Chapter Four Size Does Matter
"You are living proof of what a patient man I am, Agent Wells because you manage to test my tolerance all the time. Now, care to enlighten me?" Artie said waiting for the reason HG was loose in the Warehouse.
"I would love to enlighten the lot of you," were the words out of her mouth and she regretted she had not kept that thought in her head.
"Well, we're eager and waiting," Artie said not taking the offense that was intended.
Helena had mangled every attempt she made to clear this up in the last few hours so she knew she had to go slowly and say less, not more.
"I was attempting to retract my cognitive capabilities to a more average level," she said slowly and was actually proud of how she put it without offending anyone. She emphasized the word average dragging it out just slightly as if to make sure he understood her.
"So you were going to use a dunce cap to what? Take a little off the top?" Artie asked and Pete thought the haircut analogy was hysterical and broke out in laughter. HG did not get it.
"If you mean did I wish to reduce my IQ by some measure then yes, that is what I was trying to do," HG explained … again.
"And why would you do that, Agent Wells," Artie asked with great curiosity, crossing his arms over the expanse of his chest.
"Oh bloody hell, to be ..…..," and she stopped. What was the correct wording she wondered? To be as bright? No. To be less bright? Definitely not. Her eyes darted back and forth trying to come up with the answer. Artie sat there waiting. "To be ….. like them!" she finally said pointing to her counter parts in the room and both Pete and Myka turned to look at her. She smiled as if to say 'I have put it in the simplest terms possible. Surely you get it now'. Only Myka could read that look.
Pete took it as a compliment. "Hey, thanks HG. Back atcha," he said friendly. But Myka turned to him in disbelief.
"Pete, she wanted to use a dunce cap to reduce her IQ to be more like us," Myka spelled out and he got it.
"Hey, HG, not cool," he complained. But Artie wanted to stay focused.
"So one day you're sitting around wondering what your IQ is and you decide it's higher than everyone else's and you know this how? " he finally got to the point.
Helena was not thrown by his line of questioning. Based on her experience, he wouldn't understand anyway. But Claudia could not have been more anxious. It was just a matter of time before Artie found out she had hacked into the files. Even if HG didn't give her up, she couldn't just stand there.
"I know this how? Artie, please," the Brit said almost pleading with him not to make her spell it out in front of the others.
Artie didn't know if he was amused by her arrogance or offended. She took egotism to a whole new level.
"Indulge me, HG. How do you know your IQ is higher than anyone else's?" he said waiting.
Where should she begin? She had practically invented the science fiction genre, she built a rocket, and she invented a time machine not to mention the grappling hook. "Well, I …..," but her answer was cut short by Claudia who couldn't stand the guilt anymore.
"She knows cause I hacked into the Warehouse files even though I knew I shouldn't and found the files of Agents' IQ's and opened it and left it opened by accident and Pete saw it and then we told Myka and HG and you know, Artie, it's kinda good that I found out how easily you could hack into them because now we can fix it, right?" she said losing her breath on the last few words. She braced herself for what was sure to be an explosion.
Now it made sense. But now he had to deal with two rule breaking agents. He already knew from experience which of them was going to be the easier one.
"You what?" he said and his tone was sharp.
"I hacked into the Warehouse files, " she started all over again.
"I heard that! What did I tell you about going places you are not allowed to go?" he said admonishing her. "Just because you can get into things, does not mean you should go there. We've had this conversation, yes?" he asked and she shook her head yes.
Pete was uncomfortable with Claudia getting into trouble. So he did his usual big brother rescue.
"Hey, Artie, it's a good thing really. Because now we know the files are not secure, right? And we can fix that now. And it's no harm. I mean, we all know we're bright so what's the big deal if we know the scores. They're just numbers and they don't really matter," he said pointing out the positive.
It sounded really good to Myka and made sense so she nodded her agreement. Artie murmured to himself seeing Pete's point about the disclosure being inconsequential. Of course, he didn't see Myka last night.
"OK, fine. For now I'll try to look at this as the glass is half full. Claudia, do you think you can take a look at the security firewalls and address the breach that allowed you to hack?" he asked and she was amazed at how calm he was.
