Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin belongs to Nobuhiro Watsuki, Sony… I'm not
trying to make money with this.
Hello minna! ^___^ Here it's the fourth chapter. I hope you like it. Please, read and review!
Shadows form the past.
Chapter Four.
Wipe my tears away.
He didn't want to believe it. He had killed her sister. He mother had died. She was alone. And it was all his fault. All her pain was his fault. All her sadness, his fault.
Kenshin felt something wer in his cheek. He was… crying? When was the last time he had cried? He had almost forgotten the wet feeling in his face.
He fell to the floor and buried his face in his hands. Hands stained again. Another tear. What should he say? What should he do? Apologize? No. It would be useless. There was no word which could express what he was feeling. He wanted to scream. He wanted to die. Why? Another tear. Why?
When he killed he didn't see his victims like people, but like the enemy. If he had seen husbands, fathers, brothers, sons, he would have gone insane. That's why he needed the hitokiri. A side of him which could look at a man and kill him even before the victim could feel the pain. A side of him that had never cried.
Until now.
When he raised his head and opened his eyes, Kaoru's hand flew to her mouth. His eyes weren't violet. They were absolutely amber. And he was crying. For the first time in his life, Battousai was crying.
The others were motionless. The words they had just heard were impossible to believe. They saw Kenshin collapsing, crying.
Something inside Kaoru's mind made her realize what she had just done. She had destroyed him. She could see all the pain and the regret in his eyes, all the guilt. She realized that she had made a huge mistake. Now, seeing him like that… she couldn't go on. When she knew that her sister had been killed, she blamed her assassin for what had happened afterwards. She needed somenone to blame. But it was unfair. She knew Kenshin. She knew that he woke up every day with the faces of his victims in his mind. She knew that he had suffered enough for a lifetime. It was unfair! Why Kenshin? Why did the Gods hate them so much?
His mind was collapsing. Every pillar which kept him from going mad was falling down. Now he really was 'sessha'. He really was unworthy of everything. Of having a family, of loving, of being loved, of living. He was worthy of one thing: pain. That was what he deserved. Pain and nothing else. He had destroyed her life. Now there was no point in going on. There was no point in pretending that he could live a normal life, being happy with his family. He would never have a normal life. He didn't deserve it.
There was one last pillar. If it fell down, there would be nothing. Rakuninmura would be the Paradise compared with what his life would became if that last pillar fell. She was his last pillar. She. His light. A faint voice in his mind tried to call her… 'Please… don't leave me… this time…' but he silenced the voice. He didn't deserve being saved.
'Is this what I want for him? Will I feel better if he destroys himself? Is this what I want?' the answer came as fast as the questions. 'No'. Her mind tried to find a solution. 'I have to do something… anything…' There was no time for thinking. She had to act. She kneeled down in front of him. His golden gaze was lost somewhere behind her. 'It's not what I want for him. What do I want?' She didn't hesitate, and before she realized what she was doing, she wrapped her arms around him.
"Sorry".
Kenshin binked. Once, twice. She had just said… 'sorry'? She?! Why was she hugging him? She shouldn't. He didn't deserve it. She had said it herself, he had killed her sister, he had destroyed her life. Only a kind soul like her would try to comfort him in that moment. But he didn't deserve that comfort.
Her mouth was next to his ear, so that he could be the only one to hear her words. "I'm sorry. I've been selfish. I was thinking only about me. Only me and my pain. I didn't think about you. Sorry"
He tried to speak, but his troath didn't allow him to do it. His hands were resting at his sides. He still couldn't belive what was happening. It was so… unreal.
"I may have suffered, but I know that you have suffered more than me, more than anybody else. You've suffered enough. I've been in both sides. I've been supporting you when somebody came looking for revenge. And now I know what those people felt. I'm sorry, Kenshin. When I knew… I let my rage and my pain control me. I'm not better than the other people. I needed someone to blame… and I blamed you.
"It was unfair. I know your pain. I see it everyday. In your acts, in the way you do everything, in the way you talk, in the way you live". She pulled away to look at his eyes. "In your eyes". She wiped away one of his tears. "Your eyes…"
His eyes. His eyes showed the pain which was tearing him apart. The sorrow which was drowning his heart. The guilt which was destroying him.
