Author's Note: This chapter was by far the hardest to write. I kept getting stuck at certain parts, both in the planning and writing phases. So, apologies for the huge time gap between updates. It doesn't feel like it's been that long from my point of view, but I suppose time flies when you're busy. Anyway, as promised, this is Kija's chapter. Thanks for all your feedback, by the way—I always read every comment! I apologize in advance for any OOCness you may find.
Warnings: Smut.
"The Princess is sick?"
Yun rolled his eyes at Kija's excessively fretful tone. "She said she's tired, that's all."
"Tired? If that's the case, I'm more than capable of carrying her—"
"With that arm?" Hak cut in as he sauntered past. "Don't even think about it. Besides, what the Princess really needs is to sleep in a normal place for once. Now why don't you pull your weight a little bit, White Snake?"
Kija's eyes followed Hak's to the luggage he'd unceremoniously dropped upon being told of the Princess's exhaustion. Now feeling slightly sheepish for his (perceived) overreaction, he stooped down to retrieve it, avoiding eye contact all the while.
"Even so…" he began nervously, quickening his pace upon seeing that Yun had continued walking without him. "I wish she'd said something to us sooner…" To me.
"You know how Yona is. We've been on foot for almost four days since the festival—and not getting much sleep, either. Honestly, I'm surprised she hasn't collapsed. I was pretty close to it myself. I'm glad Shin-ah at least managed to find an inn out here…"
He tried to listen to Yun for as long as he could, but inevitably found his mind wandering. Among other things, he wondered if the Princess was safe—not that he didn't trust Jae-ha's ability to carry her to the inn, but he was such a worrywart it seemed an ordeal just to resist picking up his pace. The fact that he could see the inn just beyond the upcoming hill only made his anxiety worse. It wasn't as though he didn't realize his behavior was irrational, but the revelation that the Princess was feeling poorly—even to the minor extent Yun had made it out to be—did not bode well for his heart.
Kija fretted over many things. He was infamous within their group for his frequent bouts of neuroses. Most of these episodes had to do with bugs, but if there were one thing that could send him into cardiac arrest faster it would have to be the Princess. In particular, the idea that she had been feeling unwell for who-knows-how-long and had not said anything to him was especially gut wrenching. Coming back to the group after taking a break to wash his face in a nearby stream only to realize that she, Jae-ha, and Shin-ah had gone ahead of the others was not how he would have preferred to find out about this fact.
A soft grip on his shoulder made him flinch.
"Don't worry, Hakuryuu," Zeno smiled at him. "I'm sure the Miss is fine. She just doesn't want to worry us."
Kija's attempt at returning the smile fell woefully flat. "Yes, you're right, of course. Of course…"
Kija released a heavy sigh as he set his share of the luggage on the floor, and around him, the other dragons and Hak did the same. As he set to work on rolling out his sleeping quarters, he did a double take as he saw Yun doing the same beside him.
"You're staying in here tonight, Yun?" he asked. "I thought you'd be rooming with the Princess."
"Usually I would, but…uh…" The boy blushed, staring at the blanket in his hands with an annoyed expression. "The woman who runs the inn glared at me so hard when I tried to go into Yona's room that I couldn't do it. Like she thought I was going to attack her or something. Ridiculous…"
Indeed it was. The idea alone was preposterous, but Kija could see how such a disapproving stare would have been grating on Yun's nerves. Even he had gotten chills from the woman's intense countenance, and he had spent years dealing with his grandmother's scandalous matchmaking attempts. "I see," he said, his voice oozing sympathy even as another pressing matter occurred to him. "In that case, shouldn't we have one of us stationed outside her room tonight? I'm afraid my conscience won't allow me to sleep knowing the Princess is alone."
"That will be me." Hak's tone left no room for argument. Kija gave him a sideways glance only to see that the gaze was mutual; his narrowed eyes appeared to be daring him to object—an invitation to fight if he'd ever seen one.
"Come on now, Thunder Beast," Jae-ha chimed in, amusement plain in his leisurely drawl. "There's no need to be jealous just because Kija-kun came up with the idea."
"Shut it," Hak muttered. He mumbled something else under his breath, a few words that Kija was certain only he could hear, and the white-haired man stiffened.
"Don't fight, you guys!" Zeno intoned enthusiastically. "We won't get to sleep if we're snapping at each other all night!"
