You know what plot bunnies are right? Well I was attacked by rapid plot hares and it made writing this very hard because it wouldn't stop pestering me with ideas for other chapters. For some strange reason the short funny(and perverted) fic I had planned out turned into this-this-Well I'm not sure what to call it. The darn thing just got away from me and I'm not very pleased with how it came out. The next chapters though are pretty pinned down and the humor in them won't be lost.
Disclaimer: I'm still a few months short of being able to buy SasuSaku doujinshi on eBay. If I can't own the amateur art there's just no way I own the real deal.
"I home!" Sano smiled brightly hopping off the kitchen counter. The moment his bare feet touched the linen floor he shot off down the halls screaming at the top of his lungs.
"Naruto-oji-chan's back!"
"Don't run in the house Sano-chan." Hinata admonished, slowly waddling after the little Uchiha. Sano continued to scream about Naruto being home with no change in his speed. He was determined to reach his godfather first, not that Hinata was much competition. She was seven months pregnant after all.
"Naruto-oji-chan!" Sano tackled his godfather and Naruto fell down with a loud and pain filled yelp. Hinata rounded the corner to see him lying on the floor dazed, his ANBU masks sticking out of a vase, and Sano sitting atop his chest animatedly chattering away. "And then… And then…" He slapped his godfather's cheek a few times to snap him out of his daze and to be certain he had his undivided attention. What he was about to reveal was vital information. "And then Hinata-ba-chan said we can't have ramen tonight! And I got to-" Sano's narration of the day fell on deaf ears after his declaration that ramen would not be served for dinner.
"Hin-Hinata-chan?" Naruto stared up at his wife eyes wide and glassy practically begging her to tell him it wasn't true.
"Sorry Naruto-kun," Hinata answered with a giggle. "I felt like eating western food tonight." Naruto whimpered pitifully, sitting up so Sano slid off his chest and into his lap.
"Only for you Hinata-chan. You and the baby."
"And me?" Sano asked anxiously, tugging at the blond ninja's clothes. Naruto grinned down at his godson and patted his spiky black hair.
"Of course, you too."
"Naruto-kun, how are Neji-nii-san and Kiba-kun?" Hinata asked, calling his attention away from the beaming little boy in his lap.
"Neji's fine, but Kiba broke his wrist." He said with a small snicker as he stood up swinging his godson over his shoulder. "Lee got a little too into his character. He was so drunk and Kiba tried to restrain him…" His giggle fit became to much to talk through and though she felt wrong for laughing at her ex-teammate's expense Hinata could not help but join him as well. "It wasn't anything seriously damaging to the mission, but now Kiba knows to stand clear of a drunken Lee."
"And Sakura-chan and Sasuke-kun?" A confused frown flittered across Naruto's face while Sano kicked and wiggled from his place on his shoulder demanding to be let down.
"Why would I know about them?" He grasped the fidgety boy about his waist, raised him off his shoulder, and held him out to Hinata. "You were the last to see them, right? When they dropped off Sano-chan?"
"Yes, the last time I saw them was when they brought Sano-chan here, but that was because they needed me to baby-sit while they went on the mission with…" She trailed off to the shaking of Naruto's blond head.
"Sakura-chan and Sasuke weren't assigned to this mission. Why do you think Kiba had to go undercover as Lee's date? No available konoichi." Hinata's eyes slowly settled on the top of Sano's head. The boy had gone very still and quiet in Naruto's hands.
"Then why did they tell me-" At that moment Sano burst into tears while babbling incoherently. "Sano-chan!" Hinata swiped him out of his godfather's hands and held him to her chest, patting his back. He buried his hot reddening face into her neck and continued to babbling mostly nonsense with big fat tears rolling down his cheeks. Although most of the words out of his mouth were garbled with hiccups Hinata managed to catch the gist of what he was saying. "Oh no. No, of course they don't." She hurried to console him while glancing up at Naruto. He mouthed a 'What's wrong?' and she replied with a slight shrug.
-/-
It was a surprising exhausting task to calm Sano down enough so that he could tell his godparents what was wrong. "Tou-chan and Kaa-chan hate me!" He wailed from his place on the couch between Hinata and Naruto. He was nearly hugging the stuffing out of Kyuubi. Naruto's hand dropped to Sano's head and he brushed the boy's soft black bangs back.
