Author note.
Finally chapter 4.
Sorry guys. This one took longer than I expected.
It's set in the episode Divide and Conquer (Season 4, episode 5).
No beta for this Dutch girl so all faults are mine.
SAM
Jack came into my secured quarters "Give us a second ok?" I hear him say to the security guards.
Then he turned to face me. He looks scared or concerned. I can't really tell.
"This haves to be a mistake" I say before he can say anything.
"Tell me about it" Jacks says when he comes closer to the bed on which I'm sitting.
"Can you talk to general Hammond to me retested? I mea-" I say but I'm interrupted bij Jack before I can finish my sentence.
"-Us retested"
"What?" I ask.
"Us retested" Jacks says " Apparently I'm one of those zarg-things to. I'm across the hall"
And he points to the door.
I close my eyes. Not really knowing what to say.
"That can not be" I say.
"I know" he tells me.
And then it hits me.
"We where consensus at the same time" I say.
Jack looks shocked
"Apparently" he says.
"Sir are you afraid that it's possible?" I ask.
"A little" he says with a concerning look.
I nod and look away from him.
What now? I think and I can feel the tears in my eyes.
JACK.
Sam is looking away but not before I spot the tears in her eyes.
I walk over to her and I sit next to her.
"Come here" I say and she curled up besides me.
"They will figure it out" I say "It will be alright."
JACK
I'm shocked. Anise... Freya... I don't now.. the human host! Just kissed me.
"What are you doing" I's asking and now she saying that she likes me.. well the human part.
Snake part likes Daniel apparently. Something I have to tell him.
This will definitely freak him out.
Freya.. Anise... is still explaining her reasons and I decide to step in.
"Look" I start "There are so much reasons why this is wrong" I tell her.
"Weird.. .. and wrong. Did I mention wrong?"
Anise.. Freya. Whatever her face didn't change squad after my rejection, not an muscle moves in her face.
"Is it because I share my body with Anise" She asks.
Yeah that's certainly one of the reasons I think.
"Well for starts" I answer.
"Don't you find me attractive?" she asks.
I don't really know what to say about that.
Because well.. come on she's a beautiful women.
Everyone can see that.
Apparently she sees my struggle on answering her and decides I need another kiss.
I'm ashamed to admit that for a brief moment I'm enjoining it.
But then I push her away with the lame excuse that I can blowup any minute and I don't want to hurt her..
She tells me that she isn't the target, cause if she was, she will be already dead.
Yeah well... good point..
"Is there some-one else to whom you are loyal" she asks.
Again I don't know what to say. Wat can I say..
Something like... yeah well... the other human bomb who you just locked up across the hall is carrying my child.. But that's a result of very very strong liqueur and bad decisions. I don't know if she likes me more than a friend, I don't even know if she is willing tho have the kid, I don't know squad about what she wants. Because she says she doesn't know it yet.
But to be fair she doesn't know what I want either..
Really really need that talk soon.
But the reality is... That across the hall there's an amazing girl pregnant with my kid and I can't betray her right now with this snake girl.
So I just say to Anise/Freya, that it isn't the point.
I say that her timing is also terrible and hooray for the snake girl she understands it.
"I'm hoping that we still can help you and major Carter" She says.
And suddenly I realize that just maybe.. Carter and I will never have the talk..
What if they can't find a cure?
SAM
I'm sitting at the desk in my quarters.
Staring at the screen of the laptop.
But I can't really find the good words.
What can I say about the situation.
Then I hear the sound of my door. I look up and see Martouf standing in my quarters. "Martouf" I say with a small smile. Martouf is looking at me with his bright eyes full of concern.
"How are you?" He asks. "I was just writing a letter to my dad" I say and point to my laptop. "I have sent word to him. I'm sure he'll come as soon as he can." Martouf tells me. I nod "Thank you" I say. "I have come to present an option to you." Martouf tell me.
I shake my head "Not what Freya tried on Lieutenant Astor." I tell him.
"She thinks that the procedure failed because she stopped before it was finished." Martouf's says.
"Because Astor went crazy." I say. "Freya thinks that the failsafe protecting the zatarc programming can be overcome if the procedure is given a fair chance to work." Martouf explains.
"What's the rush?" I ask.
"Freya has seen prior evidence to suggest that if a zatarc is prevented from achieving their objective.." He stops for a brief moment " ..if your objective is to target the President"
I nod "You're saying I would try and kill myself."
Martouf nods "Yes" he whispers.
He is persistence to persuade me to do the procedure of Freya.
But the risks are so high.. I can try to shoot myself anyway like Ashtor or if it works end up with brain damage.
"I know that it's an awful decision to make and not only do I not want to risk losing what you still carry of Jolinar, but . . . I've grown quite fond of you as well, Sam." Matouf says and smiles at me and I can resist of smiling back.
I don't really understand on what Martouf and I are sharing. Maybe it's just Jolinair.
But I can't help then to admit to myself that I feel something for him. Although I can't really say if it's really me or the memory of Jolinair. The memories and feelings of Jolinair are so strong that I didn't really have a chance to developed my own feelings for Martouf.
