ANA
For the first time this year, or maybe ever, I'm out jogging, for many reasons. First of all, I need to clear my head; I need the fresh air, because it was starting to feel like I couldn't breathe. Christian is taking me to Seattle for to see where he lives, and to see the guest room I'm moving into. I would imagine that a hot single billionaire would live in a man cave, with as much technology as possible. But then again, Christian doesn't strike me as someone like that; I think his home is going to be rather large, but classy. And I'm going to live there for 6 months, pretending being his wife, god I don't think I'll ever wrap my head around that.
This is all insane, and I keep waiting for the moment when I wake up and realize it was all just a dream. It's not that I don't like Christian, but I don't know him. I don't want to be married to him because I don't want to be married to anyone that I'm not in love with. And then there's the whole moving in together thing, do I want that? I am in a relationship without love; no I'm in a marriage without love. I've never been in a relationship; I don't know how to be in a relationship, especially not a marriage. I've never been in love, so the whole 'not being in love' thing will be difficult to pretend otherwise. But I don't think it'll be that easy pretending to be married, in a healthy, happy marriage. I'm not that good of an actress.
I stop a second to see where I am, and realize I'm not that far from Christian's hotel, is that a coincidence or did something make me run here? Although, I didn't mean to run here, I didn't really mean to run anywhere, I just started. Well since I'm already here I might as well go up and meet with him now. We're only going on a small trip so I don't need to pack anything. I don't plan on spending the night before I move in; I want to spend as little time as possible together. His constant cranky mood is making me moody too.
Christian did tell me that I would get my own room, to decorate the way I wanted it to be, so I've been thinking a lot about what I want it to look like. I think it needs to be a place where I can see myself spending time, where I can enjoy my own company, so in my head I'm picturing wall after wall with books, comfy chairs to sit and read in, maybe making one of the corners into a working station for when I get a job. Looking at it like that, this seems like something I can do for a period of 6 months. But what will people think when we get the divorce? If we go public, then we get a divorce I would surely be made out as a gold digger. Before the the divorce, people will question my every move, and then they will be there ready to take the pictures when I fail my ''marriage.'' And my parents would be more disappointed in me.
I still haven't told my mom, but I know that I will have to sooner or later. I'm going for later. Telling my dad is worse than my mother, but I don't want another parent to be disappointed in me as well. But no one is as disappointed in me as I am in myself. I've always laughed when I've heard stories about something like this happening to other people, laughing over how stupid you really could be; now I'm one of them.
''Ana?'' I turn around when I hear a voice I've heard before but can't quite place the voice. I'm met with friendly blue eyes, and I can't help smile.
''Elliot, hey'' I say, biting my lip. He surprises me when he picks me up in a hug and spins me around, and I squeal, making everyone turn around and look at us. ''Let me down,'' I say when he continues to spin me. He lets me down with a soft chuckle.
''It's good seeing you again, how you've been?'' he asks, stuffing his hands awkwardly in his pant pockets.
''Nothing's changed much, spent some time with my friends, getting married, you know.'' I joke, and he laughs. It feels great making someone laugh for a change, particularly laughing over something I said rather than something I've done. ''Is Christian here?''
''Oh, you don't want to go up there,'' he says looking up ''he's not exactly having a friendly conversation with Taylor, I feel bad for the guy.'' I look at him questioningly, what did Taylor do wrong? ''He's mad about the day we went to that bar.'' He says, and eyes me. Did Christian tell him what's going on? What our plan is for this? ''It's not Taylor's fault,'' he continues after a few seconds. ''Taylor offered to pick you up, to get you home, but Christian got pissed off and said that Taylor didn't have to come, but Taylor being the good security guy he is followed anyway, and Christian got mad and sent him back. Now he's mad that he wasn't there to prevent things from happen.''
''The marriage,'' I whisper and he shrugs. ''Did he tell you?'' I ask in hope that he knows what I'm talking about ''about the annulment?'' He finally nods.
''You're going to make a go at it, right?'' He asks frowning and I nod. ''Well welcome to the family, sis.'' He says and gives me another hug, but keeping my feet firmly on the ground this time.
