This was his defense mechanism. He would put walls all around himself and the only emotion he would allow anyone to see was his anger. He would lash out and pretend that he didn't care. Either that, or he would just walk away. He was good at doing that too.

Now, as he looked at April with tears in her eyes, he wished he could turn back time and go back to when they were happily eating their noodles. In fact, he should have never came to her house at all. He should have respected her wishes when she had told him that she needed time and space. He was so selfish. He couldn't tell her how he really felt, yet he couldn't let her go either.

He didn't know what to do.

She still couldn't believe those harsh cold words Jackson had just said to her and she couldn't believe that she had slapped him either. How did they end up like this? How did they go from being best friends who respected and cared about each other, to two complete strangers who kept on hurting each other.

Neither one of them said anything for a while. They just stared at each other with looks of shock and hurt clear on their faces.

She tried to speak, but she couldn't form words.

Jackson was the first to speak up. "April, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," he whispered.

He tried to reach out for her but she took two steps back to avoid his touch. His hands fell slowly to his sides.

She found her voice. "You know what, Jackson. I am so sick of you making this all about me." April spat at him, as venom filled her voice. "I know that I messed up and I apologized countless times for everything that I have done to hurt you, but it takes two to tango Jackson and damn it you've hurt me too you know!" She lowered her voice to a whisper, "More than once and you're doing it again, right now." Tears spilled from her eyes.

Jackson closed his eyes and grimaced. He looked like he was in extreme physical pain.

He opened his eyes. "You're right. You're absolutely right and I'm sorry. I'm sorry for hurting you, it's the last thing I want to do, but lately it seems like it's all I've been doing," pain strained his voice. He sighed before continuing, "And I'm so sorry for the horrible stupid things that I just said. I didn't mean them, I swear. I was just scared – scared at the possibility of you leaving and I just – I lashed out. It wasn't fair. I'm an idiot and I'm sorry. I'll keep apologizing everyday for the rest of my life if I have to. I know you have no reason to forgive me, but –"

"I forgive you," she interrupted him in a small voice.

The pain and regret was written all over his face and she could hear it in his voice as well. She knew that he was truly sorry and that he would do anything to take his words back if he could. She could see it in his eyes.

"You do?" he asked reluctantly with a hint of hope.

"Yes. We've both hurt each other Jackson and we both have things to be sorry for. So, yes I forgive you. Do you forgive me for slapping you?" She reached up and gently grazed the tip of her fingers to his left cheek on the spot where her palm had made contact with his skin. She could see the red mark. She hated herself for it.

"No," he said firmly as he reached up his hand and took a gentle hold of her wrist. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I deserved it. You let me off the hook way too easy actually. I deserved much worse. I was a jerk. I'm sorry."

"I already told you that I forgive you."

"I know, but I don't. I don't forgive myself and I don't think I will anytime soon, so I'm gonna keep on saying it. I'm sorry."

She couldn't stand seeing him be so hard on himself. He had made a mistake, but Jackson was a nice guy. He was one of the good ones. Sure he was a jerk sometimes, but most of the time he was the nicest and sweetest guy she knew.

She slowly walked towards him and closed the gap in between them. She laid the side of her head against his chest and wrapped her arms around his abdomen. She felt his hands tentatively reach up and close around her shoulders.

She didn't know how long they stood there like this. She lost track of time. Standing here in his arms felt so comforting. She could hear the sound of his heartbeat.

She felt safe. She felt at home.

Jackson breathed in the scent of her. He could stand here like this for hours, with her in his arms. Their bodies fit perfectly together, like two puzzle pieces. He had never felt so content with just holding a woman in his arms before. He didn't want to let her go.

Eventually, she slowly pulled away and looked up at him, a small smile playing on her lips.

He looked at her then, really looked at her. Her auburn hair was pulled back into a ponytail, but a strand of her bangs swept against her forehead. Her hazel eyes intently looked back at him. Her cheeks had a hint of pink blush. Her pink lips were slightly curved into a smile.

Before he could stop them, the words came tumbling out his mouth, "You're so beautiful."

April stepped back away from his arms and let out a sigh. "Why did you just have to go and ruin the moment?"

"What? It's the truth."

"You can't just go saying those kind of things to me when you know how a feel. It isn't fair!"

"April – "

"Jackson, it's late. You should go."