Deflated as they all were by Zeno's obtuse logic, a companionable silence fell over the room—but even if he displayed a façade of complacency, Kija's mind was still running wild.
"That's not why."
He'd heard them clear as day—Hak's words were plainer and more potent than most people's, and if he knew anything about the man at all it was that he meant what he said quite literally. If Jae-ha had accused him of being jealous of Kija for being quicker to address Yona's safety, and Hak had responded in the manner he did…then that meant the accusation was true—just not for the reason Jae-ha had stated.
Is he really…jealous? Of me?
It wasn't an exaggeration to say that he had no idea why that would be the case. True, he and Hak had butted heads since they met, almost always in regards to the Princess in one way or another. They both harbored romantic feelings for her, had both offered themselves to her, the very thought of which put a rosy hue on his cheeks. Yet despite being on technically equal footing, Hak was the only one of the two of them who had gotten to be with her. He'd been spared the details by Jae-ha and Shin-ah that day at the marketplace (mercifully, or else he might not have been able to make it back to the camp without being carried), but there was no denying the intimacy of what had occurred between the three, especially after seeing the way the Princess carried herself around them.
She was lighter of foot, now, more comfortable in their presence, occasionally casting them glances that spoke volumes more than mere friendship could. There were more casual touches, light fingertips against skin, eyes that lingered…all of this he noticed, because no matter how he might try to deny it, Kija was always watching her. What was more, ever since the festival, he had noticed the same behaviors manifesting with regards to Shin-ah. He figured something had happened while they were away, had suspected as much when Yun pointed out the mark on her neck (he blushed furiously at that mental image), but hadn't fully believed it himself—not until later, when they were presented with more opportunities to interact in his presence.
So why on Earth would Hak be jealous of him, just because he had implied he wanted to be the one to guard her while she slept? If anything, Kija should have been jealous of those three. He'd never judge the Princess for any decision she made, could never resent her even if she were to forsake him—but the fact that she had gone to the others before him stung far worse than he had expected. He couldn't even blame her for the ache in his chest, because as far as he was concerned, it must have been his own inadequacy that had caused her to seek the others out first. He would never tell her this, and would vehemently deny it were she to ask, as he had done the first time. He couldn't do that to her.
"Kija!"
The sound of her voice made his heartbeat speed up tenfold. From where he sat on a medium-sized rock near the inn's entrance, he could see the Princess approaching him, her expression slightly weary. She was accompanied by Shin-ah, who lingered by her side as though wary of her collapsing at any moment.
Kija shared the same concern. "Princess, you mustn't be out here! The sun will go down soon, and you could catch cold if you—"
"Please, Kija," she interrupted, chuckling faintly. "You don't need to fret so much. I just wanted a little fresh air, that's all. And I didn't know where you were, so I figured I could satisfy both urges by coming out here." Her genuine smile made him stammer and flush, and he nervously scratched his dragon's claw.
"I-If you say so," he acquiesced. "What are the others doing, if you don't mind my asking?"
"They're eating the leftovers from breakfast this morning. Yun made so much, you know. I was wondering if you were hungry. Shin-ah and I already ate some, so you should hurry if you don't want to wait until tomorrow."
Though she had nothing but pure concern for his wellbeing, Kija couldn't help the sad smile that graced his lips. There it was; it was that kindness of hers, that caring nature that made her not merely the person he had to protect, but the one who had captured his heart. He felt unworthy of such devotion, even if she had given it to all of them.
"Ah, that's perfectly all right," he told her, glancing away as he saw her frown. "I'm not very hungry right now…"
"Are you sure, Kija?"
He nodded. "If it wouldn't trouble you too much, I'd actually like to sit out here for a bit longer so I can see the stars."
"But won't you be cold?"
"I'll be fine," he said, willing her to believe him.
She didn't appear convinced. In fact, it seemed as though her concern for him had grown. She looked as if she were about to protest, but before she could get a word out Shin-ah placed his hand on her shoulder. "I'll stay," he said quietly, planting himself on the rock beside Kija. Warmth flooded his chest, and he resisted the urge to cry in response to Shin-ah's gesture. Thank you, my brother!
