Author's Note: Holy shit, this is my longest chapter yet! I hadn't intended on having time to write before my trip but I lucked out and had some free time today. I wasn't sure if I would include any Brittana with this story but it seems that Faberry and Brittana go hand in hand, lol. Still not too much progression on the Faberry front yet. I'm taking it slow for now but eventually things will pick up. I want to keep a semi-realistic timeline going. I hope I kept Santana somewhat true to character. I'm convinced that both Santana and Quinn have the capacity to be very emotional outside the realm of what we're shown on TV so I've explored that here. I forgot to mention it in a previous chapter, but I also feel like Judy has the ability to be a very caring and involved mother, which is why I've written her as I have. The previous family environment didn't allow that to happen but with Russell out of the way now, I think that with some work, she could be an excellent mom to Quinn.
Thank you to all of those who took a moment to review. It really helps to get messages of encouragement and especially feedback on my work. I'm getting tons of alerts, which is great as well, but I wouldn't mind if more of those alerts had reviews attached to them! :)
Disclaimer from chapter 1 still applies.
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Chapter 4
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Quinn arrived back home completely exhausted. On the way back from Rachel's house she pushed herself to the limit; in fact, she probably ran those six miles in record time. The conversation between the two girls didn't resolve any thoughts she had about Rachel or their interaction. Toeing her running shoes off inside the front door, she yelled to her mom that she was home and started to head upstairs for a quick shower. If nothing else, the hot water would do well to soothe her aching muscles.
She rushed up the stairs hoping to avoid a lecture from her mother on being out so long – something she never previously imagined would happen. Well, at least not because her mother cared. Quinn was beyond pleased that her mom was really making an effort to repair their relationship. She never expected things to turn out like this. In a roundabout way, getting pregnant was the best thing that happened to her. It hurt like hell to give her daughter away but she took comfort in knowing that Beth would grow up with a loving and caring mother. The blonde spent so many years with an absentee mother... she didn't want Beth to ever experience that.
Reaching the bathroom, she peeled off her clothes and turned on the shower. She had sweat so much while she was running, she tossed her clothes over a towel rack to let them air out before throwing them in the laundry hamper. That run was probably the most physical activity she'd had since she quit the Cheerios. The blonde stepped in the shower and quickly washed. She hadn't forgotten about Santana's text and needed to hurry up.
Shower finished, Quinn dressed and prepared an overnight bag. If Santana was asking her to bring ice cream with her, this would be an all night event. Gathering everything together, she went downstairs to let her mom know where she'd be. Her mother was sitting in the living room watching the news on TV. After her father had moved out, their house turned more into a home than a museum. The stuffy, antique furnishings were replaced with modern and comfy furniture. She noticed her mother had a tumbler in hand and heaved a sigh. The older blonde had significantly cut down on her drinking after her father had moved out but she still had a little something each night. Quinn poked her head in and said, "Hey mom."
Judy jumped from her seat on the couch, startled by the voice. "Oh sweetheart, I didn't know you were there!"
"Yeah, I just wanted to let you know that I'm going over to Santana's," she said. "I think she's still upset about the prom so this could turn into an all night thing. She asked me to bring ice cream," she finished with a laugh.
Judy gave a small nod and smiled at the younger blonde. "I remember when I was younger, sitting with my friends around a few pints of ice cream crying over anything and everything," she chuckled. "Have a good time and tell Santana I said hello." Quinn turned to walk to the door before her mother added, "And Quinn? If you're going to be out that long for a run, please let me know beforehand? I was starting to worry."
Quinn beamed at her mother. "Sure thing, mom. Catch you later." With that, the blonde was out the door and into her little red car. She stopped at the grocery store on the way to pick up supplies. She settled on a few pints of Cherry Garcia, Chunky Monkey and Brownie Batter ice cream. The girl at the checkout counter gave her a small smile and knowing look as she checkout out. That much ice cream just screamed "girl's night."
