Tap. Tappity tap-tap. Tap tap. Tap.

"Hey."

Tap tap.

"Hey, Tensa."

Tap.

"Did you know male bees have a penis?"

The dark-haired boy whirled on me. "Kaede. I'm trying to do my English essay. Do you mind?"

I frowned, leaning against his desk, my chin resting in my palms. "I do, actually. It's a Saturday." He went back to his computer. Tap tap-tap. Tappity tap-tap. "You know it's saturday, right?" Tap tap. "You can't do homework on Saturdays. It simple isn't done."

Blue eyes glared at me. "Kaede."

Sighing, I shoved off his desk, making sure to mess up his papers as I did. "Fine. I'll talk to Hichigo." I stuck my tongue out childishly. "He loves me, unlike you."

He sighed, and I walked away.

Into the kitchen I went. "Hichigo," I sang. He looked up from his cereal, white hair in front of his startling gold eyes.

"No."

I frowned. "I haven't even said anything yet!"

He swallowed a bite. "Yeah, but I ain't doing anything on my saturday. Go bother Tensa."

"Tensa's busy," I whined pathetically.

"Ichigo then."

"I don't know where he is and I'm too lazy to find out. Talk with me," I begged.

Hichigo looked contemplative for a moment, a weird look for him, before he shook his head.

"Nope."

"You suck." I began to walk away. "I hope you get shot, thrown off a bridge, experience the pain of menstrual cramps and get eaten by a shark."

"Maybe tomorrow," he mumbled after me.

So I walked back over to Tensa. I placed my palms over his eyes, and leaned real close. "Guess who."

Tensa sighed, his shoulders slumping. And then he started typing again. What the fuck. He's typing. But he can't see. "How are you doing that," I demanded, watching as words were fluently typed without error onto the screen.

"Practice," he replied. Tap tap, tappity tap tap. "It's easier when I can see though."

Sigh. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I lean my head on his shoulder, watching him type some history report. To be or not to be is the most often used soliloquy when...

My eyes fluttered open at the sound of the heavy lock on my door being unbolted. The familiar patter of sandaled feet walked my way, stopping at my bedside. Well, I didn't have a bed; it was more like a cot. Cotside.

"Miss Kaede," Hanataro stuttered softly. "It's time to wake up now."

I closed my eyes and prayed for him to go away. I was having such a nice dream…

"Miss," he insisted. His palm warmed my upper arm through the fabric of my blanket. Hanataro shook me gently. Insert sad sigh here. I rose with a yawn, eyes watering. I pushed up the sleeve of my gown and pushed off the blue wool blanket, turning to set my bare feet on the cement.

"Good morning, Hanataro," I mumbled, rubbing my eyes. The short 4th division medic stood in uniform (a black robe thing with a blue sash) balancing a tray of food in his hands. "Yum," I drawled, taking the meal and picking at its contents. A bowl of sludge, a cup of water, and… a fruit cup? I raised an eyebrow and held up the little plastic container. Hanataro blushed.

"Well, I-I," he stuttered, wringing his now empty hands. "I thought, you know, you might like something new with your food, but if you don't like it, I-"

"No!" I interrupted, smiling softly. Picking up a strawberry, I popped it in my mouth, savoring the tangy sweet taste. "It's great. Thank you."

The boy (he was a boy, right? God know how old any of these people are) grinned happily. "You are most welcome!" Hanataro's face fell, and he looked at me nervously. "While you eat, please allow me to take your vitals."

I snorted. "Doesn't my collar do that already?" The sludge wobbled on my spoon and had a green tinge, but seeing how it wasn't crawling off my utensil trying to escape, I ate it anyway. The medics warm fingers found my pulse point in my neck.

"Yes," he relied. "But Captain Unohana requested she gather her own data rather than that collected by Captain Kurotsuchi."

I nodded my head. He continued with his work, inputting the information into a little device that looked similar to a cell phone. I scratched my bare arm, trying not to make funny faces at the soul reaper as he took my temperature, blood pressure, and all that jazz.

