Quatre: Best Left Undead

What the heck did you do that for Will? That was Lion.

Seriously, even I would've asked before punching him that hard. Gaap's so nice sometimes.

… There was some silence.

Oh, there's Kinzo! Apparently, Beatrice found chibi Gramps…

Beeaatorriiche~!

Why are you yellin' Kinzo? (I'm right here…)

Good point…. Sorry…

Battler was still in-and-out of consciousness; which was natural since Willard H. Wright gave him a finishing blow that could make Muhammad Ali and Mike Tyson cry together.

"Hey Bato, wake the hell up; you're making Lion cry," Gaap was kicking Battler in his ribs, which (surprisingly), made him awaken fully. "Battler! Are you okay," Lion (being the best cousin evar) rushed to the red-head's side.

"Ihihi, it's just my pride that's broken; and a few bones. But mostly bones," Battler reassured him by petting his cousin's blonde hair.

"That's for makin' some other random jerk pose as me yesterday, you Betch!" Will spat at Battler roughly.

Beatrice cocked her head to the side. "Do you mean, you're THE 'Wizard-hunting Wright'? Then who was that other guy, Battler? I just assumed his name was right because he said it was Wright," Beatrice and everyone besides Will were beginning to become confused.

"So that Wright was wrong?" Gaap asked to Will.

"No, he was right, his name was Wright; just not the right Wright," Will stated matter-of-factly.

"So you're Wright, the right Wright: Willard Wright?" Lion wondered out loud.

"I got sucker-punched over wordplay?" Battler asked God. He received the Shrug of God.

"Yeah, that's basically it. But there is another problem going on," He gave an Objection point at Battler.

"Diana…is missing!" *Melodramatic Dramatic B# Note*

"She had wonderful breasts, so I raped her and threw her in the ocean," Battler told Will apologetically. "THAT'S TERRIBLE!" Dlanor screamed within her chicken suit. "Honestly, how am I related to this Diana person?" Battler hollered.

"You just said you RAPED HER! How can you ask Mr. Will such a QUESTION?" Dlanor burst out of her Halloween suit with a blue and red sword in both of her hands.

"It's called sarcasm." Battler told Dlanor flatly. There was then an awkward pause.

"What is SARCASM?"

"Anyhoo, when Ron get's depressed, he surrounds himself with cats. Right Lia?" Gaap continued after Dlanor's question went unanswered.

"Uhh, yeah… and then he holed up in his room not long ago. He had another, new kitty with him…" Virgilia seemed to know what Gaap was trying to do, so she played along. "You people don't understand what I'm asking," Battler said with a face as though he was going to burst into tears.

"Wait, what da hell you mean by: 'you people'?" Gaap spoke in her angry-ghetto-and-too-black-to-get-a-decent-job-and-is-on-welfare-but-writes-fan-fiction-anyways tone. "Don't worry Gaap, he's just depressed right now, I suspect by 24:00, he'll suddenly recede to the third stage of depression and (hold on)—"Beatrice put on her reading glasses as she continued to read a manual.

"As He (meaning our Battler Unit) regresses to L3 Syndrome, he will succumb to the need to explode the entire island, and afterwards, watch a whole bunch of zombie…porn?" Beatrice set her Bato-Manual down for a second. Then she put her face in her hands.

"Yep. Kinda fucked up," Everyone gasped as Virgilia issued a curse word. "What? It really is!"

Virgilia snatched the Bato-Manual and began reading silently.

"It seems as though you are the only one who can cheer Ronove-sama up, Battler," Lion said quietly. "I know; and I'm telling you that that can't be right! Gramps and Dad and everyone else in here are rong!"

"Battler…" Lion said softly. "Huh? Did you figure out a way to help me Lion?"

"No, but you spelled 'wrong' incorrectly."

The young red-head softly began to weep. "*Sigh*," Will went. But he crouched beside the teen and put an understanding hand on his shoulder. "There, there pal. I know how to fix this problem for ya," Battler looked into the man's golden eyes in amazement.

"R-Really? That's incredible, what do I have to do?"

Will gave him a small smirk. "You: nothing as of yet. Just let me handle all of the talking," he suddenly jumped onto his feet Chuck Norris style, and began to drag Bato along by his shoulder length hair. Of course, Battler was on L2 of the Undead Syndrome, so he couldn't feel a bit of pain any longer.

"C'mon Lion. We've got kittehs to save!" Will called to his partner energetically.

"You mean you know what the fuck to do?" Beatrice asked incredulously? "Yep," he answered casually. "Back in college, I always ended up on all fours, like a cat."

Everyone, including Lion gave him a silent, skeptical look. "No—like a cat! Not like that!"

"Sure thing…homo-thug…" Gaap said.

Lion trailed after the two as they headed through the kitchen's doors…

"GO GO GADGET-…. Hmmmm, what can make me scale up to the open window of this mansion?" Smart-Ass-Fuck Erika perused her gray cells for something the real Inspector Gadget would use. But she couldn't think of anything to fit her character; she just hated OOC-ness.

"GO GO GADGET~ Rocket BOOTZ!"

Suddenly, an incredible display of fireworks erupted from the cyan villain's boots, and she flew past the mansion's top most tiles…

And she rocketed on for approximately another 0.32 seconds, until she made contact with Rudolf's Rainbow; which then shattered into a million beautiful pieces across the island.

The next 0.68 seconds were really fun!

Erika crashed landed back into the mansion's outer bushes, her boots still flaming like last year's barbeque cooked by Krauss…

ELSEWHERE… (Over the rainbow)

"Oh my God! That rainbow just exploded!"

Detective Kuraudo Oishi hollered from on top of the Ushiromiya mansion.