Though the Princess was still hesitant, she smiled at them. "In that case, I suppose I have no reason to be concerned. Just don't stay out too late, you two. I wouldn't want you to catch cold in my place!" With that, she ventured back inside, and he tried to ignore the pointed stare she casted over her shoulder until she disappeared.
Kija sighed, visibly relaxed now that she was gone—and instantly felt guilt wash over him. He despised lying to the Princess, even if he felt it was for her own benefit. If he tried talking to her right now, who knew what he would say, what unintentional secrets could come pouring out? It was imperative that he got his emotions in order before daring to reenter her presence.
Beside him, Shin-ah shifted anxiously. "You shouldn't…do that," he whispered. "To her."
A cold flash pulsed through him, and he swallowed. "I…what do you mean, Shin-ah?"
"Shut her out. Lie…to her. She loves you. Us."
His mouth dry, Kija fumbled his response. "I—I didn't—I don't want her to…" Worry. Even he knew how hollow that sounded, how flimsy an excuse it was. She would be more worried if he told her nothing than if he decided to be honest with her. It was for his benefit that he stayed quiet, and he knew it—and apparently, so did Shin-ah.
She loves you.
Was it really true, in the sense he wanted it to be?
It took him over half an hour of contemplative silence in order to gather his wits enough to return to the inn. Shin-ah parted with him a few minutes before he did, most likely sensing that Kija's stubborn refusal to speak to the Princess honestly had deflated. While true, this newly discovered determination wavered as he stepped inside and saw none other than Hak sitting cross-legged in front of her door, quandao balanced between his forearm and shoulder. Kija stiffened his jaw and approached him. "Excuse me. May I ask you to step aside so I can speak to the Princess?"
Hak looked positively bored as he scratched behind his ear. "I don't know. Depends if she's awake or not. Are you planning on barging in there?"
Kija's cheeks reddened. "Of course not! I plan to knock first, obviously—"
Both men froze as an audible thump sounded from behind the door, as though something heavy had hit the floor. Kija reached for the doorknob as Hak slid out of the way, the latter not far behind him.
Yona couldn't seem to stop frowning.
It had been like this since she'd spoken to Kija outside, a bit less than an hour ago. She'd gone back to her room after stopping in to bid goodnight to the others, because even as they'd given her smiles and offers to hang out with them longer (so long as she was feeling up to it, of course, Yun had groused) she couldn't return the favor genuinely.
Not when she was thinking about Kija.
He looked as though he was upset about something, but didn't want to tell me. At least he allowed Shin-ah to stay with him—hopefully he'll be able to get a few words out of him. She wasn't sure how likely that was, given Shin-ah's quiet and unassuming nature, but it certainly seemed to be a better bet than her attempting to weasel the truth out of him. If there was one thing she knew about Kija, it was that he was stubborn as an ox. This was also one trait she admired deeply about him—he loathed showing any form of weakness, especially to people he respected, a feeling that Yona understood both implicitly and from her own experience. Yet this same trait was clearly causing him grief.
Sighing, Yona got up from her futon and began to pace; sleep was being elusive tonight. Despite her previous exhaustion which had led to them staying in this inn, she found now that she was far too restless to sleep. There was just something about Kija's expression earlier that was gnawing at her. It didn't sit right with her, how he had been trying desperately to avoid making eye contact, yet had been wearing a reassuring smile so fake that it physically pained her to see. She hated it.
I wonder…could it be because of me…? Did I say or do something without realizing it? I can't think of anything. Now that I think about it, I haven't spoken much to Kija at all in the past few days aside from some idle talk. I've been…
Her train of thought stopped dead in its tracks as it finally occurred to her. I've been…spending more time with the others. That was it; it was so obvious now that she had given it more than a minute of thought. How selfish was she? It was inevitable that Kija wouldn't want to talk to her, that he would feel put off by her all but ignoring him. It hadn't been intentional, but that was no excuse for neglecting his feelings—after all, he had offered himself to her just as the others had, and until now had always been one of the most fiercely loyal friends she'd known. Who could blame him for feeling as though she had shafted him?
She felt awful. The only thought echoing in her mind was that she had to apologize to him, no matter how shallow or vapid she would look in the moment. "Kija," she said under her breath as she turned on her heel and marched towards the door. In her haste, Yona failed to pay attention to her surroundings, or more specifically the futon that was still laid out on the ground. Before she could register what had happened, her foot had already slipped, and her knees connected hard with the wooden floor.