"Why would they hate you?" Sano hiccupped.
"I attacked Tou-chan!" Naruto choked and Hinata went pale.
Sano starred attentively at his hands. He glared at them as if they were the reason he could not perform the Katon: Goukakyuu no Jutsu. The real possible reason probably had something to do with the fact that he was only four years old and had been practicing for the past two hours with little to no success. He was, however, very determined to master the jutsu and after he finished mentally berating his small hands he squared his shoulders and began the seals. He cupped his hand over his mouth and poured all the chakra he could spare into his thirty-seventh effort. A tiny plume of fire, big enough to light a few candles at best, spewed from his mouth burning a meager three seconds before fizzling out. Sheer Uchiha pride kept him from crying in frustration. What he had done was nothing compared to the massive flames his father could produce and Sano didn't have enough chakra to attempt another try. All he could do was accept his small victory. It hadn't been much, but it was still something.
Grrr! His growling stomach pulled him out of his musing. Grrr! Sano patted his belly and glanced up at the sky. The sun had moved far from its previous position. Though he had been outside for a long while it was nowhere near dinner time, but he did have a good chance at a snack. Odds were his mother all ready had one prepared for him.
"I was practicing a jutsu in the backyard and I got hungry." Sano slid down in his seat trying to hide behind Kyuubi. "Tou-chan-Tou-chan was at a-a meeting and Kaa-chan was home with me. I got hungry, right, so I went to the kitchen."
It never ceased to amaze Sano how quiet the house was when he wasn't in it. What did his parents do to liven things up before his came along? Certainly couldn't have been anything very fun. "Snack. Snack. Snack." Sano chanted as he trotted into the kitchen and looked around at the counters and the table. He grabbed a table chair by its leg, dragged it over to a counter, and climbed into the seat. "Snack?" Now level with the counters he could see that there wasn't a plate of food in sight.
"There wasn't any food in the kitchen and Kaa-chan wasn't there either."
No food. No mother. There was something wrong here. Sano slipped off the chair and out the kitchen. "Kaa-chan?" He called, padding down the hallway and checking every room in search of his elusive mother.
"I went looking for her and-and when I found her…"
"Mhmm, Sasuke-kun." Sano perked up instantly recognizing his mother's voice and she had said Sasuke-kun! That meant his father was home! Sano picked up his pace and ran towards the room where Sakura's voice had come from.
"Ka-" The rest of the word caught in his throat as his eyes widened in horror and his skin turned stark white. Quite a feat considering he was as pale as his father.
"I found her and Tou-chan… He was… He-he…"
Sano took a wobbly step back not believing his eyes. What they were showing him could not be true. He was not seeing a shirtless Sasuke on top of Sakura, who's own shirt had been ripped opened.
"He was on Kaa-chan and…"
He was between her legs and it looked like he was moving against her. Sano's eyes made a shaky trail to his mother. Tears were rolling down her flushed face and she was biting her lip.
"It looked like… I thought that-that…"
This wasn't right, Sano thought taking another step back. What was wrong with his mother? Why did she look like that? He couldn't see his father's face. It was buried in Sakura's chest. Which was just fine because his father's face was probably just as terrifying as his mother's face. It really was a scary sight. She looked like she was-Like she was-
"Ahh!" Like she was in pain!
"Don't you hurt my Kaa-chan!" Sano screamed, launching himself at Sasuke.
"I thought that he was hurting her so I-"
Sasuke jerked away from Sakura as if she had the plague. Sano continued to kick, punch, scratch, and bite at him. "Sanosuke!" He turned around struggling to get the boy's flailing limbs under control.
"Sano-chan!" Sakura grabbed her son away from his father when his tiny sandaled foot connected with Sasuke's chin.
"So I-I…" Hinata shushed him and held a tissue to his running nose.
"Blow." Sano did as he was told and Hinata disposed of the soiled tissue when he was finished. "They do not hate you. Tou-chan and Kaa-chan may be a little…" She struggled for the right word. "Frustrated, but not at you. Never at you." She glared at Naruto over Sano's head. Her husband was chocking on badly concealed laughter.
"But-but I attacked Tou-chan. I tried to hurt him!"
