The One Where Chandler Finally Experiments

By: Jana~

CHAPTER FOUR

****

--Chandler's head was spinning. He didn't think it was possible, but he found himself actually enjoying a man's touch. Not just any man, but his best friend. Still, he wasn't sure he was ready for the next step.

"I don't know what to do," Chandler answered in a whisper, his heart and mind in conflict with one another.

"It's not so different than what you would do to yourself," Joey told him, "But if you want, I can do all the work this time."

Chandler spun around, and Joey's hands left his shoulders as he did. "That's not what I meant, Joe." With a sigh, he explained, "I meant, I don't know if I'm ready to take this step just yet."

"But," Joey asked, "You are considering taking the step, aren't you?"

Chandler nodded. "Yeah. I am. I just- I need more time. Time to, I don't know, adjust, maybe?"

"Or," Joey suggested, "Time to chicken out?"

"Can't you understand how hard this is for me?!" Chandler shot at him. "This would change everything I ever knew about myself! It's- it's too huge."

"I do understand all that! But, I also know you! If you have too much time to think, you'll talk yourself out of it!"

"So, what, then, all that talk about how we can wait weeks or months, it was all just crap?!"

"No! If you need time, that's fine! I'm just saying, don't use that as an excuse to talk yourself out of it!"

"I wasn't planning on it, but if you're gonna be like this, then maybe I do need to rethink this!" With that, Chandler stormed out the door of the apartment, taking the stairs two steps at a time in an effort to flee quicker.

Joey considered going after him, but decided to wait it out instead. Chandler obviously had some major issues, and maybe time alone would help him deal with them.

Grabbing another slice of pizza and what was left of his beer, he plopped down on the recliner and started channel surfing.

***

--Chandler stormed through the door, catching Joey's attention immediately.

"I'm not gay!" he announced, and Joey exhaled sharply as he stood from off his recliner.

"Oh my God! Why don't you just tattoo that on your forehead or something!" Joey snapped, then clicked off the TV and threw the remote on the chair he had just vacated. "You know what, the offer is off the table!" he told him. "Just forget I ever suggested it! You're just, too freaked out about it! You've got way too many issues. Just, forget it," he repeated, waving his hands dismissively as he turned and walked into his room.

Chandler stared after him, unsure of how to feel. Was he serious? Was the offer really off the table? He didn't know what to think of that. Should he be relieved, because the pressure was now off? Should he feel bad, that he upset his friend? Should he feel disappointed, because the opportunity was gone?

With a stunned silence, Chandler's eyes scanned the apartment abstractedly, before he slowly wandered to his room.

***

--Days went by, and they had hardly said two words to one-another. Chandler tried to apologize once, but Joey just put his hand up to stop him, then walked away. Chandler didn't try again after that.

They avoided each other for the most part, and the rest of their friends were starting to notice that something was amiss. That's when Phoebe approached Chandler.

"Hey, Chandler," Phoebe greeted him as she sat beside him on the couch in the center of Central Perk.

"Hey, Pheebs," he muttered back, his nose buried in some computer magazine.

"What's going on with you and Joey?" she asked, skipping the small talk and going straight for the subject that brought her out in search of him.

He tensed, the magazine remaining in place, but the words in front of him blurring as he no longer tried to focus on them. "What do you mean?"

"The way you act around each other. The vibe you're giving off. Something is weird between the two of you," she announced assuredly.

"We're ok," he lied, "We just had a little fight."

"What about?" she asked.

"Nothing," he answered. "Pizza or toothbrushes or something. I don't really remember."

"You're lying," she stated as fact.

"No I'm not," he returned, as if offended.

"Yes, you are," she retorted. "I can see it in your aura."

"You can see what in my aura?" he asked, skeptical.

"Auras can show when people are lying. It's just invisible to most."

Chandler shook his head and sighed. "If you say so."

"Just tell me what's going on," she requested firmly. "I'm worried about you guys."

"Why?" he asked, scowling, his slight irritation at her nosiness making way for slight curiosity. "Why would you be worried?"

"Because," she told him, "Something is breaking the two of you apart, and it's not right. In fact," she added, "It's very wrong."

"You're not making any sense," he complained, trying to continue his veil of indifference.

"What did you fight about?" she asked again, pointedly.

He sighed before looking around them, to be sure no one was within earshot; he couldn't believe he was about to talk to her about this. "Joey told me he's bi, and he offered to…" He looked around them once again before continuing. "He offered to, be with me, if I was interested in, 'experimenting'."

Phoebe smiled. "Oh, yay! He finally got up the courage to ask you! That's so great!"

"Wait a minute, wait a minute," Chandler said as he threw his magazine down on the coffee table, turning to face her better. "You knew about this?"

