Chapter Four
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Five hours later Scarlett was ready to face a new day, for the past eleven months she hadn't been able to sleep for more than a few hours a time, close to five hours sleep was a luxury she rarely had. The door to Rhett's room was closed and she hoped that meant he was still asleep, the dark circle under his eyes told a tale of lack of sleep for more than a few weeks. She guessed he had suffered for insomnia as long as she had, and it was forever. The only news about it was; that now a day she awoke from sleep when she, at last, found some.
She found her place on the veranda where Plenty served the coffee, the new girl Ester would start today. Scarlett asked the two girls and Pork to take the mirrors down in the dining room, parlour and the Hall, if it was possible she would also like them to remove the glasses.
And no, she wasn't hungry.
The yard was quiet and peaceful, it wasn't as well kept as it had been when she lived in the house but it was more appealing now, she wonder why she hadn't noticed before, how soothing it was to her soul to be in the yard around her home.
The answer was that she never had been much home when she lived here, and when she had, the house had been full of people and she had been too restless to spend any time outside doing nothing.
She had only been outside to admire Bonnie's riding skills on Mr. Butler, and even that had been far between.
From here she couldn't see the spot where Bonnie and Mr. Butler had practice every day, which was why she had chosen this part of the veranda, she avoided the images that would come, if she could that place of the yard.
But from here she could see the ridiculous statues of the stag and the mastiff, once they had made her proud but, now, she had forgotten the reason why.
"In need for more fresh air?" His voice startled her; he was balancing a tray in his hands with fresh coffee and cups.
"Yes, what's the meaning of having a veranda if you don't use it?"
"I have never been a collector of things I have no use for, so I wouldn't know," He replied.
"Rhett have you ever liked the statues?"
He looked at them, reflecting her question, "No I can say I ever did" he gave her one of his half smile, which never reached his eyes.
"They are rather big," she kept her eyes on the stag "How would you have liked this house Rhett?"
"I don't know Scarlett, it's the first home I have had since I left my mother's. I assume I would have liked something simpler. It's so easy to avoid company in this house. But I built it for you so it didn't matter, you liked it."
"I wonder why. To be envied I guess but they never did envy me. Perhaps secretly they envied the money we had, but money matters little when you have lost all that is important in this world." Sadness made her voice thick.
"What is important to you these days Scarlett. I remember when money was of a great issue to you along with some other things." This time he looked at her with eyes less dull, a slightly glimmer of alert had come into them.
She wasn't sure she wanted to answer that question, suddenly she felt shy and was afraid he would laugh.
"The security of family and friends…Love…. It would be nice to be important enough for a person to be loved by him, and love that person back in return. I wanted our baby so much, I guess you never knew, but I did. I think I would like more children and the stability of a solid relationship." She kept her eyes on the statues, never daring to meet his eyes.
"Ah, you did mention children in one of your letters, a boy and a girl, if I remember correctly. You dreamt of a boy with my features, do you know, I cherished Bonnie because she was so alike you? Always at cross purposes, but really wanting the same. What a waste of life."
"What do you want of life Rhett?" she dared asking.
"Peace. I fear my heart can't take more drama. You are stronger than I ever were Scarlett. You survived so many struggles and losses. I admire that in you."
"I fear for another blow Rhett, I don't know if I could survive that."
Their eyes locked and together they shared a moment of peace and honesty.
"Would you like me to take you to the store? After all, we are here to be seen together."
"The store! I guess that would be fine." It was time to face her enemies again.
Rhett had chosen the open carriage because it was a beautiful spring day and how could he know what it would do to her, Scarlett tried to reassured herself when panic stoke. But she couldn't ignore that she was fully exposed Atlanta's fine people, after today every one who hated her would know she was in town. Rhett drove slowly as to make sure they were seen.
The first to see them was Grandpa Merriwether, who was out delivering his daughter-in-law's pies, he nearly jumped in joy when he saw Rhett, fortunately he couldn't stop but yelled:
"Captain Butler! Scarlett. Excellent you are back in town Captain Butler."
Rhett nodded his head friendly but offered no words while Scarlett stared at the road before her. When she spotted Mrs. Meade together with Mrs. Elsing she unconsciously moved closer to Rhett but kept her head as high as she could, she wouldn't let them know how much their judgements hurt her. Rhett neither moved away from her nor offered her an arm for support. He had to stop when Mrs. Meade approached the carriage with a determined expression in her face.
