Rawr: Yeah, I remember you! Thanks for checking out my fic! I'm going to try to post more chapters, but that also means less Hatena time. That's why the RP kept taking forever. T-T As for Ultie, he won't be in this Fanfic, but maybe I'll make one about Gohan's life with Homuru, who is Little J's OC. The two of us are doing an RP on paper, and it's basically a mix of a bunch of different anime, as well as having some OCs like Veate(me), Kin'Itsu(Little J)… and yes, Ultie.
Hey, it's me again! This chapter was posted a lot sooner than I thought it would be! I'm sacrificing animating time for this story, and animating is very special to me. That's how much I care about you guys.
If you're wondering what that response up there was about, the OCs I mentioned are from Hatena. Go check out the site and look me up if it kills you…. And now I'm hoping that didn't come out rude….
Well, here's chapter four. Read this at your own risk. It isn't much better than the other chapters thus far. Sigh… at least I can't get worse…. Well, enjoy.
Disclaimer: This does get a little bit annoying to type. Therefore, this goes for future chapters as well. I do not own DBZ, nor do I own many references to things such as Team Four Star, Big Green Dub, Toonsai, songs, other anime, or famous people. Oh, if only I owned Seth McFarlane. He would be so helpful in this! Well, I own the ideas for this Fanfic, and I think this is the first DBZ parody on the site. At least, I couldn't find any others that weren't based off of Team Four Star…. Wow, what a weird disclaimer.
This chapter is rated T for brief mild language.
Chapter 4: Prepare for the Intergalactic Monkeys
Last time on DBZBJP, Gohan had been unceremoniously dumped into a lake in the middle of nowhere. Goku was in Otherworld, met King Yemma, and had a meeting with the mysterious young ogre Becky Junior. After leaving the message to keep from bringing him back for a whole year, he took of down Snake Way with no idea of where he was going. Baba told the others the news, but I think they're gonna get the dragon balls no matter what. How will Gohan's wilderness training go? Will Goku be able to reach King Kai without messing up? Most of all, has Krillin started talking to himself yet?! Keep reading and find out!
-DBZBJP-
"Ahhh, now this is how you live the wild life!"
Gohan had been in the Break Wasteland for well over two weeks, and he was already accustomed to the harsh wilderness. Other than poisonous snakes, poison ivy, and the occasional giant man-eating orange dinosaur, he was doing great. He even befriended a purple dragon with mystical healing powers that he couldn't decide whether he should name it Icarus or Haiya Dragon. That definitely had its uses.
At the moment, Gohan was enjoying a nice nutshell full of weird pink berries. Normally, these would be too hard for someone to bite into, but this toddler had pretty strong jaws. The ground began to gently tremble, and it was slowly getting more violent. Gohan looked up from his feast to see a large shape running towards him.
"Not him again," Gohan muttered as he took notice of his rival, the orange dinosaur. Gohan debated whether or not it was a charizard, but he decided it wasn't. Either way…. "You want a rematch? All right! Let's battle!"
Immediately, the image of Gohan in a weird pose rippled and faded to black while playing strange 8-bit music. When the image returned, it was of the dinosaur, with Gohan standing in front of it. Only the half-breed's back was showing. The two each made their respective noises; Gohan's sounded something like, "NEAUUUH!" (Holy crap, how did this word end up in my computer's dictionary?!)
Meanwhile, Piccolo was very close by, hiding behind a small bush that left Piccolo completely exposed. He'll never find me back here! ewe
Being the faster of the two, Gohan decided to start with Quick Attack. The dinosaur dodged it and countered with Bite. Gohan managed to get out of the way, but not without one of his arms getting grazed first. He jumped up so he and his opponent were eye level and used Headbutt. The leviathan cringed, giving Gohan time to use Quick Attack again. It made contact with its target, causing it to whimper.