This was the routine I had settled into the four days I had been here. 'Here' being the Shinigami Research and Development Institute. Hanataro would come in, wake me up, feed me breakfast, and run some routine check up stuff for his captain. About 15 minutes later, A-

The door was kicked in, banging loudly against the stone wall. Hanataro jumped, the device in his hand falling to the floor. As he knelt to the ground to pick it up, apologizing profusely (I had no idea why, it just seemed to be something that he did), a tall black haired man stepped inside, expression laid back.

"Sup."

"Hey, Akon," I chirped, smiling.

The shinigami scratched the back of his neck when he noticed the fourth division medic panicking on the floor. "Ch," the horned man said. "You weren't done? Sorry."

I hopped off my bed, the cotton of my dress falling an inch or so above my knees. As I had been saying, after Hanataro took my vitals, Akon, my designated guardian, would pick me up for the days tests. When I first met him on day one, we had fought like cats and dogs. We just didn't like each other. The second day, however, was worse. We were on the verge of attacking each other before someone else stepped in. Then, by some weird magic, the third day consisted of nothing more than sarcastic quips and witty comebacks. Wallah! A friendship forms.

"Did you get my string?" I asked innocently. Akon shook his head, and I pouted. "Why not?"

"Captain says you could use it to kill yourself."

I snorted. "I'm a prisoner, not suicidal. I was gonna make us friendship bracelets." He didn't acknowledge me with an answer, instead approaching and fiddling with the metal wrapped tight around my neck. I winced as the needle stabbed me in the throat, injecting the usual amount of formula. When the needle retreated back to who knows where, Akon swabbed the area with an alcohol wipe.

Hanataro gulped, and said quietly, "You-you know, with that-that collar, she could still-still get an infection from-from the needle."

Akon turned and glowered at the poor medic, who squeaked in terror. Bowing his head and apologizing, he scurried out the door. I waved goodbye, smiling. Ah, having scary friends is always so much fun. The scientist tsked and started mumbling science mumbo jumbo.

"I like him," I said quietly. Akon probed my neck with long fingers, feeling the different cords and twisting the collar this way and that.

"Your horns look smashing today," I flirted. Nothing.

"Did you know that human beings are pretty much bags of protoplasm designed and evolved under the direction of bacteria for the history of our species and ancestors to provide a life support system for bacteria?"

Nothing. Hmm. Lets try this again.

"Did you know that if a man was bitten by the Brazilian wandering spider that he'd get a painful long lasting erection and die?" Akon looked at me (finally!) eyes wide with terror. I smirked. Men should always fear the Brazilian wandering spider!

"I really didn't need to know that," he grumbled. I shrugged.

"You got caught up in your science stuff again." He snorted at my feelings towards his profession, turning to walk out the door. I followed, pausing for just a second to grab the remains of my fruit cup. "Besides, we aren't in Brazil. No need to worry."

The man ignored me, preferring to lead me down the now familiar hallway. There were huge metal doors on either side, usually containing strange, misshapen experiments. Speaking of…

As we passed one door, full of outward dents and scratches, the door shook, a snapping and snarling sound echoing through the slot in the metal. Akon ignored it (or he was just use to it) and walked onwards. I stopped, peeping through the window in the door.

"Hey boy, what's up?" The snarls stopped, replaced by huge intakes of breath. A big wet nose, followed by two more, sniffed through the opening. When they caught my scent a happy yip escaped the black maw, and two long tongues rolled out to lick at my face. It took a while to get the beast to warm up to me. I think it helped that I didn't threaten it or yell at it. And I gave it some of my breakfast, so that helped too.

I laughed and wiped the slobber off my cheeks. "That's gross!" I lifted up the fruit bowl and placed it on the edge. The three-headed dog gobbled it up, plastic and all. My face scrunched at the crackling sound. When they finished, a brown muzzle tried to force its way through the window, tongue licking at the air. "Sorry," I said. I petted what I could reach of his face, the fur soft under my fingers. Another droopy face nibbled on my hand, rubbing against it. I smiled. I loved dogs.

Akon reappeared by my side, frowning at our interaction. Immediately the happy dogs snarled, and I yanked my hand back. Just cause they sorta liked me didn't mean they wouldn't hesitate to rip my hand off. "Stupid mutt," he grumbled. Akon kicked the door before he left.

