Culpability

Chapter Three

"Can you please take the rolls out of the oven for me while I finish the salad?" Rebecca asked Lily as they were finishing up dinner that night.

"Of course." Lily replied, heading over to the oven.

"Thanks."

"No problem." Lily took the rolls out and placed them on the top of the stove. "Are you ok with the rest of this for a moment? I was going to go make sure the kids have washed up."

"Absolutely. I got this." She smiled at the woman.

"And I can help her finish everything." Harvey said from the doorway.

She glanced over at her husband before going back to cutting the tomatoes for the salad. "I think I've got it though. The salad is the only thing left that needs done. Then we are ready to eat."

"Ok." He walked in and stood behind her, wrapping his arms around her and starting to kiss her neck. "Then I will just keep you company while you finish it."

She chuckled. "You don't have to."

"I want to." He assured her. "Unless you don't want me to."

"It's not that." She shook her head. She put her knife down and turned to face him. "I just…you've…it's…"

"What?"

She saw the confused look on his face and hesitated to bring it up. But nothing good would come from holding it inside. "I know you're really making an effort to be around more and I love that. I just think maybe you are taking it to an extreme…"

"What exactly are you trying to say?"

"I am just saying I can finish dinner by myself."

"Now you want me to leave you alone?" He chuckled.

"No." She shook her head. "It's just I don't need you to watch me cut tomatoes. I'm sure there is something else you would rather be doing."

"There isn't." He scoffed. "But ok. I'll take the hint and leave you alone while you cook."

She grabbed his arm. "Harvey…you don't need to leave."

"I apparently do because you're basically telling me that I am suffocating you."

"That's not what I am saying."

"You could have fooled me." He sulked, leaving the kitchen.

She sighed as she finished the salad. The last thing she wanted to do was make him angry. It was sweet that he wanted to be around her so much but it was becoming a little too much lately. It seemed like every time she turned around he was there. She loved having him around more, but at the same time she felt like they were backsliding into past behaviors.

In the last week they had been intimate more than they were before everything fell apart. Touching, hugging, kissing and having sex…all of it was happening more now. And that made her happy. But they weren't talking as much as they should. She worried that they were relying too much on physical intimacy to repair their relationship instead of talking things through.

It was something they had a track record for doing and the last thing she wanted to do was go back into the same kind of behaviors as before. She wanted to suggest they focus more on talking about their problems instead of being physical with each other but she was afraid of his reaction. Though now she realized she needed to have that talk since he was upset with her.

"This chicken is good." Harvey complimented her halfway through the meal.

"Thank you." Rebecca replied. "It was a new recipe."

"It is really good." Ethan chimed in.

"I like it too!" Olivia exclaimed.

"I have to agree with everyone else." Lily chuckled.

"I'm glad that it is unanimous." Rebecca said.

"So Olivia, how was your day?" He asked.

"Awesome!" Olivia smiled. "I got to be the teacher's helper today. So I got to be first in line for everything and I got to wear the special teacher's helper button. It was amazing."

"That's wonderful." He smiled. Then he looked over at Ethan. "How was your day, Ethan?"

"Fine." Ethan replied, looking over at him and then going back to looking at his plate.

He tried not to take it personally that Ethan was still distant towards him, but it was starting to wear on him. He wanted to have a good relationship with his nephew again. "I hear you are having some issues with your science class."

"I'm handling it." Ethan replied, still not looking over at him.

"If you want any help, I'd be happy to…"

"No thanks." Ethan cut him off.

"Ethan…" Rebecca said gently. "It isn't nice to interrupt."

"Sorry." Ethan sighed.

"It's alright." He assured his nephew. "But the offer stands if you change your mind."

"I won't." Ethan replied, pushing food around on his plate. "But thank you for the offer."

He looked over at Rebecca, who was giving him a sympathetic smile.

Harvey entered the living room and saw Rebecca in her pajamas. She was sitting on the couch with her legs on the coffee table. Her laptop was resting on a laptop tray that she had sitting on her legs. He stayed in the doorway, silently watching her as she worked.

