She tried to form coherent thoughts, but there were just so many words buzzing around up there. How did it make any sense? She held her hands out, the air feeling oddly solid against her skin. She clutched at the bottle for another drink, but was interrupted by Eli's hand, gently guiding the bottle down.
"Hold it there, Blue Eyes. Take a breather."
She nodded, and nodded, her head seeming to move of its own accord. Her limbs felt so heavy, and suddenly she didn't feel like staying upright anymore. She collapsed, her head on Eli's outstretched leg, her hair sprawled across his thigh.
For some reason, this was hilarious to her. She... couldn't... even... stay... upright... Her laughter bubble up, her body wracked with it.
Eli just chuckled, his hands automatically moving to smooth down her messy curls.
"Eli." She breathed, feeling like a little kid on a roller coaster. Had things always spun this much? Her thoughts moved to fast for her mind to take in, then the world moved to fast for her mind to catch up with, and the world and her mind moved to fast for her eyes to catch up with so she just closed them, trying not to think, just feel, the air literally pull her body up and control her. She struggled to form coherent thoughts. Before, she was buzzed, but this, vision delay, lethargy, finding stupid things amusing... This was probably border lining drunk, right?
Her mind tried to break down all she felt, analyze every detail, but for some reason, her mind couldn't remember what she was doing, or more importantly, why.
Then, a loud, slurred voice in the back of her head told her to stop being so goddamn analytical for once and just feel- so she did.
"ELI." She said a little more emphatically, loving the push of his name pushing past her lips, vibrating through her body.
He just watched her, noticing how her eyes were dilated, breathing quickened, body moving strangely next to him his. It was almost erotic, watching her feel uninhibited for the first time, ever.
She flipped over, still laying on him, but stomach to his legs now.
"Eli." She said for the first time. "I'm..." She took another sip of the vodka, a bigger one, she was less afraid of the drink now. (Though she still had to pause and wince at the bitter pain that tore down her throat) "I'm not happy."
He looked at her with alarm. "Elaborate?"
She shrugged, the movement loose, and she laughed. "Oh Eli... You're so damn." Another laugh. "OOPS. I cursed. Sorry God. But anyways... you don't get iiiittt." She drew out the last word, loudly, her arms flailing out, making her cheek fall to the soft denim of his pants leg. It was far too close for his liking, but at the same time, he craved more. He cleared his throat.
"Don't get what, Clare?"
She sighed loudly, dramatically, and sat up, her face closer to Eli's, but not close enough for shock. Yet. She took another sip, the bottle half empty, before squeezing her eyes, feeling the burn and the strange, almost-painful churn in her stomach.
"I don't know." She tried to sit up, but Eli put a firm hand on her lower back, keeping her down. "I'm known as- as someone I'm-I'm not really, youknow?"
There was a silence, and through the haze, Clare recognized that her cheeks were flushing. It was like she'd lost complete control of her verbal abilities; she was speaking words not of her own accord.
"I'm su-supposed to be this saint." She clenched her eyes. "For my-my parents, and mymom, and, and school... It's not who I am, but it's who everyone, like, wants me to-to be."
Again, her thoughts moved too quickly for her mouth to catch up with, and she stumbled and stuttered, feeling inadequate and foolish.
Eli murmured then, "I don't think you're a saint, Clare."
Through his hand resting on her back, Eli felt the temperature in Clare's body rise as she looked at him, eyes wide in shock.
"If you were a saint, you wouldn't be here, with me. I'm not saying you're a floozy-" he chucked briefly, "I'm just saying, you're you, Edwards."
There was a silence then, but Clare's face was pulled into a wide smile. Eli's heart fluttered a little at the sight of this, since Clare was usually so refined, so drawn-in. He could read her like a book always, of course, but it was nice to have the words printed clear-as-day for him.
As his eyes skimmed over the delicate shadows that her eyelashes cast upon her cheek, he felt his jaw twitch, his heart racing just a little too quickly. He couldn't be possessing feelings for Clare, right?
Shaking his head and determined to change the subject, Eli subtley moved his hand away from her back.
"How do you feel?"
She blinked at him, trying to focus.
"It's weirrrrd." Her hand found the one he'd carefully moved away moments before, squeezing it. "It's kind of like, I don't know. It's profound; electric; esoteric."
He fought the urge to laugh. Even when she was drunk, her vocabulary still rivaled his. He slight blue eyes shone up into his, and, for a second, he allowed his hands to swoop down her sides, feeling the soft warmth through her t-shirt.
Who was he kidding? He couldn't keep his hands off this girl- drunk or not. She was just so beautiful.
A light moan bubbled out from Clare's lips, and he found himself mesmerized.
"So, what's your..." She paused, looking up at his face with a dazed expression before shaking her head, blinking, and continuing. "your story, Elllliii?"
She watched through lidded eyes as he pulled a strange face and cocked his head to the side. "Isn't that a little personal, Clare?"
Another loose shrug. "You didn't let me back down."
Eli smirked, running a hand down her side again. "I don't know if you could take it, Clare."
"What, you chicken?" She made outrageous chicken noises and laughed again; unaware of how ridiculous she looked.
"Alright, fine, twist my rubber arm. I moved here from Edmonton. My dad got a job out here. There's nothing original, really."
"Reallyeli?" She said, slurring the words together. "Thassit?
"Well." He paused. "You already know about Julia, and Mike. What else is there to know?"
"There has to be s-something else."
With a smug grin, Eli nodded. "You caught me- my parents are Morticia and Gomez.
There was a few seconds of silence as Clare registered the humor, then, she let out the most adorable giggle Eli'd seen in his life.
There went the odd churning feeling in his stomach again. He was getting nervous, and this wasn't like him. Almost on impulse, he took another swig of the vodka, letting the heat wash over his tense body and relax him. This was Clare, he knew her like the back of his hand; there was no reason to be nervous.
Looking up at him from his lap, Clare's brow furled, making her look like she was trying very hard to focus on one thought.
She couldn't really think- but she did know that Eli's hand on her back was sending electric tingles down her spine, and the sound of him breathing was lulling her into a state of calamity she'd never experienced, and the flush on his cheeks was adorable and the way he wet his lips was tantalizing. Clare wasn't thinking particularly dirty thoughts, she was just acutely aware of the undertones and tension that had been there before.
"Clare, you make things very hard for me. "
His statement took a few to sink in, and when it did, her jaw slacked from disappointment. Pain flashed in her blue eyes.
"What?"
He nudged her up, adjusting her so she was in his lap; their position was not unlike a mother cradling her newborn. His arms were strong- stronger then she'd expected, and his hands were wide and held her in a way that hinted of experience and complete adoration. His face wasn't very far from his, and the way in which he was holding her forced her to stare half-lid-edly into his passion-filled green eyes.
"Your eyes. Your face. Your breath, voice, laughter, everything. You're mesmerizing."
She was silent for a while then, and, with bated breath, Eli pursed his lips together, seemingly debating an internal conflict.
There were so many sensations for her to focus on, the warmth of his body, the snare-drum like pound of her heartbeat, the rush of cars on the street by the park, the rustle of autumn leaves...
But through the haze, one clear thought rang through, so she spoke it.
"I want this, Eli."
Her hand reached up to caress his cheek, and then his lips were on hers.
You guys can shoot me. I know. It's been ages. I've been really busy though. But I miss Fanfiction- and the new Degrassi episodes are very inspiring, haha.
One thing I'm trying to convey is that this isn't just a rash act for Clare- there is going to be purpose and realization behind her drinking, I promise. 3
As always, reviews are worshiped.