The second Mr. Verlac announced that the five of us were free to go, I was already halfway to the exit of the building. I didn't want to explain my whole life story to Jace. I didn't want to confront the fact that Maia had been lying to me, and that I had been lying to her too. I didn't want to hang out with the Lightwoods or Jace and I didn't want them to be here at all.
Unfortunately for me, what I wanted never seemed to be something I could have.
I turned back to see how much faster I needed to walk to avoid unwanted interaction with Jace, only to find he wasn't behind me at all. Izzy and Alec appeared to be discussing something only partially serious and Jordan walked with his eyes to the floor. But Jace was nowhere to be found.
I turned around with relief, only to be greeted by none other then Jace Herondale standing a few feet away, looking triumphant.
It wasn't the kind of thing that wouldn't normally solicit a small shriek or a jump reaction. But this was someone that I knew was capable of…worse things. It's in this sense that I let out a rather large gasp and lost my balance, falling entirely back onto the floor.
I laid there for a few moments while a regained a normal heartbeat, and then I slowly gathered myself into a sitting position and faced the others. Isabelle was bent over, bracing herself with her hands on her knees, laughing so hard that tears were crowning the corners of her eyes. Alec was trying to subtly get Izzy to stop laughing, as he was able to recognize this was strictly a non-humorous situation. Jace was standing above me, arm outstretched for me to use to get up.
I blatantly ignored Jace's offer to help and stood on my own. It was awkward for a moment. Alec had managed to quiet Izzy, and now we all stood staring at each other in silence. Of course, Izzy was the one to break that silence.
"Clary! I have some things I want to ask you," she announced, taking me by the elbow and walking up toward the end of the hall, leaving Jace and Alec to follow at a distance.
I didn't particularly feel like answering any of Izzy's questions, but I was willing to at least be grateful that it wasn't Jace who'd requested this of me.
"Okay, first things first. You're still in love with Jace, right?" I was appalled by the question. I knew Jace was too far away to hear, but still. I stopped mid-step and glared at her, shocked. "What?" Izzy asked innocently.
"No, Izzy, I'm not!" I snapped. As I considered this, I realized I wasn't lying. Not even a little bit. There were certain parts of Jace that I loved, yes, but the parts of him that were cruel, hurtful, and terrible drastically overruled those good parts.
Izzy made a face. "I hate to ask you this, but…are you sure?" she asked. "Because if you're not then that might just ruin my plan, and-,"
I cut her off. "I, Clarissa Adele Fray, do solemnly swear that I am no longer in love with Jonathan Christopher Herondale."
Izzy pouted, but I ignored her and kept walking. "Fine. Question number two, do you think you could ever learn to love him again?" Isabelle asked hopefully.
I considered the question. "Judging by my most recent memories of Herondale here, that would be a no," I answered promptly. Although, I wasn't so sure of my honesty in this one.
"Well, I guess I'll just have to fix that. Okay, last question. How angry are you about that bad thing that happened a long, long time ago?"
"Did you seriously just ask me that question?" I demanded forcefully. Izzy looked a little reproachful, but I knew she still wanted an answer. "Well, it depends Izzy. How angry would you be if the person you loved-,"
"So you do love him?" Izzy interrupted with just a little too much excitement for the current topic. She quieted when I didn't answer her, obviously sensing her misstep.
"As I was saying-,"
"You didn't deny it," Iz persisted. Finally, I pinned her with a glare that rivaled her own, and she silenced, hopefully long enough for me to finish my sentence.
"How long would it take you to be okay if the person you loved pushed you off a building after telling you just how little you meant to him?" I finished.
This time, it was Izzy who stopped walking in pure, utter shock. "Jace did what?"
"Come on, Iz. Are you really going to make me relive it?" I asked, dreading what was to come.
"No, seriously. You're kidding, right? Jace would never…would he?" Isabelle was obviously having trouble grasping this concept.