"But you did it for a good reason!" Sano jerked his face up to stare at his godfather. "I mean-Well you only did it to protect your Kaa-chan and yeah she wasn't really in pain, but you still-It may have been the wrong situation, but you did the right thing. You tried to protect someone precious to you even though you thought she was being hurt by another of your precious people." Naruto slung an arm around Sano's shoulders and pulled him close in a hug. "You did what any little boy who loves his Kaa-chan would do. What any good shinobi would do. Don't ever think otherwise, okay?"
"Okay." Sano said with a nod before wiggling out of Naruto's hold and crawling into Hinata's lap, or what was left of her lap. He pressed the side of his face and the palms of his hands to her rounded belly. Listening to the baby move always made him feel better. He pressed his face a little closer when he felt his godmother's fingers brush against his scalp. It was comforting to know his parents didn't hare him for what he had done. It had bothered him since he had committed the act yesterday and to be told that he did nothing wrong in response to what his-Sano sat up abruptly with a frown marring his features. What had his parents been doing anyway? "Um, Naruto-oji-chan? If Kaa-chan and Tou-chan weren't, um, hurting each other? Well, what were they doing?" The blood drained from Naruto's face.
"Uh well that's a good question and it's-It's kind of… Complicated!" He was reaching. Naruto knew it, but he didn't want to explain the facts of life to Sano. Not only would Sakura and Hinata kill him if he did, but tainting his four year old godson's innocence like that didn't seem right. "It's so complicated that," but what could he do? Sano wanted answers. "I can't explain it, but I bet Hinata-ba-chan can." He could always dump the problem on his wife. She was probably better than him at this.
"Naruto-kun." Hinata could have smacked him.
"Oww!" She did smack him, but who could blame her? How could he shovel that question onto her like that?
"Hinata-ba-chan?" This was just her rotten luck. How was she going to get out of this besides throwing it right back at her husband?
"Ask again in sixteen years, Sano-chan." Nothing beats a good old fashioned dodge.
-/-
"Sakura-chan. Sasuke-teme." Naruto greeted his best friends at his door hours later after dinner and Sano's bedtime. "How was your mission?" It took everything he had and then some to not laugh out loud at the mere sight of them. At the word 'mission' Sasuke's eyes had narrowed into a suspicious glare and Sakura turned red up to her hairline. "Must have been a hard one. Sasuke-teme's got a nice bruised chin and all."
"Naruto-kun," Hinata intervened before Sasuke snapped and gave the blond a bruise to match his own. Naruto shrugged good naturally before grabbing Sasuke's arm and hauling him into the house and down the hall. Hinata watched them leave and then turned to address her other guest. "Sakura-chan."
"Hinata-chan." They both mumbled, looking anywhere but at each other and feeling absolutely ridiculous for doing so. Sakura knew that Hinata knew that the whole A-ranked mission babysitting had been a lie and that she had actually spent the day at home alone with Sasuke picking up where they had left off after their son had interrupted. Hinata knew that Sakura knew that she knew that is was all a lie. There wasn't much reason from them to be so embarrassed, especially at their age.
"Um…" Hinata uttered desperately trying to break the awkward silence.
"Oww! Damn it Sasuke-teme, that hurt!" Fortunately for her she didn't have to. Naruto continued to yell obscenities at his best friend as Sano, who'd awaken to all the shouting, trotted up to the two kunoichis. He rubbed at his eyes with one hand curled into a fist and carried Kyuubi in his other.
"Hinata-ba-chan," he mumbled, hugging her legs because he knew bending down to give him one was a challenge for her seven month pregnant body. "Bye-bye." He wasn't exactly sure what the words 'Sasuke-teme' meant, but for him hearing it meant it was time to go home.
"Sano-chan," Sakura called, kneeling down so that she was level with the eyes identical to her own. Her son was so upset yesterday that she and Sasuke hadn't really gotten anywhere with explaining to him what had happened and what he had saw, but it needed to be done. "Tou-chan and I-Mmphf-" Sano attacked his mother in a glomp, wrapping his chubby arms around her neck.
"Naruto-oji-chan said that when you're protecting your precious person, even if you're doing it from another, you're doing the right thing."