The blonder pulled up to the Lopez's house a short while later. Brittany's car was noticeably absent, which Quinn found to be odd. Brittany always joined in when they had a girl's night. She knew things between the two former Cheerios had been intense lately. She'd been so wrapped up in her own drama that she really hadn't been there for either of them. Hopefully she could rectify that this evening. They hadn't had a girl's night in months.
Mrs. Lopez answered the door and pulled the blonde in for a hug. "Quinn! We haven't seen you in a while!" she exclaimed excitedly.
Quinn nodded after the older woman released her from the bone crushing hug. "I know," she replied. "School has been so hectic, especially with the prom and everything..." She trailed off at the look on the woman's face.
Mrs. Lopez turned serious before she addressed Quinn. "I don't know what's happening at school with mi hija. She doesn't talk to me anymore," she sighed sadly. "Maybe you can get through to her. I know you girls haven't been close lately but I don't know what to do. Even Brittany hasn't been visiting as much as she used to. Santana's up in her room; you know where it is."
Quinn slipped her shoes off at the door and made her way to Santana's room. The door was closed, so she took the safe route and decided to knock before going in.
Santana yelled from within. "I told you I don't want to talk! Leave me –"
Quinn cut her off. "It's me, S!" She waited a moment before adding, "And I bought ice cream as requested." There was some muffled fumbling coming from the other side of the door before Santana reached it. She opened the door and yanked Quinn inside, briefly looked down the hallway, then shut and quickly locked the door behind her.
"What the hell, S?" she asked, with a scowl on her face. "You didn't have to drag me in here like that."
"Oh stop whining," she snapped back. "I just wanted to make sure my mom wasn't out there too. She's been trying to get me out of my room all day. It's really starting to piss me off."
The blonde set the grocery bag on the hope chest at the foot of the Latina's bed. Santana could barely contain herself as she lunged for it and grabbed the container of Cherry Garcia and a plastic spoon. Quinn watched her with wide eyes. Santana was like a madwoman possessed, opening the container and digging in straight away. "Ok, S. What's going on?" she demanded. "I've never seen you like this before. Is this about Britt?"
Santana shot her friend a dirty look and narrowed her eyes. "What if it is? It's not like you care," she spat. "You haven't been around enough to know about the kind of shit I've been dealing with."
"Seriously, S?" Quinn asked, incredulously. "You ask me to come over and then get all pissy with me like that? I've got enough of my own shit to deal with. I don't need your attitude right now." The blonde stood angrily and started for the door. Her hand was reaching for the doorknob when she heard a sob behind her. She stopped and looked behind her to see what was arguably the most pitiful sight she had ever seen. Santana was sitting cross legged on her bed, ice cream in her lap with her head hanging down and tears rolling down her cheeks. Quinn sighed heavily and turned back around to sit on Santana's bed. The Latina tried so hard to keep up her bitch exterior, rarely letting her softer side show but she had her weak moments. Even though they'd been friends since freshman year, Quinn had only seen her break down like this once or twice. It was painful to watch.
Quinn grabbed the ice cream out of her lap and pulled Santana in for a hug, sitting the carton on the nightstand next to the bed. Her friend resisted at first but then relented and grabbed onto the blonde tightly. They'd never been physically close but she was at a loss as to what to do without Brittany here. It was usually her job to comfort Santana. The Latina was now sobbing uncontrollably into Quinn's neck. Quinn felt like she was in some alternate universe. Whatever had Santana upset must be major.
"Shh..." she said quietly and ran her fingers through Santana's hair soothingly. "Slow down. Take deep breaths. I can't talk to you if you're crying like a baby." Ouch, Fabray. That probably wasn't the most sensitive thing to say. Santana started crying even harder and Quinn could feel her mumbling against her neck. She definitely made out the word "bitch," but the rest was mostly unintelligible. She caught some snippets of "...and I told Brittany...", "...Karofsky is a moron...", "...gay beards...", "...and I was so fucking stupid..."
