Dumbledore still couldn't afford losing any members of the Order, but he still discharged Sirius for the time being. No one knew for how long because he was only told he could return when or if he got a better hold of his emotions. Dumbledore obviously didn't believe Sirius when he said he was chasing Peter. He probably thought Sirius was either crazy or just looking for an excuse when he finally admitted that Peter could turn into a rat. Sirius cursed Peter for being so useless at everything that no one believed that he had succeeded in learning such a difficult self-transfiguration.
Dumbledore was right in his notion that Sirius was unstable, but Sirius had been unstable ever since he was born, so that wasn't reason enough to suddenly deem Sirius unable to help any of them. At least there was a silver lining, or so Dumbeldore called it, since Sirius was still allowed and expected to come to the Order of the Phoenix meetings.
Sirius was very bitter about his new less than desired position in the Order, but he couldn't complain about it to anyone. The other Order members looked at him with pained eyes, Lily did the same, and James told him that he should be happy he was even able to walk around and be a part of the meetings unlike the Potters and Longbottoms.
Sirius knew he was being insufferable. James and Lily didn't say so, but they sighed too deeply to not be irritated by him, and that was saying something because he was the only person, except maybe Dumbledore, who visited them. He had to visit them. Both to make sure they had food and because he needed them to not go completely insane. The Order was too busy to reassure him, especially since he was taken out of action and therefore was only welcome to the general meetings and not any of the specific plans. Peter probably knew Sirius wouldn't act too kindly if he saw him and was hiding somewhere, and Sirius had only visited Remus at the first full moon after his passing.
Sirius snickered when he thought of the poor souls who saw him. Stupid Death-Eater-looking teenagers who probably didn't even have the guts to kill a fly and at least one of them literally pissed himself when he saw the Grim starring at them with piercing eyes in front of a grave. He hoped they thought he was checking up on his latest victim and they thought they would be the next ones. Sirius refused to believe he had ever been capable of such disrespect to the deceased no matter what age he was and no matter Lily told him when he told the story to Lily and James.
Months passed since Remus was attacked. The leaves turned brown and yellow and eventually fell to the ground, but Sirius had still not cleaned his apartment. It was truly disgusting by then and he longed for his Hogwarts days were there was house elves to clean up after him. He technically had the time now but all his energy was used on the Potters or finding Peter. Sirius had wanted to find the people who had skinned Remus, but he had to admit to himself it was a lost cause since he didn't even know if it actually was some from Greyback's pack or "just" Death Eaters. He would just have to kill them all when he either just saw one or the other of the groups or he was allowed on official missions for the Order again.
Sirius walked aimlessly around the muggle streets of London. He was in a particular bad mood that day. Maybe it was the dying leaves or maybe it was the nightmare he had had that night. Remus, for once, wasn't a child in his dream, but looked like he had the last time Sirius saw him. Except he was alive in the dream. Sirius had looked perplexed at his friend and wanted to ask why he was bleeding, when Remus looked at him with the same betrayed look he had after the Willow Incident that almost killed Snape once and Remus twice. Once from the injuries and once from barely escaping the Ministry's clutches. Sirius had then looked down at himself and saw he was covered in blood and was holding a bloody knife. Remus had looked at him with more loathing than Sirius had ever seen anyone look at anyone before and threw his head back to let a red sea of blood rain down his body when he failed to take the knife out of Sirius' hand and stab him. Sirius hadn't died in the dream but he woke up with a start that morning and had tried to fall asleep again after his tears had dried and heartbeat slowed down, but had to throw in the towel at around 6 o'clock.
The October wind caressed his hair and he almost wanted to lean into it. It felt motherly and Sirius could imagine it was Mrs. Potter caressing him from the afterlife. Most of the Order was on a mission, or so Sirius was almost sure of. He could never really be sure of it since he wasn't a part of any missions and although the amount of leaked information fell drastically after Peter's departure, the suspicions was still heavy in the air.
Children ran around joyfully. It was a Saturday but Sirius was still surprised by the amount of children and laughter around him. He didn't realise why there was so many children before he saw a little girl dressed as a Greek followed closely by a boy in a mask that made him look like a house elf. Sirius felt melancholy as he remembered Remus pointing at a poster in mid May the year before and said the creature was called Yoda and was from a movie called Star Fight, or something like that. Remus had been so excited at the time and Sirius was dismayed that he didn't know if the was remembering it right but it hadn't seemed important at the time, and he guessed he was suspicious of Remus even then.
