AN: I do not own Boy Meets World® or Star Trek® or anything else mentioned in this story, i use this symbol ® the copyrighted symbol to prove a point. Although some of the wacked out ideas belong to me (Especially the "K" & "L" shorts which I wrote specifically; "J" was written by my sister Jeana). Once again please enjoy the crack!

J- James

When Jim heard those scary five letters, he knew that he was in trouble but when those words were used by any angry woman in his life (and especially one angry man with several dozens hypos-prays at his command) it was time to turn tail and hide.

"I, Jim Tiberius Kirk, Captain of the USS Enterprise, NCC -1701, would like to present these examples as a testament in my Captain's log" Jim spoke very captain-like.

Jim gave a glare worthy of his second officer and continued "Example one, Winona Kirk nee Queen. My mother used my first name when she was exasperated by my antics for when I did something that her 'boyfriend' thought was wrong"

"Examples two, three and four belong to the three most powerful women on this ship. Lieutenants Nyota Uhura, Ensign Yeoman Janice Rand, and Lieutenant Christine Chapel" Jim said drawing each name out respectfully, as if one of them would jump out and swat him on the back head if he said anything else. Jim looked around and felt relief "This normally means I've done something stupid or I've done something very reckless that saved the crew and injured me. Or I've disappointed them, I rather make them angry than disappointed, disappointed women makes me sad"

"And lastly…but not the least is my CMO, Leonard McCoy, also referred to as Bones. When he uses James, it means I have done something even more stupid and reckless and to the point where it was borderline damaging, and that is mostly to my body and my sanity. Or when I need to release and talk to Bones, he uses James to relay what he can't say with mucking it up with curses" Jim turned off the recorder and sighed. "Drinking rum alone, really makes a guy sappy" he thought to himself before downing the tumbler and heading to the replicator in the mess hall.

K- KILLER! KILLER! YOU'RE THE KILLER!

Down in the lower levels of the bowels of the USS Enterprise was the SCMOR also known as the Security Camera & Mobile Operations Room; it was down here where the unlucky red shirts on Security duty were assigned because it was boring and dull. You would think that there would be some shit going down on the Enterprise because as Lieutenant Ianto Adams (Cupcake as the Captain calls him) said "You're putting over four hundred over sexualized young adults on one ship for five years with a Captain who is a Nympho and his senior crew all have issues. Some shit will go down!"

So what did do any good and hardworking Ensigns do when bored to death, or tears, which ever come first. They put on a show of sorts, and since one of the ensigns in communications was on a 21st century entertainment binge, they took a scene from a show about a boy and the world (or something like that…they weren't quite sure). It seemed to involve a stupid masked killer killing high school students throughout various places to get two stupid lovers back together again. One of the few women in security command, a Lieutenant Aishwarya Patil roped Ensign Boyce and Keeler into playing two parts, a character called Shawn and Corey, while she would play the female lead.

After some aggressive tactics by Aishwarya, as instructed by Nyota and Christine, others were involved in this crazed thing to pass the time (the male's in security learned that women who were taught by the Fabulous Foursome, or Nyota, Christine, Janice and Gailia were scary and not to be questioned when they want to do something random, bad things happen). So as they rehearsed bits and pieces, and they were actually getting in to it.

Ianto "Cupcake" Adams had nicely asked to given a role and was given the character of the slightly bumbling and idiotic Eric, who was special, but he kept up messing his line…one simple line, instead of saying the one line he said variations that kept Aishwarya throwing random things in his direction

"LE KILLER…IT IS YOU…MURDERER!"

"DUN DUN DUN...KILLER…NOT THE KILLER…DUN DUN DUN"

"KILLER…NOT THE KILLER BECAUSE I AM HOT!"

"Dammit Cupcake, if you do not get it correct I WILL KILL YOU AND THE CAPTAIN WONT PROSECUTE ME!"

As Cupcake was preparing to say his line properly, the lights started to flicker eerily in the room and a large squeal was heard. "I get it Kaur, I'll say it properly" Cupcake said reluctantly. "KILLER! KILLER! YOU'RE THE KILLER!" BUT YOU'RE GONNA TELL ME YOU'RE NOT BECAUSE HOT!" He yelled out while creepy music started to play, with even creepier lyrics began to bleed out.

"Welcome to the Enterprise! Where most red shirts go to die!"
"That's rights…Red Shirts don't survive!"
"There's no Hypo, There's a phaser!"
"It wont be no fun but only one will survive!"

The four red shirts huddle together in fear, considering that they face aliens on a daily basis and sometimes one of their own doesn't come back, its natural to be afraid. The music continues as the scream and run out of the room, yelling back and forth to each other that it was their minds playing tricks on each other and that it would never be mentioned.

As they ran away…Scotty stepped out of the darkness with a voice changer and microphone and started laughing, "That'll teach'em ta slack off now!


L- Lip-gloss

It was common knowledge on the Enterprise that Kirk got ass a lot, as did Bones and sometimes Sulu and maybe Scotty but what no one knew was that Pavel Andreivich Chekov had the ability to kiss a woman and automatically tell them what lip gloss flavor they were wearing.

It did not matter if they kissed him on the cheek or the lips or the top of the head, it was a gift from having several sisters, female cousins, aunts, a mother and two crazy grandmothers. No one believed him until he told everyone that he would prove it to him or her.

So, while the Enterprise was currently traveling towards the new Vulcan Colony, to deliver some more supplies and receiving other packages. The senior bridge crew (Alpha) and dozens of other crewmembers were in the mess hall as well watching this new event. It was just one of the odd quirks that everyone was in the processing of learning about each other. Some were awesome and some were not so interesting and others were just really not on a need to know basis.

So this lead to Chekov being blindfolded, hands tied and standing still while three women and two men were standing in a line. "Alright…place your best bets! Gentleman and Ladies, three credit chips to start off!" Sulu snickered out to the small crowd while Uhura just slapped him on the head and told him to "Knock it off! Or your boo wont be the only one to hit it" Sulu stopped his hollering but kept on taking bets, Chekov would appreciate the money in the end.

Chekov felt the first lips and thought "Female lips, Wanilla raspberry lip-gloss"

The second went next "Female lips…Vatermelon lip balm, not shiny enough"

And so on went with number 3 being "Male's lips, no flawor but chapstick", Number four was another female with a cherry bubblegum blast gloss-chapstick and the forth being a male's lip with cinnamon chapstick.

Gailia being the first was quite impressed with the Ensign ability and kissed him again for being correct calling him "her genius Russian-baby boy!"
Christine and Jim gave him a hug while Jim slipped him a few credit chips for being correct.
A member of the science department was randomly selected to be a part of the madness chuckled at the antics but congratulated him no less.
And the fifth one, well Chekov automatically knew who it was and it was Sulu because he had an addiction to a Burt's Bee Chapstick that was a cinnamon flavor (and he could remember his lover's lips quite well).

That evening Sulu and Chekov made at least over 500 credits to be shared with Uhura. And Sulu had the chance to kiss Chekov and taste his lips.