"Yeah sure, Artie. I can take a look at it right now," she said suspiciously.
"Good, good. Now can the rest of you get back to inventory work without using anything? I mean you Agent Wells," he said and still his voice was calm.
The agents all agreed and took their lists and started to leave.
"And I will be in the file room if anyone needs me thinking of the appropriate punishment for hacking into the files in the first place," he strained losing what calmness he had faked and Claudia pulled her head down into her shoulders.
HG felt for her but in no way thought she should be included in spite of her encouragement to repeat the offense. So she was surprised when Artie continued with, "And then, Agent Wells, I will use my limited normal cognitive powers to come up with what your consequence will be for A) using an artifact and B) almost frying your brain which could have resulted in a lot of paperwork for me," he said.
Helena went to protest. After all, she didn't actually use the artifact and she didn't give a damn about Artie's paperwork. But as she opened her mouth to speak, the words in fact came out of Myka's mouth. "OK, Artie, we'll be down in the Warehouse if you need us," she said louder than she needed to but wanted to make sure he didn't hear a peep out of HG. She grabbed her by the arm and pushed her ever so gently through the door.
"Don't worry, I won't," he said begrudgingly because he felt his day was already off to a bad enough start.
The agents descended into the Warehouse and started to go off their separate ways when Myka pulled HG back.
"Helena, I am very upset with you at the thought that you would do something so dangerous to yourself," she said and HG could tell there was no anger in her voice, just concern.
"But you were so mad at me and I couldn't figure out how to make it better so that is what I came up with," HG said blinking hard and looking up at Myka.
And the fact that Myka knew it was a performance to bait her made no difference. As often was the case, HG's charisma pushed right past Myka's logic and grabbed her heart.
"Yeah, well we're still going to talk about this later," Myka said trying to keep an authoritative tone in her voice but HG was a master at reading her.
"Darling," she said as she invaded Myka's personal space and looking up into her eyes, "There are a lot of things I would like to do later but talking about this is not one of them," and with that the raven haired woman was off to do her inventory work leaving her friend to stammer, "OK, no I think we will, uhm talk about this, Helena, OK?"
Myka chided herself for losing control of the situation so quickly. How the hell did she do that? She wondered as she shook her head smiling. And worse, she knows she's doing it, Myka continued her inner monologue.
Back at her desk, Claudia worked diligently on securing the files. She would readjust the program, and then test to see if she could hack in. Each time she got in, there were the files in front of her. She accessed them several times up to the file name but never clicked on the contents until curiosity got the better of her. Just how high was HG's IQ she wondered? She already knew the parameter but thought she'd look at the raw score. She really was doing it to make sure the contents would be un-hackable she told herself. So she stretched in her chair as if adjusting her neck and made sure she was alone in the room. Then she ever so gently clicked on the tab for the detail and took a quick peek. 'Holy freaking brains, Batman," is what she whispered but it was Pete who asked, "What up Claudia?" when he heard her utter the words. She slammed the keys undignified and shut the files. She went back to the programming page. "What? Nothing. Just working here. Just doing what Artie told me to do and working. Geez, Pete, I would appreciate a little space while I'm working on what Artie gave me to do," she said not looking at him but staring at the screen.
"Man, you are a terrible liar. You might as well hold up a sign that says "I am about to lie" because it's that obvious man. No really. I mean it, you suck at it," he said almost thoughtfully.
"Pete!" she pleaded because she didn't have time to defend herself. But she had to tell someone. It was too hard to keep it in. "You gotta promise not to tell anyone," she said and those words were enticing enough to pique his interest.
"Sure," he said and sat down near her.
"OK, so I was in those files but because Artie told me to go in, right?" she said making sure she had a leg to stand on and he nodded his head. "OK, so I wanted to make sure the files couldn't be hacked but I had to go in to find out if the program was working. You with me?" she asked and again he said yes.
"So I clicked on HG's score. Not the plus number but the real number. 198! Pete, her score is 198. There's like no one in that category, man. The highest score I ever heard of was like one eighty something," she said fully amazed.
"Not sure I needed to know that," Pete admitted. But they heard Myka and HG coming and they broke apart to appear occupied.
Claudia continued her work but shouted, "Oh, hey guys," when the women entered the office.