"And Naruto-oji-chan is never wrong!" Naruto chimed, walking up with ice packs held to his chin and left eye. Apparently Sasuke thought that just one matching bruise wasn't good enough for him. "He knows what he's talking about, right Sano-chan?" Said boy simply nodded his head.
"Up, Kaa-chan." Sano mumbled, falling back to sleep nuzzled against Sakura's chest as she stood up with him in her arms.
"Thanks Naruto, Hinata-chan." The blond ninja gave her a thumbs up.
"Hey, it's in the job description."
"Hn. I loved to see you try to maintain that cheery attitude after you kid is born, dobe." Sasuke commented. He slipped passed the Uzumakis with an ice pack to his swelling cheek. Naruto certainly hadn't let him get away with punching him.
"Yeah right, teme. You think I'm afraid about being a father." Naruto rested a palm on Hinata's stomach and flipped Sasuke off with his other hand. "I'll be a better Tou-chan than you!" The two kunoichi wives sighed in exasperation. Did everything their husbands do have to turn into a completion? Any day now they were going to start arguing over who was growing old the fastest or something just as stupid. "You'll see. I won't let my child catch me doing-"
"Na. Ru. To. Kun." Hinata hissed out, slapping a hand over his mouth. "Goodbye Sakura-chan, Sasuke-kun." Sasuke bid a farewell with a slight nod of his head before turning on his heel and walking away.
"Thanks again Hinata-chan." Sakura said, smiling down at the mop of sable hair resting under her neck.
"No problem just…" Here Hinata became very interested in the tips of her toes which were the only part of her feet she could still see. "Just promise me you and Sasuke-kun can baby-sit when Naruto-kun and I have an A-ranked mission."
fin
Usually I start rambling after the fin, but not this time around.
Preview: First time father Uzuamki Naruto enlists four year father Uchiha Sasuke's help when his wife leaves him home alone with the baby for the first time. However, Naruto finds out that no matter how many years of parenting you may have under your belt accidents can happen and happen they do.
Preview: The Sharingan wasn't the only trait Sasuke passed down to his son and when the dormant gene expresses itself in eight year old Sanosuke in explosive ways it leaves Sakura wishing her husband had kept the damn thing to himself.
That's three chapter previews I've given you guys, but don't expect any of them to come out in the order they were given.
To Crystal Renee: Hey, hey no beating the Great Kazemaru-kun with rubber sticks even if it is a nice scary incentive. Anyway here's chapter four with more of Sano-chan. I'm not too happy with it, but hopefully you'll like it.
Gwynu: I'm sorry this wasn't Sasuke vs. Puppy for role of Leader of the Pack. Unfortunately I don't know when my muse will hop back on that one. Hope you enjoy the others I'll put up though.
IQSymphic: Yes, yes I should take Sakura's advice. If I did I wouldn't spend my bus rides to school in the morning scrambling to finish essay papers that were assigned a week ago because I didn't bother to start writing until the day it was due. You know it's kind of weird that they do seem to be in chronological order. The original intent was for these to be a series of unrelated oneshots. What we got now is something that just kind of happened, but I don't know how long that'll keep up. And that was a typo on my part. It read third and fourth but it was supposed to be fourth and fifth.. My mind hadn't exactly registered Chapter 3 as an actual chapter yet.
XyoushaX: Hehehe, Sano-chan's got fans! And I do believe that we have all spoiled our parents' plans when we were young. Oh and I guess this chapter is kind of a turnaround from your prediction isn't it?
Petals of Paladin: Call them off! Call them off! First rubber sticks and now psychopathic twins. People are so violent nowadays. Kidding, kidding. Here's that update you wanted.
cuito: Aww everyone's a perv on the inside, but we virgins just have so much more fun with it. Hey can you tell this was my first time, and what a hard freakin' time I had, writing the scenes between Sakura and Sasuke?
flowerangel050: What can I say, gags usually come easy for me.
psychedelic aya: Trust me the wonders of Sasuke, Naruto, and parenthood combined will be even better. I got so many ideas for that one, not all will be used, but hey I got them.
MissxRae: If chapter 3 was effing adorable I wonder what classification chapter four falls under.
Sakura-Girl 2005: O.O' Reviewing all three at once. Wow, you must have really liked them. What's this one's rating?