It was December 24th, Christmas Eve, and Severus hasn't gotten out of bed the whole day.
Hermione has been in his room, trying to coax him into getting out, but to no avail.
So, she decided that she will just have to bring the Holliday cheer to him.
That being decided, she went in search of a middle-sized Christmas tree.
The best person to consult would be Hagrid, so she trudged through the snow to his hut at about noon. Hagrid has been all too happy to help her in finding the perfect tree, and then help her bring it all the way to the dungeons.
He left it in the sitting room for Hermione to decorate it. She has been transfiguring random small items into green and silver glass bulbs, trimmed with white and black, a few bows and a silver sparkling star for the top of the tree.
Then, she went into the kitchen and started preparing ginger and cinnamon biscuits her mother has been making every Christmas.
After baking three dozens of them, she set about making beef steak, which she knew Severus loved.
She made some eggnog, too and about five pm, she had the whole dinner ready.
Then, with two plates of beef steak, boiled vegetables, a plate of biscuits and blackberry pudding, eggnog, pumpkin juice, Christmas tree and the decorations levitating behind her, she made her way towards Severus' bedroom.
When she entered, his mouth formed a big O.
While levitating the bulbs onto the tree and conjuring some fairy lights, she told the astonished man behind her: "You should stop gaping like a fish. I have decided to bring Christmas to you, since you're being such a grump."
-"And might I enquire as to who the fuck has given you any right to bring Christmas to me?!"
Hermione sat at side of his bed and spoke softly: "Severus, please, I didn't mean to offend you or anything, I've done this in an attempt to cheer you up a bit. But if it bothers you that much, I'll leave with all of this."
She levitated the tray of food to his side table and hesitated then, left two wrapped up gifts there, too.
Then she wordlessly started taking the baubles off the tree.
Severus caught her wand hand and lowered it.
They stared at each other for a few moments until Severus swallowed and said: "Stop. I... there never was anyone who would've celebrated Christmas with me, so since my childhood I have resented it. You went out of your way for me today, you are doing it ever since the end of the war and I am very grateful to you for that. Forgive me, please."
His eyes were pleading and Hermione took his hand in hers and kissed it.
"It's alright." She said with a smile.
He moved on his bed to the left, then tapped the empty space beside him. "Come, let's try that dinner of yours."
They grinned at each other and Hermione handed him his tray of food, then sat herself down on his bed and started eating.
"Mmm… this is actually really delicious…" Severus closed his eyes while savouring the beef steak.
Hermione smiled.
"You know, this is my favourite dish and you prepared it exquisitely. Even better than the Hogwarts House-elves." Severus said.
"I know it's your favourite, I noticed that." She answered with a smile and suddenly Severus' eyes filled with tears.
He caressed her cheek and spoke: "Hermione… "
She turned her head and kissed his palm softly.
She then took his hand in hers and started kissing down his wrist, down to the elbow, then looked up at him and their heads seemed to get closer of their own accord.
When their lips touched, their feelings took over and they kissed frantically, Hermione's hands entwining in his hair and his pulling her to him.
She quickly sent the plates to the side-table and got even closer to Severus, rubbing her body against his. When they broke their kiss to get some air, Severus asked breathlessly: "Hermione… Are you sure?" –"Yes, Severus, I am. I want you. I have for quite some time now."
Then she kissed him again and straddled his lap in one swift movement. He groaned at the friction she was making against his erection and started kissing down her throat while unbuttoning her midnight-blue sweater.
Hermione moaned when he bit lightly at the juncture of her neck and shoulder and rubbed herself wantonly against him.
"So eager, my lioness. So beautiful…" he murmured when he opened her sweater and pushed it down her arms, then latched himself onto her bra covered nipple.
He reached behind her and unclasped her bra easily, then hungrily took the same nipple into his mouth and sucked on it so greedily, Hermione was sure she could've come right then and there.
After she pulled off his T-shirt, Severus stared at her again and asked once more: "Hermione, are you really sure? I can restrain myself right now, but if you continue doing that, I don't think I'll be able to do so."
Hermione moaned and started kissing his jaw, then his neck, his collarbone, while speaking softly: "Severus, I am positively sure. I want you inside of me right now. Please, Severus. Take me. I am yours . "
That was all the encouragement Severus needed. He flipped them over, so he towered over Hermione and kissed her again hard while with a wave of his hand vanishing the rest of their clothes.
Hermione moaned. "Oh, yes, Severus, please, take me." She said while thrusting her hips towards his.
He positioned himself at her entrance and entered her in one swift motion. They both groaned at the feel of fulfilment and Severus started moving in a slow and languorous pace.
That has built up to more frantic thrusts as Hermione started moving her hips in time with his.
They were kissing each other wherever they could reach; moaning while a sheen of sweat covered their bodies.
"Severus… Oh, yes! Yes! Harder!" he complied and soon, Hermione found herself spiralling to a shattering orgasm, which Severus followed right away, her walls contracting around him. He collapsed on her and she wrapped her arms around him.
"Severus…" she hugged him tighter to her and he kissed the tender skin beside her ear while whispering: "This is the best Christmas in my life."