"Ouch," she muttered under her breath, raising her skirts in order to examine the reddened skin. "I hope that noise didn't disturb the others…though I suppose I was about to do that anyway…"
"Princess, are you all right?!"
Yona balked as the door to her room was suddenly flung open, and to her astonishment she saw an extremely flustered—and extremely panicked—Kija standing in the hall, with Hak just behind him. Both had concern plastered on their faces, and upon seeing her on the floor Kija rushed to kneel at her side.
"You fell?" Hak asked as he came up to her. He seemed relieved that it hadn't been anything more serious.
Yona nodded and released a sheepish laugh. "Ah, it's nothing. I was just pacing and slipped on my futon." She glanced at Kija, who was emphatically frowning at her reddened knees. "I'm fine. There's no need to worry, Kija."
The redhead startled as he set his forceful gaze on her. With pursed lips and shiny eyes, Kija almost looked as though he were about to burst into tears; the sight tugged at her heart. "We should at least get Yun to look at you!"
Yona blinked. "But I just fell—the redness will go away soon, so I don't see why…"
"Calm down, White Snake," Hak added. "It's not a big deal."
Kija had glanced away from both of them, and was now staring intently at the floorboards. Worried, Yona tried to angle her face to get a better look at his, placing her hand on his shoulder. He stiffened at her touch. "Kija…are you okay?"
"…I am fine."
"Sure sounds like it," Hak muttered.
"Hak!" Yona chided him before turning back to face Kija. Fisting her skirt between her hands, she addressed her bodyguard. "Would you mind leaving us alone for a bit? And please don't try to listen at the door."
She saw Hak go very still, but he merely inclined his head. "Of course, Princess." When she heard the door close behind him, Yona released the grip on her clothes and placed her hand on top of Kija's.
"P-Princess?" he stuttered. "What are you…?"
Yona closed her eyes and took a deep breath before opening them again. "Kija…I'm sorry." Aghast, the white-haired man stared at her, but she didn't give him a chance to speak—not that he would have done so anyway, judging by his stupefied face. "I can't begin to apologize for how I've been treating you lately, but I feel obligated to mention it. You were there with the others and me when we made this…arrangement, so you deserve an explanation. I, um…" The words fought to stay in her mouth, but Yona tried to force them out, "…I had relations with the others—you already know about Jae-ha and Hak, but I haven't said anything about Shin-ah yet."
By this point, Kija was blushing madly, his rapidly blinking eyes looking anywhere but at her. "I-I don't know if it's polite for me to be listening to this—"
"It is," she interrupted. "That is to say, I want you to hear it. You've been so patient and loyal this entire time, and I've done nothing but take that for granted. I want you to know that it's not because I don't want to be with you that I haven't approached you, it's just that…" Her brows furrowed. "Well…to be honest, I wasn't sure how. I haven't put as much thought into it as I should. I was overwhelmed—and I still am. The first time, I was so nervous…and the time with Shin-ah felt more like an impulse. I hadn't planned it. Now, with you…I had no idea what the next step should be, how I should initiate it, so I drove myself crazy just thinking about it. I didn't even consider your feelings.
"I realized earlier how my behavior was hurting you, and came to understand that what I should have done from the beginning was just talk to you about it." She held her head high, staring at Kija with bold eyes. "So that's what I'm doing."
He looked dumbfounded. Not that she could blame him—it must have been a lot to take in all at once, and Kija had a nervous disposition when it came to these kinds of things. If even she was rendered breathless and slightly embarrassed by her own words, then Yona couldn't begin to imagine what was going on in his head at the moment.
"I…" His eyes slanted towards the hand she'd placed on his, and his dragon's claw flexed idly. "I love you so dearly…"
She beamed at him, heart thumping happily in her chest. "And I love you," she told him, placing her other hand on his cheek; a dusty red bloomed across his face. "And I'm sorry I haven't communicated that fact well."
"Please don't apologize!" Kija suddenly exclaimed, startling her as he leaned forward. "You've been troubled because of me…because I couldn't control my emotions and made you feel as though you were at fault. My duty to you should come before anything else, and to think I ended up causing you pain because of my own selfish desires…"
Yona cocked her head. "But haven't I been doing the same to you? Your desires aren't selfish at all, Kija—I feel the same way. And if you're comfortable with it, then I'd be willing to take you up on your offer whenever you like."