Pete was mulling over what his colleague just shared. He grabbed a Rubik's cube from Artie's desk and tossed it to HG.
"Hey, did you ever see one of these?" he asked her. She caught it and looked at the multicolored object.
"No, I can't say that I have. What is it?" she asked.
"It's a Rubik's cube. You have to manipulate it by twisting and turning until all the sides are one color. Think you can do it? he asked challenging the Brit knowing full well she'd take the bait.
"Do I think I can do it?" HG scoffed in spite of the fact it was the first time she held one of these things.
She held it up looking at it curiously assessing the intricacies of how many boxes, how many sides, how many colors. She gave it a slight twist to see how the mechanics worked. "Amazing," she said as she felt the layers turn all different ways.
"Yes, of course I can do it," she said assuredly.
"OK, go ahead," Pete instructed her.
She stared at the object for a long time, deep in thought with her head tilting from side to side as if imagining the moves. Pete thought maybe she didn't even know how to start but Myka knew better. She already knew HG was visually playing out some moves and she smiled to herself at how that mind worked. Truth be told, she marveled at how bright her partner was not just because she valued intelligence but because it amazed her how that same woman needed help with something as simple as zippers.
"If you think it's too hard….," Pete finally said because HG was still staring at it.
"I believe you could apply a mathematical algorithm to solving this but my guess is that you wish me to do it in as little time as possible. Is that correct, Agent Lattimer?" she asked smiling at him because she already had it solved.
"Yeah, that's the idea," he said getting a bad vibe about this.
And with that, the Brit's hands moved quickly, twisting and turning and flipping the cube over and back. "I believe this is what the object of the puzzle is," she said confidently as she handed him the cube back, each side a solid display of the same color.
Myka grinned at how nonchalant HG was about the accomplishment. Pete was slightly taken aback until he realized how he could benefit from all of this.
"I am so taking her to Vegas with me," he exclaimed.
"You'll do no such thing," Artie said coming into the room and looking at the cube.
"She's not the Warehouse pet. She cannot be used for illegal activity no matter how tempting, understood Pete," he said because he could hear the wheels in Pete's head turning.
"Just let me take her…..," he tried but Artie put an end to it with his usual boisterous, "NO!"
"Besides, Agent Wells is grounded until further notice," he said because that was the only thing he could come up with so far.
"You know you sound like her father," Claudia pointed out and then realized she hadn't heard her consequence yet.
"Well, if you two didn't act like children, perhaps I could just sound like your boss but that's something the two of you are having trouble with," he said his annoyance renewed. And again, Myka pulled on HG's arm as an indication that she should not say anything. What was the difference between being 'grounded' and doing what they were doing today? Nothing really - so let Artie think he was actually dishing out a consequence.
"OK, Myka and Pete if you would head into town to see a Dr. Levin. He's the town therapist and he's reported that his patients are all having the exact same dream. Check his office for any artifact activity. Agent Wells, you can continue inventory and Claudia, have you finished the programming?" he asked.
"Yeah, almost," she said.
"OK, could you guys pick Leena up on the way home? Apparently, someone took her car this morning without asking so she does not have a ride back," he said as he looked directly at HG. She smiled but didn't keep eye contact because she had taken the car without permission. She would apologize for that later.
"You can go home after that. I'll drive Claudia and HG back later," Artie offered and Pete was hoping he had time in town to pick up a book for HG on card counting.
"Myka, remember those Ivy League guys who went to Vegas," he asked as they left.
"You're not taking Agent Wells to Vegas, Pete," Artie yelled after him but could still hear him talking to Myka.
"HG, under no circumstances are you to go to Las Vegas with Pete," Artie said as a directive and HG looked at him quizzically.
"He thinks that brain of yours could be put to good use at the tables," he explained but HG still didn't get it.
"He wants to get you arrested!" he gave it one more try but that only made Helena ask why he would want to do that?
"OK, never mind. Let's start over. You are not to go to Las Vegas ever with Pete, OK?" he said and this time Helena just shook her head.
She didn't really care about not going to Las Vegas. She had bigger things on her mind – like who was going to help her zipper her coat if Myka wasn't there. Claudia would have to do.