[A/N] Finally, a new chapter! I'm sorry this took me so long - I'm a student after all. I have to get into the story myself again, my apologies as this isn't the best chapter. I want to add a trigger warning for the next chapter(s) ; depression will show up and most probably suicidal thoughts. Don't worry, darlings. Smut will come as well~. In about four weeks my summer break starts, so then I will post a lot. I'll stop talking now.

Chapter 4

Rin and Mikoshiba were both sitting on each side of the bed – they had brought Nitori to the nursery when he got his terrible headache and eventually passed out. Mikoshiba had decided to stop their training for the day, since everyone was in shock.

Nitori was still asleep, and Rin couldn't get his eyes off his kouhai. It surprised the captain: never in his life had he seen Rin so… worried over someone else. Or rather to say; someone other than his sister.

''Matsuoka.'' He spoke rather softly, not wanting to scare his teammate since there was a big silence before he called out Rin's surname.

Rin finally looked at his captain, the worried expression not leaving his face anytime soon. ''Hm?'' Was all he could bring out.

''Nitori will be okay. Don't worry about it, the nurse said so herself.'' Mikoshiba reached out for Rin's shoulder, and gently let his hand rest on it. ''Nitori is strong. He really is a strong person. But worrying alone won't help, and I don't think he wants you to worry this much, either.''

Rin knew that his captain was right – but Rin was known as quite a stubborn teen. ''I never heard him saying that.'' Rin mumbled, and let out a deep sigh. ''So as long as he doesn't say that to me personally, I will worry.''

Mikoshiba let out quite a frustrated groan. ''Come on, Matsuoka. There are a lot of times where I don't mind you being this… stubborn. But now is not the time. And you know that Nitori will feel guilty if he hears how worried you were about him –''

Rin stood up, looking down on Mikoshiba as he seemed to glare a bit. ''Nitori has changed. He doesn't know who exactly we are; he isn't able to remember anything. So don't tell me that Nitori will 'feel guilty because I was worried' while you don't know that for sure! His personality changed. Maybe not that much, but it changed.'' The redhead did his best not to raise his voice.

The older teen blinked a couple of times with his eyes in surprise, not expecting Rin to snap at a time like that. ''O-Oi. All I mean is that you should –''

''I don't have to do anything! Sure, you're my captain and be fucking happy with it. But that's only the case when it comes to swimming in our school team. Don't think you can order me around every second of your life.'' Rin hissed, and walked out of the room, leaving Mikoshiba with a sleeping Nitori.

Some people greeted Rin, thinking he had changed into a nice person. But that image of Rin was soon forgotten; all he did was glare at everyone. He was pissed, really pissed. He couldn't believe that Mikoshiba called him stubborn, while Mikoshiba was being stubborn himself!

… Right?

Rin shook his head, he tried to forget about it as he arrived in his room – well, the room he shared with Nitori. He threw his bag somewhere in a corner, and let himself fall on his bed. Finally rest. Finally alone…

But just when Rin thought things were finally relaxing for him, his cell phone rang. ''Seriously?!'' He snarled to his phone. The teen arched a brow, not recognizing the number. ''Matsuoka Rin speaking.'' He mumbled.

''Rin-chan~!'' A happy voice on the other side of the line yelled. Rin knew the voice, he knew it damn well.

''Nagisa. What is it? Make it quick, I'm busy.'' He spoke with a cold tone. ''Besides! How the fuck can you call me?! I blocked your number!''

''I'm usi – wait, Rin-chan you seriously blocked my number? That's so mean.'' Nagisa whined. Another voice was present in the background, but Rin couldn't tell whose voice it was.

''Anyway,'' Nagisa continued, sounding all happy again. ''I'm using Rei-chan's cell phone.'' He giggled innocently.

'Next task: block Megane Speedo's number.' Rin thought by himself before he spoke again, ''Get to the point. Why are you calling me?''

Nagisa started to hum a bit, as if he was thinking. To Rin, it more sounded like Nagisa actually had no reason to call. But then the blonde teen began to talk again.

''Well~ Gou-chan told me that your captain told her that Nitori-chan happened to get into an accident… How is he doing now?'' Nagisa didn't only sound curious, but also rather worried. For some reason, it pissed Rin off more.

'I'm sorry but he is already mine. When will people get their hands and minds off Nitori?' Rin thought. His eyes widened up a bit as he noticed himself thinking like that. Was he… Jealous? Was Rin jealous that Nitori also had other people that loved him, and Nitori loved back?

''He is fine.'' Another cold reply.

A sigh was heard from the other side of the line. ''Rin-chaaaaan~!'' Nagisa seemed to slightly pout. ''You don't sound like he is doing fine! Rei-chaaan say something!''

Rin heard Rei talking on the background, and a sigh escaped the redhead's lips. Rei was complaining about Nagisa. Normally he'd be thankful, but now it only annoyed him more.