His eyes, already wide as saucers, somehow managed to get larger. "Y-You…want to…here?"
Finding his nervousness charming, Yona chuckled and pulled his face downwards to plant a kiss on his cheek. His blush deepened. "Kija…" she whispered, breath fanning across his ear and prompting the sensitive flesh to pucker. "I really do love you. Never doubt that. You don't have to restrain yourself on my account."
"Princess…"
She leaned into him as his dragon's arm curled around her, claws not touching but hovering a few inches above her back—hesitant, wary, afraid of harming her. As if he would, she mused, the idea seeming laughable as she glanced up at his glassy-eyed expression. She sent him a gentle smile, and brought her lips up to meet his. It was chaste, but his lips were warm and responsive, and when she pulled away a few seconds later his mouth tried at first to follow hers.
"Come here," she coaxed, leading him towards the futon with their clasped hands. They sat facing each other, and Yona blushed as she saw Kija's intense stare. "Do you want to, Kija?"
He inclined his head, but didn't break eye contact. "Anything you want, Princess." His formal, stoic act nearly fooled her, were it not for the flaming red of his face and the subtle shaking of his dragon's claw.
"That's not what I asked."
He bit his lip. "I—I would be honored, if you'd allow me to make love to you."
So brazen. With a tiny grin, Yona kissed him again. His hand caressed the skin of her cheek and slid down to her neck as the kiss deepened, and she released a small gasp as Kija pulled her in closer. Yet he was still gentle; his claw remained hovering over her back, even as she felt her legs part and plant themselves on either side of his hips. He was guiding her movements, yet she barely noticed.
Warmth encased her front when she pressed closer to him. Her breasts pushed against his chest, and she felt something twitch against her from underneath. Curious, Yona applied more pressure, and Kija stiffened beneath her. "Princess," he gasped, breaking the kiss as he buried his face in the juncture between her neck and shoulder. She wrapped her arms around him, fingers tracing the contours of his lean muscles. She shivered as he mouthed her neck; jolts of pleasure ran across her skin and left raised gooseflesh behind. In response, she buried her fingers in his soft hair and squeezed her legs tighter around his slender frame, gently pushing him down so that he was lying on his back.
The ache between her legs was prominent now, as was the feeling of him against her thigh, so when Kija pulled himself away from her neck and stared up at her, she was confused.
"Princess, may I turn over? This position…it would be easier for me to pleasure you if we…"
Yona blushed furiously. "A-Are you sure, Kija? I'm fine with whatever you want to do."
For a brief moment, his flustered expression was eclipsed by determination. "I'm sure."
She obliged him, reversing their positions so that Kija was now kneeling between her parted legs. This is kind of…exciting, she thought as he glanced up at her. The way his face was framed between her bare thighs as her skirt rode up made her shift in anticipation, and with slow, languid movements, Yona shed her outer layers, leaving her wearing only the hiked-up dress. Kija was watching her with rapt attention, appearing mesmerized as she pulled him up to kiss her again.
"Kija," she whispered against his mouth as she drew his hand beneath the gown. The skim of his fingers against her hip made her draw in a sharp breath.
"Princess…may I…?"
She nodded her assent and helped him slide her underwear off, swelling with pride as she noticed him admiring the length of her bare legs before she pulled him back to her. He peppered worshipping kisses along her neck and the hollow of her throat, each touch like a small flame licking across her skin. When he turned his attention to the tops of her thighs, Yona squirmed and pulled her dress higher. Soon the entire garment was slid over her head, deposited and forgotten beside the futon.
Being nude before him while he was still clothed lit a fire in her stomach. Feeling sheepish, Yona sat up fully intending to return the favor, but was stopped when Kija caught her wrist in his hand. He stammered, "If you'd permit me, Princess, I would like to try something first—though I've never done it before, so I might be lacking…"
"Oh—of course," she agreed, her interest piqued. "What should I…?" Her voice trailed off when Kija kissed her softly, moving with her as she lay down. She bent her knees and captured his slender waist between them, thrusting upward gently as she felt his bulge against her. Their combined breaths were labored as he pressed a tentative kiss to the top of her breast, his lips tracing the valley of her chest as he travelled downwards. Yona went very still when he mouthed her stomach, and saw a careful hand caressing her inner thigh.
