Huge thanks to my amazing friend Martha, who helped me out with this, even though it's not her fandom! (Yet... ;) )

Tears are Forever – Part Four - Rookie

Moving house had never been so easy. The two suitcases and half a dozen boxes were all that they'd had after losing everything they owned twice over. They'd barely rebuilt from their house being blown apart when the whole of Blüdhaven had been more or less wiped out. Amy closed her eyes, remembering that day. The world had literally come crumbling down, the blast tearing through the city like it was made of paper. She remembered the fear, of trying to hold it together for her family while she prepared to part from them to go and do her duty.

She remembered seeing Nightwing again, for the first time in months. Bruised, battered and carrying an unconscious teenager – a Mafia heiress, she'd discovered later. But alive and determined to help her and her family, something none of them had ever forgotten.

As if on cue there was a thump, followed by a yell of indignation, though that was almost drowned out by the outraged shriek. Amy sighed and went to see why her children were killing each other. Again.

"Emma! Justin! What are you two doing? I do not want anything damaged, we've only just moved in!" God knows they were long overdue to have a true home again.

Her daughter, eight now, looked in outrage at her five year old brother. "It was him!" She glared at the rumpled boy, still holding on to the Superman t-shirt he was wearing.

Amy raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

She let go at her mother's look and got to her feet, pointing at her brother. "He said... he said Superman was cooler than Nightwing!"

"Of course he is! Superman isn't dead!"

The comment, coming from the mouth of a child who didn't really understand the enormity of such things, hit like a knife. She was too stunned to stop Emma lunging at her brother, only recovering a moment later and forcibly parting the two. "Stop it – both of you. Emma... you can't just hit people because you don't like what they say." She did feel sorry for her though. She'd been rather smitten with Nightwing after he saved them. Not that it excused such behaviour. "Go to your room and think about that." The girl stomped off and she turned her attention to her youngest. Justin was only five and didn't really remember Nightwing the way Emma did. "Justin, that was not a nice thing to say about someone who helped you a lot. Actually, it's not a nice thing to say about anyone."

The boy blinked at her. "But you can't be cool if you're dead!"

"It's not about being cool, Justin. He was a very brave man and did a lot for us." She couldn't help but feel like a hypocrite. The first time Dick had saved them, she'd responded by sacking him from the BPD. Even though it had seemed right then, time had given her a different perspective and with that had come regret, and guilt. "I need to remember that too. And you know what? He didn't have superpowers but he did all those things anyway. I think that's pretty cool."

Her son, hesitated, clearly digesting that information. "Yeah. I guess it is."

She smiled, though it felt strained, her own emotions kept in check by sheer force of will. "Good. Now go and apologise to your sister."

He ran off and she felt the pang of regret again. It was hard to forget the months that followed Dick's dismissal, especially when learning that she'd been another pawn in Blockbuster's plan to destroy his life. By the time she offered him his job back it had been too little, too late. She'd never forgiven herself for that.

"Stupid," she muttered to herself, peeling the tape off one of the boxes. How had she let herself get caught up in that mess? How could she not have realised? And then she hadn't done anything useful when he seemed to fall apart and simply vanished, leaving her fearing the worst.

It spoke volumes that her over-riding memory of the day Blüdhaven fell was of seeing him alive.

Reaching into the box, something snagged on her shirt and she pulled it. As if mocking her, a police shield – his shield – fell into her hand. She'd kept it long after there was any hope of them working together again. "You were a good cop, rookie..." She closed her eyes, feeling the edge of the badge cutting into her hand. She'd told him that once. He hadn't believed her.

She'd always hoped to see him again, but she never had. He'd been in the news from time to time, New York for a while, then Gotham, though often there was long gaps between appearances. And then sometimes he'd reappear only for her to wonder why he always seemed to get the raw end of the deal. The story of Amusement Mile had been horrific just to read about – what had it done to him? Then when he'd hit the news in Chicago, she'd hoped he'd found a new place to call home.

He'd been caught in pictures, leaping and smiling.

Happy.

For a while.

She'd been relieved, glad that he seemed to have found his place at last. For the first time in years, she'd stopped worrying quite so much.

Then the world had found itself under attack once more. One day she'd turned on the news to see him in the public eye again in the worst possible way.

Broken. Battered. Defeated. Unmasked.

She'd watched in growing horror as the events unfolded, unable to do anything but see it play out on the news. She'd held onto hope though, he had all those friends, powerful friends, willing to do anything to save him.

How had they failed?

She still had nightmares about watching him die. Maybe she always would. Moving away from the box, she rubbed a hand over her face. It wasn't fair. Life wasn't, of course, but this seemed particularly cruel.

She was too absorbed in thought to hear someone entering the room.

"Hon? You okay?" Jim stepped into the room to see his wife standing silently by the window. "Need help unpacking?"

She snorted, looking at him and trying to shake her dark mood. Even though it had been nearly three years since Blüdhaven, living with family meant they still had very little. "I think I can manage."

He nodded, stepping closer. "Didn't think it was that. What's that you've got?"

She opened her hand, revealed the shield.

He didn't need to ask whose it was. He'd accepted the odd friendship she'd had with the vigilante. "He knew the risks, you know. Same as you do."

"I know." She smiled slightly. "I don't go jumping off rooftops though."

"Well, risk is relative," he chuckled softly. "Hon... I know you miss him. I mean... that's why we're here, right? Why we came to Chicago, when you could have applied for any police department in the country."

She couldn't meet his eyes as she nodded. "I should have told you. I'm sorry."

He pulled her close, kissing her softly. "You didn't have to. I'm your husband, I see these things. And I understand, even though I was really hoping for Hawaii."

Amy chuckled, leaning into him and feeling the mood lighten with his embrace. "You are the best husband. I love you, you know that? You've done so much for me – put up with more than any husband should. But... he did so much for us. We wouldn't be alive today if not for him. We lost Blüdhaven, but Chicago is still here - and he's not." She pressed into Jim's arms, letting him drown out the world. She was lucky, luckier than Nightwing had been. Which was why, being here... "It was the least I could do."

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