The dinosaur used Growl, and seeing how acute Saiyan hearing is, it forced Gohan to the ground, thrashing about in his agony. Piccolo was also uncomfortable, especially since one of his ears was injured by Bulma in the second chapter. Knowing an opportunity when it saw one, the giant used Body Slam, sending Gohan flying. The toddler, now thoroughly pissed and therefore activating his ability, lunged at his rival, using Thrash, a move he had learned just days prior. The dinosaur lashed out with Tail Whip, effectively breaking some of the smaller fighter's ribs. Gohan decided to play smart and fled the battle.
-DBZBJP-
At about the same time as Gohan's battle, Goku was hauling monkey butt through Snake Way. He had been running nonstop for three days. Before then, he had simply been jogging. Point being, the Saiyan was exhausted.
"I think I'll take a nap here," Goku thought aloud. He plopped down right where he was and passed out instantly. Meanwhile, a street cleaner was coming up the pathway, coming from the same direction Goku had come, yet only just now popping into existence.
"Hey!" the driver shouted. "I'm tryin' ta clean da road here, so ya best be on yer way!" Too bad Saiyans sleep like dead men. Realizing this to be the case, the driver promptly ran Goku over, expelling him out one side, like most American street cleaners do. Goku then fell through the clouds, still unconscious.
Only when Goku fell into a fountain filled to the brim with a thick red liquid did he come to. "That's funny," he muttered to no one in particular. "How did I get here, and where am I?"
Not long after asking the question, a strange small man with a sorry excuse for a mustache came to the fountain. "Yer in Hell," said the funny man. "Or as we like to coll eet, HFIL, but only cuz most vehshons of thees show ah senseetive, and can't stand 'sweah words'."
Goku stared at the man for a full minute before asking, "Who are you?"
"Ah is Hitler."
"Oh, you? You're mean and stupid!"
"…"
"…"
Ten minutes later, Hitler stalked off, leaving Goku in the fountain, his blood mingling with what was already in the fountain. He healed almost instantly, being dead and all. As he stood up he was met by two bulky ogres. One was blue with purple hair, and had a wisp of a mustache growing in. He had a single horn on the center of his head. The other was red with slicked back black hair. He had two properly placed horns and wore glasses. The two of them looked like idiots, even compared to the Saiyan.
"Hey, uh, wudder yeh dewin in der blood fountain?" asked the blue ogre.
"Blood fountain?" Goku was surprised. "I thought it was a cranberry filling fountain. How did I get here? I really need to get back to Snake Way to train with King Kai. You know, aliens planning to take over my planet and all."
"Ohh, yesh, yesh, happens all der time," commented the red ogre. "I'm Mez, an' this is Goz. We can herp yeh get back ter Snake Way. But farst, yeh gots te beat Goz at der wrestlin' match." To prove a point, Goz flexed his flabby arms.
"Okay. ReadyGO!" Goku slammed into the unprepared Goz, effectively knocking him over. Both ogres were surprised.
"Well, er, dat's nayvur happened beefar," stammered Goz. "Well, now yeh have ter beat Mez at der race. He's der farstest ogre in all of HFIL." Mez was already running and jumped clear over the fountain, then continued running at a pace even an angry Chichi couldn't match.
"I'm hungry," Goku said out of the blue, not even moving from where he stood. He looked back to see a tree with fruit growing on it. "Oo, pears!" The Saiyan took off running, but definitely not at Mez, who had paused to look at the one who more than matched his pace.
"No!" the crimson ogre bellowed. "Dat's der Yemma tooty frooty tree! No one can touches it!" He jumped clear over the fountain and at Goku. For the sake of the storyline, Goz stood there like an idiot. When Mez had reached Goku, who was about to pluck a piece of the fruit, Goku whipped around to face the ogre and poked him. That was gonna bruise.
"Tag, you're it!" The Saiyan took off running, some previously picked fruit falling as he did so. He happened to be going where the exit to Hell was. He soon disappeared from view, and all Goz and Mez could do was watch.
"Deh, der boss is gonna be sooo mad," muttered Goz.
"Ayup, yer said it," answered Mez.