"You're beautiful," he rasped against her skin.
She would have thanked him if the compliment hadn't made her so tongue-tied. What is he doing? Could it be what Jae-ha did that first time?
Her question was answered when she felt something warm stroke her center, and with wide eyes and a strangled breath Yona saw that Kija was kneeling with his face between her legs.
"O-Oh," she breathed, biting her lip as his tongue curled against her. She brought one hand up to fondle her chest, digging her nails into the flesh as he held down her legs, while the other buried itself in his hair. Passion flared up in the pit of her stomach, heavy and wanton as he pleasured her. This is…new. "Kija, I…" Heat travelled down her spine and legs as he lapped at her, his pace quickening in excitement, as though he couldn't get enough of her. She stroked his scalp, encouraging him to continue.
Only when the sensation became almost too much to bear did she stop him, tugging lightly on his hair. "Kija, please…come here," she moaned breathlessly, opening her arms as she sat up.
He did as she asked wordlessly, allowing her to reverse their positions yet again so she was straddling him; he assisted her as she removed his clothes. Yona stifled a laugh as he paused briefly so that he could fold his robe, stammering an apology all the while.
"Are you sure you don't want me to be on top, Princess?" Kija asked nervously as she settled herself back over his hips, his riveted eyes alternating between her face and chest. "I mean, it will take more energy for you, and your knees must still be sore—"
She quieted him by kissing him. "I'm sure," she said softly, cupping his face in her hands as she lowered herself onto him. Yona closed her eyes and sighed as he entered her, releasing a nearly inaudible moan into his ear, and set a slow rhythm once she became accommodated. She opened her eyes to see Kija staring lovingly at her, and somehow this made her feel more self-conscious than the fact that he was currently inside of her.
He matched the pace she'd set, and a particularly intense thrust had her keening into his mouth. "Princess…" he groaned into her hair. Out of the corner of her eye she spotted his dragon's claw, his arm expanding seemingly of its own accord as his pace quickened. It didn't bother her, as she knew he couldn't help it, and tried to distract him by bringing him in for another kiss.
Yona felt her breath quicken as the knotted pleasure in her abdomen reached its peak, and came down from her high only seconds before Kija did. Warmth washed over her as she collapsed onto him. A thin sheen of sweat covered them both. Suddenly exhausted, she placed her head on his chest and brought her arms around his neck. "Kija…thank you," she mumbled into his feverish skin.
"Princess?" he asked, concern palpable even in his breathless voice. "Are you feeling all right? You aren't hurt, are you?"
She resisted the urge to laugh. "Of course not," she reassured him, raising her head to look at him. His eyes were bright, but glassy, and as he caught a view of her contented face it made her happy to see him relax for once.
"I love you," he said sheepishly, his fingers timidly skimming across her cheekbone. "I truly do."
In light of what had just occurred, Yona found his sudden onslaught of shyness adorable. "I know that," she said cheekily. "And so do I."
He left not long after the Princess had fallen asleep, but spent those few solitary minutes admiring her visage: with nothing but the moonlight shining through the open window, her crimson hair appeared as fine as dark rivulets running across the pillow. Kija found himself smiling like a madman at the image of her upturned mouth, the ghost of an "I love you" on her lips.
He opened and closed the door behind him as silently as possible before turning towards his own room, intent on fetching Hak and resigning himself to a fitful and unattainable attempt at sleep—or would have, if the aforementioned man hadn't been sitting cross-legged right beside the door.
Frozen in shock and horror, Kija said nothing as they stared at each other. Hak's eyes were unreadable, but he prepared himself for the worst. To his surprise, it never came. "Oi, White Snake," Hak said, waving his hand in front of his face. "If you aren't going to say anything, you should just go back and sleep with the others. I'll stay here the rest of the night."
Kija took the suggestion at face value, but his eyes lingered on the other man's profile until he was out of his line of sight—and, though he couldn't be certain in the dark, he swore he saw his eyes shining with more than the light from the moon.
For some reason, I find the more "romantic" parts of a story the hardest to write, not the smut. I always feel self-conscious about those bits. This chapter in particular was a challenge, as I found Kija's character harder to grasp than I thought it would be. I'm still not sure if I did him any justice.
—Vicious Ventriloquist