Maybe he should buy some candy for Harry and visit Potters' Cottage? He hoped they would like that. Sirius looked in his wallet. There was about 8 pounds and he thought that was enough to buy candy. A Gallon was 5 pounds, right? Or was a pound 5 Sickles? How expensive was muggle candy?
Sirius sighed. He really needed Lily or Remus. Probably Remus. He never made Sirius feel stupid for having to ask about the currency literally every time they were buying muggle things.
But Remus couldn't help him anymore and Sirius couldn't ask anyone else, so he gave up and went to Sugarplum's Sweets Shop in Diagon Ally. Sirius just stood there for a moment and sucked in the nostalgia. There was a clearance sale or reduced holyday price on Chocolate Frogs. Sirius turned around to tell the other Marauders, mainly Remus, that they were only 6 Sickles each instead of 10 when he realised the others wasn't with him and Remus would never eat another Chocolate Frog, reduced price or not.
Sirius collected himself and took a bit of everything, excluding the Chocolate Frogs, and went to the cash register when he saw James' stag Patronus fly towards him. Sirius close to threw all the candy in his arms on the counter as the stag started talking with James' voice.
Most of the fear he felt left Sirius as he finally understood the message. No one was dead, but it was serious enough that Lily and James had left their house with Harry to go to St Mungo's and Sirius couldn't waste a single minute to pay before disapparating from the shop and leaving an angry owner behind who would have to put all the candy back to their rightful places.
Sirius had apparated directly in the reception area. He ran as soon as he had landed, not an easy feat but possible thanks to Moody, and arrived panting in front of the Welcome Witch, who looked old enough to be Dumbledore's mother, maybe even a young grandmother. She looked up at him with disinterested, green eyes.
"Visiting or admitting?" She asked with a nasal.
"Visiting," Sirius said with a breathless voice. "Harry Potter."
She looked down at a couple of papers maddeningly slowly before exclaiming, "Yes, the little Potter. Room 5 on the fourth floor."
One part of Sirius wanted to leave right away but another part was worried about what he would see.
"Is it bad?"
She looked at him with dead fish eyes but answered with a quality in her voice that almost counted as caring, "No, just a case of accidental magic. He should be able to leave soon."
Sirius sighed embarrassingly loudly in relief but didn't care, and ran up the stairs as quickly as he could. He managed to sprint up two floors but his legs refused to move faster than a slow jog after that. He probably would have moved faster if he let himself walk up the stairs instead of his failed attempt to waste a single second.
He finally reached the fourth floor and let himself deeply inhale and exhale once before walking as fast as he could down the hall. It was a very ugly hall. The walls were an okay creamy colour but they made him nauseous when combined with the light green colour of the floor.
Sirius reached the fifth door before long and opened the door after a quick glance at the number next to the door. He looked around the room for a moment. The room was built to room several patients but it was smaller than the other wards Sirius had been in. Sirius could almost smack himself when he finally realised that it was because he hadn't visited a child in a hospital before. It made sense they got smaller rooms being children and therefore not roomed with too many people.
"Prongs? Lily? Are you in here?" Sirius asked in a barely hushed voice.
A messy haired head appeared from behind one of the blue curtains that was around every bed and a big smile grew on the face as soon as it saw Sirius.
"Padfoot!" It yelled loudly and without regard to the children in the ward. Maybe he knew all of them were awake or maybe he simply didn't care. Sirius sure didn't care about either possibility and moved his tired legs as quickly as they could towards the curtains.
Harry sat in the limegreen bed and smiled up at Sirius with Lily sitting about an inch away from Harry's feet.
"What did you get into this time, you little buck?"
"Red," Harry explained as well as could to expected by a one-year-old. Sirius pondered if it was unfair of him to ask a child who barely could pronounce a small part of the words needed, but Harry seemed happy to have explained the situation, so Sirius guessed it was fine.
"He was having a tantrum because he couldn't get any more C-A-N-D-Y when he accidently hit our bookcase with a beam of magic," Lily explained more thoroughly than her son did. She opened her mouth to, probably, explain further when she was interrupted by her husband.