"….. Hm?—"

Then he looked around himself, ignoring the fact he was in an Angel Mort servant costume.

"Who the hell is that on the roof!" Eva asked at her position from the rose garden with her siblings. "But he's right; that rainbow disappeared out of nowhere," Rosa urged. "It was pretty, but what a mystery! I say we investigate!"

Kanon, who was inside the mansion at the time, came walking casually through the front doors with a platter of cookies for the adults. "Gah—ahhh~!" Oishi made a misstep on his way down the roof (you know, because of the heels) and fell down the so-many-stories-high home.

Luckily, he used Kanon to break his fall, so he didn't dirty his outfit. That would have been horrible!

"OH MY GOD! You so totally killed Kanon," Rosa called to the detective, though not very alarmed.

"You BASTARD!" Shannon accused with an expert Objection pose.

"I-I'm sorry! Hey kid, are you okay?" Oishi shook Kanon's little body, which gently began to evaporate into the air via golden butterflies, which crumbled away into equally beautiful, golden leaflets. "NOOOOOOOOO!" The policeman hollered into the sky while shaking his fists.

"Oh don't worry sir, he'll come back; just don't tell George-kun!" Genji said, and then returned his attention to the matter at hand: The Shattered Rainbow Mission.

"I, Ushiromiya Natsuhi will lead in this expedition. WE GONNA BE CALLED THE 'KINZO 4 EVAR TEAM'!" The woman had a rifle so none rejected the team name.

"Shhh be quiet honey; I'm reading," Krauss said from under the arbor with Dlanor's reading glasses. "It's upside down dear… Why are you reading that Dr. Seuss book upside down?" Natsuhi asked her husband. "Uhm… well you see; it's all the rage for presidents in America to—uhh…"

/Oh shi—she's really gonna make me go with them? Well fuck me backwards!/

"Sure!" Rudolf said happily, he was looking directly into Krauss' face, who gave him a scared look back. /Did he just read my…mind?/

"Let's do it then, okay Aniki? Ihihi!"

"I DON'T WANT YOU TO F^CK ME BACKWARDS!"

The rose garden gave a moment of silence. "Did he want Rudolf-kun to fuck him forwards," Hideyoshi whispered to Rosa. She gave a shrug. "Maybe upside-down; this is Krauss we're discussing here."

"What are you talking about? We were discussing the rainbow quest…" Even Nanjo in his Gaap outfit gave Krauss a strange look. The eldest sibling stood there in shock, realizing how perverted he looked.

"You see, what had happened was—"

"Don't give that 'oh-I'm-black-so-this-is-what-had-happened-excuse'," Kyrie admonished Krauss. "Let's just get ready to go!"

"I second that emotion! Let's meet back here in thirty minutes, packed and ready to go," Eva took over as the second oldest and instructed everyone else there.

"Hello, I'm Detective Oishi, although I'm an uninvited guest, please welcome me!"

The mysterious man from the mansion roof greeted the servants and family members present.

"Please, please, please CAN I COME TOO? I've never went treasure hunting before!" He pleaded to them all.

"Why the hell not? You are welcomed here," Eva told him. "Yippeee~!" The old cop cheered.

Everyone began to totter to the mansion to prepare for the big adventure. Except for Krauss (and technically Kanon, but let's not get technical). He stayed at his spot under the arbor, remembering the last time he went on an adventure on the island: his father rammed a boat with himself, Genji, Kanon, and Gohda (whom of which was wearing Daisy Dukes that day) into his secret mansion Kuwadorian. Worst of all, he wasn't allowed to eat dessert as punishment that night.

Rudolf was standing there the entire time circling his brother in his Skittles skates.

"Are you worried about something, Krauss? Stress isn't good for you!"

"Ohmigawd! You're here still? Leave with your wife dammit!" Rudolf didn't. Instead, he pointed towards Kyrie and Natsuhi flirting like teenagers.

"That's so awkward… Well, I just don't want my dessert privileges revoked again," Krauss confessed. Rudolf sat down in the chair adjacent to him, and nodded understandingly. "Remember when mom used to do that, heh, I've gotten through a loophole…"

"Really? What would we do if that happens?" Krauss asked desperately, pulling his (brother) closer. "I need my fuckin' desserts MAN!"He shook Rudolf with desperation. "Alright, alright, listen up then," Rudolf was elated to have some control over his older brother.

"Plan A is: I'll share my snacks," Rudolf leaned into his brother, his voice barely above a whisper.

"I'll give you my cookies, to no one but you, Aniki…"

And thus, every adult at the Ushiromiya mansion was set for the voyage!

Except for the children…where the hell are they…?

What will happen to the eldest Ushiromiya siblings? Krauss: Oh dear GOD spare my life!

And what of their children? Jessica: Finally! I got a line in the story!

Will the servants survive this time? Kanon: The hell you lookin' at me with that camera for?

How the hell did Oishi get on the roof of the mansion? Oishi: It was a long night a'right?

And now for a few pick up lines from the Ushiromiya Family & Friends! Funding provided by the Japanese Social Security Insurance.

Kinzo: "Well, now, what's your name, young miss? Have I seen you around before, you look like a—BEATORRICHHEEE!"

Nanjo: "O-ONCE A MONTH, YOU WILL BLEED FROM YOUR VAGINA!"

Genji: "….(swag)"

Krauss: "Not to brag, but, ahaha, I've been referred to as having the most pleasurable and experienced head in the history of the Ushiromiya—yeah for business, the commerce men of the world just can't seem to resist me! They keep telling me: 'Keep your eyes shut and your mouth open; they'll just keep coming for ya!' Did I just…say that wrong?"

AND THAT WILL BE ALL FOR TODAY!

Gohda: But I haven't had my turn ye—

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