Meanwhile, King Yemma was busy doing his judging thing when a thud came from his drawer, followed by a muffled "Owww…!" The drawer opened of its own accord, and there was Goku, a sizable lump forming on his temple. He looked up to the flabbergasted Yemma's face as realization dawned on him. "HOLY COWPASTE I GOTTA GO!" Goku was running Snake Way again, much faster than before. Even after the incident was over, the King of Ogres continued to look on.
-DBZBJP-
Krillin and Yamcha landed at Raditz's resting site. Yamcha had a dragon radar in his hands.
"I can't believe you only just told me about this, Krillin," muttered the former bandit.
"Well, I'm sorry that Chichi scared the hell out of me!" Krillin grumped. "I had a very serious situation at the time, and it was all in my head, as if it wasn't bad enough! Because of her I was actually IN THE FETAL POSITION, TALKING TO MYSELF!"
This all actually caused Yamcha to smirk. "Issues," he said in a singsong voice. Krillin just growled.
The twosome walked up to what was left of Raditz's body; it was already mostly skeleton, and a pack of wolves was currently tearing chunks off of it. At the sight of Yamcha, they scampered off, tails between their legs. Krillin began to gag at the stench. Dead Saiyan is pretty rancid. Laying not thirty feet from the carcass was Gohan's hat, the four-star ball resting neatly on top. Krillin went over and picked up the dragon ball.
How the heck did this thing get sewn on if you can't get a thread through it? Krillin marveled. Being a fan of sewing and the like, Krillin inspected the hat a little longer before turning back where Yamcha was. "Hey, we got the dragon b-"
Yamcha was bent over Raditz's deceased body, noisily scarfing chunks at a time. It was all the monk could do to keep his own chunks in his stomach. Yamcha turned at the heaving sounds, blood oozing out of his mouth. "What? I was hungry."
-DBZBJP-
It was a few days after Gohan fought his rival. He had gotten his dragon friend, who he thought about calling Barney until he settled on Icarus, to heal his injuries. Again, came in handy, and now the half-breed was stronger than ever.
It was nighttime, and Icarus was just leaving. "Oyasuminasai, Icarus!"The dragon purred in response like the cat/dog/dragon he was until he eventually disappeared.
Gohan looked to his left as he proceeded to urinate, only to find some apples laying there. After zipping up his dignity, Gohan proceeded to have a staring contest with the apples. He lost, so he walked up to them. Not four feet away, Piccolo was hiding behind a conveniently placed umbrella, giggling like a schoolgirl. This is gonna be sooo funny!
Gohan picked up one of the apples and let it drop into his mouth. He began to chew, and as he did so, his lips puckered up, almost being sucked inside the toddler's own mouth. He spat out the chewed-up wad of the vile fruit and let his tongue dangle out. "GAHHH, THAT'S HORRIBLE!" Not only was the apple extremely sour, it was maggot-filled and tasted like someone dropped in the toilet after having it stuffed up a skunk's caboose.
Piccolo came out from behind his umbrella, laughing like an idiot. "That is DEFINITELY going on Twitter!" he shouted gaily, pulling an IPhone out of his cape. He turned it sideways as means to access its keyboard feature. "Monkey-boy eats sour, maggot-filled, toilet-soaked, skunk-butted apples. Aaand… Post!" After tapping the IPhone once more, he put it back in his cape, slapped Gohan on the back of the head, and flew off.
"I hate when he tricks me like that," the demi-Saiyan muttered. He looked up to pray to Kami to make the rest of the training get better, but stopped when he saw a full, shining moon. "Wow, that's so pretty." Gohan was frozen in place, his eyes glazing over as his heart skipped a beat. His tail began to vibrate in response to the mysterious goings-on in Gohan's body.
Piccolo turned around as he felt Gohan's power surge. "That toddler really shouldn't be thinking about stuff like that at his OHHH MY GOD, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!" The green alien was looking at none other than a giant were-gorilla.
