I do not own 'Heroes' or anything related.
26th December
Commentator: Happy Boxing Day my normal and hero wannabe friends! To those of you who recognise Boxing Day, that is. To those of you who don't know what that is, I hope the game goes well. Now I know it's been a long, long time since this fic was updated, but what better time than Christmas? So before we begin let's take a look at some of the previous reviews you sent us.
Professor: - Seriously?
Commentator: - Buh?
Professor: Sir, it's been almost two years since most of these were sent, is there any point?
Commentator: - Okay Prof, we need to talk.
Professor: About what?
Commentator: Ever since we started this fic for every day for each of the twelve days of Christmas you've been an outright Scrooge! Bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch is all you've been doing since we started! Which is pretty ironic since you're a -
Professor: Sir as you are well aware I serve as the yin to your yang. So when you express enthusiasm, I must express skepticism. However, apologies if it seems I have been complaining too much.
Commentator: Apology not accepted!
Professor: See what I mean?
Commentator: - Anyhoo, better late than never, so let's see what people sent us! This one was from Jcogginsa:
who's eric yamaru
Commentator: He's the main antagonist of one of Anonymius' other fanfics. Check out "Pokemon the Movie: The shadow of the dictator" for more information!
Sammy: Our second review is from Izzy Lawliet:
Yay update!I felt just like sylar did with all the plot holes that make less sence the more you think about them.I hope Hiro apppers soon, he's my favorite character.
Commentator: Oh don't worry, Hiro will be featured in this chapter. Wait a minute! Hiro hasn't been that vacant, has he?
Professor: Well Sir he didn't appear in the last two chapters.
Commentator: Ah right. Go on Sam!
Sammy: "Personally, what i disliked about volume three the most wasn't the plot holes, but all the missed return of Adam(aka the immortal), speedster being a nemisis for Hiro, a future where everyone has powers, Micha's storyline from season 2 being one of these could have held up volume 3 if the writer had used them to their full potential.O well."
Commentator: Yes it was a shame how it felt that Adam was killed off so quickly! In a way that made no sense! And Daphne didn't really become the big nemesis for Hiro despite being referred to as that by Hiro and Ando even later on, who for some reason can't refer to people by their proper names! As for Micah, they couldn't really carry on with him straight away given the passage of time in the series and how quickly the actor was growing in real time. Carry on, Sam!
Sammy: And finally he says:
P.S. my real name's not izzy lawliet. thats an alias i use when i'm 's my favorite character from digimon adventure, and L Lawliet is from death note.I couldn't think of another name so i used those.
P.P.S.
I like littlekuriboh too.
Commentator: Well it's always great to find a fellow fan!
(Silence)
Commentator: Prof.
Professor: Huh?
Commentator: It's your turn.
Professor: Huh?
Commentator: To read a review!
Professor: What?
Commentator: Come on, Prof, Sammy took your turn, now it's yours!
Professor: All right, fine. I shall indulge this only once. Ahem, our third review is from Silversshadow13:
Recently found this fic, lucky me!
I LOL'd (Is that how you'd write it?) Alot. I thought along the same lines as Claire with the whole, Sylar DOESN'T eat brains thing.
Can't wait to see what you do next chapter!
Silver
Commentator: Well, better late than never I always say! Our fourth review is from queenofthelands:
I actually enjoyed series 3, despite the plotholes, but I have to say that I do completely adore these abridged... things (there should be a definitive name for these things, seriously... Or maybe I'm just dim). Anyway, I love the fact that everyone now goes by superhero names, even HRG and Syl- I mean Clockwork, laughing evilly at the inconsistencies and being able to see plotholes :)
Anyways, I really hope you continue with this :)
We prefer to call them also 'Abridged Commentaries'.
Professor: Our fifth and final review, which is a bit more recent, is from Djinneya:
This was so much fun to read! Heroes Season 1 started out so original and suspenseful, and the cast were attractive and talented, but the story plot just plummeted in the later seasons. Very sad, but it makes for a great setting for parodies. ;)
Commentator: I didn't think Season 2 was that bad. In fact I thought it was better than 1, much to the disagreement of my colleagues.
Professor: Sir, I merely questioned how you decided it was better-
Commentator: Of course Anonymius feels that the show didn't really jump the shark until Season 3. That's when he started to consider parodying it.