She waited for him to say something, but his gaze was still lost. His amber eyes were still crying. She had tried to bring him back, but it was late. She had lost him. He was lost.
"I'm so sorry…" Tears began to fall from her eyes "… Kenshin…"
Then, for the first time in what seemed to be hours, his mouth moved. "Don't…"
He was still there! She tried to stop her tears without succes. He was still there!
He tied again. "Don't… cry…" His right hand went to her face. "Please… don't… I…"
She gasped. Ore. "Kenshin…" Her left hand went to his.
"Don't cry… Don't leave… Please…" His eyes were still lost, but he was there.
She embraced him again. "Kenshin…"
He rested his head on her shoulder and closed his eyes as one last tear fell. "Don't…"
The room grew silent. Megumi remained at the door; Sano and Yahiko were still on the corner. In the centre of the room, Kaoru hugged Kenshin and rocked him back and forth, rubbing his back. It had been close. Too close. If she had hesitated, he would be dead. Not his body, but his mind, his soul. And she felt it was all because of her. 'I'm stupid. Stupid. After all we've lived together, after all he's done for me, for everybody, after all his suffering, it's me, the stupid girl, who almost destroy him. Stupid. I should try to think before opening my mouth, but I'm too stupid to do that'. She cried harder. 'I've almost destroyed him!' All the hate she had felt against him a few minutes ago had turned to hate against herself in one second. 'I was so wrong… so wrong… He gave me a family, someone to love. And what do I give back to him? Pain. Stupid'.
His breath was softer. He was sleeping. Without loosening the embrace, she lay him on the futon. She lay beside him. Soon, she was also asleep.
Yahiko looked at the embraced couple. He got closer to Sanosuke and whispered "What do we do now?"
Sanosuke stood up slowly and gestured him to do the same. "Now we go".
They left the room, forgeting to blew the candle out. The light flickered twice, but kept on brighting.
**********************************************************************
Kenshin opened his eyes and blinked. Where was he? It wasn't his room. He tried to move, but he couldn't. 'It's strange…' But the most strange thing was that he hadn't had a nightmare. There was neither blood nor screams. Only silence.
As he focused his eyes he could see something a few inches away from him. That… 'something' was embracing him. That something had the most beautiful face he had ever seen. That something talked.
"Ohayou Kenshin".
He smiled. "Ohayou Kaoru".
He tried to think. 'Okay. I'm in a bed. With Kaoru. And we are embraced…' Well, there was nothing wrong with that, was it? 'W-Wait… I'm in a bed… with Kaoru…we are embraced… oh my…!' he quickly sat up and discovered, to his relief, that he was absolutely dressed in his pink gi and white hakama, and Kaoru was fully dressed in a lovely blue kimono.
Kenshin shook his head. "Kaoru… what are we doing here?"
The woman looked at him, startled. 'Kaoru!?! He has dropped the –dono!?! He doesn't know what happened!?!' Kaoru tried to understand him. "What do you mean?"
"Well…" the samurai blushed. "…why are we… together… in a bed?"
Kaoru was puzzled. "You don't remember?"
"Remember what?"
She couldn't believe what she was hearing. 'He doesn't remember? Should I tell him- of course not!' She stood up and held out her hand to help him. "Ano… why don't we go back home, Kenshin?"
He looked at her and smiled. "I'll do whatever you want Kaoru".
Now it was her turn to blush. She liked this new Kenshin. She liked the way he called her 'Kaoru'. And he had smiled! A real smile, not a simple façade!
Outside the room, Megumi tried to think what she should do. Should she go into the room? What if…? No, it was impossible! Well, she's the doctor, right? And she needs to know the state of her patients… When she was about to enter, the door opened and a smiling Kenshin received her, followed by a startled Kaoru.
"Ohayou Megumi-dono".
The doctor was astonished. "O-Ohayou. Where are you going?"
Kenshin walked towards the main door. "Kaoru wants to go home".
Megumi tried to stop them. "What? But you shouldn't be… I mean, Kaoru-san is…"
"I'm fine Megumi. We'll be right. By the way, where are Sanosuke and Yahiko?"
"I sent them back to the dojo".
Kaoru bowed. "Thanks Megumi. If you need something we'll be at home".
Kenshin bowed and went out.
