Baby Jarrod grew quickly, as babies do. With all the work a new baby brought, even though she'd been through it before, Remi was so busy that on that day she didn't realize what day it actually was. She went into the parlour with a cup of tea and her eyes happened to glance at the calendar on the desk. The teacup fell on the floor, shattering. November 27. The anniversary of Jarrod's death. Remi stood, unmoving, as the realization hit her. Had it really been a whole year? She felt herself start to shake and made her way to the sofa before her legs gave out on her.
Remi could still recall Jarrod holding her in his arms, whispering "I love you" in her ear. She could still feel the touch of his hands on her skin, the way it felt when they were together. She still missed him terribly, but, surprisingly, remembering didn't bring as much pain as it used to, just a bittersweet yearning for the man who was part of her soul. Lost in her memories, Remi didn't hear the sound of knocking at the door, or the footsteps crossing the foyer. She jumped and almost screamed when a hand rested on her shoulder.
"Nick Barkley!" she exclaimed. "You scared me half to death!"
The tall cowboy looked apologetic as he sat beside her. "Sorry, Red," he said contritely. "But you were a million miles away." He noticed the broken china on the floor. "Everything okay?"
Remi nodded. "Everything's fine," she reassured him. "I just…just remembered what day it is."
Nick took her hand in his. "Me, too," he said softly. "I came over to make sure you were doing all right." Since waking up that morning, all Nick could think about was Remi and the kids and how they were getting along. Nick couldn't leave his beloved Red to go through this day alone.
Remi leaned her head on Nick's shoulder and he put a comforting arm around her. They were silent for a few minutes.
"I still miss him, Nick," Remi said finally. "And so do the children."
"We all miss him, Red," Nick told her. "You know I'll always be here for you, but nothing'll ever be the same without Jarrod."
Remi gave him a slight smile. Nick had always made sure to be there for her, even to the point of helping deliver baby Jarrod. She didn't know how she would have gotten through the past year without his steady, supportive presence. When one of the children had a problem, be it a scraped knee or getting in trouble for fighting with a sibling, Uncle Nick was always there with a kiss, a hug and a sympathetic ear. And when the loneliness got to be too much for her to bear, Nick always had a strong arm to support her and a shoulder for her to cry on.
"Mama! Uncle Nick!" Thomas burst through the door and skidded around the corner. "You've gotta come see!"
Nick looked at his eldest nephew. "Come see what, Thomas?"
"I finally did it!" Thomas' face was glowing with excitement. "I finally got the hang of that roping you've been trying to teach me, Uncle Nick!"
"Well, that's wonderful! I told you all you needed was practice." Nick got to his feet and went to Thomas. He flung an arm around the boy's shoulders. "This I've got to see!" He turned back to Remi. "Coming, Red?"
Remi gave them an indulgent smile. "I'll be there in just a minute," she said. She watched as the two cowboys, one big and one small, left the house. Nick made a wonderful father figure for her children, but she knew someday he'd meet someone and finally have a family of his own. Remi suddenly felt envious of that unknown woman, begrudging her the closeness and affection she and Nick now shared. Selfishly, she wished Nick would remain in her life forever.
"What am I thinking?" she whispered to herself, shocked. Was she really attracted to Nick in that way? Her best friend, the brother of her beloved husband? As Remi looked back, she realized that her feelings for Nick had changed since baby Jarrod's birth. She had always depended on him for friendship and emotional support, but lately she looked forward to time spent with him in a different way. Am I falling in love with Nick? she wondered. And if I am, what in the world am I going to do about it?
.
Remi tried to pay no attention to her newfound feelings for Nick. There was absolutely no point in dwelling on them, as she had no intention of acting on them. Too many complications could arise, the foremost being Nick's own feelings. She couldn't tell him to find out he only thought of her as his friend. That strain on their relationship could damage it irrevocably and she couldn't bear to see that happen. Nick was too important in all their lives. Fortunately, the holiday season was upon them and she was kept busy with Christmas preparations. There hadn't been much of a Christmas the previous year and Remi was determined to make this one special for all the children. Ten-year-old Thomas and Ella had received horses of their own for their birthdays and she had ordered a custom set of tack for both. Nick had been searching and had found a perfect mount for nine-year-old Katey, plus gentle ponies for eight-year-old Josh and twins Beth and Emily. The other four were too young for horses of their own, but one of Rebecca's friends had an English Setter with new pups and two of them were coming as gifts for Adam, five, and James, four. Two-year-old Vicky would be thrilled with just the toys brought by Santa and Jarrod was still a baby. Everything was shaping up to be a wonderful Christmas, in spite of what they would always be missing.
