I can't say often enough just how much I love all of your fantastic reviews! And even though you won't get all the answers you want to get, we're slowling moving into the right direction, I dare say.
Enjoy!

York, December 10th 2018

"Mary came to see me the day before yesterday." Charles tried very hard to say that as if it was nothing special, simply his goddaughter popping in to see him. But he knew very well that there was more to it and he needed to talk to Robert about it.

It was terribly cold outside, the wind blowing and the sky grey. Fitting somehow. Not that the weather had ever stopped Robert and him from their daily walk during lunch break, apart from a real storm.

"That's not something special, is it?" The two men walked side by side, staring into the distance, not looking at each other.

"No, Robert, it's not, not usually. But obviously she knows about my performance 25 years ago." Actually, she did more than just knowing about that. Charles took a deep breath. How long had he tried to forget Elsie? How long had he fought against those memories? And now, all of a sudden, it seemed as if everyone was talking about her, or more precisely, about the song they sang at Cora's Christmas party in 1993.

"I didn't know it was a secret.," Robert replied, walking on and on through the garden behind the company buildings. He seemed to be so calm, not troubled. But he had been there! He had seen how broken Charles had been after the break up! Hadn't Robert himself promised to ever mention any of that again?

"I didn't know it was perfectly fine to give a tape of me to Anna and John without my consent! Merely two hours ago, Anna told me that she'd seen it ." Maybe he really was overreacting. 25 years were an awfully long time. Elsie would probably laugh at him for not being over her after all these years.

"Charles, what is this really about?" Robert stopped in his tracks, looking him directly into the eyes.

If only he could answer the question. It definitely wasn't about a Christmas song, perhaps not even about the tape.

But how could it be about her? He hadn't thought about her.

No. That was a lie. He knew that well enough. He still thought about her, not every day, but still. He did think about her, sometimes.

"I had to tell Mary about Elsie.," he replied, his eyes fixed on the ground. Maybe it had been foolish to never mention her, but … It still hurt. It would never not hurt.

"I see."

"Do you?" It was a real question. Did his colleague, his friend, actually see that he would never forget himself for what had happened back then?

"Cora and I actually talked about it the other day, actually. Only briefly, though. Your performance of Fairytale of New York was amazing."

"It was, I guess. I still don't like that song. All the swear words. Ironic that she sang Happy Christmas your arse, I pray God it's our last." Because it really was their last Christmas. Little had they known about what had lain ahead of them.

"Cora said Beryl still calls her a few times a year." They continued their walk, always the same path, day after day. Just like his life in general. Always the same, day after day. At least for the last 24 years.

"They had been pretty close, back then. I'm surprised Beryl never tried to tell me something about how she was doing." Weird how a single tape suddenly brought the past so much nearer. No other men would still care so long after breaking up.

But no other men would love a woman like he had loved Elsie.

"Beryl may respect you too much for that. Or maybe Elsie asked her not to tell you anything, I don't know."

Of course Elsie wouldn't want him to know too much. Especially if she was happier now, she might have married, a child or two on her own, even though she hadn't wanted that back then. Or she traveled the world, like it always had been her dream.

"But you do know how she's doing?" Why did he even ask that? Elsie was still an open wound, that he had realized only two days ago, so why would he want to know how she was?

Because there still was something.

"No, I'm afraid Cora didn't deepen it, only that she wasn't really well, whatever that meant."

For the rest of the day, he wondered what that might mean.

Downton, Yorkshire, December 25th 1993

Flannel pyjamas weren't exactly sexy, but so very cozy and warm. Besides, Charlie didn't mind what he was wearing, as long as she lay in his bed - or in hers, with him beside her.

"I'm so tired!," she yawned, stretching out and unwilling to get up anytime soon. After they had finished singing that blasted song, the party had indeed been great and ended with her and Beryl dancing on the Crawley's kitchen table to All that she wants, which had made Charlie shaking his head and laughing at the same time.

"We can skip breakfast, love. But I really want to know what Father Christmas has put into my stocking." He sat up in bed, smiling at her.

"Yes, because you hope he brought you some sweets." That man would kill for chocolate and apple pie, that she knew for sure.

"I am a big man Elsie, I need nourishment."

"You need a diet if you go on like that!," she joked, playfully slapping his rather round belly.

"When you aren't with me, I eat. Chocolate comforts me. Poor, lonely Charlie ..."

There it was again. They still hadn't moved together, even though they were a couple for five long years now and it wasn't even that Elsie didn't want to. Both of them were simply too lazy and a bit stuck in their own way. Elsie's flat was in York, which was practical since they both worked in York, and Charlie lived in Downton, which was practical too, because all of their friends lived here. Thus, they kind of lived together. During the week in York, most of the time anyhow, and in Downton on the weekends. Charles spent every Wednesday in Downton, though, it was his pub night with Robert and Joseph, a beyond silly habit.

"I won't pity you, Mr. Carson.," she replied only half-jokingly.

"Rosamund told me about a friend who sells a cottage in Alne. It's closer to York, but not terribly far away from Downton."

Elsie rolled her eyes at that. They did already live together, kind of. And Alne? A tiny village where they didn't know a single soul. Besides, a cottage might be a bit too big for the two of them.

"We may buy a cottage, one day. Not yet, Charlie, please. I love our life as it is now." It wouldn't be enough forever, she knew that well enough. Elsie could picture Charlie married, with a cottage, children playing in the backyard and hopefully she'd be the woman by his side, just not yet. In a few years, maybe. For now, things were good as they were.

"We are still young, so I don't disagree, but one day … one day we'll move on, won't we, Elsie?"

To answer his question, she kissed him passionately.

Because she loved him. Now and forever. Whatever the future may hold.

Downton, Yorkshire, December 10th 2018

Monday was closing day, ever since she had opened that restaurant nearly three decades ago. Just one day in the week entirely reserved for her friends and family - and cleaning the floor, the tables, the dispensing equipment … Beryl rolled her eyes, more than slightly annoyed, as she heard how someone knocked at the wooden front door. Everyone knew it was closed! And it was half past seven in the evening! Everyone should be at home now, especially given the cold outside.

"Who is disturbing me?," she yelled, hoping whoever it was wouldn't make her stay longer as she had originally intended.

Plodding to the door, Beryl recognized the deep voice answering something like "It's me. It's raining, for God's sake!"

Charles Carson of all people. Nobody else she knew had such a voice.

But what could he want from her? They were friends, yes, but not terribly close. Not as close as once.

"It's not Wednesday," she stated dryly as she opened the door, raising her eyebrows as she realized that the rain outside had caused his shoes to be quite wet and dirty.

Why had she even bothered with wiping the floor?

"I know what day it is, thank you very much."

Charles didn't seem to be in a very good mood. But was he ever?

"Take one of the chairs down, I'll join you in a minute!"

Actually, she needed three minutes, but then she sat down opposite from him, on his usual table, a glass of red wine in front of him. Beryl could tell something was wrong. Charles Carson in The Banshee, on a Monday, despite the bad weather outside. But what exactly did he want from her? The last time that an had asked a favour of her, he had wanted her to hire Mary Crawley as a relief waitress. Of course she had done it, but that girl had not been a relief at all.

"Now, ole Charlie boy, what's troubling you?"

He licked his lips and took a deep breath. "Elsie."

Gosh. That was quite a surprise. He had not forgotten about Elsie Hughes. Or maybe he had, but now Cora had spilled the secret and Charlie wanted to know if it was already too late to apologize, or something like that. Not that he was the only one who had behaved like a coward back then.

Might be something else, though. Deciding to act as if she had no idea about anything, she nipped at the pint in her hands. Beryl had never liked wine.

"Elsie? You mean Elsie Hughes? What about her?" Of course her voice was even more high-pitched than usual, as always when she tried, to no avail, to maintain a low profile.

"I know for certain she's not well."

"Whoever says such a thing?" Now she sounded even more unnatural.

"Cora, well Robert to be quite honest, but he knows from his wife." That much she had suspected. It was a miracle that nobody had told him anything about Elsie during the last 24 years, but now that she was seriously ill, things changed. Obviously.

"I can't believe they told you that Elsie has cancer! I made Cora promise not to tell anyone!," she nagged, her blood boiling with anger. Ever since the break up, since Elsie had left, she had made sure that Charlie didn't know anything - because she had promised it.

But then again, cancer changed things. And perhaps Charles Carson deserved a very last chance.

"No, they didn't. You just did."

Leave me a tiny wee review if you feel like it xox
(If you got weird alerts, I had to upload this twice =( The first time there were party missing)