Megumi stood still for several minutes, or hours, trying to find out if that had really happened or she was still sleeping. It was very strange.
**********************************************************************
They walked in silent next to the river. Kaoru tried not to look to puzzled. Kenshin didn't remember what had happened the day before. Well, it was good, ne? But how much had he forgotten? Suddenly she felt something on her hand.
His hand.
She looked at his face and met the most loving gaze she had seen in her life. She blushed and bowed her head.
It couldn't be wrong, ne?
**********************************************************************
They arrived home, but it was empty. Kenshin went to the kitchen, while Kaoru went to her room to change her clothes. When she went back to the kitchen, breakfast was ready. She sat next to Kenshin.
The samurai leaned forward and whispered in her ear. "Beautiful".
*Blush*
They started to eat in silent. 'Why… What… I mean, not that I'm complaining but… it's very strange…'
In that moment, Sano and Yahiko entered the room. The last thing they thought they would find there was a blushing Kaoru and a happy Kenshin having breakfast as if it was the most ordinary day in their lives.
"What are you doing here?"
Kenshin pointed at his bowl. "Having breakfast".
Sanosuke and Yahiko looked at each other in disbelief.
"Are you hungry?"
They nodded and sat. Everything seemed right. Yahiko sighed. "Well, I thought that after what happened last night… you know, about Itami and all the stuff, you two would be…"
A pair of chopsticks fell to the floor, followed by a bowl of rice.
Itami.
Kenshin stood up.
"Kenshin… what are you doing?"
Kenshin stopped before going out of the room. "I need to think Kaoru-dono".
Kaoru gasped. 'Dono'.
**********************************************************************
'What-What's wrong with me? I forgot everything. I forgot. It's impossible. It's… I … I can't go on. I have to go. I… What was I thinking? What's wrong with me?'
He walked. He was thinking about what had happened that morning, but his mind went suddenly blank, and he just walked. He proferred not to think. Not to know. Not to remember. He let his feet head him wherever they wanted to go. Where did they want to go?
Home.
Before he realized what he was doing, he went into the house, right to his room. There was somebody inside. He carefully opened the paper door. A woman was sat on his futon.
"Kaoru-dono".
The woman turned round. She was crying. When she saw the man at the door, she quickly stood up and run to him. "Kenshin!" She wrapped her arms around him, and her tears fell to his chest. "I thought you had gone…"
The samurai closed his eyes. "Don't worry Kaoru-dono. I'm going."
She pulled away. "What do you mean?"
Kenshin sighed. "I'm going. Sessha wa rurouni… remember?"
Her eyes widened. He wanted to go? Why?! "Why?!"
"I can't be here any longer. I can't be with you any longer".
His words were straight to her heart. He didn't want to be with her… why? Was it because of what she had said the night before? "But… I didn't mean it! I told you! I was wrong! Please forgive me…"
There she was again. Apologizing for something she hadn't done. It got him angrier. Why did she have to be so kind? Why couldn't she just hate him? It would be easier! She hates him, and he goes! But no, she had to ask him to stay. She had to make it hard. "Kaoru-dono, you don't understand. I shouldn't be here. I hurt you. I destroyed your life. You said so".
Kaoru felt that he was going and there was nothing she could do to stop him. "But you don't remember what I told you? I was wrong! I wasn't thinking properly! I let my rage take control…"
"Kaoru-dono, maybe you can forgive me…"
She smiled trough her tears. "Yes! Yes! Please Kenshin, don't go. I need you here, with me…"
"…but I can't forgive myself".
She bit her lower lip and cupped his face with her hands. "Kenshin you don't understand…"
"No!" He grabbed her by her wrists. "It's you who don't understand! You don't understand anything!"
Kaou gave a step backwards, frightened. For the first time in all the years Kenshin had been living in the dojo, the samurai had shouted at her.
**********************************************************************
"It was very strange. They behaved as if nothing had happened".
Sanosuke nodded. Strange indeed.
When they arrived at the dojo, a boy was outside the yard's door. He was sat with his face between his hands.
"Yahiko?"
The boy stood up. "Sano! Megumi! I thoght you would never arrive!" His eyes were slightly moistened.
Megumi tried to go into the house, but Yahiko stopped her. "What's happening here?"
