The Healing Heart – Chapter 4
The tires on Sookie's car squealed as she peeled out of Fangtasia's parking lot and sped down the road towards the entrance to the interstate highway that would take her back to Bon Temps. The clock on the dash indicated the time as 1:50 am; she thought it was later than that. She was still unable to get her anger under control. She felt like a animal trapped in a cage; a cage she had unwittingly helped to build for herself.
She stared out the windshield, but Eric's face was all she could see. The hard, icy anger in his voice was all she could hear. The argument they had played over and over in her mind in excruciating detail and rocked her. She winced at the memory of Pam's defense of her maker and the thinly veiled warnings not to upset Eric, her maker. Sookie gagged as she remembered the triumphant look on Appius' face; that pig had been in hog heaven as he watched them quarrel! An uncontrollable urge to smash something coursed through her like lightning. She slammed her fist against the steering wheel so hard it hurt.
Eric's face flashed in front of her once more. That arrogant son of a bitch! How dare he talk to me like that? Who does he think he is? His wife, my ass! Sookie thought as she stomped on the accelerator. The speedometer arrow edged up: 65- 70- 80- 85 miles per hour. Some part of her knew she should slow down, but she didn't.
Her thoughts were so jumbled and stormy, she nearly passed the entrance to the interstate. Almost too late, she realized she was in the wrong lane. A car horn blared sharply behind her as she made a sharp turn to the right crossing over the white line into the exit lane. She hadn't bothered to look over her right shoulder or check her side and rearview mirrors. She hadn't put her on turn signals on either; she just jerked the wheel without thinking about it. The other driver managed to brake in time to avoid a collision, but she could see him clearly though his front windshield; he was glaring at her, and his mouth was working agitatedly as he cursed her. The close call left her shaking for a few minutes, but her mind gave was in so much turmoil, she quickly forgot.
You are my wife. You are mine! You belong to me until I say we are through! The words repeated loudly and clearly in her consciousness.
Really! Well, we will see about that, won't we. You don't own me, Eric Northman! No one does!Put that in you pipe and smoke it, asshole! Sookie carried on a running conversation with the empty seat beside her.
Don't do anything foolish...Eric doesn't like to be crossed. Bad things happen when he is. Pam's warning came out of nowhere.
Fuck you and the horse you rode in on, Eric! Fuck you too, Pam! Sookie didn't use that word often, but this morning it felt good as it came out. So she said it again, but this time out loud. She liked the feel and the taste of it; it felt right.
"Fuck you, Eric Northman! Fuck you, Pam Ravenscroft! Fuck you, Appius Livius Ocella! Fuck you Alexei Romanov; Fuck you, Victor Madden; Fuck you Rene Lenier! Fuck you...fuck you...fuck you!" A litany of names, that included Sophie Anne LeClerq, Lorena Ball, Felipe de Castro, Debbie Pelt, her Uncle Bartlett; her brother, Jason, Breandan, Lochlan and Neave, flowed out in an unstoppable torrent.
The "fuck you" list included anyone and everyone, human, vampire, fairy, or were, who had ever hurt or tied to hurt her, or who had just plain look cross-eyed at her. All except Bill Compton that is. Her mouth just wouldn't form his name, so she double fucked Judith Vardamon instead. That surprised her; Judith had never done a thing to her. In fact, she knew she owed Judith big time for saving Bill's life.
Even after all the screaming nightmares she had endured since the her torture, she had never let herself go so completely as she screamed loudly in the cabin of the car. All the pain and horror she felt the night Lochlan and Neave kidnapped her and later when Breandan attacked: all the pent up anger, frustration, doubts and sheer loneliness she kept bottled up ever since; spewed out like hot lava. Feelings and emotions buried so deep, she never knew they existed, coursed through her like electricity. She felt like she had opened a festering wound in her mind that let all the nastiness and corruption out. When she was done, she felt completely and utterly exhausted. It was cathartic.