Santana needed to get all of this out of her system. She'd been holding this in for who knows how long and now it was all coming out in a deluge of tears and previously unspoken confessions. After about 20 minutes, the Latina's cries had lessened to small whimpers. The front of Quinn's shirt was completely soaked. Luckily she had a change of clothes in her duffel bag. Finally Santana pulled back from the blonde's hold. She angrily wiped the tears from her eyes and grabbed a couple of tissues from the box on the floor next to the bed. She blew her nose a few times and then flopped back on the bed with a heavy sigh. Quinn followed her lead and laid down beside her.
"I'm pretty sure you don't have any tears left in your body," Quinn lightly joked, "so why don't you fill me in now?"
Santana lay there quietly for several minutes before she spoke. "I'm not sure where to begin, Q," she admitted honestly. "Things have been so fucked up. I'm all fucked up. I've got all this shit in my head and I don't know what to do."
"Well since you asked me to come by, I'm assuming that you want to talk about it."
"You know I don't deal with this emotional shit easily, Q. We have that in common." Quinn nodded in agreement. "But I feel like I need to be honest with someone. The only other person that gets me is Brittany and I just can't talk to her right now. And whatever I say better not leave this room or I will beat the shit out of you. I'm serious."
Quinn gave a small chuckle, "I don't doubt you on that, S. Just talk."
"So, you know how I sang 'Landslide' in glee club a few weeks ago for B." Quinn nodded and motioned for her to continue. "Well, she made me a t-shirt for the day everyone sang 'Born This Way.' It said 'Lebanese' and she asked me to wear it and dance on stage with her. She was trying to make it read 'lesbian' but you and I both know she can't spell very well. I refused to do it and I could tell it really upset her." The Latina took a deep breath and continued. "I just couldn't get on stage and announce that to everyone. You know how people at school used to treat Kurt. I know I'm a badass and all but I what if I can't handle that? I don't want the disgusted looks and whispers when I walk down the hallway." Santana let out a small sob.
Quinn felt terrible for her friend. She wished she had paid closer attention to Santana lately. She was suffering Ever since the three girls quit the Cheerios, things had been different. They weren't as inseparable as they once were. Each of the girls had gone their separate ways. Maybe that's why Quinn knew she needed to be here for Santana more than ever. Sure, she had her own drama to deal with but S never acted like this. She had to put her own problems aside and be supportive right now.
"Do you really think that would happen, S?" Quinn asked. "I doubt anyone would have the balls to talk shit about you like that. They're all afraid of the razor blades you keep in your hair." Santana turned to face Quinn and saw the smirk on her friend's face. She couldn't help but let a small smile slip out. "Besides, you know that B and I would always have your back. You'd have the glee club too."
Santana scoffed. "Oh yeah, just what I need. Berry would probably start hanging pride flags from the ceiling and make everyone go to PFLAG meetings to show solidarity or some shit."
Quinn busted out laughing. She could totally imagine Rachel doing something like that. The girl had no filter and though she usually had good intentions, she often ended up offending people and making problems worse. No, she shouldn't be thinking about Rachel right now. She needed to focus for Santana.
"While you were crying, you mentioned something about Karofsky. What was that all about?" she inquired. "And before you answer my question, I have to tell you how disgusting it is that you're hanging out with him."
"I know it's disgusting and I don't want to be doing it but I have my reasons," she replied softly.
"Then let's hear it. I already promised that whatever you said wouldn't leave this room and I meant it," the blonde repeated.
The Latina gulped audibly before she rushed out, "He's my gay beard."
Quinn couldn't quite understand what she had said, it was so rushed. "Ok, one more time and this time slowly enough so I can understand what you're saying."
"Jeez, Fabray, should I write it on a fucking flashcard for you?" she snapped. "I said he's my gay beard. We're both gay and using each other to cover it up. Was that clear enough for you to understand?" Santana turned away from Quinn to stare at the ceiling. Tears were forming in the corners of her eyes again.