I tilted my head in confusion. "He never told you what happened?" I asked. When you thought about it, I wouldn't put it past Jace to keep something like this a secret. I mean, who would want to tell their family they had nearly killed someone?
"Excuse me for a moment," Izzy said. Then she stalked over to Jace and slapped him across the face, hard. Izzy then proceeded to take Jace roughly by the collar, push him up against the wall, and start screaming severely in his face. Jace looked terrified. Alec rushed over and tried to pull Izzy off of Jace.
I used the time when all of them were too preoccupied to run down the hall away from the three of them. I could hear Izzy still screaming profanities at Jace from the end of the hall.
0.o.O.o.0
I was thoroughly enjoying some time by myself in my house before I had to give it up, as Luke and my mother would be returning from their vacation in…twenty minutes. They'd been visiting some "extended family" of Luke's in Massachusetts. Knowing what I knew, I was tempted to believe this wasn't the case.
One of the things Magnus had told me was that Luke was a werewolf. In fact, he was quite influential, as the biggest New York Pack's leader. I made a mental note to consult him about Jordan once he arrived.
But for now, I was enjoying myself immensely. I was sprawled on the couch watching Battle Bots, munching on a freshly opened bag of pretzel goldfish, Simon at my side. I had also done a very nice job of preventing any Jace-related thoughts to bounce around in my mind. Unfortunately (I seem to be using this word a lot, don't I? Says quite a bit about my life events recently…), that isn't what the universe had in store. But would it really ever be?
The front door opened and I was aware of footsteps rapidly approaching from behind. I didn't have time to turn around before my mother's arms were almost violently thrown around my neck, embracing me so tightly that I nearly choked. My mother squealed with delight and continued to hug me for a good six minutes while Luke carried in the entirety of their luggage before finally releasing me.
"How have you been?" she squeaked.
"Fantastic," I quipped in return. She promptly ignored my snide remark and insisted on grilling me about my activities over the past two weeks. I only mentioned Jace and the Lightwoods once, toward the end when—
"Oh! That reminds me! The Lightwoods have invited us to a party. A little get-together just to celebrate the return of long time friends," my mother explained.
I perked up at this. The Lightwoods, I could handle. Jace was a traumatizing, sneaky, heartbreaker of a person but the Lightwoods… "Does this mean that Jace won't be there?" I asked, maybe just a bit too hopefully. But after all, Jace was a Herondale. I was stretching it, but maybe, just maybe, I would be spared.
"Oh, don't worry, sweetie. Jace will be there. He returned to New York with the Lightwoods, not his own family. Apparently, his parents weren't planning on returning, but Jace just had to get back here," she winked at me as she said this, causing my stomach to twirl in a very bad way. "For all intense and purposes, Jace is a Lightwood to me now. He spends over half his life with them. Besides, don't you think it's more fitting?" My mother giggled gleefully while I wished a black hole would suddenly appear in my kitchen.
"Does that make me a Fray?" Simon joked, and everyone laughed, but not me. I couldn't get my mind off Jace. This time because of his awkward return. Here with the Lightwoods? My mother had said he'd just had to get back here. Yes, maybe he was homesick or had some kind of future planned out here. But what if Jace's reason for coming home was me?
It pained me to think this of Jace, but part of me wondered if he had been meaning to kill me that night on the roof, and since I'd lived, he was back to finish the job. It wasn't possible, was it? But I couldn't put anything past Jace…Lightwood. Not anymore.
"Anyway, Clary," it took me a moment to realize they'd basically finished a humorous conversation entirely around me. "Luke and I won't be able to make it because we're both exhausted. You'd be surprised how much a trip can take out of you," my mother's voice turned stony and firm. A force to be reckoned with. "But I expect you to go and I expect you to make a good impression. Understand?"
All I gave was a faint nod doubling as acknowledgement of her words and confirmation to her question. Then I turned to Simon. "Please, Simon! Come with me!" I pleaded. Simon knew what I had been through. I could count on him to be there for me. But even then, Simon's lips turned down at the corners and he began to shake his head.
