A/N: To my splendid reviewers, you are great. Keep it up. Few notes for you, I love that people find this funny cause the humor in House is one of my fav elements of the show. I do fully plan to finish this fic. I admit that I leave things when I am over them so I made a point to make sure I was actually going somewhere before I posted. House is frustrating and I find that it is hard to keep him in character and have some forward movement but I am trying. Okay that was long, on with the show…
Chapter Four: So Contagious
Could this be out of line? Could this be out of line?
To say you're the only one breaking me down like this
You're the only one I would take a shot on
Keep me hanging on so contagiously
House is on his way out for the night. He is in a pretty decent mood. Solving his latest case had only taken him a few hours. He is hopeful that bearing the evil one does not force him to do clinic tomorrow he will have a free day of watching his soaps and bothering Wilson. As he walks by said evil one's office, he notices that the blinds are drawn but the light is still on. Cuddy does not usually stay this late. Seeing it as one last opportunity to bother her, he feels compelled to visit her before he leaves for the night.
Cuddy is softly crying at her desk when she hears the creak of her door. She curses herself for having enough sense to close the blinds but not enough to turn the lock. Knowing there is not much she can do to cover up her tear stained face, she simply looks up at her intruder. Seeing House staring back at her involuntarily makes another tear roll down her face.
"House, please I am not in the mood. Go." Cuddy says dejectedly.
"You are crying." House dumbly notes as he makes his way over to her.
"Yes, I was. I would really rather be alone while doing it." Cuddy returns.
Cuddy hastily wipes the remaining tears from her face. She is quickly regaining her composure now that she has an unwanted guest. House ignores her request to leave. Instead, he drops his cane, takes the guest chair on the opposite side of her desk, and pushes it so that it is directly next to her chair.
Cuddy laughs bitterly, "I tell you to go and you pull up a chair, typical."
"Cuddy, what is going on?" House asks uncharacteristically concerned.
"Nothing, seriously House you should get out." Cuddy replies speaking over him.
"You don't cry over nothing. Try again." House says his tone stern.
"Fine, you were right before it is menopause."
"Despite what I say to the contrary you are too young for the change of life, try again."
"I really hate you." Cuddy says without malice.
"Then you should probably tell me what is wrong because I don't plan on leaving until you do." House says trying to appeal to her sense of reason.
"Why because the reason I am crying is like some puzzle you need to solve?" Cuddy questions his motives for being concerned.
"Sure, that sounds like me." House agrees.
"Well go do a crossword, because I am not in the mood to be deciphered."
"If you won't tell me, I will start guessing. Do you really think that will turn out well?" House asks. When Cuddy does not respond, he tries changing tactics hoping to anger her into opening up. "Okay guessing it is! Guess number one, crotchety old Nurse Billingham sexually rejected you. Guess number two, you passed by a mirror and realized you have an apple bottom but Foreman still does not want to play hide the sausage with you. Guess number three, it has been so long since you have had sex with another person…."
"Fine, it is you! You're what is wrong, House!" Cuddy yells as a few more tears escape her eyes. She is so emotionally drained she cannot fight him off or listen to his inane drivel anymore.
"What did I do? Is it another lawsuit I don't know about?" House tries to joke. He is not so sure he wants to know the real answer anymore.
"Yes House, that is it exactly. I am crying over a lawsuit. You figured it out. Now can you please go away?"
"Cuddy…" House starts not knowing at this point if he is going to back down or force the conversation. Before he can make up his mind, she does it for him. The words begin to pour from Cuddy's mouth like a dam whose levies have finally burst.
"I am so damn sick of this. If you really want to know, I will tell you! You see for who knows how long now I meet a man who wants to be in a relationship with me. Then one of two things happens. Either you decide to ruin it or I manage to ruin it. In the end, it does not really matter because I can never manage to feel anything for any of them. I find myself wishing it was a big loss but it never actually is one. Which when you think about it is pretty crazy on my part that I actively wish to feel heartbroken." Cuddy says catching her breath before she continues.
House looks at her with wide eyes never knowing what to do when she is this open with him.
"Then with you, you are this huge jerk. You are only human at the oddest of moments. You have also made it abundantly clear there is no chance of any kind of a relationship between us. So please do not give me any of your archetypal this is all my problem crap. I am painfully aware of the fact that this is my problem. So if you do not want to hear this too bad because guess what idiot, you fucking asked! Still with all that no matter how hard I try not to this thing between us just…" Cuddy says losing steam and hoping he will catch her drift.
"Just…" House prompts somewhere between dying to run out before she can finish her thought and dying to hear the rest.