Professor: What did he think of doing before?
Commentator: Oh he had a couple of more serious ideas. Interestingly enough one of Sylar's lines from the one where they're all in the future was taken from an alternate idea Anonymius had of someone else taking over the future. Of course nothing came out of any of those!
Somewhere in a dark room, a figure was sitting on a throne.
"Soon," It said, holding up a snow globe in its long, green armoured fingers. An infection spread through the snow globe, making it look purplish and icy.
"Soon I shall have my retribution!"
The figure smashed the globe, which shattered into many glassy pieces.
Commentator: Huh. Did anyone else feel that?
Professor: Feel what?
Commentator: Oh well, it was probably just me then, and without further ado, here's-
Door: KNOCK KNOCK
Commentator: Now who could that be?
(Goes towards the door, opens it, and in flies a pair of turtles with white wings and bird legs before flying out)
Commentator: Well that was being a bit too literal! And without further ado, here's 'Angels and Monsters'! Wait. Another single episode? And this one feels longer than the others! Even without the beginning!
Professor: Well that might partly be because we have scenes from the previous episode or episodes. Also we've had this conversation before that some episodes are easier to parody than others regardless of the-
Commentator: Yeah yeah.
Previously, on 'Super Heroes Abridged (With Commentary)' -
Future Absorbing Man: Absorbing Man, welcome to the future, where everyone has powers, which will lead to the destruction of the world.
Absorbing Man: Wait. Giving people abilities will doom the world?
Future Absorbing Man: Well yeah!
Absorbing Man: Huh. I always had the impression that it was supposed to do the exact opposite. By the way, did we ever manage to rescue Caitlin?
Future Absorbing Man: Who?
Absorbing Man: I'm not sure, but I think she's important somehow.
Meanwhile back at Mohinder's flat, Mohinder confronts an abusive husband.
Abusive Husband: Just stay out of this, Sayid!
Mohinder: Oh I am so sick of telling people this. For the last time, (Bashing abusive husband's head into the wall) I-AM-INDIAN!
Sammy: Hey Boss! Maybe we should lay off on the 'everyone mistakes Mohinder for a middle easterner' joke?
Commentator: Huh?
Sammy: Well I'm just thinking that do Americans really keep mistaking Indian people for middle easterners? I mean the golden rule of comedy is that it's only funny if it's true so maybe we shouldn't have characters calling Mohinder Sayid or that he's from a centralised country or that he speaks Arabic.
Professor: Um, Sam. That line's not in the parody. He actually calls him Sayid in the episode.
Sammy: WAIT WHAT? You mean, Americans really DO mistake Indians to be Middle Eastern? I thought that was just one of Anonymius' baseless rants!
Commentator: Nope, he was surprisingly accurate this time round.
Wife: No! Stop beating up my abusive husband!
Later that day the Abusive Husband tracks Mohinder down.
Mohinder: Wait. How did you find out where I live?
Abusive Husband: - I don't know.
Mohinder: So let me get this straight. You actually came down here, picking a fight with a guy, who was strong enough to bash your face in a wall?
Abusive Husband: What's your point?
Mohinder: Oh, none at all. (Grabs the Abusive Husband)
Abusive Husband: Wah! (Is pulled into the room. Crunching sounds can be heard) No! No! AAAAAAAAAH!
Abusive Husband: No, please, stop eating crisps right next to my ear! It's really irritating!
Mohinder: Well maybe this will teach you not to be abusive towards your wife. What? You actually thought that I was eating him? Shame on you people. Shame on you.
Meanwhile after returning from the future, Absorbing Man encounters Clockwork.
Absorbing Man: No! No! I won't become a killer like you! And I'll prove it by snapping your neck!
Clockwork: That doesn't make any - GAK!
Commentator: I say, Professor, this moment reminds me of an episode of Reboot!
Mirror Matrix: You have become a trigger happy jerk who only cares about himself.
Matrix: No! I'm not! And I shall prove it by blasting you into pieces!
Mirror Matrix: Wouldn't that just prove my poin - GAK!
Absorbing Man: Mom! Why didn't you tell me that Clockwork was my brother?
Sybil: To be fair, Absorbing Man, we've never been in a situation where we both knew that each other knew of Clockwork.
Absorbing Man: Don't give me your logic, it has no place on this show!
Commentator: He ain't wrong there.
