Hey look! AN UPDATE! :D Aren't I nice to you lot?

Enjoy my ramblings.

My Immortal – A Very English Commentary

Chapter Four – Thingies and You Know Whats

AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY (So, it's 'Enoby'? Good to know.) nut mary su OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! (Haha. No…no no no no NO! NO!) dey nu eechodder b4 ok!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX – (So, we're going for the Satanist remix again?)

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?"

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. (He then fell to his death, the remains of his head cast upon the ground. His brain painted a macabre Picasso on his silvery-blonde hair, the emerald grass blades beneath his broken body were stained with the shining crimson paint of his lifeblood.) I walked out of it too, curiously. (Whereupon I suffered the same unfortunate fate, having not the braincells to realise my hapless boyfriend had failed to land the car. Slenderman, who had been cheerfully been minding his own business just moments before, shook his head in disbelief in the background.)

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily. (EGAD! You're still alive?! What foul and villainous whitchcraft be this?)

"Ebony?" he asked. (It's ENOBY! GOD Draco, it's not that hard!)

"What?" I snapped.

Draco leaned in extra-close (Hold it right there you young scallywag, respect this thing called 'Personal Space') and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) (This lack of a 'U' in the American alphabet bothers me more than it should.) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore.

And then…suddenly just as I (Just as you what?) Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. (Wait, I thought he was on top of you!? Is the tree uprooted? That cannot be comfortable in any sense of the word!) He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. (Bras count as clothes, honey.)

(WARNING: Silliest/best description of sex ever dead ahead.)

Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.

*writer is currently making retarded seal/whale hybrid sounds*

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. (YOU HAVE NO BLOODFLOW! YOU CAN'T 'GET WARM'…ARGH!) And then….

(Are you ready for the BEST reveal/dialogue combo in the history of Fanfiction?)

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHAFUKERS!"

It was….Dumbledore!

(I wish 'Ol Dumbles was like this in the books…that would've made a very interesting showdown between him and Fudge.)

Well, there's the first of many terrible smut chapters held within this masterpiece of a fanfic. I'll be offering free brain bleach at the end of each one for all you dear, precious readers.

*sets up Brain Bleach stand*

Peace!