"Yeah, Harry's just 1 and already a very powerful wizard!" Exaggeration or not, James was clearly very proud of Harry showing signs of magic and Harry beamed at the praise from his father.
Lily huffed, "Yeah, but the bookcase then fell on him and broke three of his ribs and gave him a concussion. He then proceeded to stand up after we had removed the bookcase and dug himself out of the pile of books and punctured his own lung." Harry deflated at her tone, clearly not understanding that her sharp tone was caused by worry, not anger. James noticed his son's distress and walked over to him and kissed him on the forehead. It helped a bit but Harry still looked anxiously at his mother.
"James and I of course didn't know that and James panicked because he thought Harry was dying while I tried to heal our son."
Sirius turned his head in an oddly dog-like manner and visually showed his confusion. "And you then brought him here? Why?"
Lily looked at him even more murderously than she had when he and James had dropped Snape in the middle of the Black Lake in their third year at Hogwarts. "We know it is dangerous for Harry to be outside the house, but he wasn't breathing properly and he looked as if he was far away. So yes, we took our son to the hospital. Sorry, if that doesn't suit you!"
"Lily, you know I didn't mean it like that," Sirius said hurriedly in the fear that she would hex him so badly he would be glad he was in the hospital already. Sirius wasn't much for stereotypes, except when talking about Slytherins, but Lily had ruined his chances of ever viewing redheads as anything other than very temperamental.
Lily closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I know. I'm just stressed after the day we had." Lily opened her eyes and looked at her son while she patted his tiny feet. Harry giggled a bit and Lily smiled big back at him.
Sirius felt the mixed feeling of both euphoria and envy at seeing the little family smiling and laughing together. It was the same envy that showed its ugly head from time to time. Sirius was more than happy that James had found happiness, even if it was a discoloured by the war, but despite never seeing himself as a father or even just something close to the new and older James, he couldn't help feeling a tiny bit envious. Especially of James whose biggest troubles growing up had been having a werewolf friend and chasing the girl who became the mother of his child. He had never wished for anything less for his friend but the bitter pill of the unfairness in the World had and always would be hard to swallow.
Sirius sat with them for an hour before a healer came and checked on Harry. Harry was fine but the healer insisted Harry to stay overnight because of his concussion. Lily, James, and Sirius was having none of that and Lily and James followed the healer out the room to plead their case. Sirius wanted to go with them too but Lily, harsher than usual given the circumstances, informed him that he had no legal right over Harry and hopefully never would have any. It would have sounded even harsher from anyone else, but Sirius would agree even if it was said harshly since him having legal guardianship over Harry would mean that his only close friends left had died. However, that didn't diminish the feelings he got at being reminded how little say he had over Harry.
Lily was right, Sirius knew that, but James still had to lay a calming hand on him before he said anything he would regret. James also made a good case that someone would have to stay with Harry. The healer looked strangely at the three of them when Sirius agreed but Sirius wasn't bothered by the healer's ignorance. How should could anyone else know that Harry was the most precious child in the World? Voldemort obviously knew Harry was amazing but for the wrong reasons and that was the reason there had to be someone with him. Sirius hoped Voldemort thought Neville was more important than Harry. It stirred a lot of guilt deep in his stomach because Neville had officially been declared the second cutest baby in the World by Sirius the third and last time he had seen him and Sirius loved Neville's parents but he loved Harry, Lily, and James a thousand times more.
Harry giggled happily, as Sirius made harmless sparks fly out of his wand. His eyes sparked with mirth, his hair being messier than Lily normally let it be gave him a more mischievous look than usual, and his mouth opened and showed all eight of his teeth with two more molar teeth growing that Sirius caught a single glance of when his head was turned in the right angle.
The door opened when Sirius had entertained Harry with sparks for 10 minutes but Sirius paid it no mind. It was probably a parent to one of the children in the ward or a healer checking in on the children, they had already done that once since Lily and James left, and Sirius didn't feel like scaring another healer and Harry with his panic.