The young samurai sighed. "I don't know. Kenshin arrived a few minutes ago. Kaoru and he were talking, but suddenly they started to shout at each other".
Sanosuke grinned. "You mean Jo-chan started to shout at Kenshin".
Yahiko shook his head. "I mean they. At each other".
**********************************************************************
"You never understand!" he started to walk towards the door when a hand grabbed his gi.
"Then… make me understand…" Kenshin turned round. "Make me understand! Try to explain… talk to me! I can't help you if I don't know what troubles you!"
"Who said I want you to help me?"
Her eyes widened. She fell to the floor, trembling. "At the end it's always the same, ne?" She gave him a little smile. "I try my best to make everybody comfortable here, I work, I train, I earn money so that all of you will have food in your stomachs three times a day, I care about you, but it's not enough! It's never enough!" The tears that were falling form her eyes started to draw red lines in her face. "It's just like my father said! I'm useless!"
As Kaoru talked, Kenshin felt his heart squeezing. 'I've done it again. I always do it. I always hurt her'. He kneeled down next to her. "I'm sorry K aoru-dono. I'll try to explain":
She looked at him, not believing what she had just heard.
Kenshin wiped away some of her tears with his thumbs. "This morning I woke up without any bloody nightmare trying to hunt me down. I was in your arms. I felt warm, protected. But I felt I had lost something. When we arrived here, Yahiko reminded me what I had forgot. My pain. I had forgot my pain for a couple of hours. The best hours in my life. And I want to thank you for what you did, for helping me.
"But I remebered my pain. I remembered that I don't deserve being happy, and I don't deserve your help. That's why I don't want you to help me. I don't deserve to be happy".
Kaoru looked at his moistened eyes. Her right hand went to his left cheek. "Kenshin…" His hand stopped hers. "Kenshin… do you think I deserve to be happy?"
The samurai looked at the woman, confused. "Of course Kaoru-dono".
She smiled. "For my happiness, I need you to do something. Would you do it?"
The man didn't understand anything. 'What does she mean?' He stared at her blue eyes and hesitated before saying "Yes Kaoru-dono".
"Right. The first thing you have to do is stop calling me 'dono'. I hate it".
Kenshin was now absolutely confused. A faint voice in his mind tried to remind him that he had to go, but he silenced it. "Kaoru-do- Kaoru".
Her face brighted with a beautiful smile. "Now, the next hting you have to do is allow me to ease your nightmares".
'help me… ease my nightmares…' He was about to say yes when thousand of images crossed his mind. A woman dying, a woman suffocating, a wolf threatening his family, a woman impaled on a wall, blood, screams, death, a woman crying… Kaoru crying… Kaoru dying…
"No!" Kenshin stood up and went outside. Kaoru tried to follow him. "Kenshin!"
The samurai stopped at the door, where Sanosuke, Yahiko and Megumi were staring at him. Kaoru got closer to him. "Kenshin…"
"Don't move!" Kenshin was looking at the ground. His breath was hard. Hundreds of voices screamed in his mind.
'Go!'
'Stay!'
'Run!'
'Kiss her!'
'Kill her!'
'Love her!'
'Hate her!'
He tried to silence the voices, but it was useless. "Shut up!" He closed his eyes.
'Live!'
'Die!'
'Go!'
'Kill!'
'Protect!'
'Kill!'
"Shut up!" But the voices grew louder, faster.
'Kill!'
'Go!'
'Don't!'
'Do!'
'Now!'
'Suffer!'
'Stop!'
'Slay!'
He clutched his head. "Shut up! Shut up!"
'KILL!'
Before he realized what he was doing, his right hand went to his sword, unseathed it and moved.
"Shut up!"
his sword hit something. He heard screams. Something was lying on the floor.
He looked at his sword. Blood. His eyes widened.
Megumi run to the thing that lay on the ground. Sanosuke shook his shoulders and screamed at him, but he could hear nothing. Yahiko ran into the house. And Kaoru…
His sword fell. The image in front of him made him froze. He fainted with a word in his lips. "Kaoru…"
My little glossary:
Ohayou: good morning
Ore: I, masculine. Kenshin refers to himself as 'ore' when he's Battousai.
Well, what do you think. Please reviewwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry if you waited too long for the third chapter, but I've just started with my exams. I will try to update every weekend.
