AN: I apologize, but updates will become a little slower in the next 2 weeks. I have some exams to prep for. I'll do my best to not leave you guys hanging though...so hang in there :)
Chapter 4
Two days. It took two unnecessarily long and patient days before Chakwas finally called Garrus back. He couldn't complain though, she was busy with all the patients coming into Huerta. And not just war victims that returned with complications. People with any kind of injury were rushed to Huerta and that meant all the staff needed to be on their toes.
Garrus was in the middle of cleaning up the kitchen when he received the call. Shepard was upstairs. Her condition was getting worse. She hadn't eaten with Garrus. Her staring was getting more and more frequent. And Garrus was getting all the more worried. He stopped what he was doing and answered the call via his omni-tool.
"Garrus I apologize for taking so long. I've been quite busy" Chakwas sincerely apologized upon opening the call.
"I understand why. I've heard Huerta has a lot of patients lately" Garrus remarked.
"Yes we have" Chakwas solemnly spoke. "Anyway, let's get to the reason I called. How is Shepard? Has her condition changed?"
Garrus inhaled a quick, sharp breath before he spoke. "Her condition is getting worse as far as I can tell"
"Details" Chakwas shot back.
"That staring she does happens more and more frequent now. She's upstairs now, just sitting on the couch. Didn't even join me for dinner" Garrus explained.
"What's the longest time that she's remained staring?" Chakwas asked in a curious tone.
"It's hard to say really. She does that for hours sometimes. And she doesn't respond to me. I can say her name five times over to her and she still doesn't respond. I've never been this scared or worried. I need your help" His last words had desperation ringing throughout.
"Oh dear Lord" Chakwas' expression was deeply sympathetic. Garrus saw her eyes shimmer. Clearly she was on the verge of tears. If turians could cry, Garrus would be doing just that.
"Come to my office, now. Bring Shepard along with you. I…I need to get her diagnosis perfectly exact. Then we can start treating her and will bring her back. I promise you Garrus. She will come back" Chakwas said.
"I'll be there" Garrus simply replied. He ended the call without a goodbye.
He finished up in the kitchen swiftly but still careful enough so he didn't break anything. He took the stair steps two at time, reaching the upper level a tad faster. Down the hall and to the right is where he found Shepard. As far as Garrus could remember, this was the first time he came across her lying down on the couch. The only other time she did that was when she was sleeping.
But Shepard was far from being asleep.
Looking at her from this distance, you would never know she was suffering from catatonia. Then again, looking at her from any angle, you wouldn't be able to tell. That's the problem with emotional disorders; it's hard to tell if something is going on.
Garrus released a slow sigh then straightened himself. When he got close to Shepard, he could clearly see her eyes were wide open, blinking at a normal pace. Her blonde hair – which she had grown out significantly since the war ended – was embracing her shoulders in a messy heap. He crouched down in front of her and pulled some strands back behind her ears, just like she did during the war. Garrus wondered what was going on inside her head. What was she thinking? What was preventing her from reacting to his touch?
"Shepard? Can you hear me?" Garrus asked her.
What makes her unable to respond?
"Shepard" Garrus repeated.
He wished he knew how to snap his fingers. He'd seen Shepard do it thousands of times. He blamed evolution for giving turians a total of three fingers on each hand. What was wrong with five?
Garrus tried a different tactic. He reached out and firmly grabbed hold of Shepard's forearm. Sometimes, a touch was enough to bring her back into reality, even if she was a little bleary when speaking.
But the reaction that Garrus received this time was not at all what he was expecting. Shepard reacted violently to his touch by sitting upright rapidly and then letting out a startling cry. She didn't stop until Garrus let go. Shepard clutched her arm and whimpered, like he had hurt her.
Only he hadn't. His grip had been firm but not painfully firm. Garrus would die before ever hurting Shepard. She was his world and hurting her would always be out of the question.
"Stay back!" Shepard cried forcefully.
"Shepard. It's me, Garrus. I'm not going to hurt you" he consoled.
Shepard scrambled off the couch and held her arms out, backing away from his slowly. She had tears running down her cheeks and she looked scared – no she was scared. Of him. It dawned on Garrus that she must be having another anxiety attack. In a way, it was kind of good. This was something to tell Chakwas.