As she drove onward, she realized her anger was gone. The feeling of entrapment faded. Nevertheless, Sookie knew that something something had to be done. She had no intention of carrying on this farce of a marriage with Eric. Once again she was wondered if she truly loved Eric, or if it was only the blood bond making her think she was in love with him. Whatever this thing with Eric is, its definitely not working for me! she thought.
As she neared the Bon Temps exit, a light rain started to fall. A few minutes later, Sookie was driving down the road to her house still engrossed in her thoughts, when a deer suddenly jumped out of the woods in front of her. She jerked the wheel hard to avoid the animal when the her car started to skid. The road was often used by trucks, and there was just enough oil and dampness on the roadbed to make it slippery. The rear end of the car fishtailed; the car slid crazily and ended up with the back of the car off the road.
Sookie got out and looked. The left rear wheel was dangling over the edge of the drainage ditch than ran along side the road. It had no purchase. There was no way she was going to be able to drive the car back onto the road.
I guess this night can get worse; it just did! Sookie thought.
She reached for her cellphone when the bright headlights of a car washed over her. Her cousin, Claude, pulled up and stopped his car a few feet behind her.
"Sookie, I thought that was you. What happened? Are you hurt?"
"I almost hit a deer, but I'm not hurt. It looks like I'll have to get a tow truck though."
"Step back, cousin." Claude said as he moved to the rear of her car and grabbed onto something under the back bumper. With no effort at all, Claude picked Sookie's car up a little and moved the vehicle back onto the road. Sookie had forgotten how strong her fairy cousin was.
"Thanks." she murmured and proceeded to drive home. She parked around back as usual. Claude pulled in beside her. They walked inside together.
When they got into the kitchen, Claude asked, "What happened, Sook? I thought you were going to stay over with Eric tonight."
"I was, but things came up." Without meaning to Sookie started to cry.
Claude looked at her awkwardly then he hugged her patted her on the back. "Do you want to talk about it, Sookie?" he asked.
Sookie sat down on a kitchen chair and poured her heart out. She told Claude everything from the time she first met Bill Compton until the events of tonight. She told him about the months she and Bill spent together, and how deeply she had loved him. She smiled as she described the deep emotional connection she felt to him when they made love.
"You know how people say the earth moves when they have an orgasm? Well it true. With Bill, the earth not only moved, lights flashed and I had visions too." she laughed a little at that.
She told Claude how Bill had first saved her life when she was attacked by the Rattrays by giving her his blood. She had taken it willingly and eagerly. She described how betrayed she felt when Eric told her Bill had left her and gone to his maker, Lorena. Now she finally understood Bill hadn't gone willingly, he had no choice, but at that time, it hurt her so bad. Even though Bill had explained that he had to go, she didn't believe him until recently, when she saw the power that Eric's sire held over him.
She described how Bill had been tortured and starved because he refused to give her name to Lorena. Lorena would have killed her once Bill revealed who she was. She honestly didn't know how Bill had lasted as long as he did. She described the search for Bill with Alcide Herveaux and how she had staked Lorena when she rescued Bill. She was glad she did.
She talked of how she had been trapped in the trunk of a car with with a tortured, half dead and starving Bill by Alcide's former girlfriend, Debbie Pelt. She shivered as she remembered how Bill attacked her in the trunk. She had thought for sure that he was was going to kill her in that cramped dark place. That's exactly what Debbie had planned when she shoved her inside and slammed the trunk hood down on her.
Sookie's face contorted when she remembered how her heart felt decimated when Eric forced Bill to confess he had been sent by Sophie Ann to seduce her. Her sense of betrayal was deep and profound. She felt an incandescent hatred for Bill after that. She spoke of Bill's attempts to explain and apologize to her, and how she had rebuffed each and every one.
Her face looked tortured as she spoke of the night she finally forgave Bill. It was after Bill, along with Nyall, had saved her from her fairy torturers and got himself almost killed in the process. She knew for sure then night that Bill had always loved her, and for a moment at least, she loved him again. She described how she felt when Bill almost died again so soon after that after battling with Breandan and his fairy warriors. He had placed his broken body in front of her to protect her.