"I have dinner with my family tonight," he explained apologetically.
"No, Simon, you should go!" my mother insisted. For the first time since she'd arrived, I was genuinely happy she was home. "It would be an excellent chance for you to meet new people."
I highly doubted any one of the Lightwoods would like to meet, and then further befriend Simon, but I wasn't about to say this to him.
"But- the dinner!" Simon wailed childishly in a last attempt to get himself out. I nailed him with a look that communicated my thoughts: If I'm stuck in this, you are, too.
"Don't worry, Simon. I'll take care of it," Luke supplied, winking at Simon, who paled momentarily before promptly turned a queasy shade of green.
I dragged Simon up the stairs and let him plop on my head while I fished for something suitable to change into. I wasn't about to get dressed up for Jace or any of the other Lightwoods, so I simply changed into black skinny-jeans and a baby pink, swishy lace top. I slipped into matching black ballet flats.
Simon and I managed to slip out unnoticed, avoiding unwanted motherly harassment, just in time for the party.
We arrived ten minutes later at a Goliath of a house. That's when I realized it wasn't a house. It was the New York Institute.
I don't know what told me this, perhaps simply a sense that drifted off the massive building in waves. But it was gorgeous. Home to all Shadowhunters, even me. Nice to know I was living only minutes from a safe house I could take refuge in at any time.
But a safe house wasn't very safe if Jace was living in it.
I braced myself by taking a deep, shaky breath as I strolled up the walkway, Simon basically tethered at my side.
"You knock," I said to Simon as we stopped at the front door. You couldn't even tell any kind of celebration was going on outside. The building was foreboding and silent.
"What? No! They're your lifelong enemies!" Simon retorted. "You knock!"
Exasperated, I gestured at the door. "Just knock, Simon," when he didn't move, I added on forcefully, "Knock!"
"Knock, knock. Who's there?" Came a voice from the now open door. I whirled around to find Jace leaning on the doorjamb. He too, had changed since school, and was now wearing dark jeans and a navy crewneck sweater. His rebellious blond hair dipped as far as halfway into his eyes. My heart pounded in my chest. I didn't handle jump scares too well since the roof. "That's when you say something clever and funny."
Simon's eyes lit up. "Boo!" he shouted, hoping for Jace to play along.
Jace cut his eyes to Simon, from where they had been deviously roaming my face. "Bad news, mundane, you're not clever or funny," Jace snapped.
Jace then turned and walked inside, leaving the door open for us to follow. I sighed and rolled my eyes before I walked inside, Simon following me. "Mundane? I don't understand…" Simon murmured helplessly.
0.o.O.o.0
"Clary!" I heard Isabelle's hiss and turned around only to see her barrel into me. She then forced me forward, into an abandoned room. I only just had time to clutch Simon's wrist and drag him in with me before Isabelle slammed the door.
"Well, I was going to be civil and at least say hello to Robert and Maryse but if this was what you had in mind, then okay," I grumbled as I forced to sit on a couch against one wall.
I surveyed to room. Alec, Jace, and Izzy were sitting on once couch. Simon had quickly seated himself next to me. And the last person-
My heart picked up immediately. Magnus was sitting in a chair in the corner. We caught each other's gaze at the same moment, and both of us stood instantly. I wasted no time throwing myself into Magnus's arms. Finally, someone safe. "What are you doing here?" I whispered.
"Called in for you, sweet," Magnus answered, and the two of us released each other. I paid no attention to how everyone else in the room confusedly watched our reunion.
"Mind telling us why you brought a Mundie along?" Jace chirped. Right away I knew he was feeling sassy this evening. Luckily, tomorrow was Saturday so I didn't have to worry about Jace's rash torments keeping me from peaceful, needed sleep if I was required to wake up deathly early the next morning. "So you do have a boyfriend?" Though it was barely there, I was able to detect the faintest hint of jealousy in his voice before it was buried in his façade once more.