"Don't come any closer" Shepard warned. "I…don't…"
"Shepard. You gotta snap out of it" Garrus attempted to bring her back.
"I need more time. I don't know…what choice to make. Just…please" Shepard almost had a begging tone in her voice.
"You can do it. I know you can. Make the choice. I know you'll do what's right" Garrus played along with her.
"No" Shepard whispered. "The red. So much red. Make it stop…make…make it stop"
Shepard lowered herself on to the floor, next to a tree that Garrus remembered Samara using as a meditation area. He recalled finding her there the morning after the party Shepard threw after all the clone business had been taken care of. Garrus lowered himself next to her and looked into her eyes. She buried her face into her hands and then started to rock herself back and forth.
Then she reached out unexpectedly, grasping Garrus' hand. She rolled onto her knees, still holding his hand.
"Make the red stop Garrus. Please" her voice was laced with a pleading tone.
Garrus grabbed her gently. She didn't cry at his touch. Instead she accepted his touch, like she wanted it. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her into his side.
"You're safe. The red will go away. I promise" Garrus comforted.
Garrus held her like that until she had recovered enough that he could take her to see Chakwas and they could get a final diagnosis on her condition.
The ride to the hospital was calm and quiet. Shepard remained in silence the whole time while Garrus focused on driving. Sometimes, Garrus' mind would wander, mostly about Shepard's anxiety attack. Somehow, they needed to get through to her, and figure out what this whole "choice" business was. The red Shepard had mentioned had to be the Crucible. But there was no way to know unless they penetrated Shepard's mind.
Garrus guided Shepard into the hospital, praying to the Spirits that the atmosphere around her wouldn't trigger memories of her recovery. To his luck, Chakwas was waiting for them in the main entrance of Huerta. She took notice of their presence immediately and beckoned them over with a wave of her hand. Garrus caught a glimpse of her smile before she turned to lead them down the hall. Even with Shepard's upsetting situation, Chakwas was happy to see her again.
Garrus found himself in the comfortable atmosphere of Chakwas' office. She had tidied it up since his last visit. The desk had been cleared of all papers. So was the chair. Probably filed away somewhere or moved to another room. Chakwas had even taken the liberty of placing two seats for Shepard and Garrus. When she motioned for them to take a seat, Garrus did. He had to pull Shepard a bit first before she too sat down.
"Where are we?" Shepard asked. It was the first words she spoke since leaving the apartment.
"We're at Huerta" Garrus informed her. "You remember Dr. Chakwas right? She's going to help us figure out what's wrong"
After Garrus finished explaining, Chakwas started to speak. "I highly doubt she's forgotten me. Her condition doesn't affect memory" she said to Garrus. To Shepard she said "Commander. I'm so glad to see you again. How have you been doing?"
Shepard – who was staring at her hands which rested in her lap – brought her eyes up to meet Chakwas' eyes. For a moment, she said no words at all. She looked at her with a blank stare that made Garrus wonder if Shepard actually had forgotten who Chakwas was. But before he could try and remind her, Shepard murmured a name.
"Karin" she murmured softly.
Chakwas spread her arms wide, a friendly gesture. "The one and only"
Shepard immediately lit up, a smile stretching across her face. She was genuinely happy, and Garrus felt a wave of relief wash over. Of course Shepard could never forget the doctor of the Normandy. Not after everything they'd been through.
"Now Shepard. I'm just going to take Garrus outside for a moment. Please, make yourself comfortable. I promise we won't be long" Chakwas finished with a smile.
Shepard responded with a quick nod of her head. Chakwas hustled Garrus out of the office and into the hallway. Chakwas deemed the hallway safe to speak once her office door slid shut.
"Has anything happened since I last spoke to you? It's crucial in order to finalize her condition" Chakwas spoke in a rough whisper.
"Her condition is worsening, I can tell you that. I also had this thought. It's probably crazy and not related at all to what's happening to her, but…I couldn't help wondering" Garrus said.
"Shoot" Chakwas said eagerly.
