AN: Well I hoped yall like it. I really got into writing this one because the song is somewhat personal to me so I think there is a lot of feeling in the one!(:

It is actually dedicated to my Sister and my best friend who's birthday is tomorrow but I wanted to put this chapter up today sooo...(:

Disclaimer: I don not own SWAC or Back to December by Taylor Swift

Sonny's POV

As I walked into that little cafe in downtown Cali, I got nervous. This was the first time I was going to see you since our break-up. I loved you. I truly did. I don't know why I did what I did, but I regret it so much. I feel like I've lost the most important thing to me, but hopefully today I will be able to get it back. Hopefully today I will be able to get back a certain jerktrob, self conceited, handsome, amazing, thoughtful, young man named Chad Dylan Cooper.

I'm so glad you made time to see me.

How's life? Tell me how's your family?

I haven't seen them in a while.

I kept my eyes on the door wondering in my mind, "Is he gonna stand me up?" My thoughts calmed when I saw Chad's shiny, black convertible pull into a parking spot near the entrance. When he got out of the car to walk towards the door I noticed something, his eyes. They were normally sparkling, and a deep ocean blue that I just wanted to swim in every time I looked at them. Now they were a dark more royal blue, and the just looked cold, and unwelcoming.

When he walked in the door, I felt my stomach start doing backflips. I was so nervous, I didn't really know what I was going to say to Chad. He slid into the booth across from me and just looked at me with a feeling of heartbreak. I gave him the same look back and wished for the courage to speak. It finally came. "Thanks for coming Chad." I said trying to hold back the tears. "This really means a lot to me. So how have you been?"

"Good" Chad said simply breaking the eye contact to look down at his coffee I had ordered for him.

"I made sure to put 2 sugars and 1 creamer in there... just how you like it. Umm.. so how has you family been? It seems like it's been ages since I've seen all of them. I especially miss little Haley Beth Cooper. She always brightened up my day." I said and let out a small laugh.

"Their all pretty good. Haley is still a little ball of energy. She ask about you all the time." He said. I could here the pain in his voice as he said the last few words. I wish I had the strength to just tell him what I wanted to say but it just wouldn't come out.

You've been good, busier than ever,

We small talk, work and the weather,

Your guard is up and I know why.

We simply talked about random things, Chad's new job now that Mackenzie Falls wrapped up, his new house, and just a few other small things. I could tell he didn't want to go into too personal stuff right now. He had the guard to his heart up. He wouldn't let any feeling show.

'cause the last time you saw me

Is still burned in the back of your mind

You gave me roses and I left them there to die.

I know why Chad feels this way, and honestly I don't blame him. If the roles had been reversed I would probably feel the same way. It just pains me to know that I may not even get to spend just one more say by his side. I need him to survive. He is what I live for.

These days I haven't been sleeping

Staying up playing back myself leavin'

When your birthday passed and I didn't call.

"Hey Sonny, you look real tired. Do you want to wrap things up and meet up some other time?" Chad asked. I could tell he was really concerned because his eyes were so serious. I wish that they were like they use to be. This blue isn't very welcoming and its making it hard to open up.

"No I'm good. I haven't been able to get much sleep lately because of my movie. I'm use to it, but thanks for caring." I said with a smile and he finally smiled at me for the fist time today. "oh and umm Happy Late Birthday. I know it was a few weeks ago, but I've been kind of busy so this is for you." I pulled out a small box I had originally gotten him for Christmas before the fight happened.

"Oh thanks, you didn't have to!" He said taking the gift. Oh, but I did. I owe him so much, and it kills me he is being this kind to me. Why can't he just be mad or something.

And I think about summer, all the beautiful times,

I watched you laughing from the passenger side.

Realized that I loved you in the fall

There was an akward silence. I started to think about the happy time from the summer and fall.

*Flash back*

"Chad your gonna get us in a wreck!"

"I'm hurt, my own girlfriend doesn't trust me."

"Oh, stop laughing at me Chad. I'm just cautious and I would appreciate it if you would keep you hands on the wheel"

*Another Flashback

"Sonny I love you" he said under the stars on the picnic blanket he has set up for us.

"Chad I love you too" I said as he wrapped his arms around me on the warm fall night.

Then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind

You gave me all your love and all I gave you was "Goodbye"

*Flashback

"Merry Christmas Sonny" you said as you gave me a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Chad Christmas isn't for 5 more days silly." I said feeling a little guilty. I really felt like I had just been acting like I still loved Chad for a few weeks now. I was beginning to feel sufficated by him, but how do I tell him that?

My thoughts were interrupted when Chad handed me a big bouquet of red roses. "There are 13 since that's you favorite number." I smiled but felt even more guilty.

"They are beautiful." I said as I sniffed them and forced a smile to hide how bad I felt. He kissed me goodbye and noticed that there was something wrong but he couldn't stay and talk because he had to be somewhere.

After his car was out of sight I left the roses on the proch and din't even bother to put them in water. I didn't want to give him the wrong idea about us anymore, and with that I went to help my mom with the apple pie.

So this is me swallowing my pride

Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night".

And I go back to December all the time.

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,

Wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine.

I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind

I go back to December all the time.

"Look Chad enough small talk, there is a reason I called you to meet me here." I said trying to be strong and get this out in the open. "I'm sorry for what I did. At the time I felt like it was what needed to be done. After it was too late and you were gone I realized how stupid I was. I should have just told you how I was feeling. Turns out I was imagining the felings too because as soon as you walked out of that door I realized I wasn't going to live without you, I couldn't live without you. So this is me apologizing, letting go of my pride and just telling you I didn't know what I had until it was gone.

I miss your tanned skin, your sweet smile, so good to me, so right

And how you held me in your arms that September night

The first time you ever saw me cry

"I miss how you were so good to me, how your smile always made me feel like I was the luckiest girl in the world, I miss how you held me that night my Dad died and told me that everything was going to be okay and that you'd never leave me." At this point both of us were in tears.

Maybe this is wishful thinking,

Probably mindless dreaming,

If we loved again I swear I'd love you right...

"I know this is crazy, and probably not even possible but I just want to tell you that if you ever decide to give me another chance, I would love you with everything I have. I would never take you for granted like I already have." I took you hand and inhaled one more time to finish what I had to say.

I'd go back in time and change it but I can't.

So if the chain is on your door I understand.

"If I could I would go back and change everything that happened, but I understand if you don't accept my apology." I said by this time I couldn't help but let the tears fall, I was done trying to be strong. I just sat there awaiting for a response from Chad, but he just stood blankly into space letting the tears fall.

But this is me swallowing my pride

Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night"

And I go back to December...

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,

Wishing that I'd realize what I had when you were mine.

I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.

I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind

I'd go back to December all the time.

All the time

Finally Chad spoke up, "Sonny I accept your apology, but I'm not sure we will ever be able to love again. I still love you and always will but for now I still need time. I hope you understand." and with that he took my hand and kissed it and slid out of the booth and to his car.

Me, I just sat there not knowing what to do. I had just lost my everything. What did I do now?

AN: well sorry but I just felt a sad ending was needed for this one... even though it is for a happy occasion. Well let me know what you think please(:

Oh and let me know what song I should do next I was thinking either Mine or Innocent, let me know which one you think I should do! and remember the song needs to be from the taylor swift album Speak Now if you have another suggestion.