Absorbing Man: Now I'm gonna cut your head open to get all your secrets! Even though I'm a telepath and I can just read your mind. BRAIIIIIIIIIIIINS!
Clockwork: That's MY catchphrase, you bastard! Give it back! (Causes him to be knocked against the glass)
Absorbing Man: OOF!
Meanwhile at Monhinder's apartment, Mohinder is encasing people in cocoons.
Commentator: He's encasing people in cocoons? Yep. Definitely a Spider Man. Wait. Why exactly have you done this?
Spider Man: - I'm not quite sure…
Meanwhile back at his apartment, Flying Man is arguing with Dr Asclepius.
Flying Man: Asclepius, last time you tried to help the world you somehow planned to blow up half of New York and turn everyone against super powered people! At least the best that can be said about that plan is that at least it made more sense than the plan concocted by the main antagonists in Day 2 of 24!
Peter Kingsley: The tape has been recovered and those three nameless Arab countries have been implicated.
Max: Excellent. Soon America shall wage in the Middle East, and when they do, the oil from the Caspian Sea shall be all ours!
Archetypical Corporate Villains: Mwahahaha!Mwahaha! Mwahahaha! Mwahahaa! MWahahaaha! AHAHAHAHAHAAH-
Alexander Trepkos: WAIT A MINUTE! Did you say the Caspian Sea?
Max: Yes. Why?
Alexander Trepkos: But - there aren't any Arab countries bordering the Caspian Sea!
Peter Kingsley: - Come again?
Alexander Trepkos: No! (Pulls down a map of the world) See? (Points to the Caspian Sea, and draws his finger around it) It's all Russian, Turkic and Iranian there.
Peter Kingsley: - They're not the same thing? Apart from Russia I mean?
Alexander Trepkos: NO! That's like saying French and German are the same thing!
Peter Kingsley: Touche. Aw crap.
Max: You know, we probably should have checked a map before we came up with this cliché plan for economic domination.
Meanwhile back at the Bennet house, Sandra and Pyra are going through the profiles of some of the escaped Super Villains.
Sandra: Huh. Void? Well he doesn't seem so bad a guy. What's his power?
Pyra: He can create plot holes.
Sandra: - I'm sorry?
Pyra: He can create plot holes.
Sandra: - I'm sorry. I think I had something in my ear. It sounded like you said this Void can create plot holes.
Pyra: Yes! Plot holes! Holes in the Narrative where anyone and anything is sucked in.
Sandra: - Wait a minute! I thought the whole point about the plot hole was that nobody realises that it is there?
Pyra: Yes. That's true. What's your point?
Sandra: Well if that's true then how do people know that there are plot holes?
Pyra: Oh, because only really intelligent people are aware of plot holes.
Sandra: - You mean people like -?
H.R.G.'s Journal: October 13th, 2008. Or is it 2007? I'm not entirely sure what year it is! But that's not important. We are hunting down a villain named Void. This world is afraid of me, I have seen its true face. And all the whores and politicians will look up and cry out "Save us!" And I'll whisper -
Clockwork: What are you doing?
HRG: I'm writing in my journal.
Clockwork: - You have a journal? Since when?
HRG: Since recently. Ever since I became a super hero I've had this deep hatred of the world and the desire to write about what I'm thinking.
Clockwork: What you're thinking or what you're feeling?
HRG: - What?
Clockwork: No, sorry, don't mind me. Continue writing in your diary.
HRG: It's not a diary, Clockwork, it's a journal.
Clockwork: Potato, Potato!
HRG: Grrrr. Look, let's just focus on the task at hand, okay?
Clockwork: Right then! So, our next target's name is Void, huh? I'm guessing from his name that he can create black holes, right?
HRG: Worse. He can create plot holes.
Clockwork: - Wait. What did you say he creates?
HRG: I know, it sounds odd, but it's a threat to our world. People realised that this person was missing and it was tracked down to this super villain named Void and that they couldn't let someone like that mess up the world and - Clockwork? Are you all right?
Clockwork: (Plot holes)
(Flashes to an image of Resurrection Girl celebrating her 17th birthday)
(Plot holes)
(Flashes to Caitlin being stuck in the future)
(Plot holes)
(Flashes To Angela talking to someone on the phone about Flying Man's attempted assassination)
(Plot holes)
(Speedster being immune to Chronos's time stopping abilities)
Clockwork: BRAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINS!