"…. it is the only time I feel. You the misanthropic, disinterested bastard are the only person I feel anything for and it just is not fair. So go ahead and say some atrocious over the line thing to prove me right and then please leave me alone."
Hot angry tears begin to fall down Cuddy's cheeks as she finishes her speech. She does not want to let him get to her like this and she is trying with everything inside of her to will the tears back but at this point, it is impossible.
House is for once at a complete loss for words. The only thing he comprehends is that Cuddy looks so broken. That this time, he alone is the reason for her demeanor. She has never looked more beautiful to him than she does at that moment tear stained and miserable. Everything she said is completely overwhelming him. His next action is pure instinct.
Gently he takes her chin turning her head towards him. He leans in slowly before tenderly grazing his lips over hers. House understands all to well what she is feeling. He has been trying for so long to deny what he feels for her and it never works for long. He can fool everyone else (all though these days not even that) but it is getting increasingly harder to fool himself. One light kiss turns into two and three until Cuddy lets her mouth open slightly.
Their lips press more firmly to each other strengthening their connection to one another. Slowly their tongues and teeth begin to mingle with each other. House starts to nibble on Cuddy's lower lip sucking it lightly. He brushes his tongue across the soft skin of her lips. Surprisingly, the sound of her own soft moaning at House's delicious ministrations brings Cuddy out of the moment they are sharing. She puts her hands to his chest and softly pushes him away from her. They are now knee-to-knee on their respective chairs.
A little out of breath, Cuddy begins her protest. "No, House you don't get to do this again! You cannot just kiss me! You and I both know tomorrow when my tears have dried and you are back to being your normal self, we will both make up reasons why this is a mistake. How it is a fluke and does not matter. I cannot do that anymore. I know you are not going to want to, but we need to talk about this. Once and for all I need to talk about this…."
"I suck at talking, Cuddy. What in the hell do you expect to gain from talking about this? The last time we tried to talk, I felt you up. It is probably better if I just get out of here…" House despondently gets up. He is almost out of her office when Cuddy surprises them both by running ahead of him and cutting him off at the door, blocking him from leaving.
"No, you are not just going to leave! Damn it, House you kissed me. You once again start this crap by kissing me and I know you feel something too. I just need to talk about…"
"Fine then, if I can't leave I am going to do this…." House says suddenly defiant.
He looks down at her kiss-swollen lips shocking the both of them when he grabs her and begins frantically kissing her. Unlike his soft approach with the previous kiss, he goes in full force. His tongue is immediately in her mouth claiming every inch he can taste. He wants to battle with their mouths as they do with everything else. House is beyond happy when he feels her vigorously begin to give as well as she is getting. He loves the feel of her tongue clashing with his, her teeth biting at his lips, the mixing of pain and pleasure.
Some part of Cuddy knows nothing is solved. That she needs to back away but the feeling of House's mouth on hers is simply too intense for her not to continue. Their mouths never leave each other as Cuddy pushes House backwards. House lets her take control of their movements until they fall back on to the couch. House regains command of the situation pushing Cuddy down until she is lying back. He covers a good portion of her body with his own. House is all over her face kissing and caressing her lips, cheeks, and chin.
Slowly his mouth begins trailing down her neck as his hands busy themselves with unbuttoning her shirt. Cuddy whimpers as he nibbles on the sensitive part of skin underneath her ear. First, he bites the skin, and then licks it. He gently blows on the wet flesh driving her wonderfully insane. Cuddy's shirt is still loosely on her but her bra and the flesh of her taut stomach are now out for House to admire. She sits back up slightly which forces him to take his mouth from her skin for a moment. He is disappointed for an instant until he realizes she wants him to take off her shirt. He quickly removes it before his mouth descends back upon hers.
As they kiss, his hands gently graze her waist with his skillful fingers. Slowly he slides them up the sides of her stomach until the reach the outer part of her breasts. He moves inwards and fills his hands with her breasts. He begins to gently cup and massage the flawless mounds. She stifles her own moans by reaching her arms around his neck and bringing her lips more fully to his.
Their mouths are dueling for control each trying to express everything they can never get across with words. House lightly brushes his thumbs over Cuddy's bra clad nipples. Cuddy bites down on his lip from the pleasure of his ministrations. House feels Cuddy's hand begin to wander down his torso slowly going for his belt buckle. Emboldened by her reaction to him, House reluctantly lets go of her breasts to reach behind Cuddy and finds the clasp of her bra. He is hoping to get a feel of the perfect handfuls of flesh without anything in between them. House is focusing completely on getting the lacy material off her. For a moment, he halts all other assaults on her body. His lips leave hers as his head rests on the top of her shoulder.
