Our laugher dies once Effie leaves the room, suddenly the sight of Haymitch on the ground isn't funny just sad. The sight of Haymitch, sprawled in the vile contents of his stomach, starts to make me feel ill again but I will myself to be strong, we need Haymitch no matter what type of person he is, he's the only one that can protect us in the arena. Looking at Katniss I see that she is thinking along the same lines as me, that we need him. I sigh and start to bend towards one of his arms, thinking that I'll drag him back to his room to sleep and see out of the corner of my eye that Katniss is doing the same. Getting a firm hold of him we pull him up right. Haymitch is talking but I can't understand what he is saying and I don't think Katniss can either besides I'm too busy trying not to breath in the smell that rolls off him in waves, the smell of vomit and alcohol. "We're taking you back to your room, going to clean you up" I tell him as we drag him down the hall, he makes some sort of noise to indicate his approval or whatever but we both ignore him. We tried to open the door while holding him up but in the end just dumped him on the floor while we opened the door and dragged him inside. The room is filthy, even though we have only been on the train a few hours. There's bottles on the floor and the bed is a mess and the faint smell of vomit lingers in the air. Dragging him into the bathroom we dump him into the bath and turn the shower on him. He doesn't notice, or if he does he doesn't care. Once I'm sure that Haymitch wont drown I turn to look at Katniss and see that she looks like she might be sick. Her face is a mixture of pity and repulse.
"It's ok, I'll take it from here." I tell her gently, as I guess the idea of a naked Haymitch is what is bothering her. I mean I'm not thrilled but I'll do it if I have to. She gives me a hard look but I see the look of gratitude that spreads over her face at my words. She says that she will ask one of the attendants to help but I tell her I don't want it. I don't want to embarrass our home even more. She nods, understanding what I mean, and heads out, back to what I assume are her rooms.
I stand for a few minutes staring at Haymitch lying in the bath, he looks like he's died I think, though I know better. I've heard of Haymitch drinking much more than he has today and he's still alive. At this point I'm not sure anything can kill him. I turn in a slow circle trying to compose my thoughts before I begin the task that lies in front of me. Turning back to look at Haymitch I take a towel from the pile in the corner and start to clean his face. Methodically getting all the filth and vomit off and washed down the drain. When I am done with his face and hair I take of his jacket, shirt, under shirt and trousers. I leave his underwear on cause, even though I said I could handle it the idea of seeing that part of Haymitch is too much, it's the one thing about Haymitch that I don't need to be seeing. His underwear will clean anyway with all the water. I start to talk, to think out loud how I can put my plan into action not really knowing or caring if he can hear me. I talk about the first time that I saw Katniss and the feelings that I have for her now and how they have grown over the years, I tell him the story about the bread and what it means to me. "I'll do anything for her Haymitch, she has to survive. I love her". I don't care if he can hear me but it feels good to tell someone about this. Someone who I know can help me.
The plan is this I'll make myself look weak and forgettable, all the while I'll make sure that Katniss is the center of attention for District 12. I'll try and make sure that she is unforgettable and seems strong and caring and loving. I'll make her the one to bet on, by making myself nothing. I'll die happily as long as I know that she is safe or at least that she stands a better chance a living than I do.
Once he is clean, I rummage through his drawers looking for anything clean that I can put him in. By luck I find some pajamas and quickly dress him in them. Hauling him to his feet, which is surprisingly difficult as he's heavier than he looks, I half drag half carry him across the room and dump him on the bed. Walking around to his feet I pull them onto the bed. I through a blanket over him to make sure he doesn't freeze and after checking to make sure he's breathing I turn to leave. I'm about to open the door when I hear him say in a drowsy voice, "I'll help you kid. I'll help you keep her safe." I pause of a second and then open the door and close it softly. I head down the train which has a soothing rocking motion to it and open the door to what is my room and sit on the bed with my head in my hands. I stay like that for a while before laying down and tucking my hands behind my head. I think about Katniss and how she is somewhere on this train in bed and alone, I don't want to sleep with her just be near her and let her know that she has someone. I go over everything that I know about her and how I can possibly help her in the arena, anything that I can do. I come up short on ideas, my mind blank. I stay lying down with my hands behind my head for a long while before finally drifting off into sleep.
