To Love is to Trust

I was lying in a bed with Alexander. We finally got back together, after his little betrayal. I know that it wasn't entirely his fault. Camille manipulated both of us. That bitch, she wanted to get revenge on me for that one time when I dumped her for William…ok…I really never dated Will…I only used him to make her jealous. I mean…she was the one who cheated on first. And when she came back she played my Shadowhunter…jealousy bitch. I know that she envied me…I mean…Alexander and I…what we have…it's simply true love. I never experienced that feeling before. Yes of course I had many lovers before, but none of them was like Alec. I never mourn about break up for a long time…and yet when I dumped Alec…I couldn't get over him. I still loved him…still love him same as in the beginning. And he was the first one who never give up with winning me back. He kept calling me…and hung up whenever I picked up…but still he put so much effort in his attempts. He couldn't get over me too. That's how I know that we're meant to be together. And that's why I decided to give him another chance. But this time we both decided that we need to learn to trust one another and to be honest in everything. And that's why I needed to tell him everything. Because to love is to trust. And I do trust Alexander…with my life.

„Alec?" I said silently.

„Hmm?"

„You're awake?"

„Yeeeeessss" he yawed. He rolled over so now he was facing me. I looked into his eyes, even in a darkness I could see the crystal blue inside. "You ok?"

„I'm fine" I said. I swallowed hard. Ok. Magnus. It's now or never. "Can we talk?"

„Sure." he turned his lamp on and looked in a concern at me. "Everything ok?"

„Yes…I love you, you know."

„I love you too." he gently caressed my cheek "You can tell me anything."

„You know…when we were broken up…I thought about why you did that…why you went to Camille…And when Jace came to me to tell me that you're miserable just as I am…I finally understood it."

„I'm so sorry that I went to her…I never wanted to take away your immortality…I only wanted to get to know you."

„I know. I understood that when Jace came to me. And…She manipulated both of us. She wanted to get revenge for what I've done years ago." he looked at me puzzled. "When I was dating her back in London in XIX century…there was a one dark hair, blue eyed Shadowhunter…Will Herondale. I thought that he was the most beautiful creature in a world…since his father. You need to know that blue eyes and dark hair are my favorite."

„Is that why you're with me…cause I have blue eyes and dark hair?"

„NO! I'm with you for you…Alec you're a brave young man…I'm not going to lie…it's true that your look draw me to you in a first place…but it's not why I fell in love with you. I love you for what you have in here" I tapped at his heart. He smiled a little at me and nodded. "Anyway…So Will was very beautiful…and very broken. He thought that he's cursed, so he didn't let anyone to love him. But that's not the point. The point is that Camille was Shadowhunters informatory you might say. Magister, you probably read about Axel Mortmain, created the automatons to destroy Shadowhunters, and to kidnap Tessa, he wanted her to be his wife…you might say that he created her… So Camille was their informatory. She told Tessa to change into her and to go to Alexei de Quincy's party, he was a head of the London vampire's clan. Camille wanted to take revenge on de Quincy's for killing her lover…a werewolf. I'll spear you details about that uneventful night and get straight to the point. After that night Camille disappear. She went to Russia to her human's lover. I was pissed and I missed her a lot. And when she came back finally I was beyond mad. I kissed William and told her that now I have him and I left her. After that I was staying with Woolsey Scott…I didn't love him…don't worry…but he gave me some satisfaction. And then she came back and demanded to talk to me. She told me that I should know that she will come back one day…she wanted to be again with me…but I told her that she could give me the past…but you're my future Alec. So when she couldn't manipulate me…she went to you. And we both know how that ended up."

„She really was a bitch." he said. "I let her get into my mind. But it's not her who…started it. Remember when I went to Seelie Court with Clary, Simon and Izzy? The Queen put a glamour on me, because I laughed at one Simon's comment. She let me see myself in forty years…old…with wrinkles…she asked me if you would love me still when I would look like that."

„Of course I will! I will always love you, no matter how you will look Alec. It's not the look I love in you…it's your heart." I kissed him gently on lips. He kissed me back. "I will love you forever.

„I will love you too. Always and forever."

„Alec…I told you that I understand finally why you went to her…and you were right. I should tell you more about myself."

„Magnus it's alright. If you don't want to you don't have to. I understand…"

„I want to tell you. I trust you." I grabbed his hand into mine and squeezed it gently. "I hope that you won't hate me after everything you'll hear."

„Never. I could never hate you."

„Good." I took a deep breath and started. "I'm six hundred years old. Not 800. I was born in Batavia. My mother…she hung herself when she found out who I am. My father…my stepfather…tried to drown me…I burned him in a defense. I was raised by the Silent Brothers in Madrid. They gave me my name."

„Do you remember your real name? The one that your mother gave you?" he interrupted.

„No…it was too long… The Silent Brothers taught me everything about the Downworld and about the downworlders. They found me a teacher…a warlock who taught me magic…When I was nineteen and when I stopped growing up…or stopped change…I left them. Then I started work for other creatures and mundanes. I started to lie about my age…cause no one wanted to employ a warlock who was still learning. After that I keep lying about my age…There are only three…well now two people who knows my real age. It's you and Cate. Anyway…I met Ragnor and we started to be friends...not lovers…Ragnor was into woman. And when I was like hundred and fifty…we saved Catarina from the burning. You know…that in the middle age Churches burned witches. So after that we became the "trio". Um…Sometimes I had to…do awful things…we were emploing to killing other creatures…including Shadowhunters…Like in the times of the Circle." I looked at him unsure. He was silent for a while. I knew that he has questions for me. "Alec…if you want to know something…just ask me."

„Who…who is your father? Which demon?" my Shadowhunter whispered. I knew that I need to tell him. I swallowed hard before I spoke.

„Lucifer." I waited for him to jumped out of the bed, or to look at me with disgust. But he didn't do any of this things. "Anything else?"

„Ok…I don't mind that…just for you known." he made a long pause "Was it true? What she told me? About that spell?"

„Camille?" he only nodded "There is a spell which can take away my immortality…but I didn't know that she knows about it."

„She told me that you told her once, in a bed."

„I didn't. Do you imagine me telling someone a spell which can take away something what makes me powerful?" he shook his head. "But it's true. There is a spell. I found it in the Book of White…that's why I wanted it so badly. Alec…in whole my life I experienced almost everything…but I never had a chance to grow old with the love of my life…and when I finally found you…I really think about it."

„I…I…" he kissed my knuckles. "I could never demand that from you. I just want…want to have, as much as I can, life with you…until I die. So…if you would ever go with it…it'll be your…only yours decision. Not mine. "

„I know. That's why I love you." Alec yawed. I kissed his forehead. "Go to sleep darling. We have plenty time to talk tomorrow or day after that."

„Magnus?" he said after a long pause. "Thank you. That you trusted me with your secrets. It means everything to me."

I kissed his hand and placed it over my heart. I smiled at him and closed my eyes. I felt so relieved when I told him my secrets. I was really glad that he didn't hate me after all. I guess it's true what they say…to love is to trust.

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Intoxic