She explained how bad she felt later when Bill was didn't recover from the silver poisoning and was so depressed that he lost the will to live. Her voice caught when she remembered how Bill had admitted only a few short weeks ago that still loved her and always will. She told him of her efforts to track down Bill's sibling, Judith, to save his life and how happy she was that Judith was successful.
She told him too about Eric and how she first met him. Then she described the events in Dallas and how Eric covered her body during a bomb blast, but then tricked her into sucking a piece of silver out of his chest. She blushed a little when she told him how great sex was with Eric, including the time he stayed with her the few days after he lost his memory. She described all the times she had taken Eric's blood; after the Maenad attack; in Dallas; in Rhodes at the vampire summit, after the faerie attack and so many other countless times. So much so, that she felt that she may be close to the point of turning herself. Claude was disgusted and afraid for her when he heard that.
She described the blood bond with Eric and its affect on her. She described the night Eric tricked her into marriage in front of Victor Madden. She spoke of the many doubts she had about her relationship with Eric both before and since. She admitted how she finally decided she still loved him.
She talked a lot about Eric's maker, Appius Livius Ocella the power he held over Eric. She shuddered as she described his evil presence so strong through her blood bond with Eric that it debilitated and made her nauseous. She told him how much she despised and loathed the old vampire. Finally, she spoke of her fear of Appius and her fear of Alexei.
Through it all, Claude was silent. He had taken Sookie's hand in his and listened patiently while she told her story. The only movement he made was when she related her last meeting with Claudine before she was killed by Breandan. His face contorted before he put his head down into his hands and sobbed for a few minutes. He grabbed a dinner napkin from the napkin holder and dried his eyes. "Sorry, Sookie. Please go on."
"No. I'm the one who's sorry, Claude." she said gently. "I shouldn't have reminded you of that." Sookie reached over and took her cousin's hand in hers again. Claude cupped her hand with his free one one.
"Go on, Sookie." he said again. When she came to the events at the bar tonight, including her argument with Eric, how Appius leered at her and Pam's later warning, a flash of anger sparked in his eyes.
"Did that damn vampire hurt or threaten you in anyway, Sookie?" he demanded.
"Not really."
"Are you sure? I don't like the sound of what your friend Pam said."
"Yes, Claude. I'm positive. Eric wouldn't physically hurt me. He neglects me; he often ignores me; he puts everything and everybody in front of me, but he wouldn't hurt me. I am not afraid of him for myself., but he might try to kill a man if he thought I was dating again." Sookie shivered at this realization; it finally hit home.
"I'm curious about something, Sookie. Mind you, I am not judging you, but how come you are with Eric now? From what you've said, it seems natural to me that you would have gone back to Bill.
She felt offended by the question. "Why do you ask?" She almost felt she had to defend Eric to Claude, but she kept quiet.
"From the way you describe your relationship with Bill, its obvious you loved him deeply and had a deep connection with him. In my opinion, you still do. Tell me, did Bill ever trick you or force you to do anything?" Claude asked.
"No, he never forced me into anything; he would never do that, he loves me too much. But his whole reason for meeting me was based on a lie. So, I guess you could call that a trick."
"Sookie, what would have happened to Bill if he refused the queen's request?" Claude was curious.
"She would have killed him immediately, I guess." Sookie lowered her head for a second. She had never admitted that out loud before, and she felt a slight sense of shame now.
"Did Eric know about Bill's mission?" her cousin asked.
"No. He said he didn't, and I believe him." Sookie flushed a little at the look of disbelief in Claude's eyes.
"So other than the night he raped you in the truck of that car, Bill never tricked or forced you to do anything. Is that right?"