The curtains around the bed next to them was pulled back. Sirius thought nothing of it until the curtain around Harry's bed was pulled back too and Sirius turned his head to see whom it was. He expected a healer, Lily and James, or both of those things. Instead, he met with a sight he should have been more prepared for. A tall, waxy-looking man stood and smiled wickedly and Sirius instantly knew who it was despite never having seen the man before. The man had the characteristics of a handsome face but it looked strangely reptilian. His dark eyes could have looked good with his dark hair, but the whites of his eyes was completely bloodshot and therefore destroyed that. He held his wand up after having magically pulled the curtains away. Sirius should have been prepared but who would ever be prepared to meet the Dark Lord himself? To meet Voldemort?
Sirius would die. He was sure of it. His only hope was that he could hold Voldemort off until someone else would come and that Voldemort wouldn't harm any of the children in the room. A healer would be very appreciated at that moment. Sirius wished he could take Harry and apparate away, but there had been an Anti-Apparition Charm and Anti-Disapparition Jinx all over St Mungo's since it was founded with only the exception of the reception area.
Lily, James, and Sirius should just have taken Harry and left instead of reasoning with that damn healer. Maybe the healer had told Voldemort that Harry was at St Mungo's? A Death Eater healer was almost laughable and Sirius hoped he would live long enough to laugh at it.
"Harry Potter," Voldemort whispered almost as he couldn't believe it really was him.
'Oh Merlin, even his voice is creepy and menacing,' Sirius thought but didn't let the dread show.
"You stay away from him!" Sirius commanded. Voldemort laughed. It was a mocking but somehow genuine laughter. Sirius was so terrified that some of the fear painted his face and Voldemort laughed louder at the sight. Not harder, louder, like a radio that were turned up. He was human-like but he wasn't one anymore. Far from it.
Voldemort didn't close his eyes or look away as he laughed but Sirius still wondered how he could be relaxed enough to laugh in the first place. Sirius didn't dare to take his eyes off his opponent either, didn't even dare to blink, but he looked for Death Eaters in the corner of his eyes and found none. He didn't know if that was reassuring or worrying, but the feeling of his stomach knotting up didn't change one bit.
Voldemort lifted his wand and pointed it at his opponent at the same time Sirius did. The streams of pure white magic collided in the middle. Sirius wasn't sure what spell Voldemort was using, hell, he wasn't even sure what spell he was using. It was probably just pure magic but Sirius' mind was racing too much to find a single spell that could be useful in that situation.
"Avada Kedavra." The spell had fallen naturally from Voldemort's dry lips and Sirius knew that the stakes had just gotten higher. Voldemort would probably be shoved if Sirius' spell hit him but Sirius would die if the opposite happened, and it looked like a more and more likely outcome as the newly green stream slowly passed the middle point and started to inch closer and closer to Sirius. Voldemort too moved closer to Sirius. Harry cried loudly behind Sirius. As heart breaking a sound it was, it was the only thing that gave Sirius the strength to hope that this would end in a favourable way.
Voldemort moved closer to Sirius. He didn't need to do it for his spell to move, it actually moved slower with his attention divided between spellcasting and walking. It was only to mock. Sirius' brain turned off more the closer he was to the pale face and it turned completely off when he was under a meter away from him. Sirius could only see black and the split second of darkness was enough for him to fear that he had died. He came to after that brief moment and saw his leg kick Voldemort's hand. The green stream turned direction and Sirius feared it would hit someone but it only blackened the wall behind Harry right where the wall met the ceiling. Sirius's spell was free to hit its target and made Voldemort fly to the wall behind him. Sirius hoped that he was dead but wasn't that lucky and Voldemort was on his feet the moment Sirius was in front of him.
Spells flew around. Hitting the chandelier, the walls, a bed that was luckily unoccupied, and more. All in Harry's sight and made the child scream loudly. Sirius hadn't had enough time or mind to close the curtain around the bed but Sirius wished he had.
The other children started to scream through their tears when the chandelier took another hit and almost fell on Sirius. The spell had looked accidental but Sirius had been almost crushed so it couldn't have been completely.
Voldemort was good at duelling but Sirius hoped that his youth was enough to match him in strength. Not that Voldemort was that old, probably in his fifties, but Sirius reminded himself that he too was good at duelling and had been since he was a child.
