Author's Note: Whew, been a while, eh? I'm still writing, still got ideas... just had a hard time getting the motivation up for writing the chapters. Just letting you know this story's still live, it just might be a bit of time between updates, that's all. That being said, I hope everyone remembers who the old man in the story is at the end and what he's talking about, or the story won't be (in my opinion), quite as funny.

Subcontracting

Mazzy quickened her step for a moment, eyeing their leader who walked at lead. She sidestepped a few crates that had been stacked on the ground in front of her as the party stalked through the Bridge District of Athkatla, on their way to the Docks in search of aid against Bodhi's guild of vampires. Khan was walking particularly fast today; she was almost caught up to him-

"Um... I wouldn't, Maz." Imoen dropped one hand on the halfling's shoulder, guiding her back a few feet as the thief-mage whispered. "Khan's been in... well, kind of a foul mood today."

"I only wished to ask him about our present state of equipment; surely he would like to know how our weapons and armor are faring for the next trip to the smithy?" Mazzy questioned, glancing up at Imoen with a hint of confusion.

"Oh, and any other day I'm sure he'd be ecstatic to hear it." Imoen said with a hint of sarcasm, but quickly returning to her conspiratorial tone, "But not today. You remember those last few muggers?"

"Oh... oh yes." Mazzy frowned. "Or what was left of them, rather. What has been eating at him, anyway? He does not seem his paladin self. Perhaps the taint...?"

"No... no if it were the taint then he'd be all scaly and demony." Imoen shook her head. "It's something else... but heck if I know. Last time I tried to pull a prank on him he nearly bit my head off."

Even as the two women continued their discussion of Khan's somewhat unusual behavior, the man in question continued leading the group onward, his face seemingly molded into a perpetual frown. Had anyone been listening closely enough, they would have heard his own muttering to himself, as well as the irritation present in his tone and stance. In fact, he was so caught up in his own cloud of unfriendliness, he failed to notice the old man dressed in tatters and rags that stood a good thirty feet off in the distance.

The old man caught a glimpse of the party of adventurers moving down the street; his eyes widened and he gave a toothless grin. Hobbling over to them, he called out, "Excuse me, forgive me milord, but I-"

"Not now." Khan's simple but curt answer seemed to take the old man and the party both by surprise, but to the old man's credit, he didn't give up quite so easily.

"Oh, but it'll only take a half-minute, sir. Y'see-"

"You want me to do something for you, right?" Khan snapped, whirling to face the man directly. "Want me to solve some dread problem that's come up in your life, huh?"

"Um... well, sort of." the old man stammered. "I have this problem-"

"Problem?! You think you've got problems?" Khan barked a laugh, then strode over to the old man, now quivering slightly, putting one arm over his shoulder. "C'mere. I want to tell you some things."

"No... no, that's okay, I'm sorry to have bothered you-" he said fearfully, but Khan pulled him closer, shaking a finger and chuckling bitterly.

"No, you wanted to tell me all about your problems, so now I get to tell you about mine. Sounds fair? Good. Now, you want to compare problems? Okay. Fine. Let's start with parents. Did you have a good family? Mother? Father? Good. Me? I didn't know my mother... my father was Bhaal. Yeah, the dead God of Murder. So... unless your father happened to be a dead deity who personified some wicked act like Hate... I think I've got you beat right out of the gate when it comes to problems!"

The old man's quivers turned to actual shaking as he slowly tried to pull away again, Khan once more drawing him back with the arm around his shoulder. "Oh no no no, don't worry. I'm no Bhaalspawn like you've heard about. See not only am I a Bhaalspawn, but I had the fantastic luck of being born with a good role model, so I actually have a conscience! I don't get to run around and slaughter mindlessly like the rest of my kin, I have to feel bad about that sort of thing! No butchering for this Bhaalspawn! Nope, I get to struggle and suppress all those nasty urges inside! Isn't that wonderful?!"

"Don't think I'm done yet, sir. I've got more, believe me." Khan smiled broadly, ignoring the pedestrians who were rapidly dispersing, putting as much distance between them and the raving man. "So I save the city of Baldur's Gate. The whole thing. Stop my evil half-brother from becoming the new Lord of Murder. What do I get for it? I get captured and thrown into a dungeon where two of my closest friends are killed and my sister gets kidnapped! Lucky me! When I finally raise the TWENTY THOUSAND gold pieces I need to rescue her, it turns out to be a trap. Again. One of my party betrays me and we're back to square one."

"I'm very sorry sir... please let go of me..." the old man whimpered, but Khan kept right on talking.

"On top of all that, turns out this madman's goal is to steal my soul. Yeah, mine and my sister's. So now I'm not only a Bhaalspawn, but a soulless one. So every time I get just a bit too angry or the like, I turn into a giant demon. Oh, and I also just fought my way through the Underdark, where I was nearly roasted by beholders, mind flayers, and drow. And the stuck-up elves who greeted me with another damn quest the moment I got out won't even tell me who the blazes this Irenicus really is!! So you want me to do something for you, huh? Gonna pay me some gold pieces for my trouble? Well, what the hell I am I going to use them for?! When do I eat?! We never eat! Going to buy new weapons?! No! The best stuff we just randomly find! Why the hell does everyone think that they can subcontract their entire life's problems to me, because I happen to be walking down the street and carrying a sword! Why?!!"

Khan exhaled, his teeth gritted as he finally let himself stop speaking... the old man collapsed on the street, curled up and crying. Khan sighed, shaking his head and turning back to his party- he winced, noting the numerous looks ranging from shock to outright anger on their faces. Aerie and Jaheira both stalked up to him, Khan opening his mouth to speak-

Khan's head twisted to one side, his face still stinging from Jaheira's slap. "Ow! Jaheira, you-"

"Khan, get a hold of yourself." she ground out.

He tried to respond- his face burned again with the slap from Aerie. "Aerie! I-"

"Khan, apologize to the man." Aerie said with a frown and folded arms.

Khan sighed, glancing back at the two, then turned back to the man on the ground, still blubbering his eyes out. "Look sir... here, let me help you up..."

He pulled the old man to his feet, trying to sound as gentle as possible. "Okay okay... I'm sorry for yelling at you. I've been going through a lot lately, soul stealing, vampire fighting... just a big mess. You understand that right? Here, you said you had something for us to do- look, we'll help you out. Really, free of charge. Whatever it is."

"R-really? You'll help me?" the old man sniffed, rubbing his eyes.

"Sure, why not." Khan sighed. "How hard could it be?"

"Oh... okay." the man straightened, glancing back at the inn behind them all. "Well... my name's Vitollio, and it's... well, there's a man in there named Captain Dennis who owes me my bar tab..."