See you in th next chapter!!!! ^___^
Hello minna! ^___^ Here it's the fourth chapter. I hope you like it. Please, read and review!
Shadows form the past.
Chapter Four.
Wipe my tears away.
He didn't want to believe it. He had killed her sister. He mother had died. She was alone. And it was all his fault. All her pain was his fault. All her sadness, his fault.
Kenshin felt something wer in his cheek. He was… crying? When was the last time he had cried? He had almost forgotten the wet feeling in his face.
He fell to the floor and buried his face in his hands. Hands stained again. Another tear. What should he say? What should he do? Apologize? No. It would be useless. There was no word which could express what he was feeling. He wanted to scream. He wanted to die. Why? Another tear. Why?
When he killed he didn't see his victims like people, but like the enemy. If he had seen husbands, fathers, brothers, sons, he would have gone insane. That's why he needed the hitokiri. A side of him which could look at a man and kill him even before the victim could feel the pain. A side of him that had never cried.
Until now.
When he raised his head and opened his eyes, Kaoru's hand flew to her mouth. His eyes weren't violet. They were absolutely amber. And he was crying. For the first time in his life, Battousai was crying.
The others were motionless. The words they had just heard were impossible to believe. They saw Kenshin collapsing, crying.
Something inside Kaoru's mind made her realize what she had just done. She had destroyed him. She could see all the pain and the regret in his eyes, all the guilt. She realized that she had made a huge mistake. Now, seeing him like that… she couldn't go on. When she knew that her sister had been killed, she blamed her assassin for what had happened afterwards. She needed somenone to blame. But it was unfair. She knew Kenshin. She knew that he woke up every day with the faces of his victims in his mind. She knew that he had suffered enough for a lifetime. It was unfair! Why Kenshin? Why did the Gods hate them so much?
His mind was collapsing. Every pillar which kept him from going mad was falling down. Now he really was 'sessha'. He really was unworthy of everything. Of having a family, of loving, of being loved, of living. He was worthy of one thing: pain. That was what he deserved. Pain and nothing else. He had destroyed her life. Now there was no point in going on. There was no point in pretending that he could live a normal life, being happy with his family. He would never have a normal life. He didn't deserve it.
There was one last pillar. If it fell down, there would be nothing. Rakuninmura would be the Paradise compared with what his life would became if that last pillar fell. She was his last pillar. She. His light. A faint voice in his mind tried to call her… 'Please… don't leave me… this time…' but he silenced the voice. He didn't deserve being saved.
'Is this what I want for him? Will I feel better if he destroys himself? Is this what I want?' the answer came as fast as the questions. 'No'. Her mind tried to find a solution. 'I have to do something… anything…' There was no time for thinking. She had to act. She kneeled down in front of him. His golden gaze was lost somewhere behind her. 'It's not what I want for him. What do I want?' She didn't hesitate, and before she realized what she was doing, she wrapped her arms around him.
"Sorry".
Kenshin binked. Once, twice. She had just said… 'sorry'? She?! Why was she hugging him? She shouldn't. He didn't deserve it. She had said it herself, he had killed her sister, he had destroyed her life. Only a kind soul like her would try to comfort him in that moment. But he didn't deserve that comfort.
Her mouth was next to his ear, so that he could be the only one to hear her words. "I'm sorry. I've been selfish. I was thinking only about me. Only me and my pain. I didn't think about you. Sorry"
He tried to speak, but his troath didn't allow him to do it. His hands were resting at his sides. He still couldn't belive what was happening. It was so… unreal.
"I may have suffered, but I know that you have suffered more than me, more than anybody else. You've suffered enough. I've been in both sides. I've been supporting you when somebody came looking for revenge. And now I know what those people felt. I'm sorry, Kenshin. When I knew… I let my rage and my pain control me. I'm not better than the other people. I needed someone to blame… and I blamed you.
"It was unfair. I know your pain. I see it everyday. In your acts, in the way you do everything, in the way you talk, in the way you live". She pulled away to look at his eyes. "In your eyes". She wiped away one of his tears. "Your eyes…"
His eyes. His eyes showed the pain which was tearing him apart. The sorrow which was drowning his heart. The guilt which was destroying him.
