"You complete and utter idiot of a woman Donna Noble, you utter buffoon!"
"I AM NOT A BABBOON!" screamed Donna, her face matching her hair colour. "I am a woman and you would do well to remember it. You need me. Men need women! Women don't need men!"
The Doctor paused, sighed and turned round to face the redhead all in an almost clockwork fashion. He kept his teeth hidden, not wanting to seem like an utter prat.
"Donna," he started but she wasn't having any of it. She just stood there with her eyes almost blowing a hole right through him. Which she would have done if she weren't human.
"I called you an idiot, not an ape." he began, putting on his glasses. "Although you do act a bit primal at times." He muttered with a smile, standing up on his tiptoes to see the viewscreen behind her.
"That's it. I'm staying here, whether you like it or not." Donna began running around the room like a headless chicken.
Another tantrum. It was to be expected these days. But it was more frequent.
"Fine."
"Fine?"she blurted out stopping dead.
"Fine. You do what you want Donna. You could call this a covert operation and you stand out too much."
Her angered face did not flinch an inch.
She was flabbergasted.
"I'll be back in a tic!" he jumped out the Tardis doors and locked it quickly. A tic was an estimate and not really a true one.
The Doctor sniffed. And again. He touched his nose while looking around his new surroundings.
The Tardis had landed in a bathroom and it stuck out like a sore thumb around the urinals. "I really will have to get that chameleon circuit fixed one of these days," he thought to himself as he exited the bathroom and soniced the lock with his screwdriver.
Not that anyone else would be entering the men's room on this level. There were only two humans on it, and both were sleeping.
With screwdriver in tow, the Doctor sneaked along the eerily quiet corridor. He used the screwdriver on the cameras that littered the walls as he passed them, one by one. His image would never appear on them that way. But still it seemed a little too easy to be in the lair of the world's greatest detective and no challenge presenting itself.
Maybe he was slipping and that's how he really died? "No," he thought to himself. It was something else.
He spied a mass of black fur on a sofa. He inched closer, blinding the last camera on his trip, to see that the fur was hair. The hair of L. He had found him.
The Doctor tossed his head backwards, checking for anything. Alarms. Footsteps. Body Odour. None of it was present, not even L who smelled pleasantly fragrant.
"This is too easy. Even for me."
With a spin of his head, he lifted up the boy on the couch and began to run with him back to the bathroom. And on cue the alarm bells began to sing for the capture of it's foe: The Doctor. It was like L was bugged to the entire system.
Three corridors left until the bathroom. It was still easy. No one had appeared. Yet.
Their was a clank at the walls. The Doctor spinned his head to find them disappearing. Hidden panels dropped to reveal machine guns protruding from the exterior.
"Don't die. Don't die. Don't die" he shouted to himself as he ran faster than he ever had done in any of his ten previous lives. He ran past the rooms, converse on fire and lightning and other elements as the bullets missed him by centimeters each time.
And then salvation. The bathroom door.
With screwdriver in hand he unlocked the lock and ran into the door, slipping onto his back once inside enabling him to sonic the lock shut once more.
Safety. At last.
He sighed to himself on the cold hard floor. He patted L's head. "I hope you're worth it."
He began reaching into his pocked for the Tardis key when Donna opened the door with a smile on her face.
"Doctor! You're back! Never do that again you-"
She paused, looking at the Doctor with another man in his lap.
She was almost in tears.
"What do you want a boy for when you've got a woman!"
But the anger of Donna Noble was stronger than water.
"Inside! And could you just shut up and let me explain, for once."
She didn't budge an inch, leaving the Doctor to struggle to his feet, clutching his back in pain. Leaving the Doctor with the supposed bad back to pick up L alone.
"Are you gay? Is that it?" she said, tears now flowing freely, rushing back into the Tardis.
The Doctor followed. "Donna. This is L. The book I found describes him as the Devil." He propped him down on a chair. "What we seen before is what happens when he dies. Or something. Something isn't right here and I don't know what it is." He took off his coat noticing a few bullet holes at the bottom that had just missed his groin. "Argh! Can you stitch?"
"So you don't..." Donna began touching before her index fingers together with a strange smile. It was either curious enjoyment at the prospect or she was going to be sick.
"No!" The Doctor had the latter expression.
"Oh, right." she muttered with a smile, picking up his jacket. "I'm a modern woman," she screamed, throwing the jacket back at him. "Stitch your own bloody jacket!"
And through all the arguments, the gunfire and accusations the genius known only as L was still fast asleep.