Chapter 3: A Trigger
It is career week at school. Each day during homeroom someone with a different occupation comes in to talk about their job and how they got there. On Monday a pediatrician came in, and on Tuesday we listened to an accountant present his entire life down to the decimal. We never know who is going to come in, so I was in awe when Yuzuki-sama (my therapist) walks into the classroom.
"Class, please welcome Souma Yuzuki; a therapist at Hakurei Sanitarium," Inutaisho-sensei relays information from an email to us as he sits at his desk.
My body perks up, and my eyes grow wide as she stands in position at the front of the class. We all rise and bow. After we have all taken our seats she begins to talk about life working at the sanitarium. To my relief she leaves no hint that we know each other either by letting her eyes linger on me or by calling my name. She is charismatic and captures the interest of a lot of the students who are either captivated by her beauty or genuinely interested in her work. Many ask her a few questions ranging from serious ones to "is the Joker there?" to which she laughs whole-heartedly and denies he is. From my corner in the classroom I can see all the guys swoon over her as the girls join in with her contagious laugh.
"Does anyone have anymore questions?" she asks after regaining herself.
"I do!" I hear Minami's ear-jarring voice come from the back, "So, I heard that you are Uematsu's therapist. What's it like working for a lost cause?"
I turn in my seat, trying to mask the uncomfortable shift, and lock eyes with Minami. "And who told you that, kohai?" I ask her with aspartame dripping from my words.
"Why should I tell you? So that you can snap on them and get sent back to the loony bin?" she responds with a smirk, "You probably miss it there… The one place you're considered normal."
I stare at her blankly as all eyes pile on me in anticipation of what my next move will be. "Control yourself… You're reformed. Remember? Last chance. Don't blow it," I remind myself before I can act out images of Yankii Sakura beating her senseless with a chair. "No, I was just curious," I answer with false offense and forced serenity. Yuzuki-sama moves to silence Minami, but I hold out my hand letting her know I can handle it. She watches me curiously.
"You know that medical records are strictly confidential and that right of the patients is protected by law," I begin, "leaking such information can force you to face a large fine and possibly even time in prison."
"Heh, so you admit that you're a patient at Hakurei Sanitarium?" she boldly responds.
"I never admitted I was," I answer her while trying to ignore the anger rising within me, "I'm just telling you to cut the stupidity now, before you face the consequences. Stupidity being going public with anyone's personal medical history."
"Well, suppose you aren't a patient at the loony bin. What consequences could I possibly face under false accusations?" she smugly replies.
"You can end up with Uematsu-chan as your boss in your future career," Yuzuki-sama replies with a smile and her finger pointing up. Obviously, she is alluding to karma.
"As if she'd ever be great enough to be in charge of me," Minami laughs.
"Yes, and I take offense to that, Yuzuki-sama," I say turning to look at her in the eyes, "You see, I have far greater ambitions in life than to become the owner of a strip club." Several of my fellow classmates erupt in laughter, Yuzuki-sama covers her mouth to stifle a giggle, and Inutaisho-sensei looks down before I can gauge his reaction.
"You can't say stuff like that!" Minami whines as she looks around the classroom. "I just hit a nerve," I smile to myself.
"I just did, sweetheart," I say aloud; pleased with myself.
The rest of the day goes by fast, and to my pleasure Minami keeps her mouth shut. However, I can still feel her and Motoko burning holes into my back with glares. By Friday in sixth period, we receive our grades from the midterms we all took the previous week along with our progress reports. To my joy I have managed to receive all 5's in nearly all of my classes. All but one: Japanese. The subject I was once strongest in; I am now nearly failing. I close my eyes and inwardly curse the creep standing in front of the class. "He has to be failing me on purpose unless he's calculating my behavior in this grade," I think as I open my eyes.
"By the unsatisfactory look on some of your faces, I suggest that you study harder and do whatever extra credit is offered," Inutaisho-sensei says, "If not then look forward to seeing me and your other teachers in summer school." My stomach lurches at the thought of spending time in his summer school class when I could be free of him for a month. "I have to talk to him after class. There's no way I could be failing and no way I'm going to spend summer with him." Talking to him is not something I want to do, but it is something that I need to do. As I nervously wait for the end of the day, I repeat in my head that it will be worth it, to not spend an extra month in his class, in the end.
It takes only half an hour for us all to finish the cleaning duties. I look around the room unsatisfied with how dirty it is, but let it go. I grab my things and head to the faculty lounge. I decide to seek him out soon so that I may get that out of the way faster without building up more anxiety. The door to the faculty lounge is ajar, and I can hear two voices as I step closer.
"Alright, Sesshomaru-kun, if you insist on not going this time I won't force you. However, you won't get off lucky next time!" I hear a deep and rather robust voice say. The door opens wide and out walks Motosuwa-sensei, my history teacher. "Ah, Uematsu-chan! What are you still doing here? My son says that you haven't come to Music Club since school started and that you always are the first one to leave class," he questions my presence.
"I need to ask Inutaisho-sensei something," I answer ignoring the mention of Music Club. I focus on the tall, masculine figure with long silver hair behind Motosuwa-sensei who regards me with interest. Motosuwa-sensei smiles and nods at me before saying goodbye and walking off. I slowly step into the lounge taking a quick scan of the room. It is just the two of us. I square my shoulders and begin, "I just want to know how I'm failing your class," I say getting right to my point.
"You haven't turned in any of the work I assigned," he calmly responds with his hands on his briefcase, "I see you working on them in class, but they never make it to me."
His response leaves me bewildered, "But I have turned everything in," I cannot come up with another explanation.
He turns his head to each side and says sternly, "No, you have not. Otherwise I would have something to grade off of."
"Then you must have misplaced all my work."
"Highly unlikely, but I will check with Motoko who has been helping me organize everyone's assignments during the lunch break."
Realization hits me, and there's no doubt that I am not jumping to conclusions. "You have Motoko, Minami's best friend, assisting you?"
"I know that her close companion has it in for you, but I am giving her more credit than to stoop low enough to sabotage your grade in my class and risk being expelled."
"Oh, and is she sucking your dick between filing papers?!" I shriek then turn to storm out the door. "Pulling shit like this is fighting dirty! That bitch! Too much of a coward to face me head on, so she has to attack me at a blind spot!" I fume to myself as I stomp down the hallways to the Newspaper Club, "I am going to make her tell me what happened to my assignments, and after she does I'm going to drag her by the hair to tell Jackass-sensei in person!"
I reach the door to the classroom where her club meets and grab the handle. Not realizing that it is a western style door instead of a traditional one (like most of the doors in the school), I grow more pissed when it doesn't slide open. Fueled by anger, I kick the door, next to the handle, as hard as I can. It flies open, and I hear girly screams as I step in ignoring the pain in my ankle.
"Motoko, what the hell did you do with my assignments for Jackass-sensei's class and tell me quick before I kick your teeth in!" I seethe as I make my way to where the Dreadful Duo sits with Motoko already sinking behind Minami, "And don't hide behind your loud-mouthed friend, you coward!"
"S-s-stop yelling at her! She doesn't kn-know what you're talking about!" Minami shakily says to me after glancing behind me.
"Stay out of this!" I yell at Minami, "Motoko, you better tell me because my left leg wants to kick something as hard as my right leg got to kick that damned door!"
Motoko's eyes look behind me then back to mine, "I honestly don't know what you are talking about!"
"That's it," I say, and just before I can lunge at her I feel someone's arms hold me back.
"Uematsu-chan! Calm down. This is incredibly not like you!"
I freeze right there at the familiar voice of my favorite teacher since high school began. I look behind me and there is Shimizu-sensei whose eyes regard me with concern. Not reproach.
"Everyone, go home. Not a word is to be uttered. Just quietly leave this classroom," she says to everyone, but me.
I squeeze my eyes shut as they all exit the room. I was not prepared to come in contact with Shimizu-sensei. Not one bit. In flashbacks, I remember being in Shimizu-sensei's class. Those memories I cannot re-forge to resemble the past life I made up. Against my will, the flashbacks of every eventful moment in her class continue to flow out from a part of my mind that I had locked away. Flashbacks of her monitoring Music Club also find its way into the mix. Fear creeps into me as I realize what memory is about to play next. "You have to let me go. Now," I holler and duck under her protective arms, and bolt out the door; I pass Inutaisho-sensei who saw everything happen.
After the long commute I finally burst into the safety of my apartment. I fall to the floor once I get in and kick the door shut before the tears start to fall. I curl into a ball and wrap my arms around my body tightly as I futilely attempt to keep it all inside. The memories come out anyways. How I went from joyfully writing a story to holding back tears on the ride to the hospital. How lost I became afterwards. They flowed out repeatedly as I clutched my body tighter to force them into the back of my head where I had hid them. Before I knew it I was convulsing. With all the strength I could muster I crawled to the bathroom and allowed my insides to be released into the bowl. I do not know when it finally happened, but eventually I blacked out on the bathroom floor.
My eyes open the following morning when I hear someone knock on my door. I ignore each try, and whoever it is just opens the door. I realize I did not lock it last night, and I lift my head to look at the intruder. Yuzuki-sama stands at the entrance to my bathroom with worry in her eyes. She helps me up and walks me to my couch. After lying me down on the soft cushions, she runs to the bathroom and returns with a damp hand towel to wipe my face with. I find comfort in her gentle touch as she quietly wipes the dried up tears away.
"So, where should we begin," she starts, "You know why I'm here, right?"
I nod my answer and wait for her to continue.
"I received a call from your homeroom teacher saying you didn't show up to school today," she says anyway. I vaguely feel shock that I missed school, but it passes. "He told me you had an episode yesterday. Do you want to talk about that?"
"I remembered… everything," I slowly begin. Yuzuki-sama listens to me patiently and with care in her eyes even though she has heard this ramble multiple times. Using the damp towel, I wipe away the new streams on my face as I finish and look up at her.
"One day, Sakura-chan, you will be able to face these memories, but it is obviously not today. However, you seem to be able to hold it all together as you talk to me about them. Would you like to go back to routine sessions until you can live your real life and not your fabricated one?"
She knows that I made up a new reality to cover up the one I was given. She knows that by pretending to live a different life I can function normally without breaking into pieces. It is the only way I know how to cope with all the pain and fear inside me.
"Perhaps you need to find a way to let out your emotions in a healthy manner. Perhaps you should join a club at school? Release your stress through sports or express your feelings with art."
"I have been expressing myself, sensei," I come clean, "Japanese has always been my favorite subject because I can express myself through my writing. I put a piece of myself in all of the assignments he gave out, and someone has them. Someone on the other side has pieces of me."
"Is that why you acted the way you did? It's exceptionally more personal than just hiding any other person's homework."
"Yes."
"Well, I will see what I can do about tracking down your work," she says to me with a positive smile, "Since tomorrow is Sunday, I expect you to rest up and be back at school on Monday! Doctor's orders."
I smile back to her and thank her for seeing me. Then, I walk her to the door and let her out. I go to lie down on my bed after I turn both locks on the door. I don't leave my bed for the rest of the day. On Monday I call the school from the phone in the lobby. I let the secretary know that due to illness I will not be present. I do the same for Tuesday, and I do the same for Wednesday. I actually do the same for every day of the week. I know that if I call them, they will not worry and send the white coats after me again.
"Yes, it's a terrible flu, but I am beginning to feel a little better," I say into the phone trying to sound sick, "I will return on Monday if I continue to recover at this pace." I hang up and head back to my apartment. I fall asleep on my couch watching my favorite movie about two girls with the same name who become friends even though they are polar opposites.
It is the middle of the afternoon when I hear someone knocking on my door. "Uh-oh, she found out I didn't go to school at all this week," I think to myself as I rise from the couch. I pull on my sheer robe with lace trim as I make my way to the door and brace myself for Yuzuki-sama's wrath.
"Yuzuki-sama, before you start yelling at me I swear…." My voice trails off when my eyes fall on Inutaisho-sensei after I swing the door open all the way.
He glances up and down at me before averting his gaze and clearing his throat, "I have several things I need to give to you, and I also need to explain a few things. Perhaps you should change into something decent before I come in."
Suddenly realizing that I am only wearing a t-shirt, panties, and a sheer thigh length robe I slam the door shut and run to my dresser. Mortified, I tug on a pair of jeans and maneuver my way into a bra. Yuzuki-sama has been the only one to ever come to my apartment. He was the last person I would have ever expected. "Mental note: from now on check the peep-hole before answering the door!" I scream in my head as I take a deep breath before letting Inutaisho-sensei back in. His expression shows no sign of embarrassment or discomfort as I pull out a chair for him at my kitchen island.
"Would you like hot tea?" I ask him avoiding eye contact by filling the kettle with water from a pitcher.
"No thanks," he says as he lays his briefcase on the counter and takes a seat. At his refusal, I set the kettle down on the warmer without turning it on.
"So what do you have for me?" I ask peaking up at him from under my eyelashes.
There's a trace of amusement on his face as he answers, "I have assignments from all of your classes. None of the students wanted to deliver these to you after hearing about how you kicked the door of a classroom down and threatened Motoko. I am also going to let you know that I have adjusted your grade in the grade book. After you left on Friday, I spoke with your old teacher who insisted we investigate your accusations. We searched Motoko's locker and found your most recent assignments from my class. Last Saturday we phoned her house. Her mom brought the rest of your assignments to a meeting with the principal after school that day. She found them in Motoko's room." I feel relief wash over me, and a snide comment building up. Before I can say anything he continues speaking, "Motoko and Minami have been suspended for the rest of the term. With no history of bad behavior, the principal let them off easy. They will make up for the missed days at summer school. School officials speculate that your sudden illness is brought on by exhaustion from their constant bullying. But here you are, and you look fine." He finishes and looks at me with a raised eyebrow.
"Are you angry that I got your fan club kicked out for the rest of the term?" I ask defensively, "Are you here so that you can prove to the principal that I've been faking sick to get out of going to school so you can get back at me? Surely, those assignments could have waited. I told the secretary that I would come back on Monday."
He narrows his eyes at me, but I do not back down under his piercing gaze. It's a stalemate as we both glare at the other and say nothing. "This is a waste of my time," I think to myself before rolling my eyes and stepping forward to pick up one of the assignments laid out before me. I read through the physics worksheet and try my hardest to ignore the pair of gold eyes observing me. I find myself focusing so hard on ignoring him that eventually I stop reading and have to mindlessly flip through the pages to keep up the façade. Just as I finish looking through the last page I hear him get up from the chair. He yanks the packet from my fingers. I look at him wide-eyed but cannot figure out what he is thinking through his emotionless face. Next, he grabs my arm and yanks me into an embrace wrapping an arm around my waist and the other around my upper back. My face is buried in his chest as I breathe in his cologne (that smells like Chrome by Azzaro). I do not know what to do at this point, and this hug feels like more than just a friendly one because he squeezes me tighter when I struggle against him.
"If Minami and Motoko were not my students, I would care less about them," He says with his head resting on mine, "I was concerned about you."