In return, I kicked him in the shin, only to hobble and curse as my big toe swelled. They didn't give me any shoes in this place, seeing how I wasn't allowed to go outside. The dog (or is it dogs?) howled and Akon laughed.

"That's what you get, midget," he scoffed. We walked onwards, my bare feet slapping the cement in my annoyance.

I glowered at the soul reaper. "I am not a midget. I am perfectly average, thank you very much."

"I have to pick you up to put you on the examining table."

"That's because it's set to deal with you and your crazy captains height."

Akon rolled his eyes and opened the double doors at the end of the hallway. The hustle and bustle of his fellow squad members met my ears. This was the same room that Toshiro (that's Captain Hitsugaya) and I walked through after my breakdown. The lights of the screens illuminated the area enough for me ot navigate my way through the sea of papers and desk islands. Akon led me down one hall after another until he opened the door to a room. It had a lot of random machines that did who knows what (I'm not a doctor). Some hurt, some tickled, others just… made noises. However, being hooked up to machines was better than being dissected.

Not that Mayuri Kurotsuchi, Captain of division 12 and head scientist, hadn't been trying.

I crawled (yes, crawled) up on the metal table in the center of the room. "So, Doc, what are we doing today?" The first day I was brought here, they thought it best if they let me adjust to my surroundings and left me well enough alone. The second day had been physical tests and evaluations – they made me run, jump, do weights, shit like that. The third day had been mental evaluations. 'What does this look like?' 'A unicorn stabbing a zombie.' 'What does this look like?' 'Wolverine.' Basically a lot of questions and mind games. The best part was when they gave me a puzzle and timed how fast it took me to do it. I love puzzles, so that was pretty cool.

My legs kicked back and forth in the air. Akon grabbed a big ass syringe from a drawer and a bottle filled with a mysterious purple substance. "We're testing a new collar," he said absently. He turned to me and, without a tourniquet or anything, plunged the needle into my arm. I shrieked in pain, cursing loudly. After removing the needle, he turned and grabbed a large glowing blue rod, almost like a black light.

And I wasn't crying, just so you know. Really, I wasn't.

He held the light over my arm, and we both watched as the veins in my lower arm darkened, from their usual blue hue to black. As the colors changed, fire started to erupt through my limb, a familiar pressure and pain that I longed to forget. Akon then clipped on a small, padded metal bracelet onto my wrist. It was about an inch wide and a few centimeters thick. A small hole was on the side, and the 3rd seat (my god I swear he has five arms) inserted a tube, which drained a green liquid into the bracelet.

After a couple of minutes of jaw clenching pain, a blessed numb feeling steadily spread from my wrist to my fingertips and up my arm. Akon grabbed the blue glow stick again and held it above my skin. The black in my veins faded until they were once again invisible. I sighed in relief, and Akon whirled away from me to take notes.

"What was that?" I asked. The man ignored me. Cue tick mark.

"Hey, Akon."

Nothing.

"God dammit," I grumbled, rubbing my abused arm. It no longer felt like it was being sliced up like Thanksgiving ham, but the injection site stung like a wasp sting.

Akon turned to me. "Did you say something?" I rolled my eyes and settled with a glare. He sighed, and began to explain. "I injected you with a formula that is, in a sense, reiatsu."

I interrupted, raising a hand. "That's the power stuff that makes me feel like shit, right?"

The man nodded. "Your collar, as you know, injects a different formula, one meant to counter the effects you experience. Usually it is introduced via needle, but as that fourth division member said-"

"Hanataro," I interjected.

"- the continues use of the needle could cause infection. So, we developed this bracelet." He lifted my wrist, showing it to me. "Instead of it being injected, it will seep through the clothe here-" He pointed. "-and will be soaked in through your skin. It's the same as your collar, and does the same things, but is noninvasive."

I nodded my head in understanding. Yay! No more being stabbed by needles! I started going a happy dance, and I was so pleased with this new discovery that I almost didn't notice the second needle stabbing my arm. Almost.

"What the fuck?!" I shrieked, leaning away from him. Akon shrugged unsympathetically, and turned to put the needles away. "Why did you do that?"

"Orders," he said simply. At my furious expression, he amended, "It's a simple anesthesia."