She was beautiful. It didn't matter if she was in her finest dress or just doing work in her pajamas after a long day. He couldn't believe he had been so stupid as to isolate himself from her after Marcus' death. He could have very easily lost her forever. Thankfully he didn't lose her and he had a second chance to make sure she knew how much he loved her.

But apparently wanting to be around her all day long was starting to get on her nerves. He wasn't expecting that but he would try to respect it, even though he just wanted to make up for lost time. He felt terrible that he essentially missed out on the first trimester of her pregnancy, as well as everything else that had been going on. He should have been there every step of the way with her. Instead he made her deal with everything by herself.

It was selfish of him and he wanted to make it right somehow. He thought that showering her with attention and love was the right way. But it seemed to just bother her. He was getting ready to go upstairs when she looked over at him.

"Hey."

"I didn't mean to disturb you." He apologized.

"You didn't." She assured him. Then she patted the couch cushion next to her. "Come sit with me?"

"Ok." He went over and sat next to her, watching as she pressed save on the computer before closing it up and putting it on the coffee table. "So Ethan will actually talk to you…how long do you think he is going to continue to freeze me out?"

"He's just going through a rough time but it's going to get better." She explained. "I don't think it's even about you anymore."

"What's it about then?" He scoffed. "Because it feels directed towards me."

"It may feel directed towards you, but I don't think it is. Think about everything he has had to go through lately. He's angry and it's easy for him to unleash that anger at you because he feels safe that you aren't going to hate him."

"You think he has a lot of anger?" He hadn't considered that but it would make a lot of sense.

"I know so." She smiled. "He actually talks to me, remember?"

"Don't rub it in." He laughed.

"Ethan is handling things as well as he possibly can right now. But he's going to be ok and his anger towards you won't last forever."

"It might if he ever finds out how terribly I treated Marcus."

He felt her wrap her hands on his face before giving him a kiss. Then she put her forehead up against his. "Hey…that won't happen. You didn't do anything wrong."

"I appreciate you saying that but I have to disagree." He whispered.

"You can disagree all you want. It's ok because I know I'm right." She whispered, kissing his cheek.

He couldn't help but smile.

"I think we need to do the communication exercise Stan gave us."

He groaned. "It doesn't sound like fun."

"I know." She nodded. "But I think it will help. So let's just sit here, look at each other and be completely honest for ten minutes. No holding back, no trying to spare feelings and let's make this a judgement free zone."

"Fine." He nodded. The look in her eyes told him she was serious about completing the homework Stan had given them in their session. Considering they had another session with him tomorrow evening, they probably should at least attempt to follow his advice.

"Is it ok if I start?" She questioned.

"Of course."

"I'm sorry for what happened in the kitchen before dinner." She said.

"It's fine." He shrugged. "You are entitled to your feelings."

"Harvey, I truly don't feel like you are suffocating me."

"That's what you implied though." He pointed out.

"I just wasn't expressing my point of view well enough."

"Ok." He was curious now. "What is your point of view?"

"I love you." She stated. "I love that you want to be around me again and I want to be around you too. But you have to admit you are kind of taking it to an extreme here. I wake up and you are staring at me. You barely let me out of your sight when we are home. At work you insist on spending all coffee breaks and lunches together."

"I just want to spend time with you." He sighed. "What's so wrong about that?"

"Nothing is wrong with it."

"And I thought that you would like it. I know I haven't been around much the past several weeks. I thought you might have missed me the way I missed you. Apparently I was wrong though."

She reached over and grabbed his left hand, sandwiching it in between her hands. "I missed you more than you could possibly imagine. I just…I don't think we need to be joined at the hip."

"Fine." He nodded. "I understand."

He saw that she was studying his face. "What?"

"You don't truly understand what I am trying to say." She shook her head. "I can see it in your eyes."

"Ok fine." He scoffed. "I don't understand. Happy now?"

"No." She shook her head. "I am not going to be happy until we resolve this."

"It is resolved though." He assured her. "I will back off."

"Harvey…"

He stood up. "It's fine. We're fine." He didn't wait for her to say anything else before leaving the room.