This slight slowing down gives Cuddy the opportunity to look around at her surroundings. As the lust haze begins to clear up a bit, she quickly realizes the reality of the situation. She is in her office of all places and is about to have sex with an employee at work. Not only is he her employee, but he is House! Her brain begins to rapid-fire list off all of the reasons this cannot possibly happen.
Although her throbbing body is loudly telling her to go for it, her over analytical mind quickly wins out. Cuddy gently takes his arms from behind her before he can accomplish his goal and places them in his own lap. House looks up at her with a mix of confusion and desire as both of them breathe heavily at each other.
"House…" she finally pants.
"What?" House says equally out of breath.
"This cannot happen." Cuddy states without much conviction.
"Why in the hell not woman? I am in, little House is in, and your tongue and funbags seemed to be going along just fine with things…" House senses the weakness in her response and pounces on it. At this point, he is sure it is his dick doing most of the talking.
Cuddy takes in his winded face and immense blue yearning eyes. Her body is screaming at her to just give in and take whatever gratification she can get from the man. She does not know if its hormone induced but she realizes that House is right. The two of them talking probably will not get them anywhere. However, not talking has been working out rather nicely until she put the brakes on.
"Fine, you are right but we are not doing this here." Cuddy concedes in a voice so low and throaty that House has to strain to hear each word.
"Okay, is my office better?" House quickly quips.
"No, I am not having sex with you in the hospital! Seriously it is not going to happen." Cuddy firmly states.
"But you are saying we're going to have sex, right?" House questions.
"Nah, I thought my top was off because we were going to knit me a sweater." Cuddy replies gaining some sense of humor back.
House laughs before leering down at her in her lacy black bra. Seeing her perfect breasts heaving with every intake of breath leaves House wishing with everything inside of him that he had been just a little quicker in his attempt to remove the offending garment. No longer in the heat of the moment, Cuddy becomes a little bit more self-conscience. She grabs her blouse and shrugs it back on but does not bother to button it.
"Listen House, you are right you do suck at talking, and well you don't suck at other things so… I do not really expect anything from you. I need to finish here. If you still think at nine o' clock this is something you want to do, then meet me at my place." Cuddy says with way more confidence then she is actually feeling.
She knows she is laying it all on the line. She is also aware of how dangerous that can be with this particular man. She knows if he comes over, she will let it happen. However, the more cautious part of her cannot help but give him another out, or a way to ruin it, before it actually happens.
"No expectations? Come on, Cuddy. There are always expectations. Everybody lies. I almost hate to bring this up and not that I am complaining but this is a bit of a turn around from the no House we can't spiel you were spouting off before."
"I guess I just figure what we were doing wasn't working. We are probably screwed either way. So why not….."
"Literally screw?" House finishes.
"Something like that." Cuddy half laughs.
"Cuddy?" House begins sounding more unsure than she has ever heard him before.
"Yes, House?" She asks slightly concerned by his tone.
"You know I really do suck at this, right? Not the sex part, I happen to be fantastic at that, mind-blowing even. "
She lightly chuckles, "Yeah House, I understand. I think it's excruciatingly clear we both suck at this."
"Cuddy?" He asks repetitively.
"Yes, House?"
"You know what the worst part of this is…." House asks.
Cuddy cannot help but worry as House continues.
"We are proving Wilson right. Stupid can't unring a bell."
Cuddy laughs an actual full husky laugh. "If that is the worst part we aren't doing so badly."
"Cuddy?" House asks once more knowing he is probably annoying her. Feeling good to be doing one thing he is comfortable with doing.
Exasperated she answers, "yes, House?"
"I will see you and those fantastic jugs at nine."
As House speaks, she can almost tell he means it. She is also aware that he could very easily change his mind.
"House?" Cuddy mimics House's earlier questioning.
"Yes, Cuddy?"
"If I don't see you tonight than we can never…. this has to be done. All of it, for my sanity." Cuddy is hoping House really understands that this is the last shot she is taking on him.
"I know." House says seriously.
House leaves and Cuddy cannot help but smile. She does not understand how that man can make her feel excited and doomed at the same time. She is hoping that by 9:30 she will be too satisfied to care.
House goes back to his office knowing it is the quickest place for him to get a stiff drink. Sitting at his desk, he has a glass of scotch in one hand as his alternate hand rolls his vicodin bottle back and forth in his palm. His brain is going into overdrive. He starts talking himself out of meeting Cuddy at her place almost immediately.