My dreams that night are about Katniss and the day after I gave her the bread. I am standing in the school corridor. I see her, she looks at me then looks away. Most of my friends are talking to me but I don't listen to them. The bruise around my eye has a dull throb to it. The beating that I took for burning the bread was worth it. I was able to save her life, make sure that she saw today. I didn't care that I had to take the beating. She never came and thanked me but I knew it was because she was too proud, I knew she was thankful though. . I was just glad that she was alive and well. I watched her when we were let out of school. She collected her little sister, and then she suddenly looked down. I looked to saw that she was looking at a dandelion. She picked at and holding it carefully she ran home holding Primrose's hand tight. I turned away from them and saw my father. He was watching me with a careful face. "I loved her mother. I loved her more than anything but she wanted the coal miner. I couldn't compete with him. He sang and the birds fell silent." I know this, he told me the first day of school but I didn't take much notice of him. Now though I hear the note of sadness when he talks. He really meant it, he really loved her mother. The thought makes me sad, that he couldn't get the girl that he wanted. I vowed then that I would get her and make my father proud that one of us got the one we wanted. I didn't tell him though just nodded and walked towards that gate and to home. Though a memory mixed with a dream doesn't always tell the truth, and I'm not sure now if I made that vow in life or just the dream.
Waking I feel that I have been asleep for a while but not long, I check the clock beside the bed and see that I've slept for around 4 hours. It's still dark just beginning to get light outside. I am in the same position that I feel asleep in, my hands behind my head stretched out on the bed. I get up as I need to clear my head of the feelings that are over running it, stretching out my arms and back I can't help thinking of my father and how he loved Katniss's mother all his life. I take a shower and press some of the buttons, some I like, others like the rose smelling water not so much. I dress in the same clothes as yesterday not really caring that I wore them before. Taking a look in the mirror I take a deep breath and open the door, sticking my head out and taking a look around. The corridor is empty, not even a shadow of the Capitol attendants that are supposed to look after us at all hours. I step out into the corridor letting the door shut until it hits my fingertips, then letting the door close slowly so that not a sound is made. Although I don't know why I bother, there's cameras everywhere. I head straight down the train, towards the back, past Haymitch's room and into the last carriage where the roof is made of glass long with the very end. Making a dome of windows to look through. The room is filled with chairs and low tables, part of the window opens up into an outdoor viewing platform where you can feel the wind and early morning chill. Resting my hands on the railing I let the wind wash over me. Taking my thoughts and feelings, letting them be taken by the wind and be carried away from me. I stand there for what seems like forever, just breathing in the fresh air. It's just me, the wind and the early dawn that's starting to paint the sky all sorts of colour's. I don't hear him until he is standing next to me looking at the track which seems to be sliding out from underneath us.
"You really want to save her? You love her that much you would do that" He asks no trace of malice in his voice when he says it.
"Yeah I do" I reply tersely, not wanting to be questioned about it.
"I'll help you kid but you have to do everything I tell you. You can't disobey me at all."
"Fine" I say not looking at him, I turn around and walk back down the room to the door that will take me back to the long corridor and my room. Haymitch calls after me but I ignore him not wanting to hear anything else he has to say. He says he'll help, that's all I care about.
When I reach my room I fall into a dreamless and deep sleep. When I wake the next morning I am filled with a sudden fear that I dreamed my encounter with Haymitch last night. But I know I didn't, somehow I know that it was real and that he will help me.
Getting up I take another shower and try and figure out what today will bring. Today we reach the Capitol and we will meet our stylists. Although The Hunger Games are not a fashion show it's the unwritten rule that the better looking tributes the more sponsors they will have. I try to look at least a little presentable, even though I am wearing the same clothes again. I head towards the dining car as hunger has overcome me, even though I must have eaten my weight in food at dinner last night. There is no one in the room when I enter apart from a few Capitol servers, and when I sit down a plate of stew is put in front of me along with a heap of other food. I eat my way through most of it being careful not to make myself sick as I'll need me strength for what the day brings. Finally, I take the cup of brown liquid that is letting of a thin line of steam. I've never seen anything like it before turn to the Capitol person and ask what it is.