"Captain Butler! Scarlett," she looked solely at Rhett "I must say I glad to see you back!"
"Thank you Mrs Meade, Mrs Elsing" he bowed his head.
"I hate to interfere, but I have been worried about you, it was a terrible loss. But there could be other children I'm sure, and I do believe it would be the best that could happen."
At the last statement she looked sourly at Scarlett, without doubt she blamed her for not having produced a new child to captain Butler yet. Scarlett felt Rhett stiffen at Mrs. Meade's very rude and prying words. He tipped his hat
"That's an issue between Scarlett and I Mrs. Meade" he said and drove of.
All the ladies that had admired Bonnie greeted Rhett but he didn't stop to exchange any more words and finally they arrived at the store.
When Rhett had climbed down the carriage he turned to help Scarlett down, she took his hand but her focus was elsewhere; when her foot left the footboard it got stuck in the hem of her dress and she lost her balance, tilting directly into Rhett's chest. Her eyes hasten to his face while she tried to free her foot from the dress, she saw his frown changed into surprise and with embarrassment, she remembered that she had forgotten to have the new girl lace her up this morning. She hadn't expected to go anywhere, and she had dressed before she was introduced to the girl.
Quickly Rhett stepped back, bowed and lifted the hem to free her slipper. Oh, what mustn't he think of her now and what would others think? Oh! To be caught in such an embarrassing moment.
"Skirts can be mighty challenging" the blackness of his eyes told her he was remembering another episode when her skirt had been caught on something.
Her thoughts turned to the night at the bazaar when her skirt had been caught on a nail of the booth, when she wanted to escape him.
Blushing she mumbled "Thank you," refusing to meet his eyes.
"Breaking free of cages can be a redemption," he winked at her "An what a refreshing feeling to witness it."
Why couldn't he be a gentleman and pretend he hadn't noticed the lacking of her corset? She felt so wanton, but he was right, it was a refreshing feeling to breath freely. And he wouldn't be Rhett if didn't mention her shame.
"For the love of God you can't say such things Rhett, when every one can hear you!"
"But I could say them if we were alone?" Some of the old jest was back in his emotionless voice.
"How you do run on. But I guess you could" she blushed again.
He followed her into the store, she looked around, it was a jumble of goods and all to dusty for her taste but it was crowded with people, more than she could remember visiting on Saturdays.
"How long will you be here Scarlett?"
"Oh, not long, will you wait?" she asked, she had no desire to stay and deal with people.
"Of course" he sighed.
Inside her office Scarlett briefly looked in the ledger, she would take it with her and look at it later today or tomorrow, here would be plenty of time to work during this week.
She approached the desk to speak a word with the clerk when her eyes fell on a familiar face; Belle Watling. Like the last time they had met, Belle stared at her with a searching look in her eyes, pity and sympathy evident in her face.
Scarlett froze, would this day never end? Nothing was spared her today; being in Atlanta had turned out worse than expected. Facing her husband's mistress through many years, she remembered that Rhett was somewhere in the store and she flushed. She wouldn't bear to witness Rhett greeting his mistress, no, that would be more than she could stomach.
Scarlett darted for the door without saying goodbye to the puzzled clerk.
When she passed Rhett he reached for her and got hold of her arm:
"Are you all right Scarlett?" he scanned her faced.
"Fine Rhett I just need some fresh air" she gasped for air.
He didn't release her arm but looked inquiring around the store, when his eyes fell on Belle understanding showed in his face. He nodded his head slightly but redraw his eyes to Scarlett.
"Are you ready to go Mrs. Butler?" he asked and looped her arm into his.
Scarlett was grateful, Rhett hadn't humiliated her by acknowledge his mistress and it seemed Belle Watling had also taken mercy on her, staying in the far end of the store.
Seated in the carriage Scarlett fought with her breath, trying to take the air all the way down and into her stomach, her lungs screamed for air demanding quick breaths, but she knew it would only stop, if she slowed her breathing. This was worse than wearing a corset.
"What's the matter Scarlett?" the concern in his voice was honest.
"Nothing. I'm fine, just needed a bit of fresh air," she lied and he accepted it.
Slowly, her breathing calmed and when they arrived home she was breathing normally.