Trust men and they will be true to you;

treat them greatly and they will show themselves great.
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thanks for the reviews. I'll try and include more Josh for amber'xx next time, and TheGoth: well, I'll just have to see what happens with Nikki and Tom getting together!
Back from my holidays now, after this one could be a while before I update again because I've not written any more yet, but I'll try...

This is really great; I'm learning loads of new quotes. I love quotes almost as much as I love Amelia Bullmore. *watches Scott&Bailey and Twenty Twelve excitedly*

Official hash tag on Twitter: #TomAndNikkiGetItOn ;)

Ten. Nikki answered on the tenth ring.

"Hello?"

Tom couldn't find his voice, for a moment. He understood now why he hadn't wanted to ring her, understood that it was true. He didn't want to hear her voice; he didn't want to hear her pain.

"Hello?"

"Hello," he said.

"Who..." she paused, "Is that Tom?"

"Yeah."

"Oh."

He waited for her to hang up. Or perhaps start screaming at him down the phone. She did neither, but she didn't speak again – she was waiting for him to be the brave one this time.

He thought this was worse, the new edge to her voice when she'd said oh. Like how he'd always been more afraid of his teachers being disappointed than angry; it hurt more, because it went deeper.

"I'm sorry."

"It's fine."

"It's not."

Why was he arguing with her? Did he want her to stop pretending and tell him it wasn't fine? That it was all his fault – that she'd never forgive him, that he didn't deserve to have Josh as a son?

Questions. So many bloody questions. He didn't even want the answers.

"How are you?" Nikki asked.

He couldn't really describe her emotion; her voice sounded crackly, but perhaps that was just the phone line. "Shouldn't it be me asking you that?"

"How's Josh?"

"He's okay. He's doing well – he's back at school again today. I think he just wants to start again now, and move on from what happened."

"He'll be fine. He's a good lad."

"Yeah. I know."

They both fell silent. Tom closed his eyes against the glare of the sun through the window, and saw her lying limply in his arms. He opened them again. He could hear background noise on the other end of the line; chattering, buzzing. She was still in hospital, then. A week, Michael had said. It all seemed a blur.

"Are you at school?"

Why was she making all the conversation? "Yeah."

"You sound tired."

"A bit. How's your head?"

She made a sound halfway between a laugh and a sob, "If it was up to me, fine. According to them, not fine. Depends who you want to listen to, really."

"You, of course."

"Right."

He could almost hear her smile. He liked that image, of her lips curved upwards, of her trying to hide her amusement, but failing.

"Tom..."

"Yeah?"

"They said they'd discharge me tonight."

He smiled, nodded. Then realised how stupid he was. He remembered when Josh had phoned him as a little boy, when they were apart; his son had never understood why his daddy couldn't see him nodding. The memory brought tears to his eyes, because of everything he'd gained since then, and everything he'd lost.

"Tom. Are you there?"

"Yeah, sorry. That's good."

"But..."

He realised she wanted to ask him something; he could hear the reluctance in her voice, the reluctance to plead for help. He understood that – he was a proud man himself, and didn't like to admit he needed a hand, but look where that had got him with Josh.

Sometimes you just had to trust people, let them show you they cared.

"What? Is there something I can do to help?"

"I just... they won't discharge me unless..." she paused, took a deep breath, "They want me to stay with someone for a while, just in case – they won't discharge me unless there's someone there to make sure I'm okay. I just wondered if..."

Tom really hated it when people implied things. Like Michael, implying Nikki would be lonely and frightened, but not actually saying it. Now Nikki, implying that she wanted his help.

Why didn't she just come straight out and say it? If she wanted his help, she had to be brave enough to ask for it, didn't she? He was a hypocrite, he knew, but he really hated cowardice, just because he knew what it could do to a man.

"No, it doesn't matter. It was a stupid idea," she spoke into the silence.

"No," he sighed, "I... of course you can stay with me, if you'd like to."

"You don't sound very... convinced?"

Of course I don't sound very bloody convinced. "It's not that – I just thought it might be difficult for you. You know, with Josh? He's doing well, but he's not... I'll be at work all day anyway; don't you need somewhere quiet to go, but where someone can look after you properly?"

Her voice was icy, "Where do you suggest?"

Michael: no, no way.

Sian: she had Jez, and the children; she was kind, but she couldn't afford to be that kind, and something told Tom the women didn't get on brilliantly anyway – they were like chalk and cheese.

Janeece: oh God, how desperate would you have to be?

He opened his mouth, but he saw what she meant. If she was asking him, it really meant she had no family or friends outside of work either, didn't it? Was this supposed to be a confession that she didn't have anyone else to care?

"It's okay, Tom. I understand – you've got enough on your plate. I was stupid asking; selfish." she said, and her voice had thawed, but her tone sounded artificial, like she was desperately masking her emotion, "It doesn't matter – I'll... I'll be fine. I'll sort something out."

"No, I didn't mean..."

"You did mean it."

Why were there so many questions, whenever he thought of Nikki? Questions he didn't want the answers to, but also questions he prayed for answers to. Who was she, really? Why did she hurt him so much, yet still draw him in? Why did he care?

"Nikki..."

"Tell Josh... Tell him I'm glad he's feeling better."

"I will, but..."

"You should get some rest too. You can't look after him if you need looking after yourself. Will you tell Michael thank you for the card as well? It really..." her voice trembled, "It really made me feel better."

"Nikki, I'm sorry I didn't..."

"It's fine. I'll see you sometime."

"Nikki..."

She hung up before he could finish his sentence. Everything seemed to be like that with them, leaving so many sentences unspoken, ending so many words with ellipsis. He hadn't even apologised properly; she'd pushed away his words. She didn't want to hear them, and she didn't want to forgive him.

He lay down his phone and put his head in his hands. The guilt was fluttering in his stomach again, his heart still thudding although he'd passed the nerves. He kept seeing her face, her hair mangled with blood, her shirt crumpled.

Her eyes. Coloured like the sea, blue and green swirling infinitely. Pleading with him to help her; struggling not to shed tears in a combination of pain and angst.

"Tom?" a hand touched his shoulder.

"Yeah. I'm fine," he sat up, brushed Sian away.

She didn't look convinced, "Go home, Tom; sleep, eat. There is no point in you being here like this. I'll arrange cover for your lessons – if you're better, you can come back tomorrow. I'll bring Josh home after school – and if there are any problems, I'll call you. Is that okay?"

"Yeah," he wiped his eyes, "Thanks."

"It's not your fault, Tom. What happened."

"No, I know."

"Okay," she stood up from perching on his desk, gave him a concerned smile and left the room.

He slung his bag over his shoulder and followed her out, loading the directions to the hospital on his phone as he walked.

XxXxX

Is it just me who thinks this story is going downhill?

Oh and by the way, can someone please explain the meaning of the word SHIP to me? As in the version that doesn't involve a boat? I have an idea, but I'm still learning my jargon for fanfiction ;)

Please review xxx