I closes my eyes and shake my head. "It's all based on assumptions, right?" I start "I mean we don't know that the President is the target; we don't even know if I'll lose my mind because the summit's going on and I'm stuck in here."
"And we don't know for sure that you will suffer any ill effects from the procedure." He tells me.
"Some choice" I tell him. We exchange a glare to each other and then I look away. Thinking on what to do.
"I'm sorry Samantha" Martouf's say and he lays his hand on my shoulder "But it's your choice" and he left my quarters.
JACK
I'm sitting on the bed, looking at the medical equipment.
"No choice?" I ask at the doc and I see Freya coming into my quarters.
I sign to myself. With our last encounter fresh in my mind, I really really don't want her here.
"No. You won't feel anything, it'll be like falling asleep."Doc Frasier assures me.
"For how long?" I ask.
"As long as it takes to find a treatment with better odds than the one we have available."
Frasier says and she glanced at Freya who looks rather put out at that statement.
Great I think, will I witness the birth of my child? Will Sam do?
Then I see Teal'c coming in.
"Come to say your goodbyes?" I ask annoyed.
"If there's anything that you require, O'Neill" He says.
"Another option." I say.
"There is still time to try the procedure." Freya reminds me.
I'm looking down thinking on what to do.
"You said if you could have done a proper autopsy on Astor, you might have been able to solve this thing." I ask Freya. Still not looking up.
"It would have provided much more information." I hear her say.
Not really on what I wanted to hear but it's something.
"Do it" I decide.
"What?" Daniel says clearly shocked by my decision.
"Hey, I've done the drugged-out, strapped-to-the-bed thing." I tell him.
"And if what happened to Astor happens to you? Daniel asks me.
I think for a moment an then tips my head. "Maybe it'll help Carter. Her brain's worth a lot more than mine."
I say and try to smile but actually my cheeks aren't really working.
I really want to do this for her. I want to do anything for her. But I prefer not dying.
Freya takes a deep breath and I assume she now knows on why I didn't respond well on her seducing me.
SAM
Daniel and Janet just told me what Jack is going to do.
No he can't just leave me behind like this.
"What? He can't!" I yell.
"He's on his way down now." Daniel says and he's looking at the ground.
"Why is he doing this?" I ask desperately.
"He said he'd rather take the risk instead of being put to sleep indefinitely"
"If it happens he thinks Anise can use what she would learn to save you." Janet explains to me.
I'm shocked. He wants so save me. I push between Daniel and Janet and run to the door.
I hear Daniel saying my name and then feel the arms of the security officers around my body.
I see the colonel walking out of the corridor.
"Colonel!" I yell, still being retain by the security officers.
He looks back at me, but doesn't stop. We just stare at each other for a moment.
"You have to stop him!" I yell to my friends.
"It's his choice." Daniel informs me.
I'm desperate but don't know on what to do.
"Sam, please. I have to do this." Janet tells me.
I close my eyes and pass them both to sit on the bed.
My head into my hands.
Janet walks over to me.
"I promise that it's save for your baby" She whispers.
I look at her "Soon this baby wouldn't have a father anymore" I inform her.
Janet nods "I'm sorry" and she lays her hand on my shoulder.
Minutes later I feel that the sedation is starting to work.
I don't really know on where I am, If I'm awake or not.
I'm back at Apophis's ship, Trapped behind the forcefield.
Jack is beating up the control panel to free me.
"Sir, there's no time!" I pleaded "The C-4's gonna blow, you have to get out of here. "
"NO!" Jacks yells and on that moment I wake up.
Understanding exactly on what's went wrong.
"The machine is wrong!" I say. Trying to open my eyes.
I'm struggling to fight the sedation. I have to save him.
"You don't understand. We lied. We didn't even know we were lying. Please." I plea.
JACK
"If you are ready, we will begin." Freya tells me.
Yeah well.. good day to die I think.
Then I hear a knock on the window.
"Stop!" I hear Janet yell through the mike.
Moments later Carter comes into into the room.
"Carter, what's up?" I ask.
"Could we have a moment alone please? " She asks to the others.
They nod and leave the room.
I look at her. What is she planning to do?
Kill me herself?
"We're not zatarcs." She tells me.
"How do you know?" I ask in confusion.
Yeah I know. The girl is brilliant but how does she know that?
"The machine thinks that we have false memories, but we don't. We were lying." She says.
"I wasn't lying." I say, What's she talking about? I answered everything on what they asked.
"Okay. You left something out." Carter says.
"No, I didn't." I tell her. They didn't ask about the baby, She wasn't even pregnant back then. That's 2 months ago. Way before the blue widka.
"Sir, when you wouldn't leave me, are you sure there wasn't something else that you're not admitting?" Carters askes me.
Why can't people just say what they want to say? I think.
"What are you talkin' about?"I ask annoyed.
"Something neither one of us can admit, given our working relationship, our military ranks..." She says..
She knows.. Now I understand it. She knows on why I didn't want to leave her back than.
But wait. Is she telling me that she feels the same?"
"Sir, we weren't telling the whole truth, and that's why the machine thinks the memories are false." She explains.
"Really?" I ask.
