Summary: Human AU: After Raphael is kidnapped at the age of five, his family was devastated. They never stopped searching for him, but after eleven years, they fall to the conclusion that he must truly be gone. But when the Hamato family receives a phone call early in the morning, they are overwhelmed to hear that Raphael is alive and well. But after such a large time gap, and a crude upbringing, is the Raphael they knew still inside this hardened shell of a teenager.

Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT or its characters. All rights go to produces. I just put their characters into my story.

A/N: Please be gentle on me. This is my first TMNT fan fiction, so please be nice.

Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it. ~ J.K Rowling, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Chapter Four: Stuck in the Past

He lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling, trying to calm his racing heart. His hair was damp with sweat, as was his pillow and his bed sheets which were tangled around his body. He glanced at his wrist watch that lay on the night stand and sighed heavily; it was only three in the morning. Rolling over onto his side, Raph flipped his pillow over, revealing the cool side and kicked his sheets to the end of his bed. Reluctantly, he fell back asleep; dreading what dreams his mind would create.

She placed the switchblade into his hand, curling his fingers around the hilt. Her eyes were bright with a ferocity Raph had seen numerous times when she had tried to fight off her "clients". Her hair was a tangled rat's nest, her face was pale and she had dark bags under her eyes, and yet, she was beautiful.
"When you see a chance, take it and run," she whispered. Raph stared at the folded up switchblade, numb. He couldn't do this, not alone. He glanced at her with pleading eyes, begging her not to let him do this alone. A ghost of smile reached her lips. Reaching around her neck, she unclasped the pendant that she always wore.

She placed the pendant-a silver bird in flight- around his neck. She smiled and caressed his cheek, rubbing away the tear trails.
"You're like a son to me, Raphael," she whispered, "I want you to have a life, something I never did. So when I distract them, you run."
"But-"
"Promise me," she said, her voice growing stern. "Promise me you will take this chance." Raph nodded wordlessly as fresh tears trickled down his cheeks. He did not want to leave her; she had been so kind to him these past seven years. She smiled at his affirmation and rose to her feet. Grabbing Raph by the hand, she pulled him out into the hall and instructed him to hide in a doorway that was nearest the exit.

"I'll distract them," she whispered. "When you see an opening, run and do not stop." She turned to leave but Raph reached out for her, latching onto her wrist.
"What if they chase me," he asked quietly. She gestured to the switchblade that was held tightly in his hand.
"You do what you have to, even if it means killing them." She kissed Raph on the cheek and ran a hand through his hair, a sad smile on her face. "Don't feel guilty for killing scum like them. And don't feel guilty for what I'm about to do." She proceeded down the hall, making a tremendous amount of noise as she did, hammering on each door.

"What the hell is going on-" one man demanded angrily as he stuck his head out the door. As two more men appeared from different rooms, she began to yell at them, cursing a blue streak, rambling about nothing. There was the distinct sound of skin against skin as she slapped one of the men who had tried to grab her.
Raph wasn't exactly sure what happened next; her back was to him and she was surrounded by the bad men, but the next thing he knew, he saw a knife dropping to the ground, covered to the hilt in blood. Clutching at her neck, she stumbled back several steps and fell to her knees, while a pool of blood collected underneath her.
"Angel!"

Raph jolted awake, his hair plastered to his face with cold sweat. He ran a hand over his face and down his throat, clutching tightly at the pendant that hung around his neck. Damn his subconscious, making him relive his worst memories, when he had tried so hard to hide them; he couldn't afford to get caught up in the past. The past was the past, he should be able to push it away and forget it, but his inner mind kept reminding him.
Raph nearly fell out of bed as a knock on the door made him jump; he'd have to get used to people knocking on the door instead of just barging in when they felt like it.

"Raphael, may I please come in," his father asked. Pushing himself off the bed, Raph quickly pulled on the clothes he had worn yesterday before going to the door and pulling it open.
 "Are you alright, my son," Yoshi asked, a concerned expression crossing his features, "You look pale."
"Uh, yeah-I-I'm fine. What did you want?"
"On Sundays, your brothers and I usually go down to the dojo to practice. But they thought that you might wish to do something else." Raph's thoughts temporarily stalled as he processed his father's words, a smile slowly crawling onto his face. He couldn't remember the last time someone had asked him if there was something he wanted to do. Usually, he was told that he was going to do something and that was the end of discussion; he never got any say in the matter.

And, now, since he had his own room, Raph wanted to personalize it; he wanted to make it his. He hadn't had his own room before; he'd always had to share rooms with other foster kids and temporary brothers and sisters, but they never lasted.
"Um, well…I kinda wanted to get some paint or something for the bedroom. I mean, if that's okay with you; beige is kind of boring."
His father gave him a warm smile, something Raphael vaguely remembered. "Of course I don't mind if you the paint the room. It is your room, after all."

Leo was more than happy to accompany Raph to the mall. Even Mikey and Donnie had willingly joined in; anything to spend time with their brother. In all honesty, Leo was curious about his brother's interests; there was probably so much that he didn't know about Raph.
"Where'd you get the money, bro," Mikey asked, sarcasm lacing his voice.
"I robbed a bank," Raph replied sarcastically. He folded the wallet up and shoved it into his back jean pocket. "I got it from my bank account, you bonehead."
"Yeah, but where'd you get the money?" Mikey asked. If he was trying to annoy Raph, he was off to a splendid start.

"I've had jobs," he replied, "Used to work at a repair shop; it paid really well."
"So you like cars," Donnie asked.
Raph shrugged. "Cars are okay. What I really like are motorcycles." He glanced over to Leo, a ghost of a smile crossing his face. "Right Leo?" Donnie and Mikey glanced at their eldest brother.

"What's he mean?"
"The entire reason he was at the police station was because he hijacked someone's motorcycle and took it for a joy ride."
"Were you trying to give off the badass impression," Donnie asked. Raph smirked, suppressing a smile.
"Nah, I just really wanted to ride it and didn't want to wait until I got my license."

As they continued through to make their way through the mall, Leo watched intently at what Raph chose to adorn his room with; posters of Three Days Grace, Rise Against, Korn and Skrillex and several other bands that Leo didn't preferably like, a lava lamp and LED light that changed color, several zigzag shelves to hold books and CDs and a dark red comforter with black stripes for the bed.

They went to the paint shop last. Mikey was assisting Raph in what colors to choose while Donnie and Leo hung back, watching with amusement as Michelangelo harassed Raph to choose something wild like Flamingo Pink.
"You know, you're watching Raph like a hawk before it dives in for the kill. I'm pretty sure he's not going to disappear from sight if you blink," Donnie muttered.
Leo smirked. "Yeah, well, I lost him once; I'm not going to take the chance of losing him again."

When they arrived home, the four of them went straight up to Raph's room to begin painting. They applied two coats of the paint on the walls and while they waited for the paint to dry, they dragged the dresser, desk, nightstand and bed headboard out into the backyard, where they applied a stain to the wood that turned it a deep brown color that was almost black.

Once finished, they dragged the furniture back up and placed it into the middle of the room while the paint continued to dry. The walls were painted a deep red color, the moulding on the walls painted terra-cotta. Leo had to admit that the dark color suited him, and he assumed red was still Raph's favourite color. Although he was happy to spend the day with out with Raph, Leo couldn't help but wonder where the urge to paint the room had come from. He wondered if Raph had even had his own room before or what had even happened to his brother all the years he had been missing. Upon first being reunited with his brother, Leo had restrained himself from asking questions of his whereabouts; he hoped that Raphael would open up to him and the others in time.

The smell of fresh paint still lingered in the room so Raph propped open his window and placed a fan in the middle of the, allowing it to air out. To ease the nausea that the paint fumes were giving him, Raph went downstairs to the basement where he found his brothers, who seemed to be in the middle of some decision making process.
"You picked last time, Mikey," Donnie said, "It's my turn."
Mikey frowned. "But you always pick the really boring movies. I want to watch something that will make me not fall asleep."

"Let's let Raph choose," Leo stated, alerting the others to his presence. Donnie and Mikey turned to Raph, both of them looking resentful that they had briefly forgotten he was in the house. There was an entire wall full of DVDs; for a moment he stood there in awe. He had never seen so many DVDs; not even the foster home had this many, and they had had a lot. Raph approached the shelves of DVDs and scanned the shelves, taking notice that they were alphabetized; probably Leo's doing. He paused over a movie labeled Taken. He pulled it out and glanced at the cover; Raph had seen this back at the foster home when one of the older boys had rented it. He had been twelve at the time but no one told him he couldn't watch, so he did.

He had no idea where he was going. He had made a number of twists and turns but he hadn't had any destination in mind; he just needed to get away. Far away.
Focusing on the slap of his bare feet on concrete and the steady panting of his breath, Raph pushed himself harder, forcing his fatigued body to move faster. He came to a sudden halt as he turned the corner, panting heavily. Putting his back against the wall, Raph peered around the corner, looking to see if he was being followed.

There was not a soul in sight.
Sighing heavily, Raph slid down the wall to the ground and pulled his knees up to his chest. His mind buzzed with a thousand thoughts, all of them struggling to be heard at the same time. What was he going to do? Where was he going to go?

He placed his hands on top of his knees and saw the uncontrollable tremble in them. His hands were red. The switchblade clutched in his hand was red to the hilt, still dripping fresh blood. When did that happen? Wiping the blood off on his pant leg, Raph readjusted his grip on the knife and moved his hand so the blade was out of his sight.

Angel was dead…because of him. She had died saving him; was he really worth it, though? Raph shook his head, forcing himself to clear those awful thoughts from his head. What he had to do right now was to get away from the warehouse district. Pushing himself back onto his feet, Raph urged his tired body forward, picking up into an unsteady jog.
He still had no idea where he was going; he was lost and utterly...alone.

A man looking for his daughter after being sold into the sex trafficking industry; Raph couldn't help but admire the man that would go to the ends of the earth to save the one he loved. When he was still held hostage, he had often hoped his family was searching for him and that they continued to search through the years as he got older. But that hope had faded with each passing year…
"Raph? You okay?" Startled by the intrusion of his thoughts, Raph turned to stare at his brothers, who looked at him with slight concern.
"What? Why are you looking at me like that?"
"You were totally lost in space, dude," Mikey exclaimed. "We've been trying to get your attention for like the past five minutes."
"Sorry," he muttered, "Just got caught up in the past, that's all."

A/N: Okay, there is chapter four. I hope you all enjoyed. I promise that these flashbacks, while not all of them will be in order, will make sense near the end. While things may seem rather light-hearted now, they will get darker, and Leo and Raph will butt heads on several occasions.

And if you are wondering what their ages are in this story, Leo is 20, Donnie is 18, Raph is 16 and Mikey is 15.

~dendragon14