Then lifted his head and grinned at her. She kissed him softly on the lips and replied: ''Mine too.'' grinning back at him. He then rolled back off of her and pulled her to his chest.
Hermione was distractedly caressing his chest with her hand and after a few minutes Severus spoke: "Are you still hungry?"
–"Mhmm… a little bit, yes. And you?" she looked up to see him smiling:
"Yes. And anyway, I would hate for that delicious food you've made to go to waste."
Hermione was delighted that he was smiling so much, which meant that he enjoyed this, right? This was a great progress
. So she sat up against the pillows and wrapped the sheet around her torso, then reached for the plates of food and they set to eat again.
When they finished, Hermione vanished the plates to the kitchen and asked Severus if he wanted some pudding, to which he delightedly said yes and then he asked her what she thought about drinking some white wine.
"Are you sure it won't interfere with any of the potions you're taking?" she frowned at him worriedly.
Or that the alcohol will somehow worsen your spasms, she thought, but left that unspoken, not wanting to ruin the good mood he was in.
–"No, it won't. I am the Potions Master, you know."He smiled at her and started to get up from the bed.
"I am going to retrieve the bottle from the sitting room, don't look at me like I am going to fall dead right now. I am perfectly capable of doing the basic things, you know. 'm not a fragile porcelain doll. So stop fussing about me that much, please."
He growled at Hermione when she made to get up too, to obviously help him.
She felt mortified that she HAS managed to ruin his mood. "Oh, Severus, I am so sorry! Just the habit."
She smiled at him innocently and he rolled his eyes at her. He nodded and went to the door then exited the room in search of the really old bottle of white wine Lucius has given him for his birthday a few years ago.
But Hermione was worried about body wasn't used to that much exertion. It could collapse in on itself anytime.
And now he wanted to drink wine!
Severus came in, carrying the bottle and two tall, wine glasses. He sat gingerly beside her and put the glasses on the night-stand while pouring the wine and then handed Hermione one.
"To you, Hermione."
She smiled shyly at him and took a sip of her wine and exclaimed: "Oh, this is really good!"
Severus smiled at her. "Indeed."
After a few minutes of silence Severus spoke: "Hermione, if you don't feel comfortable with this, we can forget that any of this happened. I'm sorry. I should have known better. If you wish to go, I will understand. Sorry again."
–"No, Severus! No! I have wanted you for quite some time now, as I've already told you. I'm just worried for your health."
She took his hand in hers and caressed it with her thumb. "I care about you, Severus. Very deeply."
She cast her eyes down, she couldn't look into his face when he told her to just get out of his rooms and life. Severus sighed and put his glass on the night-stand.
"Hermione… I am old, bitter and broken. And incapacitated as it is. You, on the other hand, are young, beautiful, full of life and have a promise of a very bright future ahead of you if you only pursue it. You can have any young man you want. Don't waste your life on me. "
"Severus, I want you. I care about you. I want to be with you if you'll have me. i am not wasting anything. You are the best thing in my life. And you're not old. Nor incapacitated, just recovering from being on the brink of death. And my future seems the brightest with you in it. "
-"You're going to regret this. But I am selfish enough to keep you until you see reason and leave me."
–"I will never leave you, Severus! Not unless you wish me to." Hermione then scuttled closer to him and kissed him softly on the lips. Severus groaned and deepened the kiss.
After another round of making love, they drank the rest of the wine and Hermione spoke: "Severus, dearest, we should sleep."
He cringed when he heard the endearment but at the same moment he was overwhelmed, no one has called him that ever.
"You're right. Come here." He lay down and motioned for her to lie down on his chest.
She happily complied and he kissed the top of her head. "Goodnight, my know-it-all."
Hermione smiled and replied: "Goodnight, love."
The last word was muttered and she didn't mean him to hear it, but nevertheless, he did and unfamiliar warmth unfurled in his chest and he fell asleep with a smile on his face.
It was later that night that Hermione was jolted out of sleep, feeling something shaking badly beneath and around her.
She realised it was Severus, having a seizure and he was clutching her desperately with both arms.
She tightened her hold of him and started whispering frantically soothing words to him: "Severus… it's alright, darling, love… please, please, please… I'm here… breathe, deep… that's it, breathe… it's going to go away soon, breathe love…"
Tears were streaming down her face and falling onto his. His eyes were wide and he struggled for each breath.
When he started emitting choking sounds Hermione quickly lifted him with her into sitting position with her and bent him forward.
"Severus! Shit! I don't know what to do! Love, breathe! Please!"
She tried to open his mouth by force and succeeded just in time, because he was about to faint from the lack of oxygen.
He started coughing violently, and that, combined with his trembling, was so terrible and Hermione started to sob hard while trying to help him in any way possible.
"Oh, God, what should I do?! Love… please… shit, shit, shit!"
Severus stopped shaking and continued coughing, so Hermione conjured a glass of water and slowly sipped it, in between coughs, in an attempt to stop the fit of coughing.
Water helped and Severus slowly breathed in and out.
They were both still trembling, Severus from the aftermath of his seizure and Hermione from all the fright he gave her.
