The first week of school was typical. Tans faded, summer loves were forgotten, new school supplies were broken in.

The first week meant review. Teachers kindly assumed that students forgot everything they had ever learned in their previous years, so they went over important stuff to refresh their memories.

That first week was over. Review sheets were replaced with impossible assignments.

Chris finished his algebra worksheet with five minutes to spare, although he'd had to skip two problems. Most of his classmates, none of which actually liked him, were already done and were standing around the door, ready to go for lunch. He didn't have anyone to stand around with in this class, so he stayed in his seat.

"You're done, Chris?" Anya asked, aghast. She sat in the next row, a few desks ahead of him.

"Yeah," he replied, but wondered why she was talking to him. People didn't usually do that. "I skipped number three and eight though."

"Oh, I got three…but now I think I'm having a brain outage."

He studied her tanned face for a moment or two. She had kind eyes, he realized. Clearing his throat, he asked, "Do you want some help?"

Normally, people might find that to be insulting to have a Chambers offer them help. But Anya nodded.

Rising from his squeaky desk, Chris stood next to her. Looking over her neat writing, he discovered that she really did need some assistance. "Um, isolate x first."

"I know, but I don't know how on God's green earth one goes about doing that." She grinned. "There's magic involved, isn't there?"

"Yes, Anya," he agreed solemnly. "Magic of the black persuasion."
"Bahaha I knew it." Her eyes flicked to the clock. "Ah, son of a seahorse. The bell's going to ring in like a minute."

Not liking the fact that he couldn't be of any more use to her, he muttered an apology.

"If you're not busy, you could come over after school. I could really use your help. I'm not getting this blasphemy at all. It's stupid."

"Uh, sure," he said, although he was pretty sure Anya's boyfriend was going to murder him.

Teddy and Vern skipped their morning classes. Sitting in the lounge, they pretended to be occupied with work, but the boredom was slowly killing them.

"Why did you break your truck?" Vern whined. "We could be going somewhere cool. But you broke the transportation."

"I did not BREAK it," Teddy snapped defensively. He was still mourning the loss of his truck. "The curb broke it when I drove into it going slightly over the legal speed limit."

"Stupid," he muttered.

"At least MY brain isn't in my dick."

"At least I HAVE a dick."

"Damn you."

Vern cackled proudly. "I win!"

Teddy punched him. "Gotcha last." He glared at his friend. "Don't even think about touching me."

They sat side by side, seething and scowling, trying to come up with insults.

Just as Teddy came up with a supremely excellent burn, he looked over to see Vern open mouthed with his wide eyes following a girl as she walked past them.

"Oh God. You're possessed by the Satan of love."

Vern's laughter was excited, like a little kid's. "That's Cassie Grey, man."

"I know. Hence, 'possessed'; 'Satan.'"

"She works at the library."

"Didn't know you could even pronounce the word library."

"I went in this summer to see if hey had any tape I could use to tape the bell back on my bike and I saw her and I was like holy shit man."

Teddy scoffed and rolled his eyes.

"I love her."

"Whaaat."

"Didn't you see her?" he demanded. "She was practically screaming MARRY ME VERN!"

"I have to burst your bubble now…"

"Don't!"

"She doesn't know you're alive, man."

"Oh, she will. I'm hot." I'm hot was Vern's favourite catchphrase now that he had shed all his puppy fat.

"She's a brain."

"I love her brains."

"And she's a prude."

"But I'm hot!"

Teddy sighed.

At the end of the day, an assembly was called, much to the delight of the student body who got out of their last period classes. To Lorelei, assemblies weren't much better than mind-numbing classes. There were more people, which equaled more body heat, which equaled annoyance.

"Excuse me, pardon me," she mumbled, climbing up the bleachers. "Damn you, you damn horny sophomore. Don't look up my skirt. Anya!"

Reserving Lorelei's spot next to her on the top row of the bleachers, Anya waved to her friend. She was also sitting with Gordie and Chris. Reese was absent that day.

Upon seeing Chris laughing with Gordie, Lorelei's heart momentarily stopped and then began to race abnormally fast. She'd developed a crush on Chris on the first day of school in detention, mostly because he was so opposite of everything. He wasn't an asshole like most guys her age; he seemed to have everything worked out despite how chaotic his home life was rumored to be. And no one liked him, for no reason. That made her like him. Obviously, if her retarded peers hated something, she was bound to like it.

