Heartbreak

A/N: Chapter 4! I'm posting as soon as I'm done writing them, so be aware I'm not stiffing you on anything! However... school starts again on Monday for me, so there will definitely be a longer delay between chapters, since I have a job to juggle as well. But never fear! I'm not abandoning this story if I have avid readers and eager reviews! Enjoy!

The summer vacation had come and gone, and Severus was looking forward to his final year at Hogwarts. Hidden deep in his trunk were stacks of letters from Lily- although they lived close to each other, they hardly dared to meet, because Lucius had taken to dropping by Severus' house without warning. Often Lucius' visits were for nothing but bragging about how much his skill in the Dark Arts had improved under the Dark Lord's tutelage, and sniffing about Bellatrix receiving "special treatment" because she fawned over the Dark Lord like a lover.

"You'll be great there, Severus. We learn nothing but the Dark Arts themselves, instead of that silly Defense stuff Hogwarts shows us. And look-" here Lucius bared his left forearm- "I was formally initiated the other night."

Severus studied the strange and malevolent tattoo. It was a skull, with a snake coming out of its mouth and winding around it sinuously. The skin around the tattoo was warm to the touch and slightly pink, contrasting with the paleness of the rest of his arm. "Did it hurt much, Lucius?" he asked mildly.

Lucius laughed a little, uneasy. "Yeah, actually… it did. It still hurts, to be honest. But the Dark Lord said the pain would pass in a week, and that the tattoo would burn black when he wants us. We have to Apparate immediately, but luckily since the tattoo ties us all to him, wherever he is, we just have to think of him and those ties will make us land within a few feet of where he is." At this point, unconsciously rubbing his forearm, Lucius stood and bade him farewell.

"It's a shame you're a half-blood, Severus. But at least with your mother being a witch, you still get all of our benefits… like the Floo Network. I shall keep in touch over the year and tell you what's going on." He turned and threw a pinch of powder into the fireplace, making the flames turn green with a roar. As Lucius stepped inside and disappeared, Severus' father Tobias let out an angry bellow.

"EILEEN! I TOLD YOU TO DISCONNECT THAT FIREPLACE TRAVEL NETWORK!"

Knowing a shouting match was likely to follow, Severus sent a hurried request to Lily and slipped out to the nearby playground where he'd made his first friend.

Snapping out of his trip down Memory Lane, Severus waved a halfhearted goodbye to his parents before boarding the Hogwarts Express, lugging his battered trunk behind him. Walking through the compartments, his heart leaped when he caught Lily's eye. She gave him the smallest of smiles and looked away quickly, resuming her conversation with Mary Albright. A Head Girl badge glinted on her chest, which Severus noted with pride. Walking on, he busied himself with finding an empty compartment.

A door slid open a few feet down, and James and Sirius stepped out. Wary, Severus placed a hand close to his wand, noticing with surprise that James Potter- nothing but trouble, never been a prefect, and total arrogant git- was sporting the Head Boy badge on his robes. He smirked when he saw Severus in the aisle.

"Well, Snivellus, looks like the test graders were able to read your answers after all! They must have great eyesight to see past all those grease spots your honking nose left!" James taunted. Sirius threw his head back and laughed raucously. Peter poked his head out to see what was going on.

"Oi Snivellus, you wash your pants lately? Want me to check?" Sirius jeered, brandishing his wand. In one fluid motion, Severus drew his wand and put the trunk down out of his way.

"EXPELLIARMUS!" a voice shrieked. All three boys lost their wands, and Lily caught them deftly, an angry look on her face. "James Ignotius Potter! Does the position of Head Boy mean anything to you?"

James, rather than trying to be suave and flirtatious, looked properly ashamed. "Well I-" he started.

"NO!" she stated. "I don't care if it's Snape or some other student, you will NOT abuse this post by harassing students! If we have to work together, I will not spend my time disciplining you too!"

Disconcerted, James apologized. "I'll leave everyone alone, then," he consented. "Even Sniv- er, Snape." Lily's irritated expression softened, and she handed back the wands. James nervously tried to flatten his hair, making Lily raise an eyebrow. As she walked away, she lightly brushed Severus' hand, giving him a reassuring smile. James slunk back into his compartment, and Sirius followed reluctantly.

"Told you she'd crack down," he heard Lupin say as he walked safely past their compartment and found his own. He set the trunk in the luggage rack and settled himself in for a good long nap as the Hogwarts Express pulled out of King's Cross Station.

The first month of the school year passed without incident. Severus no longer had to worry about getting attacked by the newly reformed James and his friends, Malfoy had yet to send him a letter, and he and Lily were writing to each other daily using pen names. He rarely saw Lily anymore… they had Advanced Potions together, but Slughorn required the advanced students to work alone and they normally sat on opposite sides of the room. His Occlumency lessons with Dumbledore were being held once a week, and he and Lily had arranged to meet in the Room of Requirement afterwards every other week for twenty minutes.

Severus felt the familiar resent bubbling up inside as he made his way to his dorm, hating the ignorant mistake that required so much secrecy in his life. It's only going to get worse when I graduate… Angrily he scuffed his shoes against the floor, making his way to the already-full entrance hall for the trip to Hogsmeade. He noted that most of the people going were bright-eyes third years still enthralled with the idea of being allowed out of the school grounds, wrapped in House colored scarves and hats against the windy autumn day.

The group headed out, with Severus straggling near the end of the group. On his way out, he heard Lily's musical laughter and his heart skipped a beat. He searched for her as he stepped out of the wooden doors, craning his neck over the sea of excited students. Skirting around a group of giggly Ravenclaws, he peered around a stone pillar and caught a flash of ruby hair. Only…

Lily was in James' arms, laughing and twirling around. Peter and Sirius were smiling and laughing along, while Remus took a picture of them. "That's just beautiful, I got the fountain and the leaves in the wind in that shot and everything!" he gloated, the camera hanging around his neck.

"When did you become a photographer, Moony?" Sirius said, nudging Remus playfully. "Oi, lovebirds, let's get to Hogsmeade already!" James and Lily smiled and followed the others, their hands intertwined. James planted a kiss on Lily's cheek as they unknowingly walked away from Severus.

Severus couldn't breathe. It felt like someone had closed an iron fist on his lungs and heart, squeezing them so painfully he found himself gasping for breath. His entire body was shaking uncontrollably and his mind was in turmoil, trying to deny what he had just seen. He bolted to the Room of Requirement as fast as he could, shoving students out of his way and taking stairs two and three at a time. Slamming the door that couldn't have appeared any sooner, Severus threw himself onto the bed it had provided. The agony was almost unbearable… he could almost feel his heart shattering into a million pieces as he willed himself not to cry or shout…

He lost the woman of his dreams to his worst enemy.

Yes? No? Let me know!

For some reason I can't enter a break... so it might flow awkwardly until I figure out how to fix that. Sorry!