A couple days before the holiday, Nick and Heath took the older children out to find Christmas trees for both of the Barkley residences. They arrived back late in the afternoon, cheeks glowing and full of excitement. Two large pines accompanied them and there was much laughter as they tried to get the largest through Remi's front door. Remi and Heath finally convinced Nick and the children that Grandma's house had a much bigger door and the big tree would fit better over there. They got the smaller tree set up by the fireplace and then everyone trooped over to the main house to help with the big tree. Victoria already had the boxes of decorations out and she and Rebecca were sorting through them as Nick and Heath brought the tree through the door.
"My goodness!" Victoria exclaimed. "Where on earth did you find it?"
Josh ran over to her. "I spotted it, Grandma," he said proudly. "I saw it and told Uncle Nick it would be the perfect tree for our house but it wouldn't fit through the door, so we brought it over here."
Victoria gave him a quick hug. "Well, you're right, it is perfect, dear. Thank you."
Remi walked over to give Rebecca a hand with the box she was moving as Nick and Heath wrestled the tree into place with shouted instructions from the Barkley children.
"Let me do that," she told her sister-in-law. "You go sit down."
Rebecca, roundly pregnant, smiled. "Thanks, Remi, but I'm fine."
Remi steered her to a chair. "I know you're fine, but believe me, there's not going to be much chance after the baby comes, so take all the rest you can get now." She grabbed a handful of ribbons and gave them to Rebecca. "You can be just as useful untangling these." Rebecca gave in and started untangling the snarled mess. Soon, the tree was up and the decorations hung. The tree glittered, garlands of pine and ribbon wreathed the walls and the traditional mistletoe hung in the doorway.
Victoria sat on the sofa, baby Jarrod on her lap and gazed around the house. "Everything looks so wonderful," she observed. "Thank you, everyone, for helping."
"We love to help, Grandma," Emily said, coming to sit beside her. "Don't we, Beth?" Her twin nodded and joined them.
Nick backed up, admiring the tree. "I think this calls for some eggnog and cookies," he declared. "Ella, Katey, why don't you come with me to the kitchen and we'll see what we can find." The two older girls happily skipped off to the kitchen with Uncle Nick.
Heath moved to sit beside his wife. "And how are you feeling?" he asked, kissing her cheek.
Rebecca smiled at him. "A little tired," she admitted. "Remi, how could you do this eight times?"
Remi shrugged, a smile on her face. "I never really thought about it. Jarrod and I loved our children and I guess it just seemed right." She laughed and got to her feet. "It probably helped that I was never sick. I think I'll go see if they need any help in the kitchen."
As Remi headed for the kitchen, she almost collided with Nick in the doorway. He managed to avoid spilling the bowl of eggnog and gave her a stern look. "Watch where you're going, Red." All of a sudden, giggles were heard from behind him. Nick turned to fix his nieces with a steely gaze. "And just what's so funny?" he demanded.
After a few more giggles, Ella spoke up. "You and Mama are standing under the mistletoe," she pointed out.
"And that means you have to kiss her," Katey added. The girls giggled some more, waiting.
Nick turned back to Remi. She was looking at him with an unreadable expression on her face. All of a sudden, the room seemed to close in on him. He wanted to kiss her more than anything, but not here, not like this. Nick fought off an overwhelming desire to run and forced himself to smile.
"I guess it is tradition," he said and leaned over to give Remi a soft kiss on the lips. Her lips were so sweet, so warm, Nick had a hard time pulling away.
"Well, let's have some of this eggnog," he announced and walked quickly to place it on the table before he had a chance to think about what just happened.
Remi took the plate of cookies from Ella and set it beside the eggnog. She avoided looking at Nick as the children swarmed over, each trying to get the biggest cookie. The kiss she shared with Nick had completely unnerved her. She thought she could ignore the feelings she had for Nick, but it didn't seem to be working. Maybe she should just go ahead and tell him. Their friendship was surely strong enough to weather something like this and having him tell her they were just friends might nip the feelings in the bud. Remi decided she'd have to talk to Nick after all.