"Are we there yet?" Legolas asked for the fifth time.
"No! Stop asking stupid questions!" Gimli barked.
"I'm tired of paddling!" Legolas complained.
"Then let me paddle." I said.
"No! You have already proven yourself useless at it!" Legolas argued.
"Then don't complain. Gimli's not complaining."
"LOOK! IT'S THE ARGONATH!" Pippin yelled. "BOROMIR, STOP BEING SUCH A CREEPER! YOU ARE STALKING FRODO, DO YOU KNOW THAT?"
The Argonath was impressive. It looked almost like it had been recently built. There was little damage done to it, and the two statues were identical.
"Wow." I breathed.
We stopped the boats there, and made a camp.
"Let's sing a campfire song!" Legolas suggested.
"What is with you and singing?" Dakota asked.
"It's an elf thing." Beth said.
"They just can't shut up when they can sing." Gimli added.
"It would be funny if someone abducted an elf and the elf started singing." I pointed out.
"I would be that elf." Legolas admitted.
"Where's Frodo?" Sam asked. "And where's Boromir?"
"Here I am!" Frodo said, coming out from behind a tree. "You really do care."
Boromir appeared. "What were you doing?" Aragorn asked.
"Well..." Boromir began, and told us about the bathroom break he just had.
"You're disgusting." Beth said when he finished.
"You should just die now." Aragorn said. "You've scarred the hobbits!"
Boromir sat down. "I'm with Legolas on singing the campfire song.
"No! We are not singing that song!" Hissed Aragorn.
"Fine. You don't have to. Boromir and I can sing it ourselves." Legolas sniffed.
"NOBODY is singing the song." Aragorn clarified.
"Meanie." Legolas muttered.
So we sat in silence around the campfire, until we heard a pattering sound.
"Hold on- where's Frodo- and Boromir's gone, too!" Sam said.
"I'm right here!" Frodo said.
"Where?" Sam asked.
"Behind this bush!" Frodo answered.
"Oh. What are you doing?" Sam asked.
"Using the bush as an outhouse." Frodo answered. We moved the camp after that.
"I wonder where Boromir is." Merry said.
"Yeah. He was acting very strange on the boat." Pippin added.
"You've already said that." Beth pointed out.
"He was crazy enough to make it worth saying multiple times." Merry explained.
Frodo returned. "You didn't have to move because of me." He said.
"Yeah, we did. Thanks to you, Sam didn't cook the bacon right." I grumbled.
"It's just bacon-"
"IT WAS THE BEST THING IN MIDDLE EARTH UNTIL YOU DECIDED TO PEE IN THE CAMP SO NOW IT DIDN'T GET COOKED RIGHT FRODO! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" I yelled.
"You just broke the golden rule. Do not say anything about bacon around Ra unless you are complementing it." Dakota told Frodo.
I continued. "I HAVE NOT HAD BACON IN AGES AND I DO NOT EVEN KNOW WHERE THIS BACON CAME FROM AND IT WAS THE ONLY BACON WE HAD AND IT IS RUINED BECAUSE OF YOU!"
Boromir came back. "What does 'complimenting' mean?" He asked.
"You see, this is why I am the rightful king of Gondor!" Aragorn snorted. "I have intelligence and you do not."
"I disagree." Dakota said. "You haven't heard yourself when you wake up. You're delusional. Yesterday you thought you could fly."
"Dakota, was that an insult?" I asked in mock surprise.
"No. A lot of people are like that in the morning. I'm just saying that in the morning, Boromir should be king."
"Why?" I asked. "He's the dumbest thing I saw since Legolas."
"In the morning, he's like Nicola Tesla."
"Who's that?" Pippin asked.
"A character I read about in a book. He was a genius in the book."
"What was the book?" Beth asked.
"Timeline. It took place on a planet called Earth."
"Where's Frodo and Boromir?" Sam asked yet again.
We looked around, and then Dakota said, "Ra, you do not want to see this."
I went over there, and there was Frodo, sitting by a tree, eating the last of the bacon.
I yelled a battle cry and went to rescue the bacon. "Give me the bacon!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. Frodo ran away from it, and I gulped it down.
"That was the most terrifying thing I've ever seen ." He said faintly.
Then Boromir appeared. "I think we need more wood for the campfire. We desperately need some."
"Fine. Go get it." Pippin snapped.
We went back to the campfire.
"You know, I just realized, why do we have a campfire when it's daylight?" Beth asked.
"Because there's nothing better to do. We're just going to sit here, until the orcs we know are following us come and attack us, and maybe kill one of us."
"WE'RE BEING CHASED BY ORCS?" Yelled Dakota. "AND WE ARE JUST SITTING HERE?"
"Yes." Aragorn confirmed.
I looked up from the bacon. "We need to move."
"But we don't know where to go from here." Legolas pointed out.
"I know!" Frodo yelled. "See ya, suckers!" And he ran to a boat, pushed it into the water, and started to float downstream.
"Wait for me, mister Frodo, sir!" Sam cried, and picked up a backpack and the rope.
"No! Sam! You can't swim." Frodo said.
But Sam just ran into the water, and with a flash, grew a tail instead of legs. "I've always dreamed of being a mermaid!" He yelled. "And now I am."
Seconds later, they were out of sight. We were speechless.
"Nooooo!" Something with a hissing voice yelled. "Theys escaped. Damn them, filthy hobbitses. We hates them FOREVER!"
And a weird grey creature ran by, chasing the boat.
"It's Gollum." Legolas said, dazed.
"Let's pretend that we never saw him." Aragorn said.
Then there was a crashing sound, and a random Orc ran into Boromir. Aragorn chopped its head off, and Boromir's face was covered in blood.
"I will never forget this." I vowed. "You will be reminded of this for the rest of your life."
More orcs came, grabbing Pippin and Merry, and running off. Some attacked us. By the time they were all dead, Boromir had been shot by two arrows.
"Help me,Aragon." Boromir said.
"You're lucky." Aragorn said.
"I'M LUCKY? NONE OF YOU EVEN GOT SCRATCHED!" Boromir yelled.
"You're not dead." Beth pointed out.
"We need to follow the hobbits." Legolas said.
"We'll run!" Aragorn suggested.
"IF WE RUN ALL THE WAY TO THE ORCS I WILL KILL YOU IN YOUR SLEEP." I stated.
"Fine, then. Let's go!" And we were off.