Chapter 4

Oscar sat at his desk looking over some papers he was bringing with him for the talks with the Chinese. It was sure to be a tedious meeting – the interpreters added a couple of hours with all their translations. It had been a month since Oscar had been in Maine on vacation, but it felt like a year - the stress of the job was taking its toll on him. When he heard the knock on the door, he irritably snapped "Come in."

Rudy hesitantly poked his head into the office. "You busy?" He knew Oscar was leaving for California that afternoon, and he wanted to stop in to see him – especially since he was going to see Jaime that evening. He still wasn't sure if he did the right thing in letting Jaime in on Oscar's secrets.

Oscar looked up from his papers and smiled exhaustedly. "No, Rudy, come on in. I could use a break. I was just going over my notes for tomorrow."

Rudy wasn't sure how he was going to broach the subject. "So, you gonna to get to see Jaime while you're out there?"

"Uh, yeah, as a matter of fact she's cooking me dinner tonight."

Rudy chuckled to himself. "Do you know that in all the years I've known her, she has NEVER cooked me dinner….Yet every time you go out there, it seems she's making you a meal. Now why do you suppose that is?" Rudy had quite a pleased look on his face as he watched Oscar squirm.

"I don't know Rudy…What the hell's that supposed to mean? It's just dinner for God sakes." Oscar didn't like to be vulnerable, and he felt extremely vulnerable when it came to Jaime. Over the years, he had found himself falling – hard- for Jaime. He had been resisting his feelings as best he could, but his attraction to her kept growing.

"Oscar. Come on. It's me you're talking to. I've watched you over the years with her. It's okay for you to want to be with someone." Rudy looked at his friend. He had never met anyone so consumed with guilt.

"Look, can we please just drop it, and let me lead my life in misery? I've been getting along just fine, thank you very much."

Rudy could see there was no point in discussing Oscar's love life any more tonight. But he had succeeded in planting a seed in Oscar's mind about Jaime. Maybe she would take care of the rest. He grinned at the thought of her trying to capture the unreachable Oscar Goldman's heart.

Jaime had been looking forward to her dinner with Oscar for weeks. She was hoping to be able to reach him somehow, to make him understand that he didn't have to go through life alone, that there were people who cared about him – that she cared about him. She agonized over what to make for dinner. Oscar had been over several times before, but she wanted tonight to be special. She found a new recipe for a pasta sauce with fresh tomatoes and peppers to go over a bed of linguine along with some crisp greens and an assortment of vegetables for the salad. For dessert, she planned on a plate of berries with a fresh whipped cream.

Jaime prepared the sauce and chopped all the vegetables for the salad before getting dressed. She wanted to be able to relax a little before Oscar arrived, just to calm her nerves. Excitement coursed through her body when she thought of seeing him in just a few hours. Looking through her closet, Jaime decided on a pale blue sleeveless dress with a scalloped neck. The polished cotton skirt swirled softly around her as she walked. She left her hair down, flowing softly around her shoulders. A spritz of perfume, and she was ready.

When she heard his car pull up, she lit the candles and put on some soft music to complete the romantic atmosphere. As Oscar knocked on the door she called down to him, "Come on up." He looked great. He had on a white cotton shirt and khaki pants, the arms of his shirt rolled up to show off his tanned forearms, and the shirt unbuttoned at the top, giving him a distinctively casual look. He smiled as he strode across the floor to greet Jaime, embracing her warmly, planting a light kiss on her cheek. Jaime lingered in his arms a little longer than she usually did, reluctant to give up such close proximity.

With one arm still around his waist, she slid the other hand up to stroke his cheek, feeling the freshly shaven skin beneath her fingertips. "I've missed you Oscar. I'm so glad you were able to come tonight." Her voice was soft and sultry, matching the look in her eyes as she locked her gaze with his.

Oscar felt a shudder shoot down his spine at her touch. She looked radiant, and her touch ignited a flame inside him that he thought had been put out forever. He swallowed hard, trying to build up the courage to resist her. "Yeah, me too. It's been a while since I've been out here. Hey, how was the cruise? Did you pick up any of those young men in the tight little Speedos?" He grinned a little as he stepped away from her, remembering Callahan's earlier remark.

Jaime blushed slightly as she poured two glasses of wine and sat on the sofa, patting the cushion next to her. "No, they're not really my type. A little too immature for me." They quietly sipped their wine as they talked about what they had been doing the past few months. Oscar had forgotten how much he enjoyed their evenings together – how easy Jaime was to be with, how nice he felt when he was with her. It was almost like he was able to forget about…everything…for a few brief shining moments.

The kitchen timer went off, and Jaime excused herself as she drained the pasta and began to serve their dinner. The cool, crunchy salad nicely balanced the soft, warm linguini. Oscar usually ate something from a can or a takeout restaurant for dinner, so this was a real feast for his taste buds. The peppercorn dressing added just the right kick to the salad, and Jaime had sautéed the peppers and tomatoes to perfection before adding them to the pasta sauce. He watched in reverie as Jaime swirled her fork into the pile of linguini, then rolled it onto her tongue, her lips slowly surrounding the pasta as she savored the mouthful of food. She caught him gazing at her, and smiled a provocative smile.