''Okay listen here! Nitori is doing fine! He is doing great! Now don't bother us anymore, you got that?'' He snarled, and ended the conversation. Rin thought it was time to let other people know that Nitori was only his – he had come so far… So far, that we wouldn't suddenly give up on his kouhai.

The next day, Rin skipped his training. Yes – the one who wanted to become the best, skipped a training. But instead of hanging around in town like every other teen would, the redhead was sitting next to Nitori's bed in the nursery.

Nitori had woken up a few minutes ago by the sudden touch on his hand. Rin's large fingers (large compared to Nitori's small ones) were gently stroking the back of his hand. ''Matsuoka…-senpai…''

Rin couldn't hold a gasp and looked surprised. Nitori called him like he used to do before the accident. ''Ai…? Are you okay?'' He asked, starting to get a bit worried. Nitori nodded once slowly.

''My head is… hurting a little bit. But I'm okay.'' He spoke softly as he looked straight into Rin's eyes. ''Thanks for staying at my side, senpai.'' Nitori forced himself to smile sweetly at the redhead.

Rin shook his head, though. He knew that Nitori forced himself to smile, he usually did that. ''Ai… Just rest a bit.'' Was all he could bring out.

Rin wanted to hug Nitori – no, hold the little guy for eternity long. The redhead reached out for Nitori's small hand, but as soon as he touched the skin, Nitori quickly drew his hand back. ''S-Senpai…!'' He looked a bit shocked.

Rin blinked with his eyes, rather confused of the sudden reaction of his kouhai. He knew they were boyfriends, right? Then why did he act like that?

''Something wrong…?'' Rin asked and withdrew his own hand as well, rather awkwardly. All out of the sudden, Nitori's eyes became all watery. The redhead saw a tear falling down onto his cheek, and that's when he did his best not to panic.

''Senpai… Please go.'' Nitori sat up, but looked down so his bangs were covering his eyes. ''Please go away…''

''Ai…?'' Rin's large hands began to shake. Had he done something wrong? No, that couldn't be it.

'As his boyfriend I should… take good care of him, right..?' He asked himself in his mind. His kouhai didn't say anything when he called out his name. Rin leaned forward, his face coming closer to Nitori's cute face.

''Ai, please don't cry…'' He whispered and pressed his lips softly on Nitori's cheek. ''Please tell me what's wrong.'' Rin sounded so sweet, so… gentle.

Nitori pushed Rin away with all the strength he had still left. ''Please leave right now, Matsuoka-senpai!'' He almost shouted, yet his voice was definitely trembling as he was crying. ''How could you…?! I thought you… could be nice…! I was so wrong…''

Rin was standing there – clueless. ''Ai, what are you talking about?!'' He spoke confused. 'What the hell is wrong?!' The redhead thought in himself, now definitely panicking.

At that moment Mikoshiba walked in the room, yet Nitori didn't notice that. He was focusing on Rin – more like scolding Rin.

''I remember… I remember our actual relationship…'' The kouhai sobbed intensely. ''How could you lie to me like that…?! How could you make use of my situation? Everyone trusts you, even I trusted you. How dare you to lie to me? How dare you to make up things, and tell me they had actually happened?!'' Nitori was shouting the last part, tears streaming down his face.

Rin swallowed – all that didn't really go as planned. Not at all… Whenever the doctors told him that he wouldn't be able to get his memories back, he really thought they would never return. Then why did they…?

''I don't remember everything. A lot of things are still blurry. But I remember everything with you. We never confessed to each other. Let stand that we actually hugged each other. You always pushed me away, and now you… Just make up a lie that we are boyfriends…?'' Nitori looked down again. ''Leave, now. I-I don't want to see you right now… Matsuoka.''

Mikoshiba cleared his throat, even he sounded shocked. And angry… That was the most important part – Mikoshiba was seriously angry. ''Matsuoka. You're out of the swimming team for a month, to think about what you've done.'' The captain preferred to scold the other redhead, but that wouldn't solve a thing. He knew he had to speak calmly, even if it was really hard.

Rin's expression was… indescribable. All kinds of emotions were shown on his face – sadness, confusion, anger, and most importantly; disappointment. Disappointment in himself. Not because of what he did, but because he failed. He didn't regret it, if Nitori and Mikoshiba only knew… If they only knew how hard he fell for his sweet kouhai. It hurt to see Nitori crying, but it hurt even more that the always happy roommate of his yelled at him. That he didn't want to see him.

''I'll take my leave.'' He mumbled as he didn't look at the other two guys. Rin was shaking, holding his own tears, and left the room silently. 'If Gou hears this, everyone of Iwatobi will hear this, huh…? Guess I'm going to lose everyone.' He thought, and a tear fell down his face as he thought, '…Again.'

[A/N] Whoops I kicked Rin out of the swimming team whoops whooppssss. Sorry not so sorry. prepare for a lottt of emotions in the next chapter ;u;