(Puts his foot on the pedal)
HRG: WAH! Hey, Clockwork, are you okay?
Clockwork: (Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill)
Void: (On the phone) Look, I told you people already, I'm done working with you, I'm not killing anyone else! No! I don't care how unpopular this Maya chick is, I'm not going to drop her into a plot hole!
(Someone bashes down the door)
Resurrection Girl: Freeze, bad guy!
Void: Oh no! The I-Men have sent someone to take me down!
Resurrection Girl: - I-Men? What are you talking abou - WHA!
(Looks down at her cheerleader styled costume)
Resurrection Girl: I swear I did not come out dressed like this!
Meanwhile our Hiro and his sidekick dig up the Immortal in order to get answers.
The Immortal: Okay. So why do you think I know who's behind it?
Chronos: …I'm not sure, Sybil never explained that thoroughly. I think it's just an excuse to give you more screen time.
Commentator: Er, yeah, that's the reason…
Meanwhile back at Void's hideout, he tries to talk Resurrection Girl out of apprehending him.
Void: Look, I'm not that bad a guy!
Resurrection Girl: Not that bad? You're the one responsible for all the plot holes on our show! I mean all those people you killed! Audrey Hanson, Zach Connor, Claude Raines, Detective Fuller, West Rosen, Kaithlin Girlfriend, the cheerleaders at my school and the remaining founders who haven't played any significance yet! Not that I knew any of those people personally, but from what I read about them they were pretty good people! Well, okay maybe except one of the cheerleaders and I'm not sure about the founders -
Void: You don't understand! I didn't want to kill all those people! I was ordered to!
Resurrection Girl: Ordered? By who?
Void: Why, the Writing Staff of course!
Resurrection Girl: The Writing Staff? But why?
Void: Oh various reasons. Actors leaving, or characters no longer having a use or worked out as well as they hoped. But the main reason was to basically give our world a reboot and getting a fresh start -
(Doors burst open, literally)
Clockwork: You monster!
Void: Look, we've already been through this, I'm not that - GAK!
(Pushed against wall)
HRG: No Clockwork, we need him alive!
Resurrection Girl: - Dad? Is that you? How did you find me?
HRG: Who knows the darkest parts of the world where his daughter may hide? HRG knows.
Resurrection Girl: - Huh?
Clockwork: Ignore him, he's going through some sort of vigilante phase. As for you, you are the reason why I'm driven mad every day because of this series!
Void: I thought you were driven insane because your understanding of how everything worked somehow led you to have an unsatiable hunger for power or because of the numerous powers you have?
Clockwork: ...You just can't help yourself, can you? Now then, I'm gonna make you pay for all the plot holes you created in this show! You won't be able to make another plot hole ever again!
(Void creates a plot hole)
Plot hole: Gulp gulp gulp gulp!
(While that's threatening to suck everyone in, Void escapes)
Clockwork: No! A plot hole! My mortal enemy!
Resurrection Girl: Hey! I thought-one of us- was your mortal enemy!
Clockwork: I do have a life outside you guys.
Meanwhile back at his apartment, Spider Man gets an unexpected visitor.
Spider Man: Muerte? You're back? I thought when you left you suddenly left for good like so many characters on this show have done before?
Muerte: Don't be ridiculous Mohinder, you won't get rid of me that easily.
Fans: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Maya: Wait, why are you suddenly called "Spider Man"?
Spider Man: Errrrrrrrrrrrr…
Back at Void's hideout, as our heroes (and villain) cling on for sheer life as the plot hole threatens to suck them in, they discuss as to how to survive.
Resurrection Girl: So how do we stop the plot hole? Will it just close itself?
HRG: It's not that simple. A plot hole will keeping eating and eating until it finds something worthwhile.
Resurrection Girl: Worthwhile? Like what?
Clockwork: Oh you know the usual. People, buildings, items, significant plot points, that sort of thing.
Resurrection Girl: Oh.
Clockwork: But I would rather die than have there be another plot hole.
(Lets go. Is grabbed by HRG)
HRG: As much as I would like to let you kill yourself, I'm afraid your mother would not be happy with me.
Resurrection Girl: So what do we do?
HRG: We need to feed the plot hole something. But it has to be something significant. But once that thing is taken, then all knowledge of it ever existing will cease to exist. So the best thing will have to be something that no one is going to miss.