Wow. Well, that wasn't what she was expecting to hear but everything made a little more sense now. I mean, why else would Santana touch Karofsky voluntarily unless she was beating the crap out of him? Understanding began to settle in. She couldn't publicly admit her feelings for Brittany so instead she used Karofsky to help cover it up. Of course, Quinn had known about Brittany and Santana's relationship for a while now. She knew the whole "sex isn't dating" thing was a load of crap. The looks Santana gave Brittany betrayed her. Santana started to speak again, bringing Quinn our of her thoughts.
"When Mr. Schuester assigned the project to sing a Fleetwood Mac song, I sang 'Songbird' to her while we were alone in the choir room. Afterward she suggested we go to prom together. She told me I could come on 'Fondue for Two' and she'd ask me and all I would have to do is agree," Santana said with a sigh. "I told her I would but chickened out at the last second and stood her up. I felt like shit for doing it but I was freaking out." Quinn heard Santana start to cry again so she reached down and lightly grasped her friend's hand. "I'm just scared that I'll fuck this up enough to lose Britt. I don't want to push her but I need her. It killed me when she was dating Artie. I screwed around and pretended I didn't care but I did. I cared so much..." Santana's voice trailed off into silence.
"I don't think you'll lose her, S. You and B have been together forever," she said comfortingly. "I can't say that I completely understand what you're going through but you have to know that you've got people who will help you through this... even if you are a bitch," Quinn finished with a smile.
Santana looked over at Quinn before she punched her in the arm. She hadn't intended on letting all this out but she couldn't stand it anymore. The only person she could talk to was Quinn. "As if you have any room to talk, bitch," she said with a smile. "God, I can't believe I got all emotional and crap. This is so not me. I swear, Britt is the only person that can make me like this. I kind of hate that about her."
Quinn chuckled. "No, you don't. You just hate to show other people you're human and capable of emotion. It totally shatters people's perception of you being a cold, unfeeling automaton," she finished.
Santana rolled her eyes at Quinn. "Alright, enough of this emotional bullshit. I want to finish my ice cream," she said.
Quinn laughed and reached for some ice cream as well. They'd have to hurry or they would end up drinking the ice cream instead of eating it. Santana's emotional outburst had taken a while to get through. Quinn grabbed the tub of Chunky Monkey and dug in. She wondered if she should talk to Santana about everything that happened with Rachel. Actually, it would probably cheer Santana up if she told her about the one-sided fight in the bathroom.
"Well, since we're all about sharing, I guess I should say something too," Quinn decided. Santana looked at her expectantly. "I slapped Rachel on prom night."
The room was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. The spoon fell out of Santana's mouth and she burst into laughter. "No shit?" she exclaimed. "Oh God, what I wouldn't have given to see that! Why'd you slap the hobbit? I mean, other than the obvious reasons of her being meddling and annoying as hell."
Quinn sighed. "I was pissed off about the whole prom queen thing and went to the bathroom to get away. She got in my face and told me to calm down and that's when I lost it," she said. "I was actually kinda shocked that I did it. It came out of nowhere. I apologized immediately after it happened."
Santana scoffed. "I wouldn't have apologized. Bitch probably deserved it," she said. "Did she cry afterward?"
"No, she didn't. She actually said she appreciated the drama of it," finished the blonde.
"Wow. Seriously, Berry is all sorts of fucked up," she laughed. The blonde gave a small chuckle too.
Quinn felt a little guilty laughing at Rachel like this. A few months ago, that would have never been the case, but now she honestly felt guilty. She really hadn't mean to slap her, no matter how many times she had threatened to in the past. "I feel bad about doing it. Hitting her, I mean. The look on her face made me feel terrible," she admitted. "And you know what the worst part was? After I slapped her, she acted like nothing had happened and comforted me about losing the prom queen title. It made no sense at all."
"Of course not. The midget never makes sense. That's why I don't listen to half the stuff she says," said Santana. "But seriously, enough about the hobbit. Let's finish our ice cream and then watch a movie. Nothing sad though. I'm sick of all this crying shit."
