Author's Note: Cricket chirping. Was the previous chapter not to your tastes? Or was it because I posted so early last time? What is the best time to post chapters for fics? Could you guys let me know in the reviews so I can do better next time?

Disclaimer: Did Hagrid get mad at people for mocking Dumbledore, even when they might have had a point? If so, then all rights to Harry Potter belong to J.K. Rowling and Warner Bros. If not, then tell Hagrid that I loved the cake he made for Harry in the first movie, it looked delicious!

Dumbledore looked at Lily and James, both of their wands pointed at him.

"I'm going to ask you again: Where. Is. Our. Baby?" James growled.

"Number 4, Privet Drive." Albus said calmly. "He isn't the Boy Who Lived –"

"I DON'T CARE!" James screamed at the top of his lungs. "HE'S OUR SON, TOO! DANNY'S BEEN CRYING HIS EYES OUT EVER SINCE HARRY'S BEEN MISSING!"

"And where is the real Boy Who Lived at the moment?" Dumbledore dared to ask. In response, Lily fired a blue jet of light from her wand which was blocked by a Shield Charm. He had expected, or at least hoped, that the Potters wouldn't have minded if their other, unimportant son was sent away. He made peace with the idea himself, thinking that it would have been for the best if the twins were separated from one another. Worst case scenario, Harry would be mistaken for Danny and be killed, giving his brother more time to deal with the Dark Lord.

He felt two strong arms wrap around his body, pinning his limbs together while his wand was ripped from his grasp. He tried calling out to Fawkes, but the phoenix didn't appear. Strange, Fawkes could Apparate and Disapparate within places regardless of Anti-Apparation Wards. Was it possible that his beloved pet had abandoned him in light of this injustice?

"I'm going to get him, James, I'll be right back." Lily embraced her husband and vanished with a small pop! Several minutes later, she reappeared and was keeping her wand pointed at a skinny, blonde woman that had the face of a horse.

"Where's Harry?" James whispered frantically at Lily. "You said you were going to get our son!"

"I couldn't Apparate with him, I was afraid he would have Splinched with my nerves and no experience. Mrs. Figg swore to keep an eye on him while we straightened things out with my sister and this idiot!"

Her glare made Dumbledore think of Aberforth at their sister's funeral, right before he punched him hard enough to break his nose. Would Lily do the same with him? Or would she aim lower and prevent him from having children – not that he intended to have any, love was something he feared would bring disaster upon him. For a moment, he wondered how Hagrid would be dealing with the fallout, he was the one who delivered Harry to Privet Drive on Dumbledore's orders after all.

"I can' believe you tol' me ta do that, Dumbledore!" Sweet Merlin, he was going to die. He was going to die and forever be known as the Man Who Needed to Get a Life and Ended Up Kidnapping Children Instead. Hagrid was in front of him, pointing his pink umbrella at him while fat tears fell down his face. "You said tha' Harry needed to be brought somewhere safe and Lily an' James hound me for kidnappin' the poor tyke! What is wrong with you?!"

"Many things, Hagrid, but that's not related to the discussion I appear to be having against my will." Dumbledore said calmly. He looked towards the Potters. "If we could simply drop this matter and forget it ever happened –?"

"No."

"I was afraid that would be the case…" Dumbledore said sadly. He looked at Petunia Dursely. "Hello Petunia."

"Shove off, you crazy bat freak!" For once, Hagrid ignored the blight against the Headmaster – or former, if Dumbledore's assumptions were correct.

"I believe you have me mistaken for someone else from the Americas."

"You dumped one of my nephews on my doorstep and you thought that I'd just keep him?!" Petunia screeched. She turned to look at Lily. "And you! Where do you get off taking me from my home, turning Vernon into a slug and leaving my Diddykins alone when he needs feeding?!"

Lily counted off with her fingers. "One: You were threatening my son. Two: I couldn't turn your husband into a pig because it would have left a bigger mess and possibly try eating one of the babies. Three: You just saw me leave your son with Mrs. Figg and told her to look after him, so your Diddykins is fine."

"Did you think we wouldn't go after you the moment we saw Harry was missing?" James glared at Dumbledore.

"Yes."

A loud BANG! and then Dumbledore found that his crooked nose was in even worse shape than previous. James and Hagrid hauled him away to the Aurors for questioning.

Two minutes later, Mrs. Figg came through the Floo Network carrying two screaming infants, harried and desperate for peace and quiet.

"Are you almost finished, these kids are driving me crazier than Mister Tibbs on Bath Day!"

Author's Note: I can see the problems Silently Watches had with Hagrid, his accent is thick. I feel like I did him a justice, though, regarding his speech. Here is your mandatory Twin!Potters reference, people. Be sure to let me know what other evil!Dumbledore clichés you'd like me to bash in the reviews.

In the wring world, I will see you!