"Hey Lorelei," Gordie said once he'd stopped laughing. Then Chris cracked up again and Gordie snorted.

"Boys," Anya laughed.

"What are they laughing about?" Lorelei asked, quite concerned for Gordie's safety. He wasn't breathing.

"Chris had a thought…"

"Oh no."

"He said 'if quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?" Anya explained. "They've been laughing for a good four minutes or so." She looked over to Lorelei to exchange a 'boys are so immature' look, but sighed when she discovered her best friend slumped over in violent giggles.

"Testicles!" she howled.

"Yes, Lie."

"Ow my sides…anyway, what's this assembly about?" Lorelei wiped tears from her eyes, still snickering.

"Safe sex."

"How big is the safe?"

"Oh, God, Lorelei," Anya laughed, shaking her head.

"Do you think they'll ask for volunteers from the audience?"

"Ooh!" Gordie jumped up. "I volunteer my body!"

Anya dragged him back down. "Why do I feel like I'm babysitting?"

"I don't know," Lorelei said, her eyes wide with innocence. She laid her head down on Anya's shoulder. "Hold me, I'm scared."

While Mr. Grodin attempted to get everyone to shut up, Anya whispered, "You know Chris? I invited him over after school. Is that bad?"

Lorelei took a second to comprehend this news. How was it that Anya could get two guys at once, but she couldn't even get one to look at her like an actual girl?

"Lie?" Anya peered closely at her.

"Yeah…" Lorelei said, shaking herself out of her thoughts. "Um, I don't think it's bad if you don't let Reese found out. He might go insane with jealous rage and he'd be all murderous-like."

"Chris is just helping me with algebra."

"You could have asked anyone to help you," she pointed out.

"Well, yeah, but he's in my class--he knows what Mr. Burford expects…"

Lorelei raised her eyebrows. "Do you like him?"

"Who, Mr. Burford? He's married."

"Chris, dumbass."

"Oh. No," she said immediately as if that was preposterous. Then her face softened and she looked at Lorelei sadly. "It's just…you know how awful people are to him and everything…it just makes me wanna hug him."

"What about have his children?"

Anya smiled. "It's just algebra, remember."

"Anya, all that variable talk about x- and y-intercepts…it's an incredible turn on. I can hardly keep my clothes on just thinking about it. Good thing we're having a safe sex lecture." Lorelei pretended to wipe sweat off her forehead in mock relief, but she was just sad. Why hadn't she told Anya that she liked Chris?

"Do you know who Vern Tessio is?" Brooke asked Cassie. The two of them had taken extra time finishing their History quizzes and had entered the gymnasium late. There was no room on the bleachers, so they sat against the wall; together but not by choice.

Cassie began to braid her light brown hair absentmindedly. "Yeah, why?"

"He's staring at you like you're something marinated."

"What?" She let the half-finished braid fall to her shoulder, her eyes searching the crowd. "Why?"

"Oh, because you're a mouth-watering piece of meat, Cassie."

"Really?" Cassie looked down at her nondescript figure, found that nothing had changed over night, and looked back at Brooke in confusion.

"Cassie, I don't know," Brooke said impatiently. "But I do know that Vern has a thing for you."

"Adolescent male hormones?"

"A crush," Brooke explained, dropping her voice for dramatic effect.

Cassie gasped. "Ick!"

"You still think boys are icky? You're more far gone than I imagined."

Cassie chewed her lip. "No. They're just distracting. He does have nice eyes though."

"Go gaze deeply into them, then."

"No," she snapped. She hated hanging out with Brooke. They were too different to be anything like friends. "Would you just drop this topic? We're supposed to be attentive or whatever. Grr."

"'Grr,'" Brooke giggled.

"Yes, grr! I can't concentrate!"

"Because you're thinking about Vern!"

"NO, because--ARGH!"

"Oh my God," Vern blurted, slapping Teddy's arm repeatedly.

Teddy tore his attention away from the lecture, which was causing him to laugh maniacally.

"You'll never believe this," Vern said, looking at Teddy in pure shock. "But Brooke Aarons keep checking me out!"

"Aww, that's a very cute fantasy, Vern."