Quinn nodded in agreement. They polished off all of the ice cream and popped in a comedy DVD at random from Santana's shelf. By the time the credits were rolling, both girls were fast asleep atop Santana's bed.
Quinn had a fitful night's sleep. She woke up once, breathing hard. Her dream had been fuzzy, giving her no clue as to what happened. She couldn't remember what startled her awake. She looked at the green numbers glowing from the clock on Santana's nightstand. It was 4:26am. Ugh. She stared at the ceiling until her eyelids grew heavy again and sleep overtook her.
Rachel was up on stage, settling herself behind the microphone. Her pink dress was gorgeous, fitting her perfectly. She was beautiful. The brunette closed her eyes and breathed deeply before she opened her mouth to sing. It was the voice of an angel.
Know I can't take one more step towards you
'Cause all that's waiting is regret
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore?
You lost the love
I loved the most
I learned to live, half alive
And now you want me one more time
And who do you think you are?
Runnin' round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?
It took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
'Cause you broke all your promises
And now you're back
You don't get to get me back
Who do you think you are?
Runnin' round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Throughout the performance, Quinn watched her intently. Several times, Rachel caught her gaze and stared back. Each time she did, the blonde could see a flash pain in her eyes. She figured that Rachel was upset that Finn wasn't her date. Why else would she sing a song like that?
When Quinn woke up again, it was after 9:00am. After she looked at the clock, she lay back on the comforter and tried to remember the last dream she had. It was hazy but she could hear the tune of "Jar of Hearts" in her head. Movement on her left broke her train of thought. Santana rolled over onto her side, facing away from Quinn. She was still asleep, slightly snoring. The blonde prodded her shoulder with her finger. "Santana," she whispered. No response. Quinn prodded her a little bit harder this time. "Santana, I'm gonna head home. It's after –" Quickly, before she could even finish her sentence, Santana rolled over, grabbed the arm that was poking her and flipped Quinn off the bed.
"Damn, Santana!" shrieked the blonde. "What the hell was that for?"
Santana groggily looked at Quinn. "Shit. Sorry Q. Reflex reaction."
Quinn narrowed her eyes at the Latina and got up, massaging away the pain in her elbow from the impact on the floor. "Remind me to never again share a bed with you if I'm going to be thrown on the floor in the morning. Now I know why I usually sleep on the couch or the floor," she finished with a smirk, letting her friend know she wasn't really angry with her. "Anyway, I've got to get home. Mom wanted to spend some time together today," she groaned.
"Oh, Momma Fabray wants to spend time with little Quinnie?" Santana teased.
Quinn threw a pillow at her, which Santana easily dodged. "Yeah. She wants to go to the mall and hang out. It feels so weird that she wants to do it but honestly, I'm glad," she admitted. "I finally have a mom and it's kinda nice." Quinn smiled. While hanging out with her mother all day at the Lima Mall wasn't necessarily on her list of fun things to do, it was better than sitting around the house in awkward silence. At least the mall would be a distraction and give them something to talk about.
The blonde gathered up the rest of her stuff and said goodbye to her friend. Santana had already collapsed back onto the bed and pulled the covers over her head. She passed Mr. and Mrs. Lopez on the way out. They tried to get her to stay for breakfast but she politely declined. She gave Mrs. Lopez a small hug before she left and whispered a "good luck" in her ear. Who knows what kind of mood Santana would be in today once she finally dragged herself out of bed.
Author's Note (again): This time I used the flashback as a dream sequence. The song is "Jar of Hearts" by Christina Perri, as sung by Rachel in the prom queen episode. I left the lyrics cut up like they did in the show and didn't paste the entire song. I know things are progressing slowly, so please bear with me! Don't let the Brittana put you off. This is definitely a Faberry story but I want to show a repaired relationship between the girls so Quinn has an established support system to go to when she needs it. We hardly ever see them interact on the show anymore.
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