He knows despite how fantastic things had been going in her office none of this will end well. He wonders what possessed him to once again, initiate sexual contact with her. He wonders why he prides himself on never caring about anyone else when they're upset but the sight of Cuddy crying leads him to do stupid irrational things.
Something finally snaps and he can no longer deny that he is in love with her. It is the only logical explanation and has been the only logical explanation for his actions for quite sometime. He knows a normal person would feel happy about being in love but all he can feel is a deep sense of resentment. He is not supposed to love anyone. He is not good at loving people. He swore after Stacy that he would never do it again. Somehow, she managed to sneak her way into his heart. He finds it odd that he cannot pinpoint when he started feeling this way. It is peculiar to him that he feels like it has been twenty years in the making and at the same time, it is as if the feeling came out of nowhere.
House does not think he is capable of having more with someone, even Cuddy. He will screw it up probably sooner rather then later. Then one of the two people in his life he actually gives a shit about will be gone. At the same time, he knows Cuddy was dead serious when she told him this was his last shot. While he cannot imagine them together, the thought of her with someone else makes him want to punch the nearest face.
Realistically, he knows that of the two of them she is the more together one. Yeah, she is caught up in him now but if he rejects her again, it could very well be the last straw for her. If she removes herself from their game, what will he do? He supposes he could just sabotage any chance she has at happiness for the rest of his life. While it is an option, he sees too many holes in that plan, too many ways it could fail. He hates that the answer of what he should do is not clear to him. He wishes he could diagnose his current problem with a white board and four idiots just as he would anything else that weighed on his mind this heavily.
House is so deep in thought that Wilson is fully in his office before he notices his presence.
"I saw the light on. I thought you figured out your case. Why are you still here?" Wilson asks as he plops down in the chair across from House.
House looks up wearily at Wilson. He is determined to not to reveal anything about what just happened with Cuddy. He might have no idea what he should do but he knows the last thing he needs now is Wilson's pansy advice.
"Oh my god, you kissed Cuddy again?!" Wilson practically screams as he sees House's face.
"How could you possibly… what the hell did she call you as soon as I left?" House begins to get angry at Cuddy thinking she has more sense then involving Wilson in anything that had to do with the two of them.
"No dude, you have a tiny bit of lipstick above your lip. I wasn't completely sure it was Cuddy's but since Pretty Woman taught me hookers don't kiss on the mouth it seemed like a safe bet. So I went with it." Wilson says happy to have caught House in something.
"Way to go, Colombo. I have an idea, why don't you go try to solve the case of your missing penis and leave me alone you chick flick watching wuss," House snarks.
"House, what happened?" Wilson asks undeterred.
"Let it go, Wilson. I am not in the mood." House says seriously.
"How long have you known me? I am not going to let it go. You can't keep doing this to her...." Wilson prods thinking back to his earlier conversation with Cuddy.
"Wilson, get out!"
"Fine, I will after you listen to what I have to say." Wilson begins resolute, "I know you better than you think. I am sure since you kissed her, whatever the circumstances behind it since clearly you aren't going to tell me… You have been trying to talk yourself out of letting anything else happen between you and her. You are sure it will all end in misery, destruction, and blah, blah, blah the world sucks and everyone dies rotting and alone. Well newsflash, you two are already miserable and it is easy to stop it! Just grow up, go to her, and make something work. You cannot keep doing this to her. You are going to lose her for good if you do not step it up somehow. Just think for a moment about what it would be like if she truly gives up on you. I really really do not want to be around to attempt to clean up that particular train wreck. It is not like either of you are actually capable of normal white picket fences and golden retrievers crap, but that is why you two would work… It does not have to be like everyone else's definition of a relationship. You can figure out your own weird thing that will work for the both of you. I am sure of it."
"Are you done yet, Pollyanna?" House asks giving away nothing.
"Yeah, I guess I am." Wilson sighs. He hopes that any part of what he said got through to his stubborn best friend.
"Hey Wilson what time is it?"
Wilson thinks the question is a bit out of left field but answers, "8:45…"
"Okay seriously get out. I've got somewhere I have to be." House says suddenly determined.
"Is this a good thing?" Wilson questions.
"Please stop it before I change my mind just to be contrary and piss you off." House replies.
Wilson hoping for the best smartly does not say anything. He just stands up and follows House out of his office.
Song Credit: So Contagious, Acceptance
Next Up: Cuddy has a visitor but it is not quite what she expected….I'd really love to know what you think about this particular chapter. I worked hard on trying to keep it within the realm of possibility for these two characters. Let me know your thoughts, click click.