Disclaimer: Sadly I don't own them. I wish I did. I own nothing but I do love this show so very much that I can't stay away.
Chapter 4
Danny awoke with a start and found himself sitting on the bed in a cold sweat. As usual, it took him a moment to realize where he was and then he turned on the light. The bedside clock ticked past four in the morning. He fell back on the pillows, sighing: damn, he had fallen asleep only for a couple of hours! A nightmare had woke him up, a nightmare in which Steve was injured and called him, desperately needed his help and he couldn't reach him. Nothing new, pretty much he had nightmares like that almost every night since Steve was gone. But this time it seemed so real that just when he closed his eyes he saw it again.
Abruptly he pulled his legs out of the bed and stood up, going to the bathroom to wash his face with cold water. He went back into the bedroom and, from the bedside table, he pulled out the only letter that he had received from Steve. Turned it over in his hands for a moment and then he went downstairs.
He turned on the light and sat down on the couch. For a moment he looked at his edgy writing and smiled, patting slightly the rough paper with his thumb. Then he opened it and took out the sheet, now crumpled for all the times he had already picked it up, and read it again for the umpteenth time. It was undated, he didn't know when Steve had written it.
DearDanno,
Nowit's nightbutI cannot sleep, as usual.I'mout herelooking at the stars, you cannot imaginehow many are there, even morethan at home.Buthereit's cold andyou know how muchI hate itand, most importantly,the landscape is notmuch.I wish I coulddescribe to you this place, I wish I couldtell you more. The boysare amazing,all (intheory)veryprepared for whatwe are facing.The practiceis another thing.They're soyoungDanny!I hardlyrememberever beingas young asthem.They are afraid, I read it in their eyes,and it is rightto have one,this is whatkeeps you alive. But nonetheless I havelostnearly half of them, almost half of my team, and they were just kidsDanny,just kids! It's allso unfair.Things are not goingso wellandI have no ideawhenthe mission will end. When I'm withthe others,for better or worse,I cango on, butwhen it'stime to sleep andrest, I justfeel so badwithout you that I'm afraidI can't handle it. You can't figure how muchIwantto go homeandsee you, hear yourvoice.This time it'sreally hardDanny,andI miss youso much.
How areGrace's drawings?Rememberto hang them,becausewhen I come backI want to findthe whole housecarpeted. Embrace Grace strong for me,give her a kissand tell herI love her andthatI miss hera lot.Imiss you allso much.
I love youDanny.
Steve.
Danny sighed and closed his eyes, leaning his head back. He was sure of not being able to sleep again and he needed to talk to someone. He realized that, in New Jersey, it was already morning. He picked up the phone and dialed the number, hoping to find his mother on the other side to answer.
"Hello."
"Mom?".
"Danny! It's you? What a surprise! What's going on? Are you okay? ".
"Yes mom, I am. I'm fine, don't panic ... "
"But where are you?".
"I'm home ...".
"Home? What time is it in Hawaii? What's going on Danny? "
"Mom calm down. Here it's four in the morning and ... "
"Four in the morning? And you tell me to calm down? I'll ask you again: What's going on? Steve is right?".
"I do not know ..." he muttered as he tried to stifle a sob.
He heard his mother take a breath to try to calm down.
"Danny, now you're scaring me. What do you mean you don't know how Steve is? "
"Steve is on a mission mom, he is away for almost four months. I don't know where he is, we cannot be in touch, I haven't heard from him, and I'm going crazy. I keep telling myself that if nobody calls me that means that he's fine. You know, the Navy alert you when ... when ... " he couldn't finish the sentence because the words died in his throat.
"Why didn't you tell me when I have called? Now I understand why every time we have called you, I could never talk to him. And the excuses that you made up ... "
"I did not want to worry you unnecessarily ..."
"Well at least now I know, and I can worry about it with you! I'm sorry ... I'm sorry I didn't want to scream ... But you're right, if you have no news, that means that he's all right".
"Since he was gone I have received only one letter from him, without a date. And what he wrote ... he feel so depressed ... ".
"Danny, what do you expect? He is in the middle of a war, it's not a piece of cake. If you're so bad at home, how do you think he feels there? Now tell me what woke you up at this time Danny, did you have a nightmare?"
"Yes ..."
"Tell me about it, you'll see that you'll feel better ..."
And Danny started talking to his mother and told her about the dreams he had, how they seemed so real that he couldn't sleep. He told her about that day when he heard about the helicopter's crash. How sick he was at the thought of losing Steve, having to go through life without him. He wasn't going to make it, he was sure of this, he couldn't. Steve was a part of him, the most important part, without which life would be impossible.
His mother didn't say much, just listened to him, she realized that what he needed was only someone to listen. And so far she couldn't do anything else. If she had been there with him, she would kept him in her arms, as when he was a child, cradling him after a bad dream that had scared him.
Finally, after hours when they said goodbye, Danny realized that he felt better. Call his mother helped him to overcome that night. Hear his voice had calmed down him a little. By now it was morning and he was exhausted after talking all the time.
Wearily, he went into the bathroom to take a shower and then got ready to go to work.
In the end it was almost five months before he heard news from Steve. They had never spoken. Steve had not written after that one letter or sent any e-mail. They had been five months of hell. Five months punctuated by nightmares and woke up in the middle of the night. Times when he couldn't go back to sleep, and waited for dawn, sitting in one of the chairs on the beach behind the house, and then went to the office more tired that the day before.
Five months in which he was so nervous that he was even able to fight with Chin, then resolving to apologize over a beer, incredulous of the fact that he managed to make him lose his temper. Everything was flattened but this made him feel even worse. And every day that passed without knowing anything, it was as if he lost one month of his life.
That morning Danny had just arrived in the office and was taking a coffee with Chin and Kono, when his phone rang. He looked at the display, but the number was unknown. The usual chill of fear had run down his spine.
"Hello?"
"Detective Williams?"
"It's me"
"I'm Lieutenant Jones of the United States Navy. This call is about Commander McGarrett ... "
"What has happened? Is he okay?" suddenly he realized that his hands were shaking.
"Since you are listed as his family contact, I called you to warn that the commander was wounded. At this time he was admitted in hospital in a base in Germany. He'll return to our country and will arrive at Hickam next Friday at 10:00, with a military flight" said the lieutenant.
"Wounded? How hurt? And now, how is he? Just tell me if now he's good" Danny asked again while he was slowly losing his temper.
"He isn't life threatening" coldly informed the military.
"He is not life threatening? What the hell does that mean? Do you think that this is the way to answer? I asked you if he's okay!"
"I'm sorry sir, I cannot tell you more"
Danny took a deep breath trying to calm down, because it was useless to argue with a soldier.
"Okay, I get it, next Friday at ten o'clock, thank you" he hung up and, without realizing it, he walked to the meeting room and sat down heavily on the first chair he found.
"Danny, what's wrong? It's Steve?" asked Chin crouching in front of him.
Danny looked at him as if he finally recognized him and shook his head to clear it.
"He's in the hospital, he was wounded and they sent him back home next Friday at 10. He comes with a military plane at Hickam ... " Danny seemed almost in shock.
"How hurt? But is he okay?" asked Kono and Danny seemed to awaken suddenly, standing up and starting to walk back and forth.
"I don't know, that idiot naval lieutenant told me that he isn't life threatening. Life-threatening! But how can you say such a thing? Tell me if it's good or not, what does it take? I hate the Navy ... ".
Danny gestured, he got more and more excited because from there to ten days, he finally saw Steve again.