Time seemed to have both sped up and slowed down. Sirius realised at some point in the fight that Voldemort was winning. He also knew that Harry would face the killing curse as soon as Sirius wasn't there to protect him. Voldemort's wandhand lifted to both his own and Sirius' eyelevel and zigzagged down as the haunting voice spoke again.
"Avada Ka-"
The door flew open with a loud bang but neither Voldemort nor Sirius turned their eyes away from each other.
"-da-," Voldemort was cut off by the person in the doorway.
"Reducto!" She shouted and as she pointed her wand at Voldemort's chest.
He gasped once the blue light hit him and turned his head to look at his killer before he, to both her and Sirius' surprise, lit up and disappeared in a non-existent wind.
"He's dead?" Sirius asked, feeling oddly young. "He's actually dead?"
"I think so."
Sirius turned his head to his saviour. "How is that even possible? What did you do?"
Lily shook her head as she answered, "I don't know. I didn't think." She sounded as young and confused as Sirius felt.
Harry shouted a sobbing and barely understandable "Mama" and interrupted Sirius' rather pathetic attempt to question Lily. Lily jumped at the sound of her distressed child and ran to his bed. The other children were crying too but Lily only had eyes for Harry and didn't even seem to register that there were others in the room.
"Harry, are you okay?"
Harry didn't answer but only cried harder when Lily pulled him to her chest and let one of her hands run over his body to in a mixture between comforting and checking him for injuries.
"I'm so glad you're safe, baby. You have been so strong, so strong, and dada and I are so proud of you."
Lily laid her head on his and now only let her hand run up and down his back to comfort him, but Harry didn't seem to be able to stop crying.
"Don't cry, Harry. You're safe now and we won't let anything happen to you." Lily stifled a sob before continuing more tearfully, "Mama loves you. Dada loves you."
Sirius felt like he could use a mother himself. Not his own obviously. He would probably be so scared that he would cry harder than Harry was doing at that moment if Walburga hugged him and told him she loved him. However, the anxiety still hadn't left his body and hiding his face in a woman's chest wouldn't seem the least bit sexual for him at that moment. The adrenaline finally left his body and he fell to the floor as if someone deflated him.
Healers ran into the room. They had probably heard the cries from the children through the still open door. The healers stopped as soon as they saw the state of the room and Sirius was too shell-shocked himself to wonder how much help they would be if there still were an urgent problem. If crying children of course didn't count as an urgent problem, because if it did, they had already proven they wouldn't be any help at all.
James sauntered into the room a minute or two after the children had finally stopped crying without any help from the healers. James was talking so fast that Sirius barely understood him through the thick veil that had surrounded him since he fell to the ground.
"I finally convinced him to let Harry go in about an hour. You should all be proud and…" He looked around the room with big eyes. "What the hell happened here?"
No one answered him. Sirius couldn't get his mouth to move and Lily was too preoccupied convincing herself that Har
Harry hadn't gotten hurt in the short time he and Sirius had faced Voldemort.
"Lily?" James finally asked again, when several minutes had passed in silence and Sirius proved to be of no help.
"We're leaving."
"I know, the healer said…"
"No, we're leaving now. With or without you."
"Of course, Lily, I will go with you."
Lily turned her green eyes to Sirius. Sirius had never noticed how green they were before. Just as green as the spell that had almost hit both Sirius and after that Harry. The same one that Voldemort had almost cast before Lily ran into the room.
"Sirius, I need you to tell Dumbledore what happened."
"I-I…"
"What kind of man are you?" Lily asked so harshly Harry almost woke up from his exhausted slumber in her arms. Lily's gentle arms contrasted her death glare.
"Are you a man or a mouse, Sirius?" A mouse...? Sirius was no mouse or a rat for that matter. A cowardly creature that couldn't even stand up for what was right, that wasn't Sirius.
"What are you taking me for, Lily? Of course, I will inform old Dumby."
Sirius' attempt to sound normal was feeble at best, but Lily nodded approvingly in Sirius' direction before she stood up with Harry in her arms and left the room. James looked confused at her and Sirius but quickly got a move on when he realised she wouldn't wait a single second for him.
Sirius looked pointedly at the robe Voldemort had left behind as the healers evacuated the children. It wasn't before Dumbledore arrived several minutes later that Sirius realised he was probably the one who was supposed to contact him, but Lily must have taken the task upon herself.