A cold chill swept through my system. "… Why do I need that?" I scooted away from him, fear suffocating me. Akon ignored me, approaching the computer near the door and began to type. "Akon, why do I need anesthesia?"

He sighed, and ran a hand down his face. "You're scheduled for surgery."

I blinked. Though I was still terrified, I found that my limbs were beginning to numb, and everything was fuzzy. Everything was unbalanced, and I fell backwards onto the table unceremoniously. My head smacked hard into the metal, but even that ache was quickly numbed. I felt like I was on laughing gas.

"I'm sorry," Akon said. His form lay above me, foggy yet clear. I saw his eyes watching me, and a tear slipped down my cheek. "But… it's not like you're human anyway."

I struggled, but my limbs refused to respond to my demands. As night crept over my vision, I was stuck in tunnel vision. However, I discovered true fear when the door opened.

"Ah, Subject 4. How delightful to see you." Mayuri stepped forwards, and in my newfound terror, my body almost rolled off the table. Akon grabbed me before I could hit the ground, and if I wasn't about to shit myself I would have thanked him. Or slapped him. Or bitten him.

Nemu, a pretty young woman with black hair and eyes, walked in with a tray carrying gleaming tools. I passed out sometimes after I saw the scalpel and before the first incision.

I don't want to say I woke up. It was more like I became fully aware. My eyelids felt heavy, and my chest itched something fierce. My face was bathed in warmth, and I felt… remarkably safe. The atmosphere itself was calming, almost healing. I decided to try and sleep some more and snuggled deeper into the downy softness of my comforter.

Wait.

I don't have a comforter.

My eyes flashed open and instead of the seeing the stone square that was my cell, I was in a warm, sunbathed room. The floors and walls were made of wood, with large open windows to show the outside world. I stared at the green grass and trees and the other wooden buildings like my own. Looking down, I found I was in a twin-sized bed with a huge comforter draped over me. Against my back were huge feather pillows.

I blinked, confused. Why was I here? Where was here? I frowned, and scratched at the itch on my chest, only to gasp in pain. I drew my hand away; wisps of memory made my blood go cold. I panicked and threw my comforter off my body and stared in horror at what I found.

My torso was wrapped in bandages from my neck to my hips, my only form of clothing aside from underwear. The thick line of red (blood) revealed my injury- A line from just below my navel up to my sternum, where it split into a 'V' towards my shoulders. I had seen enough CSI and Law and Order to recognize the shape, and I had to refrain from vomiting.

I failed, and retched into my hands. I flowed through my fingers, and I leaned over the bed to save the white sheets. That was stupid, because pain rocketed through my body and I feel from the bed, landing in my own vomit. Yes, it was gross, yes, it got into my hair.

I cried out in agony, and continued to sob, so I didn't hear her come in, but suddenly an orange headed woman was there, pulling my hair away from my face and rubbing my back soothingly. Someone else came in, and questioned her about what happened. I felt the woman shrug as she lifted me up, and say something about it being a 'human thing'.

Human thing, I thought wearily as she laid me back onto the bed. Her fingers were cool as they laid on my forehead, and the concern in her eyes helped me relax just slightly. My eyes drifted shut of their own accord. But I'm not human.

Well, here's another chapter. Hope you enjoyed! Poor Kaede. Her life sucks. –nods sagely- Character torment seems to be my thing.

Anyway, reviews!

Random Reader: Oh my god I almost peed myself reading your review. Haha I didn't even think of it as a harem – so that… oh my fdjksal;jds it just giggles everywhere. I don't know who she'll end up with, if she ends up with any of them.

TenraiTsukiyomi: Thank you! I'm trying to keep everything the way I believe it would go if this really happened. Considering that it's a fiction within a fiction (inception!) I'm glad you can't fault them haha

Ninja99: Ah don't be speechless! I love hearing what you have to say c: I'm glad that you think its beyond epic!

Hunnybee07 Of The Shadow: Well, this is what is being sorted so far! I'm glad you like it.

Well, I wonder how many of you can guess who the woman is. And also, I'm curious – if Kaede does end up with any of the boys, who do you think it should (or would) be?

Once again, thanks for reading! C: