A quick summary of the things which lead up to this story:
To hide from a group of mysterious attackers, the Doctor turned himself into a human being with the help of the chameleon arch. The Doctor's own self was stored in a fob watch. What he didn't anticipate though was that Malcolm Tucker, his human counterpart, would receive a series of anonymous messages by a person who seemed to know everything about the Doctor's plans. The strange anon convinced Malcolm to open the fob watch, which caused the Doctor's Time Lord self to reappear far too soon.
Sensing his brain pattern, the attackers caught up with the Doctor, made their way into the Tardis and took over his mind.
(You can read the whole series of events on the Doctor's tumblr blog "ask-crotchety-twelve". Just click on "Story Archive" at the bottom of the sidebar and you'll find a link called "Malcolm Tucker" listed there.)
THE MIND-PROWLERS
It's an unsettling feeling, to have your mind taken over by another. To look out at the universe through your own eyes, but to have no control over your actions, regardless how much you resist and scream and fight for command. To watch helplessly as someone else, someone who most definitely means you harm, makes their way to your best friend's home.
So, you'll understand when I say that I was frightened. Very frightened. But not for my sake or even the universe's… but for Clara's.
The Time Lords call them the Mind-Prowlers, though they have many names in many different worlds. Most cultures in the universe call them demons, some call them parasites, some even gods. But whatever name you want to give them, the fact still stands that they are one of the most dangerous races in the universe. They are a parasitic life form, a powerful thought-construct made of many individual parts, which survives through finding host minds it can feed off. They suck up information, they grow, they gain power with every host mind they destroy, after which they move on to the next. And if they manage to get hold of the wrong mind… That of a time traveller, perhaps… things might look very bleak indeed.
Which is exactly what they managed.
I'd originally planned to hide from them. I don't know where they came from or how they found me, but they did. And they knew I was a Time Lord. They knew I had a Tardis and they knew what a Tardis was. Before I realized what was happening, they'd locked onto my brain signature. I needed to play for time. I needed to put them off my scent so I'd have enough time to figure out a way to stop them. And I did that in the only way possible: Using the chameleon arch and turning myself into a human.
I materialized the Tardis in a remote village in the Scottish highlands, making sure that every resident had mysteriously won a ticket on a cruise ship and wasn't around for the next month or two. The memories and personality of the human I'd turn into, I left to random generation.
A mistake, as I soon found out. The chameleon arch made use of all my pent-up anger and well… The result was Malcolm Tucker. I don't desire to get into the details, but it ended with him changing back into me far too soon. Which is why the Mind-Prowlers found me.
I didn't stand a chance. As soon as they'd detected my brain signature again, they attacked with full force.
Trying to warn Clara, I sent her a message and told her not to trust me. I managed to lock that memory away from the Prowlers, along with as many crucial bits of information as I could collect. Including the fact that I'd still managed to maintain the psychic connection to my Tardis… Then, all I could do was to retreat, hide in my own mind, build protective walls around my consciousness and to let them take over. They were just too strong. Had I fought any longer, they would have most likely destroyed me.
And so, here I was. Trapped in my own head, having to watch as they stepped out of the Tardis and into Clara's living room…
"Clara!" the not-me-Doctor said, quite possibly trying and failing to give her a charming smile. "You look good today!"
What a terrible bunch of imitators. I focused my concentration on Clara's features, searching for any sign of suspicion. Any twinkle in her eye, any twitch of her mouth. But there was nothing. To the contrary, she stood there with her brightest smile, nodding at the compliment.
"Thank you, Doctor," she said, crossing her arms. "Bit of a nice thing for you to say though… what's up with you today? You're awfully cheerful."
"Had a particularly nice day," the not-me-Doctor replied.
Clara cocked her head. "Oh? Well, great for you." There was a moment of silence, after which Clara jerked a thumb over her shoulder. "Well, since you're here and all… Fancy a cup of tea?" she asked.
"Why not?" the not-me-Doctor replied.
Clara was about to turn around and head for the kitchen, but froze, turning her eyes upwards. "Bit embarrassing, but I just can't remember: How many sugars?"
"Err… two, thanks," they replied, after only a bit of hesitation.
Gotcha, I thought in the privacy of my own head as Clara gave a short nod and walked off. That was all the conformation I needed. She hadn't trusted the man in front of her and had tested her theory with the old tea-trick. Clever, clever Clara.
Meanwhile, the not-me-Doctor turned around and started inspecting Clara's souvenir shelf. They were just turning a particularly valuable piece of memorabilia from Akhaten around in their fingers, when I decided to act. Clara'd had ample time to make her way to the kitchen and duck out of sight.
I concentrated. Using my connection to the Tardis, I managed to reach the telepathic interface in the console room, which allowed me to expand my consciousness to a far greater distance than usually possible. It didn't take me long to detect Clara's presence nearby… With a little nudge in the right direction by the Tardis, of course.
Clara, I thought, hoping the connection was strong enough for my words to reach her mind. Clara, whatever you do, don't scream. Don't speak or otherwise act out of the ordinary, understood?
There was no reply. I was just about to try again, when a sudden mix of annoyance and relief washed over me, along with the words: God, Doctor! You almost made me drop the bat! How are you doing this?
I was going to send back a clever remark, but something made me hesitate. Wait, bat? What bat? I asked her, curiosity getting the better of me.
Cricket bat, she replied.
I frowned. Or rather, I would have frowned if I'd had a face to do the frowning with. What do you need a cricket bat for? Why do you even have a cricket bat?
Gran's idea. Best defense against burglars, she always says. Anyway, you didn't exactly give me a whole lot of information, so excuse you for making me panic!
You were going to knock me out?! I mentally growled at her, feeling exasperated.
You were the one who told me not to trust you! Clara shot back.
Yes, but knock me out? There's someone else in my head, controlling my body. How exactly did you think knocking me out would help? What did you think you'd accomplish with that? Catapult them out of my ears perhaps? Give them a headache?
Clara sent another wave of annoyance my way. I didn't exactly have a choice, did I? There was a quick pause. By the way, how do I know you're you and not… whoever it is who's controlling your body?
Coffee, not tea and seven sugars at the very least.
Fair enough.
Right at that moment, I was distracted by movement. The not-me-Doctor's eyes had turned up to the clock in clara's living room. They were starting to get impatient.. Sensing that time was running short, I sent another stream of thoughts in Clara's direction.
Clara, listen! They're getting suspicious!
They?
I sighed inwardly. Shut up! Or do you want them to notice us? It's taking me a lot of effort to hide this conversation from them, so stop talking and listen!
Not sensing a reply from her, I felt it safest to just move on. We don't have much time. Not long now and they'll notice that something's wrong. I won't be able to hide our psychic connection for long. But don't worry, I have a plan.
First good news all day, Clara responded, a hint of sarcasm in her voice.
Shush, I shot back, Shut it and stay shut, understand? I need your full concentration on this. Now, listen: This is how we'll do it…
"Here you go, Doctor! Tea."
Clara handed a steaming hot cup to the not-me-Doctor, who grabbed it and discreetly inspected its contents. "Thank you," they said finally, glancing back up at Clara, "Took your time though. Did something… go wrong?"
Clara didn't miss a beat. "Nah, was just out of teabags. Found some in a drawer though," she said, taking a sip of her own cup.
"Lucky," the not-me Doctor pointed out.
Clara nodded in response. "Very," she answered and gave a lightning-fast smile.
They stood there in a, I must point out, rather awkward silence, both sipping at their respective cups. As a bystander who couldn't intervene in any way, it was quite a painful thing to witness.
Clara was the first to put her tea aside and speak up. "Sooo," she said, drawing out the o's as she turned back around, "Why did you show up again? It's not like you usually come round for afternoon tea and biscuits."
The not-me-Doctor gave a huff, probably meant as an amused sort of laugh. Although it was difficult to tell, as I couldn't see their face and therefore didn't know if they were smiling. All the same, they also put down their cup, leaving it on the tabletop half-finished. They rubbed their hands together gleefully and said, "That's what I wanted to show you." They gave a nod towards the Tardis. "What do you think? How about a little outing?"
Clara gave them her best smile. "Absolutely!" she exclaimed, eyes all big and shiny. I must say, the theatre had lost a great talent the day Clara had decided to become a teacher. She was good.
The not-me-Doctor gave a flourishing hand-movement in the general direction of the Tardis, keeping their eyes locked with Clara's. They were watching her closely. One wrong step and this whole game would blow up in our faces. The fact that all I could do was to sit and watch didn't help in the least. I'm not ashamed to admit that I was nervous. And so was Clara, judging from the signals I received over my psychic connection to her.
Meanwhile, Clara had opened the Tardis doors with all the good spirits she usually displayed at the prospect of another trip. Maybe even a little more than usual…
I felt it necessary to step in. Okay, don't overdo it, Clara! We don't want them to get suspicious, I warned her telepathically.
It didn't take long for her answer to return. Needless to say that it was full of acid. Thanks for the advice, Doctor, but I've got it all under control! she shot back.
"Under control, eh? My dear girl, you have nothing under control!"
Both Clara and me stopped abruptly. This voice hadn't come from either of us. This voice had come from outside. It was my voice. But not mine exactly. It sounded decidedly too English to be my voice.
Through the short discussion Clara and I'd had, the not-me-Doctor had stared down at the Tardis controls, pressing random buttons in a fruitless effort to find the flight controls. I knew that because I'd managed to hide the "how-to" of flying the Tardis with me behind my mental barriers. The Mind-Prowlers had no idea which button did what.
A thing they wanted to find out about, no doubt. Anyhow, they'd stopped pressing buttons and were looking up now, continuing to speak. "And you, Doctor…" they said in a terribly arrogant tone of voice. They weren't even bothering with the Scottish accent anymore, which irked me even more than the haughtiness. "Did you really think we wouldn't discover your psychic link with your little friend here sooner or later? You're good, but you're not that good."
I kept my metaphorical mouth shut. They desperately wanted to get me to talk. Because communicating with them would mean opening a gap in my mental barriers, in their direction. And if I did that, they would most definitely be able to invade my last safe space and wipe me from my own mind.
Seeing as they wouldn't get anything from me, they decided to address Clara, who was still standing and glaring fiercely at them. "And you…" they began, "You're cleverer than you look. How did you know I wasn't your precious Doctor?"
"Coffee, not tea. And seven sugars at the very least," she replied and raised her eyebrows. "You obviously don't know the Doctor too well."
A short, sharp laugh echoed through the console room. "Why would you think that?" the not-me-Doctor inquired. "We're in his head. We've got his memories."
"Obviously not all of them."
"We have enough."
This time, it was Clara's turn to laugh. "Enough? Two sugars. That's how most people take their tea. That's how I take my tea. But the Doctor isn't most people. You picked an average for a man whose every fiber is far from average."
The not-me-Doctor shook their head and tutted. "Foiled by tea…" they sighed with an amused undertone.
"You can say what you like about the British, but we take our tea seriously. Coffee, in his case," she rambled on, another smile playing on her lips. "But then again, he isn't British, is he? Not even human."
For a quick moment, the not-me-Doctor's gaze turned to the floor, possibly in contemplation, possibly in annoyance. Possibly, the Mind-Prowlers were having a private argument. Maybe they were re-thinking their approach…
The latter turned out to be true. "Show me how to fly the Tardis," they hissed suddenly, head shooting up and eyes glaring, I was sure of that. They were now moving on to threats instead of sweet-talking. And if the threats didn't work, they would undoubtedly move on to violence, maybe even try to take over her mind…
What was I thinking, this was Clara. Threats would never work on her. Either way, violence was a risk we had to take…
Don't tell them anything, I warned her.
"Oh, don't try to be clever!" the not-me-Doctor shouted in fury. "We sensed you talking! We know about your little plan to stop us. You were going to trick us into using the telepathic interface, under the pretense that it was the flight control. Upon which we would have been expelled into the Time Vortex through it. But we know now. There is nothing you can do about it! And It. Won't. Work."
Simultaneously with the last snarled word, their hand shot forward and forcefully grabbed Clara's arm. A yelp escaped her, as the not-me-Doctor yanked her forcefully towards themself, yelling "Now show me!"
"Forget it!" Clara declared, trying to wriggle herself out of the iron grip.
"All right. Fine. If you won't tell me…" They pulled Clara even closer, grabbing her neck with their other hand, thumb stretched out above her throat, ready to squeeze. A wave of horror washed over me. I hadn't expected them to become this hostile in such a short amount of time. They weren't even going to try to threaten me or Clara. They were going to kill her without even blinking…
Before I realized what I was doing, I opened up a psychic link to the Mind-Prowlers, sending a wave of fury towards them.
Clara must've sensed what I was doing, because through all the noise in my head, I could hear her voice croak "Doctor, don't!"
But it was too late. The Mind-Prowlers engulfed me before I could retreat back into my hidey-hole. Within moments, they'd grabbed the rest of my memories and sucked them hungrily into their being. Then they started feeding on my consciousness. All I could hear was their manic laughter. I was losing the last feeble strands of control I'd managed to maintain, but I tried fighting, tried holding on… A fruitless exercise.
Suddenly, through the haze that surrounded me and the dwindling input from my senses, I noticed Clara. She was still there, in front of me. Both my thumbs pressing down on her throat now, nothing I could do about it. Tears running down her cheeks. And her hand, hovering above the Tardis console. And through all the the whirling, distracting thoughts, I remembered. Not the diversion, but our true plan.
CLARA, NOW! I bellowed through the remains of our psychic link, hoping that it was still strong enough to carry the message.
It was. Her hand slammed down onto the button and the Tardis console sprang open. Snake-like strands of yellowish, glowing light danced across my field of vision and therefore, across the not-me-Doctor's too.
Their hands grew limp on Clara's throat, as they stared into the heart of the Tardis… and forgot everything around them. Including me. Trying not to concentrate on the sight in front of me, I regained control over my senses. I heard how Clara stumbled to the side, coughing frantically, then falling to her hands an knees. In that moment, there was nothing I would've rather done than to rush over to her and see if she was allright. But I couldn't take full control of my body. Not yet. Not while the Mind-Prowlers were still here.
Do you see it, I whispered to them, The light. Do you feel the calmness?
"Yes… yes, we do…" they answered, in a trance. "What… what is it?"
It's the heart of the Tardis, I replied.
"It's beautiful…"
Yes, it is. And can you hear it? It's inviting you. Don't you want to join it?
"Yes… yes, we… we… No!" A sudden backlash of fury hit me as the Mind-Prowlers realized what was happening. "No, Doctor, curse you! What are you doing to us?"
I'm not doing anything, I informed them, You're looking into the heart of the Tardis and she has latched on to you. There's no escape. I don't know what she'll do to you, but one thing I'm sure of: You will never be a threat to anyone ever again. It's over!
The not-me-Doctor gasped as they tried to turn away from the light. But they'd lost control. The Tardis had them in her grip and there was nothing they could do about it. "No! NO!" they shouted in a mantra, sending out powerful bursts of psychic energy at their new threat. But with no avail. Kicking and screaming, they were being pulled from my mind.
And I was finally regaining control over my body. "Don't try to struggle, it'll just make it more painful for you," I told them matter-of-factly as I felt them reach out towards my consciousness again, hearing them hiss the words Curse you, Doctor! Curse you! inside my head.
Suddenly, with a burst of energy I didn't know they still possessed, they pounced and took another desperate grab at my mind, all the while screaming. Before I knew it, I felt myself being pulled with them, as they were being totally absorbed by the Tardis. There was a terrible moment of uncertainty as I felt how my consciousness left my mind, hovering outside my body, as it was about to be pulled along with the Mind-Prowlers, into the yellow glow.
I let out an agonized scream, trying and failing to turn my eyes from the sight in front of me.
Then, suddenly… nothing. I blinked. I looked down. Saw Clara's worried eyes, spotted her hand on the console. Which was now shut. She'd shut it. She'd shut it just in time…
"Thank you," I muttered.
And then everything went dark.
ADDENDUM
I think I might have to explain some things... It occurs to me I might not have described certain circumstances quite as clearly as I thought.
I wasn't going to include anything more in the account of our latest adventure, because nothing of interest happened after I fell unconscious. I woke up only moments later, with Clara by my side, smacking my cheek. And I'm sure you don't want to hear about how I spend the following days in the Tardis with a series of crippling migraines.
Anyway, I sort of left out the part where Clara and I had a secret discussion while she was brewing the tea… We decided on using our psychic connection as a diversion and making up a second plan to lead the Mind-Prowlers on a false trail. So, after we decided on what to do, I purposely made our conversation viewable to them. And then we played it all out according to plan. Well, mostly… There were a couple of… slip-ups towards the end, but it all worked out.
The Mind-Prowlers were absorbed by the Tardis and are no longer a threat to anyone…
And of course, I explained them and the rather unfortunate Malcolm Tucker situation to Clara after I'd woken…
Let's please never speak of that again.