Sirius stood up and removed some of the dirt from his clothes in an attempt to get some of his dignity back. Several of the Order members came in after Dumbledore. Luckily, they didn't openly stare at Sirius' uncharacteristically undignified state. They at least pretended that all their attention was on investigating the room. Sirius knew they looked at him in the corner of their eyes, but he could pretend that it was only Dumbledore looking at him.
Dumbledore looked around the room but he didn't look like he was simply looking at the blackened walls and destroyed furniture.
"Did he flee?"
"Didn't Lily inform you about the situation?"
"We were only informed that He-Who-Should-Not-Be-Named was here. She had other things on her mind."
"Oh, okay, makes sense." Sirius hesitated a second to find the right word. "He died, I think."
"Died?"
"Yes, Lily came in when he was about to hit me with…" Sirius couldn't finish his sentence properly with the shock taking a hold of him again but they both knew what he was about to say. "And then he just vanished. Not apparated or anything and he left his robe." Both Sirius and Dumbledore looked at the robe lying innocently on the floor.
Dumbledore turned his head in Sirius' direction once more and Sirius turned his gaze to the headmaster again when he spoke, "Lily used the killing curse?"
"What?" Sirius asked confused why Dumbledore would even need to ask that. "No, she didn't. She used The Reductor Curse."
"I see. That curse isn't commonly used on people, but nonetheless a good spell to use. It's all in the intention of the caster." Sirius could have lived without the lesson on curses, and he already knew that piece of information, but he kept quiet as even he could see that this wasn't the time or place to tell his old headmaster off for lecturing.
"So he's dead."
"Yes," Dumbledore said. Sirius was so joyful he almost didn't hear it when Dumbledore continued, "But…"
"But what?"
"I fear he isn't gone permanently."
"What do you mean?"
"There's a lot of dark magic out there and he was a very smart young man when I taught him. I'm sure his knowledge along with his followers has only increased throughout the years."
Sirius looked dejected at a spot on the wall opposite him. "What do we do now then?"
"Wait."
"Wait!?" Sirius turned his eyes back to Dumbledore's face. "And just hope he doesn't surprise us one day and kills one of us? Kills the whole Order or Harry?" Forget that Dumbledore probably didn't see Harry's probable death as something worse than the death of the Order, Sirius was sure his message came through.
"He will rise sooner or later, Sirius," Dumbledore said patiently but with a hint of annoyance. "We can only do our best to make sure that day is later and be ready when that day comes."
Dumbledore looked ready for Sirius to say something but he kept quiet. Sirius just nodded to show he was listening, when he realised Dumbledore was waiting
"He can't rise without his followers, so we will keep arresting Death Eaters as Aurors and as the Order of the Phoenix."
"Okay," Sirius said uncharacteristically meekly. "But what will happen to Harry?"
"Hopefully nothing. He and his parents will have to hide until there's no more Death Eaters and even then we will have to keep an eye on him."
"That sounds fair. So, he will have a more normal childhood with friends and playing until he can go to Hogwarts?" Sirius asked in a hopeful voice as he smiled brightly at Dumbledore in contrast to the rest of his tired face. A good, safe childhood was all he wanted for Harry.
"Yes, he will be as ordinary as can be to the public but I doubt the Death Eaters will forget the prophecy"
The little energy Sirius had left seemed to suddenly leave him at Dumbledore's last words.
"But no need to worry."
'No need to worry?', Sirius thought secretly very venomously. Like Sirius could ever not worry about his friends and godson being on anyone's hitlist.
"I want you to go home and rest, Sirius," Dumbledore said and put a hand on each of his shoulders before continuing, "But first, I want you to tell me about the whole situation. From the moment He-Who-Should-Not-Be-Named walked in and to his… Destruction for lack of a better word.
Sirius nodded, shook out of Dumbledore's firm hold, and walked over to the bed Harry had been laying on not so long ago. Dumbledore kept standing but followed Sirius closely with his blue eyes. They didn't wander for a single second as Sirius explained everything. Both the unimportant details and backtracking several times to finally get the important ones in.
AN: The shortest chapter of Raw, but at least I will post the (even shorter) epilog tomorrow.