She moved her knees so that they lightly touched his thighs. "You know, Oscar, I've known you for several years now, and I still feel like there is so much about you that I just don't know. I was wondering if maybe we could take a trip together or something – not for a mission – more like a vacation." She knew this was a HUGE step, but she was tired of waiting. She could see him shift uncomfortably in his chair, moving his legs away from hers, in an attempt to regain his senses. He took her hand tenderly in his as he met her smoldering gaze.

"We'll see babe, we'll see. I won't be able to get away until next summer anyway. Maybe we can talk about it then." He could see a look of utter dejection sweep across Jaime's face. She had never made a pass at him like that, and he knew that it must have taken a lot for her to make this one. It made Oscar's heart leap at the thought that she was interested in him, but at the same time, he felt guilty about not being able to return her affections, or even to let her know why. Jaime had such an open, honest way about her – that was one of the things he loved the most about her.

He resisted the urge to reach out and stroke her cheek. "Hey…I didn't say no. I just said we'll see. Hell, I don't even know what I'm doing next week, let alone next summer." He tried to laugh a little to lighten her mood. He didn't want to spoil their lovely evening. It was the last one he would have until he saw her again. His eyes were reluctant to break their gaze with hers. ...God, she's beautiful... He twirled a loose strand of her hair between his fingers before tucking it behind her ear, his fingers grazing her jaw as they went by. He shook his head lightly, trying to bring himself out of this trance he was in. "Hey – I think I remember I was promised some dessert." He patted his stomach, producing the sound you get when you pat an overripe melon. "I think I may have saved some room – what are we having?"

Jaime grinned slyly. "It's a surprise. Why don't you sit over on the sofa, and I'll bring it over – now close your eyes – and don't open them until I tell you too."

"Why – does it look that bad?" he joked. But inside, he was crawling with anticipation. With his eyes closed, his other senses were working overtime. The sound of soft sultry jazz was still coming from the stereo. He could hear the sound of glass tinkling as Jaime brought over the dessert. He could smell her perfume and feel her skin brush up against his arms as she sat next to him. He thought he could detect the aroma of fruit – berries to be precise.

Jaime picked up a small, ripe raspberry, and brushed the tip of it in the whipped cream. She leaned into Oscar, her shoulders sliding next to his, her face inches away. He could feel the heat of her body radiating onto his, her breath sweeping across his face. "Okay, keep 'em closed. Now, tell me what I've got for you." Her voice was sultry and irresistible. She brought the berry just to his lips, so that they parted slowly to obtain the fruit. As she pulled it slightly away, his tongue began to search for it. Jaime brushed it lightly with the edge of the fruit, just enough to give him a taste before pulling the berry away once again. "Not fast enough Mr. Goldman" she taunted. He opened his eyes.

"That's not fair" he growled in a low voice. He had lost himself in the moment, unable to hear the voice inside his head screaming for him to stop, to be careful, to remember what he had promised himself.

"Okay, I'll let you try again. But this time – don't miss. Close your eyes." Jaime put one end of the small berry in her mouth, and moved in again, resting the edge against his lips. This time, he wasn't going to let it get away. He opened his mouth wide to devour the berry, grasping it in his tongue, and enclosing Jaime's mouth in his own. The sensation was intoxicating. He wrapped one arm around her back, the other pulling her head closer to his, their kiss so full of passion, they were unable to breathe, unable to think, unable to do anything but bask in this one glorious moment.

When Oscar came up for air, his head finally regained control of his body. A look of surprise spread across his face, as if it had been someone else kissing Jaime – not him. "Babe, I'm sorry… I just can't. This is my fault. I should never have let this happen." He stood up and strode across the room, pacing back and forth muttering to himself.

Jaime felt tears welling in her eyes. "But Oscar – why? Nothing is your fault – I wanted this you know. I've wanted this for a long time. I…."

He cut her off mid-sentence. "It's not a matter of wanting…If that was all it was, well, that would be a different situation. I just can't…get involved…It's a long story, but that's the way it has to be. I've just got too much baggage I'm carrying around, and it wouldn't be right to burden you – your life - with all of my problems." It broke his heart to look at her, sitting on the edge of the sofa, wiping the tears from her eyes. He wanted so much to hold her again, to taste her lips on his, to be able to love again, but he just couldn't allow himself that pleasure, that luxury. His guilt wouldn't allow it.

Jaime walked over to stand next to him, sliding her arms around his waist, resting her head on his chest. She knew why he was resisting her, but she had promised Rudy she wouldn't say anything. "Oscar – I don't care about your baggage – I don't care about your story… I just care about you. I think we have a chance to be happy together – I'd at least like to give it a try and see."

He could feel her heart beating rapidly against his chest. It was too much to hold her in his arms, to feel her hair against his face. He reluctantly pulled her away. "I'm sorry, babe, that's just the way it's gotta be. I'd better get going. I've got an early morning tomorrow, and I still haven't checked in my hotel. I had a great time – believe me." He kissed her lightly on the forehead, and without giving her a chance to respond, sprinted towards the stairs and out the door. As he drove away, he felt an unfamiliar sensation in his eyes.