Clockwork: It's a shame that Muerte isn't around. We could have dropped her into the plot hole.
Resurrection Girl: Wait a minute! Dad, can it be just an object that closes up the plot hole?
HRG: Yes, why?
Resurrection Girl: Then I have the perfect thing. (Rummages through her pocket and pulls out something) My current cheerleader outfit.
HRG: CLAIRE NO! That outfit is the only proof you have left that you ever went to Costa Verde High! Without it, that whole mess with West and the cheerleaders might as well not have happened!
Resurrection Girl: Yeah well that subplot was unpopular anyway so I'll really be doing the fans a favour by pretending it never happened.
HRG: And like the writers themselves you don't seem to comprehend the pretty obvious fact that what fans hate more than boring subplots filled with unlikable characters are INCONSISTENCIES!
Resurrection Girl: Look it's either us or the cheerleading thing that falls into the plot hole so I don't think the fans would be happy if all three of us ceased to exist. So, sniff, goodbye current cheerleading thing!
Clockwork: Are you sure you want to give up being a cheerleader, Claire?
HRG: DUDE! She's my daughter!
Clockwork: Only by adoption!
HRG: And your niece!
Clockwork: Only by blood! Oh wait. That actually counts, doesn't it? Damn. So first Paire is shot down, now Clyler? Are the writing staff just going to systematically shoot down every popular pairing in all of fandom?
HRG: Pfft, like a little incest ever stopped shippers!
Resurrection Girl: I have no idea what you two are talking about, so I'm just going to go block up the plot hole now.
(Lets go of the outfit, which floats in the air)
Plot hole: GULP!
HRG: Nice thinking using that cheerleading outfit, Claire bear!
Resurrection Girl: What cheerleading outfit? Dad, I haven't done cheerleading since we moved away from Dallas!
(Clockwork threatens to bang his head against the wall.)
Meanwhile at the I-Men headquarters, Sybil reveals something shocking to her son, Flying Man.
Sybil: Your father was not happy having a squib for a son, so you were given a super power.
Commentator: WAIT A MINUTE HERE! So let me get this Straight. Nathan's ability was given to him?
Sybil: Yes.
Commentator: But, doesn't that mean he's not a real godsend?
Sybil: A what now?
Commentator: And doesn't that further undermine the whole 'people born with powers meant to save the world' by having the one character who did anything useful in that whole arc turning out NOT to be naturally born with his abilities? I mean if you have the one character who was a godsend almost blow up New York being stopped by someone who's powers were artificially induced, then what kind of message does that give? Talk about cannibalising your own series for one brief moment of pointless shock!
After escaping the plot hole, Resurrection Girl and HRG argue over what to do about Void.
Resurrection Girl: Dad, I can't let you arrest him! He didn't have a choice, doing the things he did!
HRG: He had a choice. Don't tell me he didn't have a choice.
Resurrection Girl: Okay seriously, what is with you today?
(High above, HRG stands on a rooftop)
This city. I cannot deny her. (Runs off) This city screams. (Jumps across several rooftops) She is my lover. (Slides down a pipe) She provides for me, this city does. She gives me everything I need, like a mother. (prepares to jump down to the ground) She is the love of my life, and I am her -
(HRG finds that Clockwork has already reached where he was heading)
HRG: How the heck did you get here before me?
Clockwork: Simple. I didn't waste time monologuing. And by the way. Your city is both your lover AND your mother? And you accused me of being incestuous!
Just when he was cornered, however, Void creates a plot hole and is sucked in.
HRG: Oh well. At least he won't be making anymore plot holes.
Void: Wh-wh-wh-wh-where am I?
Writer Alpha: Greetings, Void. Welcome - home.
Void: No. NO! But I made myself cease to exist!
Writer Alpha: We brought you back, Void. You have still much to do.
Void: No. NO!
Writer Alpha: Oh yes! And here we have another target for you.
(Writer Alpha hands Void a picture of Heidi Petrelli)
Will Heidi Petrelli become Void's next victim? How will Flying Man cope with the fact that his powers were not God-given? And what further information will Chronos learn with the Immortal? Find out next time on 'Super Heroes Abridged (With Commentary)'!
P.S. I do not own 'Reboot' or '24' or anything related either!