She waited for him to say something, but his gaze was still lost. His amber eyes were still crying. She had tried to bring him back, but it was late. She had lost him. He was lost.
"I'm so sorry…" Tears began to fall from her eyes "… Kenshin…"
Then, for the first time in what seemed to be hours, his mouth moved. "Don't…"
He was still there! She tried to stop her tears without succes. He was still there!
He tied again. "Don't… cry…" His right hand went to her face. "Please… don't… I…"
She gasped. Ore. "Kenshin…" Her left hand went to his.
"Don't cry… Don't leave… Please…" His eyes were still lost, but he was there.
She embraced him again. "Kenshin…"
He rested his head on her shoulder and closed his eyes as one last tear fell. "Don't…"
The room grew silent. Megumi remained at the door; Sano and Yahiko were still on the corner. In the centre of the room, Kaoru hugged Kenshin and rocked him back and forth, rubbing his back. It had been close. Too close. If she had hesitated, he would be dead. Not his body, but his mind, his soul. And she felt it was all because of her. 'I'm stupid. Stupid. After all we've lived together, after all he's done for me, for everybody, after all his suffering, it's me, the stupid girl, who almost destroy him. Stupid. I should try to think before opening my mouth, but I'm too stupid to do that'. She cried harder. 'I've almost destroyed him!' All the hate she had felt against him a few minutes ago had turned to hate against herself in one second. 'I was so wrong… so wrong… He gave me a family, someone to love. And what do I give back to him? Pain. Stupid'.
His breath was softer. He was sleeping. Without loosening the embrace, she lay him on the futon. She lay beside him. Soon, she was also asleep.
Yahiko looked at the embraced couple. He got closer to Sanosuke and whispered "What do we do now?"
Sanosuke stood up slowly and gestured him to do the same. "Now we go".
They left the room, forgeting to blew the candle out. The light flickered twice, but kept on brighting.
**********************************************************************
Kenshin opened his eyes and blinked. Where was he? It wasn't his room. He tried to move, but he couldn't. 'It's strange…' But the most strange thing was that he hadn't had a nightmare. There was neither blood nor screams. Only silence.
As he focused his eyes he could see something a few inches away from him. That… 'something' was embracing him. That something had the most beautiful face he had ever seen. That something talked.
"Ohayou Kenshin".
He smiled. "Ohayou Kaoru".
He tried to think. 'Okay. I'm in a bed. With Kaoru. And we are embraced…' Well, there was nothing wrong with that, was it? 'W-Wait… I'm in a bed… with Kaoru…we are embraced… oh my…!' he quickly sat up and discovered, to his relief, that he was absolutely dressed in his pink gi and white hakama, and Kaoru was fully dressed in a lovely blue kimono.
Kenshin shook his head. "Kaoru… what are we doing here?"
The woman looked at him, startled. 'Kaoru!?! He has dropped the –dono!?! He doesn't know what happened!?!' Kaoru tried to understand him. "What do you mean?"
"Well…" the samurai blushed. "…why are we… together… in a bed?"
Kaoru was puzzled. "You don't remember?"
"Remember what?"
She couldn't believe what she was hearing. 'He doesn't remember? Should I tell him- of course not!' She stood up and held out her hand to help him. "Ano… why don't we go back home, Kenshin?"
He looked at her and smiled. "I'll do whatever you want Kaoru".
Now it was her turn to blush. She liked this new Kenshin. She liked the way he called her 'Kaoru'. And he had smiled! A real smile, not a simple façade!
Outside the room, Megumi tried to think what she should do. Should she go into the room? What if…? No, it was impossible! Well, she's the doctor, right? And she needs to know the state of her patients… When she was about to enter, the door opened and a smiling Kenshin received her, followed by a startled Kaoru.
"Ohayou Megumi-dono".
The doctor was astonished. "O-Ohayou. Where are you going?"
Kenshin walked towards the main door. "Kaoru wants to go home".
Megumi tried to stop them. "What? But you shouldn't be… I mean, Kaoru-san is…"
"I'm fine Megumi. We'll be right. By the way, where are Sanosuke and Yahiko?"
"I sent them back to the dojo".
Kaoru bowed. "Thanks Megumi. If you need something we'll be at home".
Kenshin bowed and went out.