Instantly, Strong arms drag me away from Elliot, and I look up into Christian's fury eyes. I stop and he tries to drag me harder, but I'm not budging and he stops. ''What do you think you're doing?'' he asks, and I have no idea what he means. ''Don't flirt with my brother, Anastasia'' he hisses close to my ear, so he doesn't make more of a scene that he already has.
''We weren't flirting,'' I hiss the same way back ''we were having a conversation a normal conversation, just talking. Jesus Christian, that hurt'' I say rubbing my hand. He takes a look at my arm, and sighs.
''I'm sorry Ana.''
''You seem to be saying that a lot.''
''Yeah,'' he agrees ''I just acted out over what I saw, sorry.'' Elliot comes jogging up to us, and seems furious with Christian and protective over me. ''We're leaving,'' Christian says harshly, but this time he takes my hand lacing our fingers together, to show Elliot that I'm not in danger… I think.
''Where?'' Elliot and I both ask at the same time.
''Seattle,'' he answers.
''We're going in that?'' I gasp as we excites from the elevator, and see a helicopter with 'GREY ENTERPRISES HOLDINGS' on the side of it in big block letters. I've never flown a helicopter before, is it safe?
''Yes, it's faster'' he says and we walks over to the helicopter. Christian stops and talks with someone who's standing by the motor. I don't hear anything they're saying, as I feel myself slightly freaking out. Christian walks over to me and lays his hand on my lower back. ''It's safe, Anastasia. Relax'' he helps me in before walking around on the other side. He leans over the middle to help strap me in, he sees that I'm nervous and tense and gives me a quick kiss on my cheek, telling me everything will be fine.
We're sitting with both headsets on, but neither one of us are talking. My nervousness slowly eased up as we went into the air. Looking out the helicopter was amazing, and I decide that want to do it again. I couldn't stop muttering wow, over and over again, and every time I looked over at Christian he was smirking. We land on a high building, and he gets out and then helps me out after he's walked around to my side. I can't help smiling, that was amazing. He actually returns my smile, smiling up at me.
''That was amazing,'' I shout over the noise of the motors calming down, and he nods at me and we walk over to a private elevator. We walk in, ''which floor?'' I ask as I turn around to push on the button to the floor he tells me, but there's none there. Christian leans over and inserts a code and the door closes.
''Penthouse,'' he says, giving me yet another smirk. We stand in an uncomfortable silence, and it feels like I'm panting, and I tell myself over and over again in my head not to look at him. Somehow I really want him to push me against the wall and kiss me. I swallow and close my eyes. Don't think of him… you don't want him… he hasn't done anything nice to deserve a kiss...
Other than taking me out for coffee, giving me the Tess books after our almost kiss, I wanted him to kiss me at least. He apologized by buying me a Mac and a diamond necklace. But still… he hasn't done anything to make me have feelings for him. Yes, he made love to me, that's it he made me feel special no matter if we were drunk or not, I felt special.
I hear the door open and I open my eyes relieved. I turn around to look at Christian and he is looking me the way I felt only seconds ago, with an intense stare. I give him a little smile, then I walk out and stand in the hallway not really sure what I should do.
He walks out of the elevator, not looking at me and starts walking. I follow a few feet behind him. He walks straight into the kitchen and fills a glass of something. I'm not sure what it is but by the look of his face it's quite strong. He holds up the glass and looking questioningly at me, and I shake my head.
''You want a tour? I can show you your room,'' he says and I nod, better get this over and done with. He walks past me and starts walking towards my room… I guess. He only looks behind him a few times to see if I'm following him.
I was right this apartment is huge, everything is huge, open and… cold. He doesn't have much color in here, and it's quite depressing. In my room, I will have colors I don't know if I can live 6 months without having a color to look at. It surprises me that everything is black and white, and when I think over it I've never seen Christian in a color either.
He stops at a door and motion for me to walk in, he's not very talkative. I walk in and I'm stunned. When he told me about the room, I had imagined a normal guest bedroom and maybe a bathroom. But this room is the size of Kate and my living room. There's only a bed in here though, so it needs furniture. I walk over to the closet and look inside. It's a walk in closet, and it's humongous. I've never had that many clothes, and there's no way I can fill this closet. I close the door and walk over to the bathroom, and then I'm truly stunned. It's like everything else in his apartment, big. There's a double sized sink, there's a bathtub, and it's not on the small size. Wow, I can live here and never leave my room.