She was cluthching him desperately to her and sobbing into his shoulder. "oh, God, Sev… I thought I was going to loose you! I can't…"
Severus felt pathetic and helpless. "Better to reject her now and make her hate you than force her watch you like this once more. Next time, you might end up dead. Yes, make her go away. You know you have the ability. She'll suffer less."
Suddenly, Severus shoved Hermione away from himself.
She looked up at him startled and he spoke disdainfully: "If our fucking gave you the impression that you possess me in any way, I'm sorry to disappoint you. We are nothing to one another. As a matter of fact, I want you to go. Get your things and get the fuck out from my rooms. Stop bothering me. you can go and whore yourself with anyone you'd like. "
He made to get up, but Hermione caught his arm.
"Severus, why are you doing this? You… you were telling me other things a few hours ago! I know you're lying! Don't do this, please! Please! "
Severus couldn't stand the pain in her eyes, so he ripped his arm out of her hand and growled: "Let go of me, Mudblood!"
"That's it, there's no return now, you've done it, old man! She'll hate you now."
Hermione recoiled from him and he quickly got up from the bed, the action making him dizzy but he went to his wardrobe and pulled out his clothes hastily, wanting to get out before he fell on his knees and begged her to forgive him.
"You're pathetic!" he thought and turned around, making the final blow: "I don't want to see you here when I get back."
He spat and practically ran out of the room, banging the door shut.
He heard her yelling after him brokenly but shoved himself out of his chambers into the dungeon corridor, swaying on his feet, but forcing himself to walk as far away from her as he could.
Hermione was sobbing helplessly into his bed-covers and choking out "Severus… please… " repeatedly, like a mantra.
But he wasn't coming back to tell her it was all a lie. No, he still obviously loved Lilly and despised Hermione.
She suddenly needed air and the dungeons were suffocating.
She distractedly transfigured the sheet that was wrapped around her into a flowing white nightgown and ran from his bedroom, from his suite of rooms, down the corridors, not really thinking where she was headed.
Only when she ran up the stairs to the Astronomy Tower and breathed the bitter wintry air cut into her lungs did she realise where she stood.
She shivered from the cold but then noticed a lone figure clad in black standing on the precipice of the tower, looking like he was just about to jump into the abyss beneath it.
Her heart froze and she didn't dare move an inch lest she startle him and he falls.
She didn't have her wand with her and doubted that her wandless magic was good enough to slow down his fall.
She quietly cleared her throat and spoke slowly and fearfully: "Severus?"
His head whipped around and his ezes went wide. "Go away."
He looked again downward and Hermione ran to him, squeezing him to her and yanking him onto the tower's floor, falling on her back with him landing heavily on top of her.
He emitted a sound that was between a growl and wail and started sobbing uncontrollably.
"Why must… you… do this? Why… you always… show up… when all I want is to be dead! Why?! " but his actions belied his words; his hands were frantically touching her everywhere they could reach and he burrowed his head in her hair.
Hermione was left speechless. This was too much for her.
She spoke slowly with shaking voice: "Severus… I… please… tell exactly what is it you feel towards me. I can't go on like this."
He raised his head to look at her. She continued: "Do you… do you want me or you hate me? I can't seem to comprehend any of this. Please tell me. I do love you. And I want to be with you through all of this. So… tell me what do you want. "
He stared at her for a long while, obviously varying with himself.
Then he told her, his voice full of pain and self-reproach: "I want to be with you for the rest of my life, however short it may be. And I know how wrong it is. I will ruin your life. In every way possible. People will shun you because of me. you will only suffer with me. I love you, Hermione and its tearing me apart. I shouldn't exist. I only hurt people around me. I killed Dumbledore! I killed Lilly! I don't want to hurt you in any way, but I already have. Do you see? I'm worse than Voldemort! You are so young and I have already corrupted you with my darkness. Go, Hermione. Go before I have the chance to kill you as well. "
–"Severus, darling, you ought to stop thinking like that. That's your depression talking, you know. You are a brilliant man, Severus Snape. A man with great intellect and a great heart,, even though you don't realise that, you do have a great heart. All those things you have done to redeem yourself prove that. And I'm not hero-worshipping you here, those are just the facts. We will just have to work hard to overcome the depression you're in, and believe me, that is possible. You just need to accept the fact that you deserve to be happy and let the demons of the past go. Will you let me be there for you and love you and not feel guilty and hate yourself for it?"
Severus' face contorted in pain. "Hermione… you're too good for me. But I will be selfish enough to say yes. I will try my hardest to become a man that you deserve. Without you there is no point for me to continue breathing, I have realised that. Please my love. Take me with you, take me somewhere far away from all this pain. You are my salvation, yes, you are. With you, there is no pain."
He started kissing her all over her face, her neck, her collarbone, when he realised something. "Hermione, you're freezing. Forgive me, love. Let's get you out of this cold."
He started getting up and took her up with him, wrapping his cloak around her.
They made their way down the corridors, Severus embracing Hermione.
When they got to his rooms, they just went to bed, feeling too drained to even talk.
But Severus had to say: "Forgive me, love."
–"It's alright, love. Goodnight."
–"Goodnight, my dearest."
They slept peacefully quite well into the afternoon.