Piccolo flew to the behemoth, which was jumping on the rock it was sitting on until it crumbled, as fast as he could. What the heck? He thought. Is that…Gohan? Sure enough, the thing had the toddler's ki signature, although it was much more feral. Also, he was a giant monkey with glowing red eyes and roared like a very large dinosaur. Other than that, it was just like the chubby little alien scholar. Yeah, it must be! It's like he's a… a… a great ape or something!
"How the heck did he get like that?" Piccolo wondered aloud as the Oozaru attempted to turn him into a fried alien fritter. "Didn't Raditz say something about this…?"
~flashback~
Everyone looked towards the shoreline to see the mysterious man. "Wow," said Bulma. "He looks just like you, Goku."
"So," said the man, "You must be Kakarrot." Goku looked behind him, then thought of something.
"I dunno who Kakarrot is, but I'll see if he's here." He ran into Kame House and yelled, "Kakarrot! A friend of yours wants to see you!"
The "friend" face palmed with an "Ohmygod…" then yelled, "YOU'RE Kakarrot, you rube!"
Goku came back outside. "Uh… I thought I was Goku." The man yelled in frustration and kicked Krillin in the stomach, launching him and leaving a hole in Kame House.
"Did you hit your head or something, Kakarrot!? You were sent to Earth to wipe out its inhabitants so we Saiyans could sell the planet! It would've taken two or three years to do so! Why haven't you performed your duty, Kakarrot!?" He looked down past Goku's sash. "AND NOW YOUR TAIL IS GONE, TOO!? HOW COULD YOU HAVE LET THAT HAPPEN!? YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT YOUR TAIL IS WHAT UNLOCKS YOUR FULL POTENTIAL UNDER THE FULL MOON! Most importantly… HOW COULD YOU FORGET YOUR DEAR BROTHER RADITZ!?"
~end flashback~
That's right, Piccolo thought as he dodged a giant furry fist. Saiyans are really strong with the power of the full moon! I guess it counts for half-breeds, too. He continued to dodge the oncoming projectiles coming from Oozaru Gohan for a few more seconds. "You know what? I'm bored. I think I'll blow stuff up with you, Gohan."
The demonic duo then went their separate ways and began blowing mountains up. One of Piccolo's blasts went astray and destroyed the moon. As soon as that happened, Gohan shrank back down to his normal subatomic size. The only difference between him now and him half an hour ago was that he already peed… and was now wearing a badly drawn diaper.
Dear Kami, that is just sad, Piccolo thought to himself. He's a five-year-old genius, yet he isn't even potty-trained. Stupid Toonsai... Well, I guess I should at least give him some gear. The green alien stretched a hand out and concentrated for a few seconds. In a flash, Gohan was wearing a gi similar to Goku's, only the undershirt was more akin to indigo, and his chest bore an insignia that read "demon" or something like that instead of "turtle". As an afterthought, Piccolo zapped a sword into existence.
That is gonna be awesome, Piccolo thought to himself. He took his IPhone back out and snapped a picture. He added captions in big funny white letters that read: "Littul boi wit surd." Then he ripped Gohan's tail off, just for the hell of it. The green man then flew off to make rocks spin in circles with his mind in order to create filler.
I think this chapter is okay. From now on, more of my time will be used to work on this. For my buds on Hatena who are reading this, I will still animate. I'll mostly work on this if I don't feel motivated enough to draw. I also won't do RPs as quickly.
More about this though. I have a favor. I would really appreciate it if you guys had some funny joke ideas for the story. I would be glad to use them, and I'll give you credit for the joke if you want. Remember, I can't give credit if you're anonymous. If you want credit, please use a nickname. Also, flames are welcome and appreciated. Anything to make this Fanfic better. Thank you!
Power levels
Goku
829 (after healing in HFIL)
Gohan
23 (normal)
1583 (fighting)
1624 (healed by Icarus)
16240 (Oozaru)
Piccolo
419 (with weights, resting)
512 (with weights, avoiding giant hairy fists and monkey breath)
Krillin
220 (resting)
Yamcha
197 (resting)
Goz
21 (always)
Mez
18 (always)
That is all. –Big J