"A couple of days ago, I woke up to find Shepard sitting downstairs on the couch. She spoke in her usual lethargy voice. Slow and monotone. That's when the thought hit me. She sounded exactly like those indoctrination miners on that asteroid, the one we investigated to find clues on…" Garrus hesitated briefly "Leviathan"
Chakwas furrowed her brows again, a sign Garrus took as in deep thought. She crossed her arms over her chest and tapped her foot slightly. All Garrus could do was stand there, awkwardly while Chakwas reflected.
At long last, Chakwas shook herself from her hypothesise and came back to reality.
"It's definitely an inspired thought Garrus but I don't think that's the case. Leviathan needs those artifacts to reach out to people. And even if there so happened to be another artifact hidden somewhere in the depths of the Citadel, why would it target Shepard?"
"Revenge maybe? She found Leviathan and she told me it wasn't…happy to say the least. The Reapers also followed us when we crashed on Leviathan's planet" Garrus proposed.
"Hmm, yes revenge seems the most logical. The Reapers are forever gone now, so Leviathan should have no worries about them. Inspired as I said, but I'm still not convinced. She doesn't withhold all the symptoms" Chakwas spoke thoughtfully.
"I agree. As I said, crazy but it appeared possible in some way" Garrus said.
"Anything else?" Chakwas asked.
"Before we left for the hospital, Shepard experienced another anxiety attack" Garrus informed.
"How bad?"
"I'd say worse. She reacted violently when I touched her, like I'd hurt her. But I could never do that" Garrus said
"That's a sign of catatonia, patients react to simple touches like being crushed by a steam-roller" Chakwas said.
Garrus gave her a puzzled look "Crushed by a what?"
"Never mind that. Anything else?"
"Like her last anxiety attack, she started talking out loud, about a red light and making a choice of some sort. And the Catalyst. I don't know what that has to do with anything" Garrus explained.
"Sounds like when the Crucible fired. Shepard was the only one there right? She had told the news Anderson had passed on before he could see the destruction" Chakwas wondered.
"That's the only thing that makes sense really. What other red light could it be?" Garrus pointed out.
"Agreed. Come, come. Let's get back inside my office. We've been out here longer than I wanted to" Chakwas said as she brushed by Garrus.
Back in the quiet office, Shepard was still seated prettily on the chair. Prettily. Garrus never thought he'd see Shepard sitting like that. She was gazing out the window, looking at the large river that ran through the presidium. Garrus sighed quietly. It was obvious she had slipped out of reality again.
Chakwas, on the other hand had pulled out a datapad and was vigorously tapping away, probably searching old notes for something that fit Shepard's state. Garrus took the seat next to Shepard and remained quiet until Chakwas had found what she needed.
"I think I have the diagnosis, Garrus. It's worse than what she already has but better than other conditions" Chakwas spoke with a hint of sadness laced in her words.
Garrus took a breath, preparing himself for the news he had wanted to know for so long, but also didn't want to hear a single word. "Tell me"
"Shepard has catatonic depression. The anxiety attacks, the silence. Those are symptoms. I'm thinking whatever Shepard saw up there on the Citadel, has come back and scarred her" at that moment, Chakwas glanced towards Shepard and frowned.
"She's only going to go downhill from here, I'm afraid"
Garrus nodded, fully understanding what his love was slowly being taken over by.
"Is there a treatment? Can you cure her?" Garrus asked.
"Catatonic depression is an emotional disorder. There aren't a lot of medications besides anti-depressants or placebos. The best way to treat something like that would be therapy, but let me do some work research on that. I will call you soon, I promise" Chakwas explained.
"I understand. Thank you for finalizing her condition. It makes me feel better in some ways, but worse in others" Garrus said, his voice sombre.
"It's my pleasure Garrus. We'll figure this out, don't you fret. The Shepard we know is just hiding behind a lot of sadness and regret and guilt. We just need to break through this barrier of emotion, and she'll be back" Chakwas tried to sound optimistic.
Garrus nodded and shook her hand before leaving. Shepard was able to get up and walk out by herself, but she wasn't all there. She looked lost, tired and confused. Garrus swore he heard start to mumble 'red light' again.
Garrus picked up his pace, pulling Shepard along with him. The last thing he needed was another anxiety attack in a public place.