''I love it,'' I whisper, looking around to see if Christian is still there. He's standing casually in the door way, and smile. I walk over to him, and we walk out of the room. ''Where's your room?'' I ask, and he looks taken aback by my question.
''Other end of the apartment,'' he says and starts walking back to the kitchen. ''the housekeeper is here to clean and cook Monday to Thursday, so if you want to cook on the weekends feel free to do that. Mrs. Jones will always buy groceries, so don't worry about that. She'll clean your clothes, the whole apartment, you don't need to do that.'' Doesn't he do anything himself? I guess it can't be easy doing what he does, but can anyone be that busy that they can't cook and clean? ''If you don't want to cook,'' he continues ''you can always order take away.''
''You're not going to be eating with me?''
''Maybe sometimes, it depends on my schedule, any questions?'' He asks, and I shake my head. ''You'll be having security, and when we're no longer married I'll have someone looking over you from a distant.''
''You've got be kidding me,'' I say and he looks harshly at me narrowing his eyes, and shake his head. ''Why after the divorce?''
''Safety reasons,'' he says and doesn't elaborate more on that.
Christian order some food, and we eat in silence only looking up at each other a few times. After that Christian poured us both a glass of white wine, and we sat down in the living room.
''Christian!'' I say in shock after we've been sitting there for an hour. ''We had sex,'' I gasp and he frowns and nods at me. ''I can't remember, we used protection right? I'm not on the pill or anything.'' He looks away for a second still frowning.
''Yes,'' he says coldly when he looks back at me. ''You don't remember anything?''
''I think I remember parts of it, I'm not sure.'' He doesn't look pleased with my answer, he looks pissed off. ''I always I thought I would remember my first time, but things happen.'' I smile jokingly at him. He turns around and looks at me, his eyes widening.
''Your… you're… you were a virgin?'' He asks, I look away embarrassed biting my lip, and nod. ''Jesus Ana,'' he gets up and starts pacing back and forth. ''I was drunk!'' he yells, I'm not sure if the anger is pointed at me or himself. ''Why didn't you tell me? I would've…'' he looks at me and I shrug. ''Come,'' he says holding his hand out for me.
''What?''
''I'm making up for it, let me treat you the way I should have.''
''Ehm… I'm not sure that's a good idea Christian,'' I say nervously, looking down biting my lip.
''You didn't deserve your first time like that, please let me make up for it. I want to treat you right.''
And he does, Christian is slow, gentle and amazing. He takes his time, taking of my clothes slowly, kissing the new naked area every time it appears. He's kissing me gently on my mouth, softly pushing his tongue against mine.
He takes of his jeans, and lays me down on his bed, kissing my neck and jaw, as he thrust his erection against my aching spot, the only thing in our way are our underwear. He continues pushing himself down and circling his hips, and my breathing gets heavier.
He gets up from the bed, and I prop myself up on my elbows panicked; I'm sure he's changed his mind. But He takes of his boxers and finds a condom, his eyes never leaving mine as he slides it on. He gets back on the bed, and starts kissing me all over again. His hand runs down from my breast and down to my panties, and he tugs it down. When it's down around my legs I use my feet to take it completely off.
Christian takes himself in his hand, looking intently at me, as he finds my entrance. And he slowly, pushes in, slowly and sweetly filling me. The pain I remember from the first time isn't there. His eyes never leaving mine, he moves slowly in and out, and as my breathing increases he moves faster and faster.
He's following my heart, he's moving after the beat of my heart. And when I reach my high, and cry out his name, it feels like my heart stop and so does he. He cries out my name, and he tries to get his breathing back under control.
We lie, like that for a little while. Trying to get our breathing back to normal, and wrap our heads around what just happened. It was amazing, and I would be lying if I said I didn't want to do that again.
Christian's phone vibrates slightly, indicating a message. He reads it, and roll out of bed muttering ''shit'' as he walks naked into his bathroom, with clothes in his hand. He walks out of bathroom a few seconds later, fully dressed. ''Get dressed,'' he says ''my mother is coming up.''