Megumi stood still for several minutes, or hours, trying to find out if that had really happened or she was still sleeping. It was very strange.
**********************************************************************
They walked in silent next to the river. Kaoru tried not to look to puzzled. Kenshin didn't remember what had happened the day before. Well, it was good, ne? But how much had he forgotten? Suddenly she felt something on her hand.
His hand.
She looked at his face and met the most loving gaze she had seen in her life. She blushed and bowed her head.
It couldn't be wrong, ne?
**********************************************************************
They arrived home, but it was empty. Kenshin went to the kitchen, while Kaoru went to her room to change her clothes. When she went back to the kitchen, breakfast was ready. She sat next to Kenshin.
The samurai leaned forward and whispered in her ear. "Beautiful".
*Blush*
They started to eat in silent. 'Why… What… I mean, not that I'm complaining but… it's very strange…'
In that moment, Sano and Yahiko entered the room. The last thing they thought they would find there was a blushing Kaoru and a happy Kenshin having breakfast as if it was the most ordinary day in their lives.
"What are you doing here?"
Kenshin pointed at his bowl. "Having breakfast".
Sanosuke and Yahiko looked at each other in disbelief.
"Are you hungry?"
They nodded and sat. Everything seemed right. Yahiko sighed. "Well, I thought that after what happened last night… you know, about Itami and all the stuff, you two would be…"
A pair of chopsticks fell to the floor, followed by a bowl of rice.
Itami.
Kenshin stood up.
"Kenshin… what are you doing?"
Kenshin stopped before going out of the room. "I need to think Kaoru-dono".
Kaoru gasped. 'Dono'.
**********************************************************************
'What-What's wrong with me? I forgot everything. I forgot. It's impossible. It's… I … I can't go on. I have to go. I… What was I thinking? What's wrong with me?'
He walked. He was thinking about what had happened that morning, but his mind went suddenly blank, and he just walked. He proferred not to think. Not to know. Not to remember. He let his feet head him wherever they wanted to go. Where did they want to go?
Home.
Before he realized what he was doing, he went into the house, right to his room. There was somebody inside. He carefully opened the paper door. A woman was sat on his futon.
"Kaoru-dono".
The woman turned round. She was crying. When she saw the man at the door, she quickly stood up and run to him. "Kenshin!" She wrapped her arms around him, and her tears fell to his chest. "I thought you had gone…"
The samurai closed his eyes. "Don't worry Kaoru-dono. I'm going."
She pulled away. "What do you mean?"
Kenshin sighed. "I'm going. Sessha wa rurouni… remember?"
Her eyes widened. He wanted to go? Why?! "Why?!"
"I can't be here any longer. I can't be with you any longer".
His words were straight to her heart. He didn't want to be with her… why? Was it because of what she had said the night before? "But… I didn't mean it! I told you! I was wrong! Please forgive me…"
There she was again. Apologizing for something she hadn't done. It got him angrier. Why did she have to be so kind? Why couldn't she just hate him? It would be easier! She hates him, and he goes! But no, she had to ask him to stay. She had to make it hard. "Kaoru-dono, you don't understand. I shouldn't be here. I hurt you. I destroyed your life. You said so".
Kaoru felt that he was going and there was nothing she could do to stop him. "But you don't remember what I told you? I was wrong! I wasn't thinking properly! I let my rage take control…"
"Kaoru-dono, maybe you can forgive me…"
She smiled trough her tears. "Yes! Yes! Please Kenshin, don't go. I need you here, with me…"
"…but I can't forgive myself".
She bit her lower lip and cupped his face with her hands. "Kenshin you don't understand…"
"No!" He grabbed her by her wrists. "It's you who don't understand! You don't understand anything!"
Kaou gave a step backwards, frightened. For the first time in all the years Kenshin had been living in the dojo, the samurai had shouted at her.
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"It was very strange. They behaved as if nothing had happened".
Sanosuke nodded. Strange indeed.
When they arrived at the dojo, a boy was outside the yard's door. He was sat with his face between his hands.
"Yahiko?"
The boy stood up. "Sano! Megumi! I thoght you would never arrive!" His eyes were slightly moistened.
Megumi tried to go into the house, but Yahiko stopped her. "What's happening here?"
The young samurai sighed. "I don't know. Kenshin arrived a few minutes ago. Kaoru and he were talking, but suddenly they started to shout at each other".