"Hot Chocolate." He pauses as if testing himself "Try dipping some bread in it. It tastes good that way" then he goes back to standing looking straight ahead of him.
Not wanting to look rude I take his advice. He turns out to be right about the bread. Dipping it the drink does taste good. Haymitch comes in just after I have started doing this. He nods and winks at me and starts eating. I get the feeling he is waiting for me to say something about our meeting last night on the viewing platform but I stay silent getting more embarrassed by the minute. Effie comes in then and picks up a cup of coffee from the table. She mutters things about how bad mannered Haymitch is thinking that he can't hear her. Going by his smirk, he can. I look down trying not to laugh and when I look up Katniss is here. She sits down and starts to eat as much as she can. When she is done she looks at the drink in front of her. I feel obliged to tell her what it is but leave out the part that the Capitol attendant told me. I don't want to get him into trouble by repeating it as I got the impression that he's not meant to give advice only answer questions. She gives me a hard look as if wondering why I'm being nice to her, before taking a small sip of the drink. Haymitch ignores us throughout the meal, just keeps thinning his drink with something that smells foul. I can see Katniss getting more and more annoyed about this, about his lack of interest in us. It doesn't bother me but finally, she snaps.
"You going to give us some advice"
Haymitch looks up at us drunk whatever he is thinning his drink with "Stay alive" he says then starts to laugh. Katniss looks at me and then looks away again. I am angry at him, angry that after last night he still doesn't seem to care.
"Real funny" I tell him "Just not to us" I say as I hit the glass out of his hand sending to crashing to the floor. Haymitch gives me a hard calculating look then punches me in the jaw. Hard. I fall of my chair and hit the floor. I don't see what happens next but when I pick myself up from the floor I see a knife jutting between his fingers and Katniss standing there with a murderous look on her face.
"Did I really get some fighters this year" Haymitch ask leaning back in his chair. I start to pick up some of the ice from under the fruit bowl but am stopped by Haymitch.
"Don't" he says "let it show, make it look like you were in a fight"
"That's against the rules" I say, wondering what he is up to.
"It will say you didn't get caught but you still fought" Haymitch says before turning to Katniss
"Can you hit anything else with that knife" He asks. To answer she picks up the knife and hurls it at the wall. It sticks right between the seam of the panels. Haymitch doesn't even blink but simply orders us to stand in the center of the room. I go without hesitation; Katniss takes a second longer to comply. There he proceeds to walk around us prodding and looking at our faces and bodies.
"You're not too bad. Even better when you get to the stylists"
We say nothing knowing that better looking tributes get more favour and more sponsors when the games start.
"Do not resist them. You must do everything that they say, even if you don't like it. "
"But.." Katniss begins
"No buts" Haymitch growls then picks up his bottle and stalks out the room muttering under his breath.
The room suddenly goes dark and I think that we must be going through the mountains that surround the Capitol. Every child is taught that the Capitol is surrounded by mountains and that you have to go through them to get there. I don't mind the dark or the fact that we are in a tunnel but looking at Katniss in the semi darkness I see that she is struggling not to scream. Her father I think. I know that he was blown up in a mining accident and I think of how that must have affected her, for her to have that happen to her father, to imagine that. The train is slowing and suddenly we are flooded with light. I rush to the window and Katniss does the same, and there is the Capitol.
The Capitol, the place that we have only seen on TV. At first I think that my eyes are playing tricks on me. Everything seems to be different colors, then I realise that no my eyes aren't playing tricks, that the colour's I'm seeing are real. From the buildings, to the street, to the clothes that the people are wearing and even to the people themselves. Green, blue, pink those are just a few of the colour's that people had tinted themselves with. They start to wave as they recognise the tribute train entering into the city. I start to wave back when I realise that I am being watched, I want to seem weak but liked so people will think of District 12. Katniss is looking at the people and window with a look of disgust on her face.
"One may be rich" is all I say to her and turn back to the window. I don't stop till the window is blocked by the train station. I know what Katniss is thinking – that is am trying to kill her and everyone else in that arena - and all I want is to prove her wrong. I'm waving to make people think of the District, not me. I'll make them think of her.