He didn't want to leave. He wanted to stay here with her.

The next thing he did was either incredibly brave or incredibly stupid.

He placed one hand on her waist and another on the back her neck and guided her lips towards his.

He kissed her.

He kissed her tentatively at first, sweetly. Then he intensified their kiss and he kissed her passionately, like he desperately needed to feel her lips on his. He molded his mouth to hers. It felt like drinking water for the first after almost dying of thirst.

God, he missed this.

He almost had forgotten how good it felt kissing her. The last time that they had kissed was when he had basically proposed. Almost a whole year had passed since then. It seemed like forever ago. It had been way too long.

He had wanted to kiss her so many more times after that, like that night when she had told him that all she wanted to do was kiss him. He thought about just grabbing her right there and kissing her, but he had bit his lip and held back the urge because it wouldn't have been fair. Plus, he technically was seeing someone else and he might be many things, but he wasn't a cheater. He prided himself on that. He had never cheated on a girl before and he never would. He was a strictly monogamous man.

Although, there had been that one time that they had almost kissed, when she had been crying on his shoulder because she had just lost a patient and he had comforted her. They had been caught up in the moment and April had always had a strong effect on him. They had been so close, but Alex had interrupted them and after that, they had pretended that the almost kiss had never happened.

But now that they had both ended their respective relationships, he couldn't hold back the urge anymore. There didn't seem to be a reason for him to resist kissing her anymore. Being so close to her like this did things to him. Things he couldn't control.

So he had kissed her. He hadn't thought of what would happen after. He had only thought of the present and what he wanted.

And what he wanted was April.

April got caught up in his kiss. She had missed this so much. The way his lips moved together perfectly with hers. The way his hands grabbed at her skin. The way his touch made her melt into him.

A few seconds into their heated kiss, she came to her senses.

She shouldn't be doing this. She shouldn't be letting Jackson kiss her. She was supposed to be staying away from him, not kissing him. She needed to stop loving him and kissing him like this was not going to help that matter.

She tore her lips away from his and her small hands roughly pushed at his strong chest.

"What the hell are you doing?" she asked him breathlessly.

"April, just let me –"

"No, Jackson! You can't do this! You can't just tell me to pretend that we never happened and then come into my house pretending you want to be friends again and just kiss me because you're horny and want to get laid!"

Now she was the one who had hurt him with her poor choice of words. The hurt was evident on his face. "Is that what you really think of me?" he asked in a hurtful voice. "April, I didn't kiss you because I wanna sleep with you."

"Really? Then, why? Why, after knowing full well how I feel about you and you having made it perfectly clear that you don't feel the same, why did you just kiss me?"

"Because – I-I kissed you because I – 'cause I –"

The loud ring of April's phone interrupted what he had just been about to say.

He could scream.

He had been so close to telling April exactly how he felt about her. That he felt the same way as she did for him. That he loved her.

But then that stupid phone had rung.

Maybe, it was a good thing. Maybe it was a sign that he shouldn't, that he should just keep his feelings locked away to himself like he has been doing all this time.

Jackson watched her intently as she talked on the phone.

April's mouth fell open. "What? No. No. No. No."

Silence.

Jackson's brow furrowed in confusion.

Who was she talking to?

"Oh my God. This is horrible."

More silence.

Jackson continued to look at her with a confused expression on his face.

What was going on?

"I understand. Thank you for calling to tell me, sir. Are you sure you don't want me to come over now?"

Even more silence.

Jackson was beginning to get restless.

"Okay. I'll be there first thing in the morning. Goodbye, sir."

April hung up the phone and was silent for a moment. She closed her eyes and a lone tear streaked down her cheek.

"Hey, April? What's wrong? Who was that?" Jackson asked worriedly as he gently wiped away her stray tear.

She focused her attention on the wall behind Jackson, "That was Dr. Hunt."

He still didn't understand. "Well, what's wrong? What did he say?"

April looked directly into Jackson's eyes and in an unsteady voice said,

"Dr. Webber is dead."

A/N: Dun Dun Dun.

Oh, Jackson was so close. Maybe next time. At least they got a lot of stuff off of their chests. I think Jackson and April have a lot of pent up anger locked up and misunderstandings to clear and they just need to let it all out. They need to communicate with words and that's what they did a little bit of here.

So, I would really love to know what you guys thought of this chapter. Please R&R :)