Stupid machine I think.
Moments later I'm hooked up at the the zatarc detector again.
Freya is interrogating me about Apophis ship again... It's getting old now.
" Major Carter was trapped behind the force shield." Freya says.
"That's right." I tell her "There were sounds."
" You did everything you could." Snake girls say.
"Yes."
" You couldn't save her."
" No."
"But you still could have saved yourself."
"I guess." I say. Didn't really care about saving myself to be honest.
"What happened next?" Freya asks.
I think about the moment at Apophis ship.
Back when Carter was trapped behind the forcefield.
Me freaking out and yelling at her.
The pleading look in her eyes, wanting me so save myself.
To left her behind. But I couldn't.
I just realized that I loved her.
"What were you feeling?" Freya ask.
"Like.. someone who was about to die." I lie.
"Sir.." I'm hearing Carter saying.
Oh yeah.. right.. Not lying. Machine doesn't like the lying.
"I didn't leave.. because I'd have rather died myself.. than lose Carter." I confess.
"Why?" Freya ask.
"Because I care about her.. a lot more than I'm supposed to." I say.
SAM.
I hear him saying the words and I look him into his eyes.
I'm almost in tears about his confession. Stupid hormones.
"Now test me" I demand.
Jack and I switch places and Freya asks me the same questions as earlier.
"Why did you want him to leave you behind" Freya ask me.
"I didn't want him to die" I say "I didn't want him to sacrifice for me"
"Why not?" Freya asks
"Because I love him more than a friend would do."
I look over at Jack and can clearly see that he's shocked about my confession.
"You are not a zatarc." Freya informs me.
Jack frees me out of the chair "Carter" he says
"Sir.." I answer and standing up to face him. "None of this has to leave this room."
"You sure?" He asks.
"yes, sir."
He looks up at me and then to my stomach, he nods and turned away.
Wait did I kinda tell him that I don't want the baby?
JACK
Martouf is the zatarc.
Who saw that coming..
I see Carter runs into the embarkation room behind Teal'c. with a zat.
I still point my gun on Martouf. He's obviously struggling to regain control of his own body. The sinister look leaves his face, and he turns toward Carter. She looks at him with a concerning look at her face and steps forward to him.
"Samantha.." I hear Martoud say struggling not to activate the ring device, but despite
his best efforts his hand moves closer to the controls.
Carter zats him a second time.
Martouf collapses, and she runs to grab him, letting
him down so he's lying with his head in her lap.
" Drop them."I inform everyone. It's over. The thread is over.
I look at Carter, she is in tears cradling Martouf's head.
I walk to her. Not really know on what to say.
I knew that Martouf was very important for her.
Maybe she just loved him more.
SAM
Martouf is dead. Because of me.
I know that I hadn't an other choice. But it hurts so much.
Tears are falling of my cheek and on my desk.
I hear a knock on the door and look up.
Seeing Jack standing in the doorway of my lab.
"Hey " He says.
"Sir" I say and quickly dry my face with the sleeves of my shirt.
"Carter are you ok?" He asks me with an concerning look on his face.
"I killed my friend" I inform him "I killed Martouf and if that isn't bad enough tan I'm also secretly pregnant with the child of the man I love, but not allowed to do so. So I have to choose between the baby and my career. No I'm not ok!.. sir"
Jack nods and he looks down to his hand who rest on his stomach.
"I though you already decided about the baby" He whispers and he finally closes the door behind me.
"Why?" I ask.
"Cause what you said after the tests" Jack says still looking down.
He signs and looks up at me "Sam" He starts "Did you love Martouf?"
I shake my head "Jolinair did" I start "So it's difficult sometimes to decide what where mine and what where her feelings"
I stop and inhales deeply "But Martouf is-was one of my closest friend because we shared Jolinair. And now he's gone"
I feel that I'm going to cry again.
"Stupid hormones" I mutter "Now I'm crying again" And I dry my tears again with the still wet sleeves of my shirt.
"There is no shame about crying after you just lost one of your best friends" I hear Jack say "That are not the pregnancy hormones"
I nod "Yeah well.. It's just.. I cry about everything the last few days."
"How's the pregnancy?" Jack asks "I mean have you morning sickness, trouble sleeping etc etd"
I smile a little, Today it's four days ago when I told him about the pregnancy and this is the first time he asks about the pregnancy. "It's not to bad" I say "But I'm what. 5 weeks pregnant?"
"Yeah" Jack starts "Sorry it will be getting worse.. If you decide to keep the baby. Sara got sick all the time back when she was pregnant with Charlie in the first trimester and after that.. Well then there where other discomforts"
I'm surprised that he tells me about this. Jack never talks about Charlie and Sara.
It just hit me that me being pregnant must be very difficult for Jack. Not only because it's not allowed for us to be in a romantic relationship with each other or that he didn't see this coming. But all this must be reminding him of the family he lost.
"Jack" I say and I look at him. "I want to keep the baby, but I understand if it's to difficult for you to take a part in the baby's life."
"Are you kidding me?" Jack yells with a smile. He runs toward me, picking me up and kiss me passionately and for a moment I don't think about this awful day, losing Martouf..