"Well, yeah," she admitted easily. "Shortly after he moved in… well, that day, actually, he told me he was bi, and that he thought you might be as well. And that he thought you were cute. We've talked about it a few times since," she continued, "But he asked me to keep it a secret. That the more he got to know you, the more he figured you would just wig out on him if he were to say something. I figured he would never say anything."

He just stared back at her, the scowl he wore an indication of the shock and confusion that was bombarding his mind.

"I take it that's what happened?" she inquired, surmising the answer by his reaction to her information. "You wigged on him?"

"I don't know what to think about all this!" he admitted. "I'm not gay! I know I'm not, but, I am kinda curious. And I really like Joe, and I know he would, you know," he whispered, blushing, "Be careful. I just- I'm not sure our friendship could survive it. I mean, would it be so awkward, that we can't share an apartment anymore? If he feels something for me, and I don't feel anything for him, in that way, would it hurt him so bad that he started to hate me or something?"

"Have you spoken to him about all this?"

He shrugged. "A little, yeah, but then we ended up fighting, and he took the 'offer' off the table."

"The offer?"

"Yeah. This all started because some jerk at my office grabbed my ass, cause he thought I was gay. I told Joey about it, and mentioned that I had never been with a guy in that way. Not even while in college, just to experiment or whatever. Then, he offered to be my, experimentation buddy."

"He wants more than that," she confided in him.

"I gathered that," he said with a nod. "He hinted at that during one of our conversations."

"But, you know what?" she asked rhetorically. "He loves you. And if he can't have you as a boyfriend, he would still be your best friend, believe me."

"I don't know what to do," he lamented, his face in his hands.

"Why are you making this out to be like torture?" she asked him. "What's the worst that'll happen? What do you think is gonna happen, if you do this?"

"I might lose him as a friend," he replied, but she immediately shook her head no.

"That won't happen. He cares too much for you. What else?"

"I'll hurt him, cause I don't feel the same as he does."

"He's willing to take the risk. He knows what his heart can handle. What else?"

Chandler shrugged, his eyes finding the lint on his pants of the utmost interest.

"Do you think, if you do this, that you will turn gay?"

He looked up at her, surprised. "How do you do that?"

She smiled. "It's a gift. But," she added seriously, "That is something you're concerned about, isn't it?"

"In a way," he admitted. "And I know in my logical brain that I can't be turned gay, but, I can't stop myself from thinking about it that way."

"And, so what if you do turn gay? What would be so bad about that?"

Again, he shrugged, "Nothing, I guess."

"Do you think we'll think less of you, if you discover you are gay?"

"Well, no. I know you guys would be ok with it."

"Are you worried about your mom, and what she might think?"

"That's probably what Freud would say, huh?" he joked, and Phoebe smiled along with him. "I don't get why I feel like this, Pheebs," he answered seriously, "I just know that I do. Does it come from my dad and mom, and the issues they had when they divorced?" he asked. "Maybe. Probably. But, I don't know exactly what it is, I just know I'm freaked out about it."

"So, let's say you sleep with him," she challenged him. "And let's say, you didn't care for it. What would happen then?"

"I don't know," he told her. "I would feel awkward about telling him that. I wouldn't want to hurt his feelings, but I would pretty much be forced to, cause if I said I liked it, he would expect that I would want to do it again."

"But, he's a big boy, Chandler. He can handle it. He's going to be expecting it as a possible answer anyway."

"I guess."

"Ok, so, reverse question. Let's say you do it, and you like it. What happens?"

"I don't know. We become a couple?"

"Does that bother you?"

"I don't know."

She laughed. "You don't know much." Off his glare, she stopped laughing and gestured for him to continue.

"It just all seems so complicated," he said with a heavy sigh. "If I like both men and women, who do I decide to be with? What about marriage? And kids? How does any of that work in to all this?"

"Gay couples adopt all the time. But, if you truly like women, then, maybe you and Joey could just date casually for a while, until the woman of your dreams comes along."

"I'm not so sure he would go for that."

"Ask him."

When Chandler realized where the conversation had headed, he looked up at Phoebe with a shocked expression. "Am I- am I really considering this?"

She smiled. "It sure sounds like it."

"Then, why do I still feel so confused? And conflicted?"

"Ok," she announced, "We're going to play a little game. I'm going to ask you a series of questions, and when you answer them, I want you to say the first thing that comes to your mind. Don't think too much about it, that ruins the honesty of it. Just quickly say the first answer that comes into your head, ok?"

He nodded in understanding. "Ok."

"Do you like your job?"

"No."

"Do you like your name?"

"No."

"Do you like hearing Ross' dinosaur stories?"

"No."

"Do you like Thanksgiving?"

"No."

"Do you want to sleep with Joey?"

TO BE CONTINUED…

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MTLBYAKY