"He's not my boyfriend," I answered. Though I knew in the past, Simon had felt something more for me, it had dissolved rather quickly when he discovered the skeletons hiding in my closet.
"And what's a mundane?" Simon asked. I was surprised. Some wasn't the confrontational type.
"'Of or relating to the human species; those in this world not possessing of angelic, demonic, lycanthropic or other qualities; those that are protected by the far superior Nephilim race, more commonly known as Shadowhunters; those-,"
"Enough, Jace," Alec snapped, effectively quieting the blonde's factual tirade.
Obviously, I hadn't thought this through. Bringing Simon was a mistake. "Um, Simon, I think you should go. I shouldn't have forced you to come. I'm sorry. I'll call you tomorrow," I said. Simon was reluctant, but he eventually stood to leave. When the door shut, the questions began.
"Are you a Shadowhunter?"
"How much do you know about our world?"
"What's the whole story?"
"When did you find out about all this?"
"Tell. Us. Everything."
I spent the next hour or so explaining to the Lightwoods what I'd discovered after they left. Magnus stepped in every once in a while to claim responsibility for teaching me something especially important. In return, Izzy, Alec, and Jace told me the things Magnus couldn't. I was now a fully informed Shadowhunter. Fully informed, yet nowhere close to fully trained.
"I think you should live here," Jace mumbled, perfectly calm, straight-faced.
"You what?" I shrieked. There was no way I could handle living here with Jace. I'd see him everyday. I'd have to deal with him even more that I usually had to. It wasn't something I thought I could do.
"It's the logical option, Clary. You are a Shadowhunter. You do need proper training. You know it as well as I do, as much as you hate me." I don't hate you, I almost said. But I couldn't be positive it was the truth. Not yet.
"He's right, Clary," Izzy added sympathetically, and Alec nodded in agreement.
"Sorry, biscuit. I know how bad this can get. How hard it's going to be. But you can handle it," Magnus chimed in. I guess I should mention the fact that Magnus knew what had happened. I hadn't told him, he knew on his own. Either way, I fixed all three of them with a glare, each in turn. They were right, and I knew it, but I hated it.
"I'll have a hard time convincing my mother," I warned. "But if I can get her to agree, I'll bring my stuff tomorrow." A collective breath around the room was released. I hadn't known my training meant so much to them.
"Come on," Jace said, standing. "I want to show you something. As everyone stood and followed him out the door, I saw no choice but to go with them. Jace was leading the five of us around corners and pathways until suddenly we were climbing.
The stairs seemed endless. We passed what must have been the fifth flight of stairs when I stopped dead in my tracks. I could see the door. In thick, stenciled letters, four letters stood out in vibrant white.
ROOF
My heartbeat picked up and my vision blurred. I swayed, nausea rising in my stomach. This was all far too familiar for my liking. It took me a moment to realize Jace was in front of me, trying to catch my attention.
"Clary," he said. "Clary." Finally, I was able to focus on him. "Come on, what are you waiting for?"
It was Izzy who got Jace's attention and communicated to him with her eyes. He turned back with full understanding.
"Clary, it'll be fine, I promise," he sensed my distrust. "I won't hurt you."
"I can't," I finally muttered. "I can't do it, not yet."
Jace turned away and rolled his eyes, sighing. Like I was a burden. I was the issue here.
"What?" I snapped, launching into a tirade of my own. "You're annoyed at me? How dare you, Jace? You have no right! I have a right to be afraid! You do not get to judge because I'm scared. Because I'm broken. Because I just can't. You don't get to think I am incompetent or childish or 'not good enough' because You! Broke! Me! You lost that chance when you pushed me off a building!"
With that I turned and started running. Down the stairs, away from Jace, away from my past, away from my fears. Down. Away. Down. Away. Gone.
I'm just going to say one thing. 3228. That's it. Goodbye.