Sanosuke grinned. "You mean Jo-chan started to shout at Kenshin".
Yahiko shook his head. "I mean they. At each other".
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"You never understand!" he started to walk towards the door when a hand grabbed his gi.
"Then… make me understand…" Kenshin turned round. "Make me understand! Try to explain… talk to me! I can't help you if I don't know what troubles you!"
"Who said I want you to help me?"
Her eyes widened. She fell to the floor, trembling. "At the end it's always the same, ne?" She gave him a little smile. "I try my best to make everybody comfortable here, I work, I train, I earn money so that all of you will have food in your stomachs three times a day, I care about you, but it's not enough! It's never enough!" The tears that were falling form her eyes started to draw red lines in her face. "It's just like my father said! I'm useless!"
As Kaoru talked, Kenshin felt his heart squeezing. 'I've done it again. I always do it. I always hurt her'. He kneeled down next to her. "I'm sorry K aoru-dono. I'll try to explain":
She looked at him, not believing what she had just heard.
Kenshin wiped away some of her tears with his thumbs. "This morning I woke up without any bloody nightmare trying to hunt me down. I was in your arms. I felt warm, protected. But I felt I had lost something. When we arrived here, Yahiko reminded me what I had forgot. My pain. I had forgot my pain for a couple of hours. The best hours in my life. And I want to thank you for what you did, for helping me.
"But I remebered my pain. I remembered that I don't deserve being happy, and I don't deserve your help. That's why I don't want you to help me. I don't deserve to be happy".
Kaoru looked at his moistened eyes. Her right hand went to his left cheek. "Kenshin…" His hand stopped hers. "Kenshin… do you think I deserve to be happy?"
The samurai looked at the woman, confused. "Of course Kaoru-dono".
She smiled. "For my happiness, I need you to do something. Would you do it?"
The man didn't understand anything. 'What does she mean?' He stared at her blue eyes and hesitated before saying "Yes Kaoru-dono".
"Right. The first thing you have to do is stop calling me 'dono'. I hate it".
Kenshin was now absolutely confused. A faint voice in his mind tried to remind him that he had to go, but he silenced it. "Kaoru-do- Kaoru".
Her face brighted with a beautiful smile. "Now, the next hting you have to do is allow me to ease your nightmares".
'help me… ease my nightmares…' He was about to say yes when thousand of images crossed his mind. A woman dying, a woman suffocating, a wolf threatening his family, a woman impaled on a wall, blood, screams, death, a woman crying… Kaoru crying… Kaoru dying…
"No!" Kenshin stood up and went outside. Kaoru tried to follow him. "Kenshin!"
The samurai stopped at the door, where Sanosuke, Yahiko and Megumi were staring at him. Kaoru got closer to him. "Kenshin…"
"Don't move!" Kenshin was looking at the ground. His breath was hard. Hundreds of voices screamed in his mind.
'Go!'
'Stay!'
'Run!'
'Kiss her!'
'Kill her!'
'Love her!'
'Hate her!'
He tried to silence the voices, but it was useless. "Shut up!" He closed his eyes.
'Live!'
'Die!'
'Go!'
'Kill!'
'Protect!'
'Kill!'
"Shut up!" But the voices grew louder, faster.
'Kill!'
'Go!'
'Don't!'
'Do!'
'Now!'
'Suffer!'
'Stop!'
'Slay!'
He clutched his head. "Shut up! Shut up!"
'KILL!'
Before he realized what he was doing, his right hand went to his sword, unseathed it and moved.
"Shut up!"
his sword hit something. He heard screams. Something was lying on the floor.
He looked at his sword. Blood. His eyes widened.
Megumi run to the thing that lay on the ground. Sanosuke shook his shoulders and screamed at him, but he could hear nothing. Yahiko ran into the house. And Kaoru…
His sword fell. The image in front of him made him froze. He fainted with a word in his lips. "Kaoru…"
My little glossary:
Ohayou: good morning
Ore: I, masculine. Kenshin refers to himself as 'ore' when he's Battousai.
Well, what do you think. Please reviewwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry if you waited too long for the third chapter, but I've just started with my exams. I will try to update every weekend.
See you in th next chapter!!!! ^___^