I'm back! I know it's been ages! Do you hate me? I don't blame you. Remember we are still in the past here…. Chapter Four:
Waking up the first thing Alexis noticed was a throbbing pain in her head. The blinding sun streaming through her living room window prompted her to cover her face with her arm as the reality of the previous day's events sunk in. She didn't even want to imagine what she would see if she looked in a mirror, she could practically feel the red rims and bags that circled her eyes. She felt a pang of guilt at this thought, how could she be worried about how she looked when her dad was lying in the morgue?
"Hey Doc," Tommy said softly as he approached her from the kitchen, a coffee mug in his hand. Alexis' nodded her thanks as she took a sip of the caffeinated beverage. "How you holding up?"
Alexis closed her eyes and started "I-" and then a thought came to her, "I need to call Kate." She was suddenly more alert as she scanned the room for her cell phone, "She's got Alex and she can't possibly be okay after yesterday. I should go over to the loft and check on her." Before Tommy could do anything to stop her Alexis was already up and shuffling around the room looking for her car keys.
"Wow hold on there Doc, don't you think you should just take it easy. Yesterday was a hard day." Tommy studied her with a worried expression.
"I just need to get to Kate, Tommy, and Alex. They need me."
"Well at least let me drive you over there," Tommy said, when Alexis looked like she was about to respond 'No' Tommy continued, "How do you expect to get there without your car keys?"
Surprise flicked across Alexis' face before her features were trained into a hard glare, "Thomas Edwin Kent, you give me back my car keys and let me go see my family."
Tommy's borderline teasing look quickly plummeted into a panicked frown as he tossed Alexis the keys, "Doc, come on at least let me come with you, I just want to make sure you are all okay!"
"I'll be fine Tommy," Alexis' voice dropped to a near whisper.
"I know that, Doc," Tommy closed the distance between them and stood in between Alexis and the door, "I really do, but that doesn't mean I don't worry about you. Maybe it's selfish of me, but I know that I would be doing a whole lot better if I could come and know that you and Kate and Alex are all okay."
"Yeah okay," Alexis sighed, "You can come."
They were silent on the car ride to the loft and the elevator ride up to their floor, as they approached the door to the loft though Tommy couldn't stand it anymore, "Are you sure you are okay to do this Doc?"
Alexis merely nodded as she turned her key in the lock and was confronted by the black darkness of the loft. "Kate! Kate!" She called out to a seemingly empty house. She walked through the rooms turning on lights as she went; Tommy was trailing behind her like a shadow. She finally reached her father and Kate's room and took a deep breath before she ventured inside.
Kate Beckett, strong Kate Beckett, was lying in a heap in the center of the bed. She was wearing what Alexis assumed to be the same clothes as the day before and splatter's of red blood were still staining the white sleeves of her shirt. Her closed eyes were red and puffy and her mascara ran in black trails down her face. Her wavy brown hair was a matted mess and the blankets on the bed were disheveled from what must have been a tormenting night's sleep. In the bassinet next to the bed Alex wailed and reached his tiny arms up into the air begging for someone to feed or hold him. Alexis just stared at the scene not sure what to do with either her step-mother or her younger brother.
Tommy walked up behind her and put his hand on her shoulder, "I take Alex, just help Kate." Alexis nodded and allowed her friend to scoop up the baby and walk off into the kitchen in search of some baby formula.
"Kate," Alexis shook the detective lightly on her shoulder, "Wake up, we've got to get you cleaned up."
"Lexis?" Kate slurred in her exhaustion, "He's gone."
"Yeah Kate I know," Alexis fought to keep her voice from breaking as she slung Kate's arm around her shoulder and headed for the bathroom, "I know."
Once in the bathroom she helped Kate remove the bloody clothes and get into the shower, she left Kate there as she scooped the clothes off the floor, trying her best not to think about whose blood it was on them, with promises to lay clean ones outside the shower door. She didn't even bother putting the shirt in the laundry; she threw it straight into the trash bin, fairly certain Kate would never want to wear it again.
When she reached the living room she found Tommy in the kitchen brewing a pot of coffee while Alex sat happily in his highchair. "He doesn't know," Alexis said as she looked at the smiling little boy, "He doesn't know how much he's lost, how lucky he was to have my dad for a father. He's never gonna know."
Tommy rubbed comforting circles on her back, "It's okay Doc, let it out."
"And you know what the worst part is?" Alexis sniffled into his shirt as her voice increased in power, "I'm jealous of him. I'm jealous because he doesn't feel this. He doesn't know so he doesn't feel the pain. He may not know what he's lost but I do. I know, and it's not fair. It isn't. It just isn't fair." She didn't even care that she sounded like a whiny child, it wasn't fair and all she wanted was for her dad to scoop her up into his arms, like he had when she was little, and take the hurt away.
"No Doc," Tommy said as her tears soaked through his shirt, "It isn't fair. It isn't fair."
What did you think? Is this worth continuing? Review please.
Cate