At that statement, Sookie's head jerked up. "No. Bill didn't rape me! Don't say that! Bill would never intentionally hurt me, never! He was tortured nearly to death and starving; he smelled my blood and felt a warm body next to him. He acted out of some unconscious, primal instinct to survive the way vampire would. Blood and sex go hand in hand for vampires. Bill didn't even know what he was doing. He stopped immediately as soon as realized what was happening. He apologized and he's been sorry for it ever since. How could anyone believe Bill raped me! I sure as hell never did!" Sookie was yelling loudly by now.
"Do you still believe Bill loves you, even today?" Claude looked at Sookie sharply.
"I don't know. He did; at least he said so not too long ago. But he's with someone else now. He loves Judith now. How can he not; she saved his life. I was the one who brought her to him." Sookie said brokenly.
Claude yawned. He stood up and prepared to leave the kitchen. "Sookie, I ask you again: why did you go with Eric after he tricked you and manipulated you. Why are you still with him now after he neglects you so much? You know Nyall expected you to turn to Bill. He's never liked Eric Northman much. Eric has a reputation among our kind. We try to stay as far away from him as we can. He's ruthless, conniving and self-serving; he skirts the law closely on many issues. There are many rumors about illegal activity at his bar. Nyall believes Eric will say anything, do anything to get his way. He will use or step on anyone to get what he wants. He will try destroy anyone who gets in the way of his objective. He has survived a long, long time by using his wit, but I wonder at what cost."
"I don't know, Claude. I really don't know." She said. She didn't like hearing what Claude had to say, but a part of her knew it was true.
"Sookie, I love you, but sometimes you are so blind. Can't you see what is right in front of your face?." Claude gently asked before he left the kitchen and headed upstairs.
Sookie went to bed too, but her sleep was not restful. She dreamed of Appius: she knew it was a dream, but it all seemed so real, it was terrifying. She was standing alone on a barren field. The night was dark and she was terrified, but she didn't know why. Suddenly, Appius appeared out of nowhere with Alexei in tow.
He came close, too close. She could feel his dark liquid eyes on her; they were slimy, malignant and loathsome. She pulled back in disgust and fear as his thick lips pulled back in a knowing leer. She knew he was enjoying her fear; it fed him; it sustained him.
The pressure of his mind was so strong in hers it was oppressive and crippling. Appius stepped closer to her and put his cold hand on her face. He opened his mind to her even more and drew her deeper inside; she tried to resist, but she couldn't. She was in a pit so black she wondered if light had ever shown there.
She could hear someone gasping near her; a lot of someones. Voices were screaming and moaning in endless pain and terror. The stench of death and decay was pervasive, and so was the feeling of hopelessness and despair. An unearthly green luminescence lit the landscape slightly. She could see people moving and writhing on the ground around her. Their eyes were blank and their mouths contorted and stretched into impossible shapes as they wailed out their torment.
She fought to close her mind down to force the hellish visions out of the way. But Appius just laughed and pulled at her more. He controlled her; he wanted her to see; he wanted her to be horrified and afraid. His eyes kept pulling her in further; down and down she went. Darkness further enveloped her, smothered her. Still the horrific visions came, each one worse than before, but always Appius' face was always with her. His evil leer mocked her as he kept on laughing. The sound of his voice filled her; she could not escape. There was no air and Sookie felt her lungs burn. She gasped for air, but there was none. A sudden blinding pain ripped through her brain like a hot knife through butter. She felt her mind snap and she fainted.
Sookie jerked awake screaming so loud, Claude came running down the stairs dressed in pajama bottoms only. He had been startled out of a deep sleep. He sat on the bed beside her. Sookie was sitting up on the bed, but her body was shaking and trembling like a leaf in a hurricane. She couldn't speak.
"What is it Sookie? What frightens you so? Whatever it is, you are all right, now. You are all right." The big fairy male put his arms around her and rocked her back and forth until her tremors stopped. He was overwhelmed with pity for his beautiful human cousin.
Finally after what seemed like hours, Sookie drifted into a fitful sleep, but she didn't dream again. Claude sat down on the rocking chair in corner of the bedroom to watch over her. He had a concerned look on his face.