I have no idea when, exactly, this turned into a Crack!fic, but that is exactly what it appears to be now. I have, if you would care to notice, changed the genre(s) accordingly. My muse, Maura Estella, has gone on vacation for an unspecified period of time, but I am here to deliver this chapter far, far, far too late. Oh well. Better late than never.

Random: Sex is emotion with motion--Mae West

Disclaimer: It's not my sandbox. I just play here.

'Blue.'

That solitary, random thought was all the thought the man formerly known as Prince Zuko of the Fire Nation (now rumored to be going by the title of "Dead") could muster up.

'It really is quite attractive down here, isn't it? I might build myself a summer home down here. But the pebbles are a bit of a problem. They'd need to be replaced. The fishies are pretty, though...'

Then something shiny caught his eye. It was a pretty necklace, and there appeared to be a pendant hanging from it.

Some where in Zuko's hazy, oxygen deprived, depraved mind he recognized the necklace as belonging to the waterbending wench.

'She was rather fussy,' he recalled, 'the last time I took it from her. I wonder if that's why she's acting like she has a stick up her ass?'

A thought occured to him.

'Maybe if I give it back to her, she won't try to kill me any more! Yeah, that'd be good. Dying isn't really fun, I don't think. Maybe. It might be, I've never really tried. Maybe after I build my summer home, I'll check it out and see what it's like.'

So as he managed to start swimming toward it he realized that instead of going toward his goal, he was in fact moving farther away from it.

'No! Why have you betrayed me! I must... go... toward... The Shiny! I WANT TO LIVE!'

He didn't really have time to register anything else, because for some reason, The Blue was getting darker...

When our hero woke up, Tea-Obsessed Old Man was shaking Waterbending Wench's shoulders and screaming something uncomprehensable while Fat Girl looked on.

He noted with some distaste that Fat Girl was eating again.

'She really did eat too much. Just look at the size of her! She's like a whale! It's shameful. Someone really should put her on a diet or something. With the size of her stomach and everything, I wonder why Bald Tatoo Guy didn't suggest it to her. He appears to have the sublty of a drunk mongoose dragon. Hm... I'm hungry. I wonder again who was supposed to be cooking...'

Zuko looked back to Waterbending Wench and remembered that he didn't have her Shiny! She was going to kill him if he didn't get her Shiny!

He wasn't the sort that would particularly like to die, and with that thought in mind, he threw himself off the grassy bank where he had been resting and into The Blue again.

Once he knew what he was looking for, he found The Shiny was impossibly harder to locate. Maybe she'd be merciful, for once in her peasant life.

Oh, wait! There's The Shiny... but The Blue was being speckled with black again...

For the second time that day, when Zuko once again regained consciousness, Tea-Obsessed Old Man was attacking Waterbending Wench, and Fat Girl was eating. Except this time, there was someone poking him.

He lazily turned his head to see who was poking him, and shut his eyes when he realized it was Sock Boy.

'What an unfortunate image to wake up to.'

"Hey, it's awake!"

The sounds of fighting stopped abruptly.

"Hah! I told you I didn't kill him," Waterbending Wench said smugly. He just knew she was sticking her tongue out at Tea-Obsessed Old Man.

"Yay. We've determined that our lovely suicidal charge has not, in fact, completed his life mission. I, at least, have also determined that we're behind schedule. We'll never make it if we keep going at this pace." There was Fat Girl talking again. She wasn't very nice, you know, insulting someone who just had not one, but three near-death experiences.

Except... He still didn't have Waterbending Wench's Shiny, and she was going to kill him.

He lunged over Sock Boy, to get into a position closer to the water. He didn't want to die yet! He hadn't even given Iroh grandchildren to spoil!

Taking a deep breath, for the third time today, he found himself confronted with The Blue. However, this time, he managed to find her Shiny before The Blue started changing colors. He scooped it up in his hand, and just in time, too. The Blue had started changing.

Zuko found he didn't particularly mind The Blue's constant indecisiveness as much now that he had The Shiny and now that he wasn't going to die.

Yes, The Blue's color issues weren't nearly as annoying as it's inability to pick a form and stick with it. First, The Blue had felt wet, but now it felt nice and airy, with a small breeze. The Blue was also considerably warmer. 'It just wasn't good manners to be going around changing like that,' Zuko decided irratibly. 'People dont' do it, and I don't see why The Blue should be any different. A little common decency would be nice.'

Didn't The Blue know that? Honestly. What kind of manners did The Blue's mother teach it?

1234567890

And that more or less concludes Zuko's encounters with The Blue. More next time. Review if you like, review if you don't.

Today's song recomendation-- "I Never Told You What I Do For A Living" by My Chemical Romance