(No control over your big mouth when emotions are high, that's always been a problem, that's why you got so good at the con game, remember)
Murdock cut himself off with an audible snap.
Internally, Face groaned. Murdock was sharp, too sharp, sometimes—he'd read between the lines slick as snot and that'd be the end. The end of their friendship. The end of the team, if he wanted to have delusions of grandeur. The end of everything.
"Face?"
His name was whispered. Face glanced up, saw Murdock see him glance up, saw Murdock's tongue wet his lips, and looked down again.
"Face . . . I don't . . . I don't understand . . ."
(Way to go, idiot, is there any way you could have made this worse)
Murdock fingers brushed his arm. It was an unexpected touch, and Face jumped.
He looked up again and found Murdock searching his face. He sighed, a little.
"I'm jealous of that girl, Murdock," he admitted again, in a more modulated tone than before. Even if his insides were torn apart, he had to hold it together for Murdock. That was only fair. "I'm jealous that . . . that you flirted with her, that you put your arm around her. That . . . that you took her to bed. I'm jealous of her, because—"
(In for a penny, in for a pound)
"—I wished it was me. Not her. Me."
Face closed his eyes.
(Now that you've confessed this and have broken him, startled him, angered him, are you going to force him to be the one to tell Hannibal and B.A. why you left? Why you couldn't stay with the team any longer? Or are you man enough to do it yourself, in the daylight)
"F-face . . ."
Face flinched involuntarily at the stutter.
Murdock soldiered on. "Face . . . I never knew. I never . . ."
"I didn't either," Face admitted with a croak. "Not until I saw you with her. Not until I heard you with her."
The pilot's fingers, which hadn't left his arm, tightened a little.
"I'm sorry, Murdock. Oh christ I'm sorry."
The two sat silently for a moment.
(It's time to leave now. You've done enough damage)
"I've never been with a man," Murdock whispered, in a voice almost quieter than the crickets.
Face glanced up.
Murdock was looking at him steadily. There was no revulsion or horror on his features. Face was speechless.
"You're beautiful—I hope you don't mind me sayin' that, and I have to admit I'm flattered, and nervous too! Look at me shakin'!"
He held up his free hand to demonstrate.
"Murdock, you don't—"
"Shakin' usually means something's profound. I always shake when something strikes me to the core. And this . . ."
The pilot stopped again. Face didn't complete his protest, because his throat was dry as dust. He was shaking too, he realized.
"I've never been with a man," Murdock repeated. His voice dropped again, into that deep Texan accent that haunted Face's dreams lately, suggesting naughty and sensual things that went straight to his cock. "But I think . . . I think I'd like to . . ."
It was on the tip of his tongue to object again, to apologize until Murdock saw reason.
(Now he thinks he has to do this, now he thinks you'll force him)
"Can I give it a try?" Murdock asked. It confused Face that the lilt of it was embarrassed.
"T-try?"
"I like you. You're my best friend, I've been with you through thick an' thin, and-and . . . I want to try. Is that okay?"
For once, that internal voice was speechless too.
Murdock, as his habit when he was nervous, rattled on. "I don't want to hurt you. I don't want you think this is a tease, or that I'm not in my right mind. I just want to try. Try and see . . . it's hard to have a real relationship, this life we have, and we've been through so much together and we're together and I like you and even if I've never done anything with a man it doesn't mean I'm against it, I just—"
Face took the back of Murdock's neck and pulled him forward until their foreheads touched.
"—I just never really thought about being with a guy, but I'm interested, I'm curious, which is pretty cliché, bi-curious, you know—"
Face kissed him.
It was semi-sloppy, semi-rushed and all passion. Murdock's words were swallowed by Face. His tongue slipped through the pilot's lips, finding no resistance, finding nothing but warmth and eagerness. The slick movement of tongue on tongue shot electricity to Face's groin. Murdock's fingers tightened on his arm again, and this time didn't let up.
The give and take lasted until they were both close to out of oxygen.
They sat with their foreheads pressed together.
"Yeah . . . that was good," Murdock said in awe, and Face heard the smile in his voice.
Nothing could stop Face's spontaneous grin either. Murdock said he didn't want to hurt him, but Face silently vowed the same.
(He's worth it, I'll do anything for him, I'll take everything at his pace and never make him feel pressured, if he wants to call it off that's cool, whatever he wants whatever he wants)
Murdock surged in for another kiss, another taste, and Face melted into it.
fin.